Re: Prince charming......but not
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1. qtchick - Never denied that women work in Pakistani society. Never denied that they have it better. But then again you are speaking of Lahore, Karachi and the more cosmopolitan cities. That is the society you speak off. I speak of the 150 million people that make up Balochistan, interior Sindh, Southern Punjab, Balistan and FATA. While you have various different socio-economic groups in Pakistan from the abject poor to the elite, there is a vast division between those who live in the major cities and those who live in the rest of Pakistan. Child Marriages are still common place in Interior Sindh and Balochistan. Men beating women is still very very common in Pashtun families. There is a lot that happens in Pakistani society that is reminiscent of the Middle Ages.
In that regard the average Pakistani girl does not have a decent education. Government statistics place women education around 40%. Realistically it is half of that. It is still very very very common in parts of Pakistan not to send girls to school because families feel it is not necessary for the girls. That is why I made the distinction between the average guppan and the average Pakistani. The average guppan speaks English as fluently as she does urdu or in some cases better than she speaks urdu. These ladies reflect easily higher middle class when it comes to socio-economic groups with a good deal of international exposure. That is by no means the average Pakistani female. Let alone male.
Now on to the ever so difficult point I was making. Those 10 characteristics were based on a sample of the threads here. I chose the most non-controversial qualities in a man. Now for most modern women these qualities would be essential. If they aren't, lets cut this in half. Out of that list of 10 (including being attractive) could you take 5 characteristics which you could do without in the man you would marry? Just list 5 qualities you would not want in the man you marry from that list of 10.
**Are the 10 characteristics you mentioned really that difficult to achieve? You mentioned:
- Well settled.
- Educated
- Liberal
- Good family
- Your parents love him
- Independent
- Smart
- No previous hang ups regarding women or feminism
- Someone you are attracted to.
I can name 20 guys off the top of my head who have these qualities, and many more who I know of who have these qualities.I personally couldn't take a single one of these qualities off my list, but I also don't think they're that hard to come by. Most of them are also relative.
Well settled- for some well earning doctors in the states well settled might mean someone earning 200 k plus, for me it was a lot less. The definition of well settled with vary with each strata of society and there should be more than enough guys in each one.
Educated- again for some people educated means finishing high school, having a university degree, having a masters, having a phd.
Liberal- again subjective to what you consider liberal, but I have seen no shortage of liberal guys.
Good family- again relative, but none of my friends or people i know are not from good families.
Your parents love him- my parents would love any guy who had the above qualities and kept me happy. I mean just this list alone isn't enough to ensure they would love him. What if he was all these things but he was obnoxious?
Independant- again relative, i bet every guppan could give you a slightly different interpretation of what they consider independant.
Smart- whats smart? Someone who got all A's in school? Someone who got all C's but is still VP of his company? someone who never went to school but is Bill Gates.
One could go on, point being, I don't see whats so difficult about any one guy have all of those qualities, I can easily say my husband does, so do all the males in my family, friends, relatives, etc. I'm not saying that every man has all these things, but a great number do and I don't see why its a lot to ask. I think these same rules could be applied to any strata of society as well, even poor people want someone smart, independent, well settled, good family, etc, just relative to what they consider those things to be. Even the girl who worked for my grandmother in pakistan wanted someone who had passed at least grade 8.**
- Deeba1234 - I am by no means attacking a woman for having whatever preferences she wants. By all means aim for the moon and stars. But realize your actions and preferences do have a role to play in future, whether it be a great marriage or spinsterhood. But answer me this, which I have also asked qtchick. Take my list of 10, and remove 5 things from that list that you can do without in your husband. If 5 is too much for you. Lets do 3. Name three things in the list that is completely unnecessary in your eyes when it comes to the man you may potentially marry, or your present husband.
The same answer as above applies to this situation as well, this was the same criteria my grandmother looked for in a man for herself, as did my mother for herself and as did I. So does my sister, my cousin, I could go on. And there has been no shortage of rishtas fitting this criteria, the only place where the difference comes in is in personality. And thats these days where you generally get to know someone well before you get married. However, there are a lot of people who don't do that, so for them, if someone looks good on paper and they're not repulsed by their looks it could easily work out.
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