Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

[Hassan007]

divorced couple of years ago.

So met this girl who I am very interested in. She is very good friend. Know her through our family friend. She also has a daughter who is 2 years old. I told my mom and sister about this and there was huge hungama at home last night. My mom is opposed to idea because she thinks “I am out of line and gone crazy”. My mom threatened me to cut me off from her and vowed she will never speak to me. If I even thought about her.
As for her, I have been talking to her a lot for last 2 months. And we both get along well. I spoke to her about this she was very nervous and told me if my family (Mom and sister) is ok with this then we should proceed.
My mom and sister are very picky when comes down to choosing a girl. I am sick and tired of all this and want to put my foot down. I am willing to do anything for this girl and her daughter. Everyone is so quiet and no one is properly talking to me at home.
I am just sad.

[n7111]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

I'm really sorry to say this, but your mom and sister happen to fall in that category of women who have practically ruined our society. Any girl who is older than 22, previously married/engaged/spoken for etc. is unfit for marrying their perfect little boy.

Tell them to fear Allah and think differently.

[Hassan007]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

My mom almost yelled at me when talking. My father was taking their side. I don't want to go home tonight.

[n7111]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

@Hassan007

My mom almost yelled at me when talking. My father was taking their side. I don't want to go home tonight.

Just tell them that their daughter could be in the same position too. It's very unfortunate that they think this way. However, if you take a stand and marry her anyway, I don't see how it would make her (and more importantly her daughter's) life better with your family torturing her day and night.

[Sara516]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

^ It could work if he keeps a little bit of distance, like living apart

Sorry dude, that's pretty sad....they say a woman's enemy is another woman. And from the sounds of it, it seems like your mother/sister will make any woman's life hell no matter who you marry.

Be a man. If you really like her and want to be her, make sure you stand up for her. and for the love of God, whoever and whenever you marry, do get your own place. It's your family so it's your job to shield your wife/potential stepdaughter from any nastiness.

waiting for all the dudes and maybe some girls to foam at the mouth at this

[Ahmed_Fayyaz]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

@Sara516

^ It could work if he keeps a little bit of distance, like living apart

Sorry dude, that's pretty sad....they say a woman's enemy is another woman. And from the sounds of it, it seems like your mother/sister will make any woman's life hell no matter who you marry.

Be a man. If you really like her and want to be her, make sure you stand up for her. and for the love of God, whoever and whenever you marry, do get your own place. It's your family so it's your job to shield your wife/potential stepdaughter from any nastiness.

waiting for all the dudes and maybe some girls to foam at the mouth at this

Golden words.

[terebina786]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced…

My fiance went through all of this with me and I’m not even divorced or have a kid. Basically he stuck to his guns and eventually his parents gave up. It may take them time to get used to it since it’s probably a huge shock. Give it some time. Explain why she got divorced and maybe they’ll come around.

Our society is a quite sad one. My friend’s mom is a divorcee (abusive husband) and raised 4 kids on her own, owns her own house and has a good job but the main reason she’s having problems finding a guy for my friend is because she’s divorced and this somehow reflects badly on her daughter :halo: . Some people are so closed minded it’s actually boggling.

[heart_n_soul_1]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

@Sara516

^ It could work if he keeps a little bit of distance, like living apart

Sorry dude, that's pretty sad....they say a woman's enemy is another woman. And from the sounds of it, it seems like your mother/sister will make any woman's life hell no matter who you marry.

Be a man. If you really like her and want to be her, make sure you stand up for her. and for the love of God, whoever and whenever you marry, do get your own place. It's your family so it's your job to shield your wife/potential stepdaughter from any nastiness.

waiting for all the dudes and maybe some girls to foam at the mouth at this

^ Agreed. You should listen to this. Its sound advice except if you do go ahead, dont then allow yourself to be guilt tripped by your mother into arguing with her all time as is the case with so many guys. Go ahead with marrying the girl, once they have her, feel bad for letting mummy down and allow themselves to be horrible to the wife just to please mummy. Urgh pleeease don't do that.

[Reha]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced…

^ :k:

Agreed.

Only proceed if you know you can be there for her 100% because that is what is required of you as a husband. You being a good son as nothing to do with being a good husband.

If you marry her, be her husband. Don’t allow this drama to guilt you into spending the rest of your life trying to make up for your supposed na-farmani. There’s no point in marrying her if you’re going to give her that kind of life.

As for your parents, they will get over it. I’d put my foot down and keep it there.

[aahmed]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

Our society and culture is so ghatya, hai na? There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with someone who is divorced. God allows you to marry a divorced woman, who/what is your mother to forbid something that God smiles down on, who does she think she is?

[Paheli00]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

Where is the ex-husband? Does the woman share custody of the child with him and is he involved in the child's life?

[queen_24]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

@Hassan007

divorced couple of years ago.

So met this girl who I am very interested in. She is very good friend. Know her through our family friend. She also has a daughter who is 2 years old. I told my mom and sister about this and there was huge hungama at home last night. My mom is opposed to idea because she thinks "I am out of line and gone crazy". My mom threatened me to cut me off from her and vowed she will never speak to me. If I even thought about her. As for her, I have been talking to her a lot for last 2 months. And we both get along well. I spoke to her about this she was very nervous and told me if my family (Mom and sister) is ok with this then we should proceed. My mom and sister are very picky when comes down to choosing a girl. I am sick and tired of all this and want to put my foot down. I am willing to do anything for this girl and her daughter. Everyone is so quiet and no one is properly talking to me at home. I am just sad.

Well, I know your mom and sister are not right BUT, they are your Mother and Sister. Of course, you can't live your life making them sad too but that doesn't mean that you don't even stand for your right to marry someone you love.

My suggestion is, first of all, with Thanda dimagh, reconsider, is SHE the girl you really want to marry?? Think twice.. thrice or take a couple of days... because She is the one, for whom you are going to take a bigger step and she should be the one who really deserves it.

Once you are mentally ready to marry this girl AT ANY COST, then .. there is no use of making your sister and mother sad.

See.. This sister, mother, daughter-in-law relation is a life time relation and I assure you, you won't be happy if things like this keep happening in your future... abhi sab acha acha lag raha hay, you love her and you want her at any cost, when you will marry her, when your family will be away from you, kuch achha nahin lagay ga... telling you!!

So dont be emotional.. take wise steps... take your time and dheeray dheerah samjhao..

You know what biggest mistake you did, you actually told them already that you want to marry a girl who is not only divorcee but also has a daughter. You must have only told them about you have liked a girl aur do chaar martaba milwatay, so that they could judge her by her personality and not by she is a divorcee or has a daughter.

Even your mother is over-reacting, but dont forget, a mother is always concerned about her child and she does anything to let her child away from anything, she thinks is wrong for her child. She is concerned about you.... I know the way she chose is not right....

So.... either stay quiet for few days and .............stay quiet.... she will feel it.... your ZIDD can turn her ziddi too.... so leave the ego and zid... just stay quiet and find some other time to make her understand...

You can either tell her after a month that there is another girl you have chosen for you... and let her meet the same girl.....

Or.... if you think, you can convince her..... take your time and gradually make her understand the importance of that girl in your life....

Your silence will definitely give your mother some break...
leaving the house and being emotional ziddi, wont help... WILL NEVER HELP!! You will instead have to find some other place to live at... and for a while you will be happy to have this girl in your life but I am telling you bro... PISSSS JAAO GAY BEECH MAIN!!

So aqal se socho... dil se nahin... zindagi pursukun banani hay to pehle us larki ka muqaam bhi banao apnay ghar main takay wo bhi sukun se rahay aur usay bhi samjha do ke Kyunke main nain hazar jatan kerke tumharay liya apni ammi ko manaya hay lihaza always respect her!!

Run a balanced relationship and enjoy your life!

Good luck!

[Maanokhan1991]

@Hassan007:9544725

divorced couple of years ago.

So met this girl who I am very interested in. She is very good friend. Know her through our family friend. She also has a daughter who is 2 years old. I told my mom and sister about this and there was huge hungama at home last night. My mom is opposed to idea because she thinks “I am out of line and gone crazy”. My mom threatened me to cut me off from her and vowed she will never speak to me. If I even thought about her.
As for her, I have been talking to her a lot for last 2 months. And we both get along well. I spoke to her about this she was very nervous and told me if my family (Mom and sister) is ok with this then we should proceed.
My mom and sister are very picky when comes down to choosing a girl. I am sick and tired of all this and want to put my foot down. I am willing to do anything for this girl and her daughter. Everyone is so quiet and no one is properly talking to me at home.
I am just sad.

I am going through similar situation the guy who gave me hopes of beautiful future when he talked to his mother she said her that his father would not accept someone as his daughter in law whos been previously married. ( i am divorced but with out rukhsati) .

He told me to accept it as a decision of Allah and that Allah has better plan for me. I was/am deeply hurt and when i confronted him that why he gave me hopes when his parents permission mattered him this much he said that they are his parents and he would not ever marry someone against his parents consent and he wants his kids to always be around his grand parents.

After a few days later i heard him saying to others that love as in liking someone before marriage is Haram in islam. And things like that…

Kheir i would not go in detail but please if you like the girl go for her even in islam Allah allows to marry whom you like its nothing to do with ‘nafarmani’ because if its then forcing childern for marriage is too against islam and Allah has said that always listens to your parents unless they are not asking you to do something unislamic…

[Enterprise]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

Like everyone has written already above. Take your time, and slow down.

i would suggest that both of you spend some time apart to think about this rationally.

[ShimmerV]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

Everyone opposing right now will one day get over it but the question is will u get over it if u lose her?
If this is what u want..THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT!
Life doesn't give chances again and again..

[queen_24]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

Everyone opposing right now will one day get over it but the question is will u get over it if u lose her? If this is what u want..THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT! Life doesn't give chances again and again..

Life doesn't give chances again and again. You can find a better girl but you can't find the NAIM-UL-BADAL of your parents.

I dont say to forget this girl and obey your parents.
I see, your parents are on mistake if they are rejecting this girl only on the basis of a divorcee girl who's a mother of one!! but there are ways to make them understand than thinking that Life doesn't give chances again and again and lets get her even if I have to sacrifice my parents.... !!

I already said, think wise, act wise, make all of them happy!! Thats your family, thats your girl, you know them better than any of us.... act accordingly and live happily!!

[ShimmerV]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

I know our religion gives extreme importance to parents and i obey that but parents are humans and they can be wrong and if they are u try ur best to convince them but when time comes to take the decisions do the right thing.

He can genuinely give a life to someone who desperately need a ray of hope right now, sab ko apni akhrat dekhni hai..Allah jab inke sawab ginengey to Inshallah sawaboon mein sab se upar yeh likha hoga that he gave the best life he could to a woman and a child rather than he dint listen to his parents once when they asked him not to marry someone just cuz she was divorced!

As i said in no way im saying dont go till the worlds end to convince them but when it comes time to take a decision do the right thing!

[gul_khan]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

Was just wondering if all the unmarried guys will marry divorced women then what will happen to the unmarried girls out there, why don't they just find someone like them I mean divorced ?

[Rayan]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

Its your life, take your own decisions, if you really think she is the one who you want to spend rest of your life with, then do it, its not your parents life, so it shouldn't be their decision, respect them and love them but man up and take your own decisions (you don't need to ask here, or ask some strangers on a forum, ask yourself and do it, if it was like this we can close 90% threads here, i guess).

[Lusi]

Re: Problem marrying a girl who was divorced...

@unknownnn

Was just wondering if all the unmarried guys will marry divorced women then what will happen to the unmarried girls out there, why don't they just find someone like them I mean divorced ?

sometimes I wish GS had an unlike thingy.....