Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
True but what does that have to do with anything? Parents are not perfect nor are they saints, they can be wrong.
Yeah, Parents are not perfect nor are they saints, they can be wrong.
Love is blind but marriage is a real eye- opener.Dont listen to her.
LOL!
good stuff for speaking your mind, but beyond that all you’ve written is trash.
Re: what CEO said; I dont know if its true but I would say its the right attitude for atleast pakistanis.
Sadly a divorced woman/girl is not often regarded very highly in our community and its quite sickening. no one looks at the cause, just the outcome. If my sister/daughter/female relative was unfortunate enough to be divorced, I would hope people can look past that and decide on their compatibility based on the kind of person she is and not her past.
Keeping that in mind, op I do think there are some things to consider. A poster already mentioned this so im just reiterating.
Why did she divorce? You’ve known her for a very short time so for the sake of argument I would still say this engagement (coming together of, not mangni) is leaning towards arranged and so you need to cover these grounds. And whats her interaction with her husband now? And his interaction with his daughter? These are all serious questions that you should consider.
I think your mum and sister are being cruel. If they wanted to atleast find out about the girl, it would be good, but this is sad to hear about. I wonder how your mum would feel if it was her daughter.
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
Sorry but this whole idea of not marrying someone who's divorced is extremely backward. Pretty similar to only marrying in a certain biradri or asking your bahu for bed sheets the night after her wedding to make sure she's a virgin. Yeah, this is right up there with those. Education is supposed to cultivate your mind...not close it up even more.
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
You all twist & turn it in any way you want but all I am saying is he should practically think about this marriage & its circumstances before entering into it... thats it & thats all because when he will sign the dotted line, he is not just becoming a husband but a father too all of a sudden.
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
You all twist & turn it in any way you want but all I am saying is he should practically think about this marriage & its circumstances before entering into it... thats it & thats all because when he will sign the dotted line, he is not just becoming a husband but a father too all of a sudden.
No, that's not all you're saying, you said alot more that everyone here has refuted.
if that's what he's prepared for, why does it bother you so much?
Likewise in your previous examples, if the woman is entering the marriage and KNOWS that she will be a stepmother and is satisfied with it.....why does it bother you so much?
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
Two months, IMO, isn't a very long time to have fully determined if he's prepared for this major responsibility. There is much to consider from why the divorce took place, to emotional baggage, to being completely okay with her past and not becoming insecure about it post-marriage and letting it consume him, to the degree of involvement of the child's father or paternal family, being emotional ready for raising a child, to tension from parents, to understanding and accepting that her child will need her time and attention and that it can't be predominantly spent on him and his family as would be the case if he married a girl without a child, etc. If the parents have such concerns as well, they're valid ,and he should be thinking about them too before making a decision.
If the girl were not divorced, never-married, even then the OP would be advised to think things thru for such a major life-changing decision. So, in a situation where his marital responsibility will double, it would be folly to just say "go for it" without encouraging stronger reflection. The girl in this situation deserves this thorough reflection from the guy she'll marry, not just for herself but for her child too, and it's not something she should take lightly either when there is more at stake.
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
You all twist & turn it in any way you want but all I am saying is he should practically think about this marriage & its circumstances before entering into it... thats it & thats all because when he will sign the dotted line, he is not just becoming a husband but a father too all of a sudden.
No no, no one is twisting your words. We're simply responding to them in the ways we see fit. You have to understand that people on this forum come very diverse backgrounds so the stigma of "marrying a divorcee will ruin your life so don't do it" doesn't exist for everyone. Many many people come from parts of the world where these things are okay to happen and actually DO happen. I know one girl who married a guy who had never been married before. When she married him, she had a FIVE year old son. After marriage, he not only accepted her and her son but now...people assume he is the dad. Its accepted, its done, its being done and it should be done. Why not? People marry for the dumbest reasons - zaat, financial status, JAHAIZ, backgrounds, etc. Why not a real and legitimate reason?
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
Yes, the OP should think things through like he would with ANY marriage he entered. I don't believe anyone here is advising him to jump into it. However, I find it silly when I read of these things being blown out of proportion. Its like discussing the possibility of someone getting diabetes because its in their family. I mean what if the guy got sick, maimed or hospitalized? Are you emotionally ready to deal with it? The hospital visits, the helping him around, stepping in to assist when needed, its a lot of work you know. Are you ready to take on that responsibility? Are you sure you can cope with it? Use some common sense people, look at your parents' marriages and realize that NO marriage is a bed of roses all the time. And stop treating a divorcee that has kids like she has the damn plague. The single moms I know are educated, working and fully self sufficient Alhumdulillah. The difference between single, divorced, widowed, etc...is the same difference between you and your maasi............pure QISMAT. I am so tired of reading posts that make having kids sound like a burden on whoever walks into their life. Has any one of you thought about how lucky you could be to be a part of shaping a child's future in a good way? You could be that guide he/she might need or want. You could be their friend. You could be a part of something meaningful. But no...we're desi and we love to look down on people. We are hardwired and programmed to frown at everything different.
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
Update:
Since then i was able to convince my mom and dad. They met her parents and liked her. Only thing is my older sister stopped talking to me. sigh! Though my parents still have some reservations. People here keep asking about the father of the child. He is married and lives on his own with his wife in States. What i like about her is she is the most humble person i ever met. In addition, i did go to her first wedding couple of years ago lol. So this would be little awkward, considering i will be accepting her. For my living arrangement i would be living separately. Feel a lot better. Sorry guys i wrote all this in hurry. I have to attend surgery in couple of hours. I will post more update.
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
Your sister sounds like..... nvm.
Good luck to you man!
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
Update:
Since then i was able to convince my mom and dad. They met her parents and liked her. Only thing is my older sister stopped talking to me. sigh! Though my parents still have some reservations. People here keep asking about the father of the child. He is married and lives on his own with his wife in States. What i like about her is she is the most humble person i ever met. In addition, i did go to her first wedding couple of years ago lol. So this would be little awkward, considering i will be accepting her. For my living arrangement i would be living separately. Feel a lot better. Sorry guys i wrote all this in hurry. I have to attend surgery in couple of hours. I will post more update.
Your sister will be fine...just wait until the next family drama.
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
Happy for you bro, all the best.
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
Congratulations, Hassan. May Allah make things even more easier for you; Amin. As for your sister, she'll eventually calm down some. Attitude problems and conflicts will always arise at some point or another regardless of whom you marry; don't expect them to disappear permanently.
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
Congrats :) wish u all the v best !
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
Btw we JUST got married and i am so happy. She is an amazing woman. I wake up and she gets everything ready for me. Push me talk and see my parents often. And her daughter, now happens to be my step daughter calls me her father.
My wife's ex called me and threatening to take his daughter away. My wife is so devestated. And my sister said something to my wife and she cried. Which pissed me off. Me and sis fought yesterday. We were never like this. My sis is kind of person that if she is angry at something she remains angry for long time and avoid confrontation. But i did confronted yer yesterday. argh it is getting me.
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced…
Awwwww, congrats dude!!! Glad you’re happy.
Family drama…it’ll blow over.
All the best to you guys 
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
Congratulations!
Your job is to help your family and your spouse understand each other, to ignore and dismiss minor issues, and address/resolve serious ones, to help love grow between them. Just getting mad at one side or the other isn't going to help. That being said, you and they may just need some time to adjust.
Best wishes for your marriage.
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced…
Great news man 
. Congratulations.
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
Congrats! All the best for the future!
As for the family I think keeping your cool and maybe distance will do your family good.
Once again, Congrats.
Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...
Congratulations!!! Best wishes for the future!