Mehnaz dulwich is kinda south east anyways not east. but just askin. i may know a few eligible ppl there, but then i have not really ju,ped into the rishta maasi/maasa role :D
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*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
There aren't many on my side of the planet either. sigh C'est la vie!
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Considering that you are in toronto, there are probably more desi guys per sq Km then anywhere else in Canada. Either you arent trying hard enough, dont care enough or no ones good enough for you.
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*Originally posted by hmcq: *
Considering that you are in toronto, there are probably more desi guys per sq Km then anywhere else in Canada. Either you arent trying hard enough, dont care enough or no ones good enough for you.
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Perhaps 80% of them are fresh from Pakistan? Ever gone to the Mela's in the area? If so, then you should have an idea of what I'm talking about. :)
Also, it could be that they may not think that I'm ** good enough for **them. Guys are equally as picky as girls. In fact, I've even come across a few who want a Bollywood fantasy, dream-girl ... and fantasy like romance .... which of course, I don't believe in.
Mehnaz I think in melas all our desi boys revert to their true fobbish selves. It’s really disgusting to see them standing in groups passing lame comments at any and all passersby as if they were standing in anarkali, lahore. I agree some of the girls are dressed to invite comments and are seeking attention but even those who are not get to bear the brunt of it. Somehow even the tiniest bit of refinement which these guys may otherwise possess just vanishes the moment this mela commences. I have stopped going to these lousy melas now. I’ll go to concerts occasionally but melas??? No!
I know. (: I always feel an urge to go cause I get the opportunity to wear shalwar kameez. Once I'm there though, I regret ever going. I was feeling the urge to go to the upcoming Eid Mela .... but now I am positive I won't bother. I don't know why some Pakistanis can't socialise in such gatherings without going buck wild.
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*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
Guys are equally as picky as girls. In fact, I've even come across a few who want a Bollywood fantasy, dream-girl ... and fantasy like romance .... which of course, I don't believe in.
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True true...I have a few good guy friends that complain about girls being so picky and they are so worried, they want a nice girl, one without airs/nakhra BUT they can't find a great girl here...cuz they want a bollywood model...UGH...
good God. We're talking about marriages here - a bond consisting of friendship and love - not a minimum-wage job searching process!
For one, don't you girls feel like you're marketing yourselves when going on these websites or working thru rishtaa maasis? And I just FAIL to understand why people even go thru a third party when they're making such a big decision in their lives? Especially someone they don't even know.
It not only takes the majic away from falling in love, but it takes the sacred element out of it too. Forming rishtaas in our culture is no different than applying to some random job position so you can make some money.
I mean, our society needs a total overhaul when it comes to this kind of thing. And girls, get out there - go to college, build careers, network with people. You will tend to meet guys who academic, career-oriented, mature, intelligent, etc (non-paindu, basically), because you're in the same environment they're in.
My roommate last year had guy problems. She wanted a good-looking guy, mainly. Timepass, I guess. I said "go to the gym". She went. Picked up a guy the first time there. They've been together for a year.
It really helps to put yourself in the environment. If you're fishing for an uncatchable fish, sometimes, you need to get rid of the bait. Jump in the water, make it think you're just like any other fish of its kind, and it'll come to you on its own accord.
:)
wow.. these rishta aunties do actually exist out of dramas? interesting stories u guys have.. Alhumdulillah my family doesnt believe in these kind of things.. rishtas r done by such careful chaan been by parents.
Menhaz I agree with you on the mela thing. Thats never a place to find or meet people unless you are talking about your own circle of friends. However to have grown up in toronto and gone to college there (I am assuming that based on the FOB comments), I find it hard to see how you would not have met several decent guys who were not completely fob or smelling of chaval ke dejhki. Sure guys are picky, but I am sure you already know that its a mutual thing. Its not like guys just see you and say no unless you are sersiously handicapped or otherwise clearly unattractive (which doesnt seem to be the case either).
And it doesnt seem like you are exactly anti social either.
See I would buy some of those arguments from a person who did not grow up here, was not social, was not good looking, was living in a town with no desis, did not have any family around him, was not sociable or some combination of that, however you dont really fit any of those criteria.
Wow HMCQ, you seem to know a lot about me. :D
Khair, it really isn't as easy as you make it sound. There are a lot more reasons I say what I do ...... a lot of the guys I have come across simply are into casual dating, which I'm not a fan of, or have been brainwashed by Indian films and are looking for the fantasy girl and fantasy romance. Those who are serious never actually commit as the parents do not approve of the match for little reasons; usually cause they have someone else in mind. I've had that happen to two of my friends. There are all these little things that one has to take into consideration .... all culturally prescribed of course that really have nothing to do with Islam. From what I have seen, both parties have to measure up to the others' expectations and if they don't, they are given the boot. Also, don't assume that I'm the one always doing the rejecting. :p
Out of all the weddings I went to last year, only one of the brides was going to remain in the GTA. The rest of them were all suited with guys from the States which leads me to think that there must be a shortage of Pakistani guys here. In fact, I know quite a few girls between 25-35 who are still looking. I think the ratio for girls is much higher here. Guys really do get to pick!
I'll send you a PM if you want where I will go more into depth.
Hey hey hey. Mehnaz tell your girls to stay off our territory. There is a shortage of eligible bachelors here too so if you lot start tapping in to our market here, that’s going to leave us short of supply
PCG regardless of where and how you meet a potential match you are marleting yourself. That applies to both guys and girls. I wouldn’t do the website thing cos I find it too risky and my mother doesn’t deal with these rishta maasis that charge ridiculous amounts, but the people who do its just another medium to meet someone. You friend who went tothe gym surely didn’t dress in drags and look her worst when she picked up that guy. I am sure there must have been some initial ‘marketing’ efforts there too. And same is the case with every other medium…unless its puppy-love!
As for the magic of falling in love…whenever you fall in love there is always that feeling(atleast I hope there is 
) Many people fall in love after marrying the person too. Not everyone gets to fall in love first. Ce’st la vie!
i say anyway u can find a decent guy/gal i say go for it..phir chahay maasi karaye ya phir jama darni
Scheraz.........that IS the issue here:finding a decent guy. And all the other girls are right:we are not the one who are always rejecting.
Ira..the fact is there arent alot of decent guys out there..thats the reality..what bout going to pak and trying the luck there? jab idher nahi mil rahay to apnay pakistan main try kiya jaye..i m so tired of this term 'fob' ..there are alot of well educated decent guys in pak
Menhaz,
Sorry if I sound harsh and/or sarcastic, however this whole post (on the female side) goes on about how gals just cant find decent guys who are compatible on a mental level. Fine I agree with that however I would say women to a larger extent also base their decisions on much more material things such as how financially well off a guy is and if he is good looking or not. Decency is not the only issue (or even the most important one) the gal looks for. However I have very very rarely heard a girl come out and say yes much more then the decency issue (which is generally something you figure out over time) they base their yes and nos on looks, the effects of money (read designer clothes, or a certain flashyness), sometimes a bad boy attitude and personality (which pretty much equates to is he good looking, tall, can sound unfobish and someone I can showoff with when I am out with friends).
Guys on the other hand are generally known for their decision making criteria, namely looks. Most of the guys I know who went back to Pakistan to get married simply say, they got tired of waiting for the women over here to say yes cause they were just too picky.
I would also disagree with your girls/guys ratio thing in toronto. its not like parents move there and leave their guys in the US and take the gals to Canada. Instead perhaps girls know the guys in Toronto much better then they do the ones in Canada and hence are much more critical of them. Either that or they value the guys in America more. or perhaps the reverse of what you say is true (there are too many guys in the US :)).
Anyways, do tell me more-it would be interesting to hear your experiences.
I simply am unable to understand the problems that people are facing. I had a criteria set physical attractivness was one, personality, background, etc etc being others.
I was introduced by my family to some eligible ladies, and there were several I met who met my criteria. Same goes for girls I met on my own, on campus, through friends, etc.
It just seems strange, my friends/family who are married did not say that they had a hard problem finding someone they clicked with and someone who met their criteria, except for one cousin who spent some time looking for her hubby.
The people I know who are trying to get married and are not have the following reasons
1) they cant find someone they like
2) they are not getting proposals as in the case of some I know.
The question that comes to mind is, that my cousins and friends from the same cities have found someone on theiur own or through family and are happy, why cant the other ppl in teh same city?
is it
a) theya re too picky
b) they are just not looking in the right places
I also think that some people are so caught up in "feeling fireworks" that they don't realize that there are pleanty of happy couples who didn't feel anything amazing at first..but the 2nd and 3rd meeting led to finding someone who was really wonderful. I also know people who felt fireworks for people who were totally wrong for them and not nice to them or anyone at all.... I guess what I'm saying is that you shouldn't settle but do go out and look for a good person who you get along with but realize it can take some time for things to "click" into place.
on a side note, I don't like to get into picking on the singles...I looked for a very long time and very intesnly went out and meant people, socialized and made friends, but this wasn't till I was about 29.
I had family issues for while i was single and wasn't even given the opportunity to meet people through the community/family till i was 29...a( I didn't want to go out and meet someone on my own in college) so I was screwed for a while...OF COURSE there were many peole who didn't know the family story, but gave me lectures about not being picky...it was incredibly frustrating.
When I was meeting guys, it was also frustrating, men had their own criteria ..and then there were pleanty of nice guys that I found interesting to talk with...but no romantic interest...it's a tough world out there...
amelie
situations do vary. I have a cousin in pakistan whose family just had the approach of going the rishta contacts route. Now theyare nto very social, not very well off, and the girl is niether very attractive, and was not really motivated, or had a personality. She just did not get any proposals. For soem time there was pressure on me to marry her, but I was opposed to it.
The challenge in her case was that they were unable to find the right person for her, a few rishtas that came they rejected on stuff like the guy onlyhad has BS when she has her MS, or other reasons. By the time they had resorted to letting her be herself and to meet people on campus etc etc, it was kinda late.
cases like hers are very different..
contrast this with a cousin of mine in UK, who just cant find a desi guy good nuff for her, she has all the freedom she wants, and has had several non desi boyfriends. her sisters are happily married, but this lady her bfs kinda bail when she gets more serious.
Now she has the freedom to go explore and find her own match..her sisters were able to do it, she has not. now if someone like that goes and says she cant find good guys... i wonder a bit because its not like she is in dubuque, iowa where they are a total of 5 desis or something.
Heck yeah stay away from our territory NO TRESPASSING!!!