Present incriminating evidence

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Present incriminating evidence

Well u better act really fast...But how will u confirm that the intended people will recieve and 'see' the document.

??

?/

22

Re: Present incriminating evidence

I think the answer is pretty obvious, DEVULGE THIS INFORMATION!

23

Re: Present incriminating evidence

I think that there is no question that the girl should be informed about this. As others mentioned, only the girl needs to know and then she can decide what to do with the info. Someone shared similar info to the parents of a girl we know, and they decided that that person was just jealous of a "good rishta". Long story short, the guy was into partying, the marriage ended later, and it was a mess. The girl is the best judge of how this situation should be handled, but she needs the info.

24

Re: Present incriminating evidence

Must tell the girl asap.

25

Re: Present incriminating evidence

NJgal:

that's a tough situation...

  • even if you tell her and she still goes ahead and marries the guy... then she will turn on you - she WILL tell the guy what you girls said to her about him.

Girls are b****es.

  • If you don't tell her, and if the guy turns out to be a true b****rd... then she would actually have appreciated your "screening".

  • If she marries the guy and the guy is good for most of the time and she is okay with him - then she will think that YOU WERE JEALOUS and were trying to break off their rishta =(

so there is no win win situation.

Go with your gut feelings :)

If I was the girl, I would have appreciated people "screening" and bringing me information - so I can decide wisely... and there will be no disappointments.

26

Re: Present incriminating evidence

Girl needs to know. ASAP. As far as not getting involved in the drama goes, a fake email account, the date of the pictures and a small note should solve that problem.

27

Re: Present incriminating evidence

You or your cousin must ABSOLUTELY tell the girl. I don't see how not telling is even an option.

Why shouldn't a person be judged on his past if that is all is available? Sure, people change. But if I don't know the person, then the only source of information I may have is his past. I'd rather judge a person on his past actions( and therefore, perhaps wrongly) than trust his word blindly, because it is a question of my future. There are many other less serious instances when its better to give someone a benefit of your doubt. This certainly is not one.

From there on, its her choice.

It will be too unfair if she finds out and regerts a little too late.

Bait Bazi March 2013
28

Re: Present incriminating evidence

she ahs a right to know.

Put yourself, in her position, if it were you or your daughters/sisters in this case...would you not want to know?

Of course the ones who have indulged in all sorts of stuff will say its noone's business. :S

29

Re: Present incriminating evidence

Maybe I am over thinking this but this girl is probably the BEST thing that could happen to a guy like this. Maybe she could turn him around? Help him regain his faith?

I guess that should be her decision - not ours. Right?

30

Re: Present incriminating evidence

Tell her.. either thru and anonymous call or email.
if it were one of my daughters (even though i dont have kids yet) im sure O would appreciate any information of this sort given to in advance before anything was 100% -

something similar happened to a friend of mine.. but in this case it was the girl that had the problem of going out with guys.. drinking.. clubbing without her parents knowing.. the guys friend saw her one day and told the guy.. provided him with pix and til' this day he thanks him for the info.. infact i even saw the girl a mnth ago at an eatery in Toronto with another guy.. and i just shook my head in disappointment, cuz the guy was a GEM of a person..

so if men out there wont accept a girl who goes out and does things why is it right for a guy to be able to do that and get away with it? For him it might not be such a big thing.. lekin ye aadat aisi nahi hai jo asaani se choote and maybe there is alot more about him that isnt even known! So why let the family go through the pain of having their daughter hurt after the marriage when it can be totally prevented before hand.

i hope a right decision is made.. its not easy but its worth it.. and even if the girls family doesnt accept it at that point in time.. they might thank u for your honesty and forthcoming in the future..

NEW DRIVE-THRU CASHPOINTS
NEW DRIVE-THRU CASHPOINTS
31

Re: Present incriminating evidence

  • ummm you are overthinking yaar.. because guys dont change easy.. this girl might go into a nervous breakdown if she finds out about everything after this marriage goes through and she does not deserve that..

its a toughy.. but its not something I would even consider!

32

Re: Present incriminating evidence

I dont think you should say anything....its the responsibility of the girl's family to do research on the guy, and if you present this 'evidence,' there's a good chance that people will think you're trying to break up the engagement and without considering your good intentions.

33

Re: Present incriminating evidence

NO, PLEASE don't think that way. Many girls have this notion that they can "change" a guy, and that's naive thinking. A person will change when he or she wants to change.

My dad didn't stop smoking when he married my mom. And he heard many lectures from her about it, I'm sure. My dad didn't stop smoking after I (his first child) was born. He didn't stop smoking after my brother was born the following year. And he didn't stop smoking after my sister, the youngest, was born.

But I remember one evening, we were all in the car. And while driving my mom told him to stop smoking and think of the kids. And HE STOPPED. He never quit before....but that day he decided to stop, and he quit for good. Bottom line.......people change when they want to change.

An aunti I know....her husband didn't stop doing drugs right after marriage. He made life miserable for his wife and 4 kids for years.

Please don't use such reasoning as justification of not telling someone the truth. There is no 100% guarantee that a wife can change her husband. Do the right thing. Even in the Quran, Allah Himself says that He won't change a person's condition unless they change themselves.

Sometimes people miss out on information even while doing an investigation. Even a detective might not have access to important information. ** But that does not mean that the information should not be revealed just because a person hasn't "stumbled" upon it yet. ** Think about this. Do, the right thing.

Timepass - March 2013
Timepass - March 2013
34

Re: Present incriminating evidence

I know you are right redvelvet - I am going to tell her today.

My cousin feels that it is more crediable if we don't do it anonymously. Since I am older and married she may see that as more crediable.

Thoughts?

35

Re: Present incriminating evidence

I agree with NJMasti.. go with your gut feeling... but if i was your friend, i would surely appreciate you telling me before things progressed to the point of no return... :)

36

Re: Present incriminating evidence

^ if youre comfortable doing it then yes go for it. Just keep in mind though, that any backlash from the grooms side will be directed at you, unless she keeps you annoymous.

37

Re: Present incriminating evidence

NJMasti- It's not an easy situation. I don't want to play with people's lives. I don't think they would see me as a threat - I am married and I have nothing to gain from this either way.

I am worried about the parents from both sides. They are very simple and shareef people.

I don't want to be bearer of bad news.

38

Re: Present incriminating evidence

You have to think of it another way..you dont want to also be the hearer of bad news!

My little sister got married and was divorced only a few weeks later due to psycho in laws. Afterwards, a family friend said.."oh..when we heard you were going to marry that family..we wanted to warn you..but we didnt want to interfere!"

Err...if you HAD told us we would have saved $80,000 cost of engagement and marriage and even more importantly saved our sister from heartache and a rep as a divorced woman.

So a stitch in time saves nine.

Be brave and be factual. What information do you have and how concrete is it? Do you have the pics in your possession or can you get it confirmed that these pics are from a month back etc... I know there is probably a lot of detail involved but you must have your facts ready and correct.

Meet up with the girl and discuss this with her and be prepared for strong emotions. You also need to have some plans in mind once the information is out. Where do you want to go from here? I dont think it will be wise for the girl to take any action without thinking deeply about it. She needs at least a day or two before taking any action and she needs to use that time to consider all her options.

Please please do not hesitate or step down from telling someone. After my sisters life was ruined, I always tell my mom that its better to end it even if its on nikaah day and suffer some embarassment for a while than to do it after the nikaah and suffer a lifetime. We had signs even before the wedding that things were not right but just because dates had been set etc...my mom didnt want to back down. Dont let anything happen to this girl.

39

Re: Present incriminating evidence

^ so many incidents have happened where people dont step up to protect others!

even if it means losing a friendship atleast Allah knws that your intentions were pure and you meant no harm.. you can also tell her/ the parents that you are coming forth because this concerns you and that if they decide to go ahead with marriage you are happy for them.. but if they decide in any way that they dont want to have anything to do with you after the fact dont feel bad.

I know if it were me I wouldnt waste any time in telling them because it would give me peace and atleast i'd be able to sleep at night knowing that I did the right thing. Aage uss larki ki kismat!!

40

Re: Present incriminating evidence

LOL Yeah the 100% Pakistani and close minded ppl don't drink. LOL Now I got prove why I sounded 100% proud Pakistani and narrow minded to you.

Do only open/wide minded ppl drink? Lahol wala quwatah illa billah il aliul azeem.

Ewwwwwww a big fat EWWWWWWW.

Wrong again NOT EVERYBODY ONLY WIDENED OR TO MUCH WIDEN HAVE THAT KIND OF PAST which is DRINKING (EWWWWWWW) and partying and clubing. Again Lahol Wala Quwatah Illa billa ilaliul Azeem.

Allah ka shukr hai kay main narrow minded hoon warna out of minded hota like him lol.

LOL How would girls family know that technically this girl know very well about him without telling them. What is the technically? Do they need any technichian to solve this.

LOL on the last line I can't control my NARROW MIND laughing out loud. Which muslim celebrate a christmas party or something like that and have drunk that is out of mind. I would prefer my narrow mind rather than drunk and out mind.

Do you know a drunk person even rape his mother and siste. EWWWW.

Allah kay yahan jootay parain gay Christmas and partying and drunk pay sahi say lol. Dunia walay bhi bura samajhtay hain aisay logon ko even achchay goray bhi bura samjhtain hain drunkies ko.

Even in this western culture they don't like it but they can't control stupid ppl.

A big fat EWWWWW for all the gs drinker members. EWWWWWWW.

I feels like thooking on the floor. LOL

No offence please I know truth hurts and it's hard to digest but I have a bemari of telling ppl truth.

Great advice.

There you go. Go ahead tell the girl and the family and if you don't want to be involved then as someone said create an email account mail the pictures and all the info you know about him. Wallah the will decide what to do. At least you do your job.

Think would you like this if this would happen to you, your sister or daughter. I'm sure not.

Why you concerned is because you care about them and are worried about the girls safety and after life and that is a great thing.

He might be changed but who knows. If the picture is one month old then the possibility is no he must not change with in a month. Do you know how many days or month it takes a person to change in rehab? Now you will get your answer.

That loose character has no right to distroy a girls life definitely nor a religious girls life. If after knowing that her family and her wants to marry then it's their dicision. As long as you know you play your part for sure. Saving a girl from a miserable life is a great thing.