Re: Porn-are you ok with it?
^JazakAllah bro...you put it very nicely, may Allah reward you.
Re: Porn-are you ok with it?
^ JazakAllah khair sister for the kind words of encouragement. I have just edited it and added in the end few of the scholars advices for sisters in present age.
Re: Porn-are you ok with it?
I wonder, is marriage a "solution" to porn?
I wonder, is marriage a "solution" to porn?
I am confused too because this thread was started to help someone who is married and her husband is into porn. So no marriage does not seem to be a solution to porn. We have to look to some other solutions.
I also think in a Pakistani forum something like porn cannot be discussed without bringing religion into it. Pakistan was obtained for Muslims , by Muslims and is ruled by Muslims.
I personally think that in case of less religious husbands, it is difficult for them to give it up in the West once they are addicted because sex and pretty women are all around them with provocative dressing, on the TV, in the streets, at work - everywhere. Husbands go to work and there are pretty women all around. I have learned from people who have watched pornography is that it offers variety: black, white, fat, thin, tall, short, all sorts. What a muslim wife can do is to bring variety in her dressing and ways, if she thinks that her husband wants a change to avoid boredom.
Another solution to it is a day to day struggle. One day its an ayah, another day its a hadith. Another day its a talk. Another day its because you met a good brother. Sometimes the boost in Imaan from these things keeps you off the sin for a month, other times, only a few days.
The most helpful solution overall is cutting it off completely. It severely restricts pornography, and though the addiction might not cut off completely, it can definitely be a practical step in the right direction. Place your PC / laptop in a place where your family members visit frequently so that the moment the idea comes to your mind, you avoid it due to shyness from others.
If you can make a quiet du’a to Allah to switch off addiction. The one thing that keeps the struggle within us alive is by Saying: “O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins” [39:53]
Re: Porn-are you ok with it?
• Eliminate all the pornography in your home
• Pray for spiritual strength
• Determine how much you can afford to save each day
• Pick a reward for yourself after the first 100 days
• Make or buy a bank to save your money in
• Pay yourself each day that you successfully avoid pornography
• If you stumble, give all the money that you saved in your bank to your favorite charity
• After 100 days of success, reward yourself
• After the next 250 days, reward yourself
• Reward yourself each subsequent year for the rest of your life
Don't beat yourself up when you stumble. Remember that what you are trying to accomplish is a major undertaking. You can do it. And as you progress, Allah will bless your life with incredible joy. You will become more self-disciplined, and you will be happier than you have ever been. May Allah bless us all with success.
Re: Porn-are you ok with it?
^ all good advice. but this is for someone who has acknowledged that they are doing something wrong and have a problem and wish to rectify it.
what about the people who are willingly doing it and don't wish to stop? what if they don't pray on a regular basis anyway?
Re: Porn-are you ok with it?
^ For such people there are only two solutions.
His family members pray for him as much as possible.
Keep reminding him from time to time the four magical words "ALLAH is WATCHING you"
Secular law or religious law, I dont think STP’s notion about women being married off when they reach puberty is very civilized.
I personally think that in case of less religious husbands, it is difficult for them to give it up in the West once they are addicted because sex and pretty women are all around them with provocative dressing, on the TV, in the streets, at work - everywhere. Husbands go to work and there are pretty women all around. I have learned from people who have watched pornography is that it offers variety: black, white, fat, thin, tall, short, all sorts. What a muslim wife can do is to bring variety in her dressing and ways, if she thinks that her husband wants a change to avoid boredom.
But here STP you make the same assumption that Jaan Leva did earlier. Is it fair to assume that the man is into porn because of something his wife lacks?
Re: Porn-are you ok with it?
those people who are watching porn are doing ankhoon ka zinnah(eye prostitution) and they will be punished on the day of judgement
I agree that parents should get their children married when they reach puberty.
Therefor my advise to young men and women is to marry at an age when they have finished their schools and are both are sure that they have the means for marriage. This would mean that they are 100% sure that one is emotional and mentally ready for marriage and consummation of marriage.
Based on what you said in the second quote, women dont finish schools at 9-14, so you might wanna rethink what you suggested in the first quote. Bachoon ko khelney do bhai merey! Also, regardless of what you think, I think most Muslim girls have the patience and dignity to be abstain from premarital sex, so you need not endorse child marriages.
Re: Porn-are you ok with it?
:) @ zobia
But here STP you make the same assumption that Jaan Leva did earlier. Is it fair to assume that the man is into porn because of something his wife lacks?
Well, I didn't mean to assume it as a general case. I am saying that for some husbands this might be a good step to get rid of boredom. Not only husbands but also wives like a good change. Not because the spouse lacks something, but because human psychology wants to experience something different, thrilling and exciting from time to time "depending upon the person's personality"
It can be any positive change, like going to gym to improve one's fitness and shape. To wear the kind of dress in the house which one's spouse likes the most. To change ones perfume from time to time, the color of bed sheets, sharing different "types" of jokes, playing games (even childish ones)........etc. Anything to avoid a monotonous environment. To try to be fresh and active, by taking shower more frequently than usual. All such positive changes are liked by human psychology. After all there is always room for improvement in one's lifestyle.
It is always good to know one's spouse's psychology and bring changes accordingly so as to become the BEST source of entertainment for one's spouse in every possible way.
Re: Porn-are you ok with it?
True, and that requires opening up -- from both partners.
Based on what you said in the second quote, women dont finish schools at 9-14, so you might wanna rethink what you suggested in the first quote. Bachoon ko khelney do bhai merey! Also, regardless of what you think, I think most Muslim girls have the patience and dignity to be abstain from premarital sex, so you need not endorse child marriages.
I thought bro STP made it quite clear about getting married at a young age or after reaching the age of puberty though he never mentioned any number like 9-14, anyway, in Islam getting married at an early age is only an option and not a religious law and it cannot be done without girl's permission.
Based on what you said in the second quote, women dont finish schools at 9-14, so you might wanna rethink what you suggested in the first quote. Bachoon ko khelney do bhai merey! Also, regardless of what you think, I think most Muslim girls have the patience and dignity to be abstain from premarital sex, so you need not endorse child marriages.
Well, I understand what you mean and I agree to the following saying of a scholar
[QUOTE]
In today’s society many girls would not be ready ( except some ) to marry on the onset of puberty or general considered age of puberty in islam ( fifteen years old ). Most of them would certainly not have the means for it, due to lack of education or qualifications for a job which are required nowadays to survive and live a good life. We should also remember that back then in early islamic times and biblical times, females like Aicha were raised in a society where womanhood was reached at a much earlier age than it is in many societies today. Therefor my advise to young men and women is to marry at an age when they have finished their schools and are both are sure that they have the means for marriage. This would mean that they are 100% sure that one is emotional and mentally ready for marriage and consummation of marriage.
[/QUOTE]
Re: Porn-are you ok with it?
There is a "being" inside of us called "nafs". It only demands from us what we make it used to of. Though it is difficult to change an old habit, it is never too late. Hence, every repetition counts. If we can't avoid a temptation, we can at least delay it, lets say for an hour or so, that too contributes towards a positive development of our personality and character.
We must watch our "thinking" because they become our "words" which after repetitions becomes our "actions" then they becomes our "habits" and then they become part of our character.
So, if we stop at the first step, there are least chances for them to become part of our lifestyle.
Re: Porn-are you ok with it?
Submission To Peace - Voice of the Wise ... You are always there to guide us here ... Thanks for your posts bro.