My sister wants me to join a matrimonial service. She knows a ‘professional’ rishta masi (lack of a better word) and she thinks it’s a good idea for me to sign up for that.
I know my mum is up for it aswell (she asked my sister and brother in law to ‘look’ for me) and lately she’s been pushing me.
Blah I don’t know what to think of this, I rather just look for someone myself and am totally not in a rush or anything. What I wanted to know is, is there anyone who has experience with a ‘maasi’ or some other matrimonial service.
Would you recommend it? etc etc.
I don't have any experience with it, but a matchmaker Auntie in my community has been trying to encourage people to go to the matrimonial websites because two of her nieces apparently found there husbands that way. So obviously it CAN work.
I guess there's no harm in trying...after all, just 'cause you put something on a matrimonial site, doesn't mean you're obliged to marry whoever answers first, right?
There are different kinds of matrimonial services. There are massies out there and there are some internet sites as well. I’d say try them both. Ignore the taboos that come along with 'em. You should try all avenues..after all you deserve what is best for you. I have tried both and my experiences have been interesting to say the least. :-D
Desies, especially the ones living abroad in small cities don’t get a lot of opportunities in mixed gatherings nor their desi social circle is as big as in Pakistan…Asking a masi to help you out is priceless but for everything else there is a mastercard. :)
Half the time, these people are only after money. There is a fee to join, a fee when they succeed on making a match and a fee when the nikkah occurs.
In my experience, they don't even look if there is any compatability. They just send over every uneducated FOB or homegrown desi who joined with them regardless of what I was actually looking for. I met two people through a "professional" and swore never again! Usually, the "maasi" turns around and says, "but he's fair!!", "but he makes lots of money" ... that is what appeals to these people ..... or at least the ones I have dealt with.
Rather than this Maasi stuff I think websites really work fine. I have seen many people getting married through these website. It really gives you opportunity to correspond with the kinda person you are looking for. Good thing is that many times its the guradians of the girl and guy who post the resume .SO if you are traditional type then this workd perfect for you.Its pretty much same as rishta brough on by some of your relative only difference is that in this case it is the internet which is setting you or your family with other person or his family.There are few really good sites..like www.shaadi.com or www.a1im.com.
Yes Shinoo, I think the sites are fairly decent if you take precautions when using them. I have listed ads for friends and some have gotten married through it (though its not something they would ever want to share with anyone but close friends, for whatever reason).
One of my uni friends, her brother married through one of these aunties that takes a fee to find matches. He is happily married, eventhough my friend isnt too thrilled about her bhabi.
I think its good to have an open mind, but to be cautios as you go along.
Anyone mentioned experience with massis snooty Am probably the most experienced :-D The thing is it has its good points and bad points, you have to select the right "massi" Some are only concerned with their fee and pretty soon you will know that by their attitude. Use the massi only to introduce you to the other person afterwards get to know the guy and his family on your own. Don't take her word on that. For example personally for me a Master's is a must that is kinda the only thing I am not ready to compromise on. Now the massi might bring a rishta who is an under-grad and would tell my parents the family is good, they are rich, he doesn't need to study more and all the blah. When money has nothing to do with education. So that is when you have to use your own judgement. But the ones that are after money please becareful with them, rather not hire one of them.
Haha Shinoo. Welcome to the world of rishta maasi’s
Let me tell you about 2 rishtas auntys that my mother dealt with. One takes $100.00 as registration fee and $500.00 at the time of engagement/wedding whichever comes first (the statement is taken directly from her registration forms. I, personally, don’t have much doubts about the sequence of events)
Now $600.00 is not some small amount. But the second aunty takes the cake. She charges according to the naturalisation status of what she gets you. For resident aliens she charges $500.00 and for US citizens $1000.00 Now that is some big money we are talking about. I wonder if she would split the money with the citizen/resident alien if they agreed to marry someone who is neither
Go thru these money wali ladies only if you can get references from personal friends. Their prime interest is in grabbing the money and then they seldom contact you.
Best choice…go out and find someone yourself. Don’t we have any eligible Dutch male guppies here at GS?
My mom was telling a similiar story FF. One lady charges 200 in the begining and 600 after the rishta is pakka. I mean do people really get serious with these maasis???
Come to ISNA - I know at least three couples personally who are happily married cause of it. Massis all depends -$1000 may not be much if you think about the rest of your life.. but it all depends on why the person is doing it - for money or cause they care about you.
You shouldnt really have any problems meeting good guys but it really depends on your state of mind. If you are not ready for marriage then you will just be wasting the guys and the massis time.
Faisal Bhayee.. may b aaj kul ki larkiyan r scared to fall in love … .. haha i kno i was.. i mean through all my uni years… everyone thought i will end up taggin along sum high tech guy at the end .. but nooOooo … n now when i think about it … daym i can never understand y i didnt??? .. khayr … thats anuther story …
Coming back to the topic, i never hav any experience with rishta maasi wagera.. but i do have sum nagging relatives who keep coming up to my parents kay ‘aik larka hay humari nazar main, achi nokri hay blah blah …’ like i care …
why doesnt the guy just come up to ure dad? thats what they normally do right? well i dont know abt guys from pk how they do it but arab ones just go straight to the father of the girl
Femme, you scared me with the fee stories... whoa!! I didn't know it was that much. The lady my sister is talking about lives in the UK (as does my sis) and apparantly is a really good one. My sis has a friend she wants to sign up and me :-/ SO it's not going to be a dutchie for me, but a brit (yay?)
Faisal, don't ask me! I'm all for falling in love the old fashioned way :o
hmcq, ISNA sounds good! But u know I live on the other side of the world :-/
You aren’t a “real” FOB. I thought we discussed this already? You know how I feel … …
Femme, your description is EXACTLY what I was talking about. These ppl are just after money. When you tell them exactly what kind of guy you are NOT looking for, they send them over anyway. Such bloody time wasters. I know of quite a few in the Toronto area. If you want any references of how money-hungry and wicked the rishta aunties in the GTA are, send me a PM!
I should also add that ISNA can also be a waste of time simply because it is usually the parents who place an ad for their son/daughter, who 90% (from what I have seen) know absolutely nothing about it and are not interested. The parents are the ones pushing when the son/daughter isn’t even ready.
Mehnaz.
Hmcq in most cases these ladies don’t quite give a damn about what the person is looking for. They just want the money and every now and then they will send some unwanted reject over, or someone who is exactly what you told her that you did not want, as Mehnaz said. And to top it they try to convince you to give them a try. I mean when you tell them you do not want someone who is running a grocery store they still call back with such guys…‘ji uska apna business hei’. When asked what business…'grocery store hei apna. Bara paisa banata hei…parha likha bhi hei…Pakistan se BSc kar ke aaya hei…yahan course bhi kiyay hei (which usually means 9 credits at a community college over 3 semesters). I mean what part of ‘we do not want a grocery store owner’ would any one not understand??? And when you tell them that you are not interested they’ll come up with stuff like…bhaee aap loag tau bohot picky hein. Uska bhai bhi yahi kaam karta hei. Uski biwi tau bohot kush hei. Sona, zewar, kapray sab khulla hei…blablabla. Arrrghhhhh. Stuff the sona!!!
No Femme, the best one is the guy I was introduced to through a rishta maasi who charged my mama $100 registration fee.
He was 29, university drop out. Fine ... I'm willing to give everybody a chance. Recently fired from his job. Fine, there have been times when I have also been unemployed. Showed up in Tommy Hillfiger gear from head to toe .... baggy pants hanging down his backside. Fine ... he could dress better, but that's o.k. A little strange though considering he was 29.
So, I asked him what he wanted to do. He wanted to open a grocery store! O.k. But, did he have any intention of going back to university to finish his degree? Nope. He actually wanted to become a fitness instructor. Sounds good ... :) .... then he said that he wanted to also do a massage therapy course and turn the back of his grocery story into a masseuse parlour. Being absolutely serious here! Fitness instructor, masseuse and grocery store owner. I asked him if he was planning on beginning this ambitious dream any time soon. He said no cause he was a laid-back person and likes to take it easy so he didn't want to work. :D
I told the rishta woman never to send me such .... I don't even know how to describe this person ... but just never send me such a person again!! Her response was, "but he's fair and he has green eyes" .... so bloody what?!
Now that is some big money we are talking about. I wonder if she would split the money with the citizen/resident alien if they agreed to marry someone who is neither 
.. haha i kno i was.. i mean through all my uni years… everyone thought i will end up taggin along sum high tech guy at the end .. but nooOooo … n now when i think about it … daym i can never understand y i didnt??? .. khayr … thats anuther story …
…
thats what they normally do right? well i dont know abt guys from pk how they do it but arab ones just go straight to the father of the girl
