I picked up the phone and called the girl. Obviously it did not go well. She was quiet. She called me back after 2 hours hysterical. She told her parents and her siblings. One by one I had to talk to ALL of them.
The more I talked to them - the more PISSED I got. Not at the situation but at the guy.
ADVICE TO ALL YOU BOYS THINKING FOR GETTING MARRIED - If you are NOT ready for marriage, please be MAN enough to tell you parents that you don't want to. Don't drag another family into it.
If he just had the courage to say, this is something I do rather than presenting yourself in a false manner.
His fault is not that he drank - it is that he LIED. Have we not learned anything from BIll CLINTON FIASCO????
My heart went out the parents of both families that were just in utter shock. I hope they can sort this out and get through the situation.
I know you are right redvelvet - I am going to tell her today.
My cousin feels that it is more crediable if we don't do it anonymously. Since I am older and married she may see that as more crediable.
Thoughts?
You can do it either way. You can reveal your identities, so that she's more likely to believe you. Or you can remain anonymous and provide enough details to make her realize that you're being sincere.
^She would be ONE senseless person to reveal your identities though. I know I wouldn't do that. If someone is doing you a favor and trying to help you save your life and requests that you not reveal their identity....that request should be honored. And the family can approach the matter in a variety of ways that don't reveal your identities.
I picked up the phone and called the girl. Obviously it did not go well. She was quiet. She called me back after 2 hours hysterical. She told her parents and her siblings. One by one I had to talk to ALL of them.
The more I talked to them - the more PISSED I got. Not at the situation but at the guy.
ADVICE TO ALL YOU BOYS THINKING FOR GETTING MARRIED - If you are NOT ready for marriage, please be MAN enough to tell you parents that you don't want to. Don't drag another family into it.
If he just had the courage to say, this is something I do rather than presenting yourself in a false manner.
His fault is not that he drank - it is that he LIED. Have we not learned anything from BIll CLINTON FIASCO????
My heart went out the parents of both families that were just in utter shock. I hope they can sort this out and get through the situation.
NJGAL,
As cheesy as it may sound....I'm really proud of you!!!!!!! You did not have to be the one to call the girl. The girl who has the picture should have done it. BUT someone did the right thing.
The girl and family were this upset because they really like the guy and because wedding preparations had begun. BUT their current discomfort, anger, hurt is NOTHING........compared to a possible lifetime of misery for the girl and her family and humiliation for the guy's parents.
No doubt, they're upset right now. But, it's a small price to pay instead of dealing with worse hardships later on. The majority of guppies on the thread kept telling to you inform the family and that took courage, you did the right thing :)
Now the family can make a better informed judgment/decision. And hopefully this will be a learning experience for the guy.
Thank god for people like you. If someone had intervened in my sisters pending marriage, she wouldnt be divorced right now..but probably happily married..to someone else! People knew that her inlaw were mental but didnt bother to inform us and ruined my sisters life.
I am sure you are feeling upset and anxious because you had to break this news to the family but to be honest with you, if the guy wasnt so discreet with his past, this situation was going to arise down the road anyway...even if it was someone else telling them.
And I also want to reassure you that if you were the one who had made the call to my family...you would have been elevated to a pedestal status for being the one who saved our sister..no one will hate you or be upset with you for what you did.
I hope and pray that your actions will serve as a great example to others who know something about any family member currently going through rishtay. If you know something that can devastate people after marriage...PLEASE please do what njgal did - come forward before the nikaah..you will save so many people from misery.
I would share the information, but with only like say the girl herself or her mom or dad, not publicly. She should know, even from an Islamic perspective. This is one of the cases where "gheebat" is allowed for you could be saving a marriage. With those facts, the family can investigate on their own but at least your cousin's conscience would be clear.
^ I believe the only reason that she decided to discuss the issue on a public forum (without revealing the name of the guy) is to get advice on how to handle the situation. And the medium motivated her to do the right thing.
Whether she only tells the girl...or the girl's mom...eventually the whole family will find out. If you suddenly decide to cancel a rishta when wedding preparations are in full swing, then all family members will be curious about the abrupt change of plans.
And you're right, Nik....it's not really gheeba/backbiting when the info can help someone save their life.
Hopefully things will fall in place soon for the girl and her family.
I picked up the phone and called the girl. Obviously it did not go well. She was quiet. She called me back after 2 hours hysterical. She told her parents and her siblings. One by one I had to talk to ALL of them.
The more I talked to them - the more PISSED I got. Not at the situation but at the guy.
ADVICE TO ALL YOU BOYS THINKING FOR GETTING MARRIED - If you are NOT ready for marriage, please be MAN enough to tell you parents that you don't want to. Don't drag another family into it.
If he just had the courage to say, this is something I do rather than presenting yourself in a false manner.
His fault is not that he drank - it is that he LIED. Have we not learned anything from BIll CLINTON FIASCO????
My heart went out the parents of both families that were just in utter shock. I hope they can sort this out and get through the situation.
I really salute your courage for taking the right step. I hope they were not directing their anger toward you. Even if they do, you should rest knowing that you made the right choice.
Please also update us on what turns out of the situation-what they decide.
Congratulations Njgal, thank god for people like you in this world today. Please don't feel bad you have just saved parents and the daughter total heartbreak.
It's my firm believe that in pakistanis (esp living in North America) there is only 3 degrees of sepration. We are all interconnected somehow. (it's scray)
So the issue is:
My friend's bhabhi's younger sister is going through the rishta process. Got a rishta from a family and the everything is going great. Families met and liked each other. The family is quite religious and the girl wears hijab.
My cousin knows the guy from college and was shocked to hear that guy is even getting married. She has pictures of him drunk, partying at bars etc.
So it's matter of should she keep quite or devulge this information. It's matter of click, save and send but should she even interfere?
This is a matter of someone's life. If you are uncomfortable sharing the information yourself, you can send it anonymously through email or something. There are many ways to get the message across but please do let her know. As TLK said, Islamically you are suppose to inform her. God forbid if this rishta goes through and there are problems later, it will ruin the girl's life.
And can you imagine what she would feel and how she'll look at you when she finds out you knew about this guy's character all along?
Just read the update: great job on your part, I hope they pull through this, iA.
if he was drunk regardless of when it was taken, why is he drinking anyway....
^Well we can't answer that. Many reasons why people drink. And many reasons why people do things they shouldn't. Bottom line: Family needs to be informed and the were, Alhumdolillah.
NJGIRL........you should feel proud of yourself for having the courage to inform the family even though the picture was never in your possession in the first place. JazakAllah.
If i were you cousin, I would most definately share this information with the girl and her family regardless of the consequences…it is someone’s life for goodness sake..and you said the girl’s family is religious too?? I am sure they would appreciate this information..you can always choose to remain anonymous.
Edit: I just read that you did inform them..way to go :k: