Re: Pregnant but not married
Whatever a woman's age, religion, or relationship status, if she wants to have a child and is able to support it (both financially and emotionally), then I'm happy for her; at that point, it's between her and her child and everyone else is relatively inconsequential.
Re: Pregnant but not married
*Im not saying that all desi guys are like that... *
but you do get a certain percentage that will mock
*Im not saying that all desi guys are like that... *
but you do get a certain percentage that will mock
You're right: some Desi men are decent, stand-up human beings who judge people by the content of their character and treat people the way they themselves would wish to be treated, so why worry about the other 90%? ;-)
*Im not saying that all desi guys are like that... *
but you do get a certain percentage that will mock
I know, my boyfriend has never said anything to me, Regardless of knowing everything about me. However it was a different story when it came to his brother. Even tho hes the biggest kanjar out there.
Re: Pregnant but not married
Instead of the lady, let's think about what her child will go through once hes/she is born and older. Do you really imagine him or her having a great self esteem and a wonderful life after finding out what mommy did? And being a desi and Muslim kid, how will he/she ever have a normal life? No matter how nice people are, her child will always have negative feelings (lack of father in his life, etc).
*All of that considering he/she is a lovechild and the lady did get preggers without any nikkah just to have a baby.
Re: Pregnant but not married
By the way, why couldn't she just adopt?
You give a child a home, a good life, a parent, and yourself a beautiful baby.
Instead of the lady, let's think about what her child will go through once hes/she is born and older. Do you really imagine him or her having a great self esteem and a wonderful life after finding out what mommy did? **And being a desi and Muslim kid, how will he/she ever have a normal life? No matter how nice people are, her child will always have negative feelings.
**
You're making too many assumptions. You're laboring under the assumption that in either case, the mother considers herself a Muslim and that she would want to raise her child as one. If the mother doesn't consider herself a Muslim (or, at least, not a terribly devout one) why would she raise her child as one?
I also don't imagine an unborn child as anything, really, but if I can make my own assumption, it's that a child who is raised in a loving, supportive environment will likely have better self esteem than a child who is not, regardless of how many parents or caregivers are involved.
By the way, why couldn't she just adopt? You give a child a home, a good life, a parent, and yourself a beautiful baby.
Why doesn't everyone just adopt, for those exact same reasons?
**
You're making too many assumptions. You're laboring under the assumption that in either case, the mother considers herself a Muslim and that she would want to raise her child as one. If the mother doesn't consider herself a Muslim (or, at least, not a terribly devout one) why would she raise her child as one?
I also don't imagine an unborn child as anything, really, but if I can make my own assumption, it's that a child who is raised in a loving, supportive environment will likely have better self esteem than a child who is not, regardless of how many parents or caregivers are involved.
You smacked it. She obviously doesnt consider herself to be one. So why the hell would she raise her child as one?
And please stop saying 'adopt' a child. Most people want their OWN child.
and that is exactly what my point is. I think that the lady chose an irresponsible way of bringing a child in this world (assuming that is an out of wedlock birth). What started as an act of irresponsibility will remain an act of irresponsibility. If she is from desi community, she has to raise the kid in this community. How will the kids be received by the society? Will he become an outcast? Will he become rebalious? Will it hurt his self esteem? Will he be ashamed of his mom's act? Will he ever get married or will he decide just to sleep around cause that is what he learned from his mom?
That is why I said that her act was a selfish one cause she was thiking of fulfiling her wish without thinking of the consequences the baby is going to face once he grew up.
nope, this can not be compared to teen pregnancies, this is a grown up who has made a deliberate decision.
no one has to be stuck to desi community, there are plenty of 2nd and third generation desis who have zero to do with desi community, so she does not have to raise the child in desi community.
and the kid will be perceived by society just fine, its the desi lil fragment which may be hostile to the child, but then those holy people will be blaming the child for something that the child had no control over. Yes in general, desi community will be cruel but no one has to be stuck to desi community.
will he become rebellious? will he sleep around? so you are telling me all the guys and girls who dick around learnt it from their parents?
it would only matter if that individual person is important..more than likely, the person is inconsequential to her..
Even though I still think of this as a hypothetical and not real person, for the sake of discussion I assume you had no big problem with rest of my post. :)
What I proposed that she would become more inconsequential to others......even on individual basis.
Being single and not be a a single mom she had better chances. If only she could wait or use more safer ways for her.
So far it has not been clarified if they had marital relation. So the opposite is being assumed.
Putting it khawateen digest style
aur us suhani shab-e-maah meiN Khawhish key saanp ney zebunnisa ko das liya
lol
And please stop saying 'adopt' a child. Most people want their OWN child.
Sooo.. because she wants her OWN child, it's okay for her to commit adultery (regardless of whether she is a practicing Muslim or not, it's still a sin) rather than go for an obviously better option which is adoption.
Sure, if you say so.
Even though I still think of this as a hypothetical and not real person, for the sake of discussion I assume you had no big problem with rest of my post. :)
What I proposed that she would become more inconsequential to others......even on individual basis.
Being single and not be a a single mom she had better chances. If only she could wait or use more safer ways for her.
did she have better choices, sure, I am not arguing against that.
she may become more inconsequential to others, but it does not matter as long as they are inconsequential to her as well. Its only when its people who matter.
for the most part she would be able to live a happy and productive life in US.
did she have better choices, sure, I am not arguing against that.
:)
she may become more inconsequential to others, but it does not matter as long as they are inconsequential to her as well. Its only when its people who matter.
Sure, and we all know if this man runs away, she will have less chance to have another, better man in her life to share. Only speaking of general observation.
Exception to all scenario do exist.
for the most part she would be able to live a happy and productive life in US.
Happy in what sense?
She settled for less from the beginning here, so what is so great to be happy about?
1- She was longing for a relationship/marriage.
2- She got tired of waiting. Somehow not accepted by others to be good enough and being married. OK she was pretty and hot, no one could see her inner beauty as well.
3- She got pregnant just to have a child.
4- She took the risk of losing the man for it.
5- If the man stays, he is not really attached to her until married and she has no real claim on him. He could treat her anyway he likes. Sleep around, come home, treat her like a dirt. (I know some husbands may do it too)
6- If she loses him and she has enough money to raise the child by herself. Perhaps she could be satisfied, but she will always long for a relationship. Another man, giving her promises of stars and moon, get his satisfaction, leaves her by the dawn. We all know that don't we?
Single mothers are treated by men worse in many different ways than just single women or their own wives.
Why, because single women let them and they have so called baggage. No matter how precious, lovely and valuable that baggage is.
That Jerry Maguire movie is just a movie despite being a great movie and having nice dialouges.
By the way I know none of such desi girls who have wealth by 30 years to be living like that without financial pressure, paying for utilities, expenses, medical care, baby sitter etc if working. Unless she won the lotto and they don't play that either.
7- If she loses him and has no real assets, we know she will not be happy.
*So all this claim that single mother will be happy may not be a reality.
*
And please stop saying 'adopt' a child. Most people want their OWN child.
Just because you want your "own" child still doesn't mean one should go and sleep with someone either for the sake of getting pregnant. Because the truth of the matter is that a person COULD still have their own child at a later time if god willing they do find a guy and gets legit married to him. This may seem like yea right it could never happen... but I have seen it.
My opinion that you all can disagree on: having a baby out of wedlock basically kills your chances of marriage a bit more. But adopting a baby is probably something that is much easier for a guy to accept and understand once you explain these particular circumstances.
If one really wants to be a mother and isn't married yet...and has financial stability- I seriously do not see what the issue is with adopting a baby and giving it a home. As opposed to living in sin, one will probably be rewarding for doing such an amazing deed.
Re: Pregnant but not married
There are 2 issues over here 1st getting pregnant without being married and second is living or marrying a gora. (if i am not mistaken)
getting pregnant without being married to the father of baby is HARAM . it's ZINA , you know zina is Gunha-e-Kabeera . It a big big sin. No excuse in this world can justify such act. What is the kusoor of that innocent baby , u know how he/she will be taken in society ?
second one - I think it's a personal decision but again one shd not live together without being married / nikahfied. other than that as far as my knowledge about islam is it permissable to marry an ahal-e-kitaab.
Happy in what sense?
She settled for less from the beginning here, so what is so great to be happy about?
1- She was longing for a relationship/marriage.
2- She got tired of waiting. Somehow not accepted by others to be good enough and being married. OK she was pretty and hot, no one could see her inner beauty as well.
3- She got pregnant just to have a child.
4- She took the risk of losing the man for it.
5- If the man stays, he is not really attached to her until married and she has no real claim on him. He could treat her anyway he likes. Sleep around, come home, treat her like a dirt. (I know some husbands may do it too)
6- If she loses him and she has enough money to raise the child by herself. Perhaps she could be satisfied, but she will always long for a relationship. Another man, giving her promises of stars and moon, get his satisfaction, leaves her by the dawn. We all know that don't we?
Single mothers are treated by men worse in many different ways than just single women or their own wives.
Why, because single women let them and they have so called baggage. No matter how precious, lovely and valuable that baggage is.
That Jerry Maguire movie is just a movie despite being a great movie and having nice dialouges.
By the way I know none of such desi girls who have wealth by 30 years to be living like that without financial pressure, paying for utilities, expenses, medical care, baby sitter etc if working. Unless she won the lotto and they don't play that either.
7- If she loses him and has no real assets, we know she will not be happy.
*So all this claim that single mother will be happy may not be a reality. *
happy in the sense that of she felt she was going to be not married and without a kid versus being unmarried but with a kid.
you are comparing her current situation to what a better situation that could have existed
maybe her frame of reference is the worse condition that she saw in her life or in her future.
obviously at the end of the day, her choice depict her preferences and motivations which we may or may not share or understand, but similarly we then can not gauge her happiness based on our standards either.
sorry ajuba but wanting a baby should not be a reason good enough to go out and sleep with others.
Same thing happen to my work place, one of my colleague (not married in her late 30s) told me that she would to have a baby.
I do not like the idea, but there is nothing i could say, later on she was impregnated by her long time bf (a useless guy may be would never marry her).
But she as not muslim or desi, so it is different story.
There are 2 issues over here 1st getting pregnant without being married and second is living or marrying a gora. (if i am not mistaken)
getting pregnant without being married to the father of baby is HARAM . it's ZINA , you know zina is Gunha-e-Kabeera . It a big big sin. No excuse in this world can justify such act. What is the kusoor of that innocent baby , u know how he/she will be taken in society ?
second one - I think it's a personal decision but again one shd not live together without being married / nikahfied. o*ther than that as far as my knowledge about islam is it permissable to marry an ahal-e-kitaab.*
Islam only allow Muslim man to marry with ahal-ekitaab, but there is such permission for Muslim women.