Re: please help me!
i agree with dolcevita's advice....DA go and dig yourself OUT of this hole that U dug urself in...only u can do it...Ask Allah's help. do not give up. ur mother is right u have to stay with your husband and try much harder than sitting in ur room crying and waiting for someone to come looking for u. i am 100% on ur side. how hard did u work to get ur degree consider that a peice of cake...
Life is getting worst day by day.Tommorrow my hubby is leaving for dubai and i will be alone here.I'm getting weaker by thinking of these tensions 24 hours.Don't know why all this happened.6 yrs ka pyaar bilkul meaningless hugaya..U people are saying dat talk to him but wenever i talked to him he never replied me and ignored me 24 hours..Unki ammi hamari life ko mazeed kharab kar rahi hain ...Jab bhi fight houti hai wo foran aajati hain and apnay son ka favour leti hain and akelay mai bhi meray hubby ko pata nahi kia kia kehti rehti hain.Yesterday wen my hubby shouts k DEKHNA MAIN IS LARKI KA HASHAR BIGAAR DUNGA then his mother said to him HAAN BOHOT HI SLOW LARKI HAI YE.meri mama and papa ko bhi ab kuch samajh nahi aaraha ha and they also tired now , they are saying k hamain ab tumhari wajah say neend nahi aati isiliye Allah ka naam lekar ghar aajao.Mujh say apni papa ki halat nahi dekhi jati..KIA KARUN MAIN AB??? Is larkay k liye mainay apnay parents say ro ro kar shadi ka kaha , sab nay samjhaya but i waz blind..ab to meray pass saray rastay close hugaye hain...Shadi say pehlay wo apnay driver ko uni. bhejtay thay mujhay ghar janay k liye and after marriage he is saying k ghar mai betha karo bcoz CNG bohot waste houti hai...SHadi say pehlay kitnay jhootay sapnay dikhaye and main educated honay k bawajood un sapnoon mai pata nahi kiun aagayi ? Kal jab wo chalay jayengay to pata nahi kia houga aagay meri life mai aur.SHadi k 2 days baad konsi larki ha jo saray kaam karna start kardeti ha??? Meray husband water k liye bhi mujhay order detay hain , cell phone utha kar lanay k liye bhi mujhay order detay hain and agar neend mai sorahi hun to ye bhi khayal nahi kartay k sorahi hun but start shouts k foran utho and itna mat soya karo.Jab early morning meri MIL uth jati hain to wo NOISE pollution karnay lag jati hain takay main and hubby uth jaye, bekaar mai cheezain bajanay lagti hain ...Main kia solution nikalon?? Mainay to sab kar k dekh lia.Even i made delicious freid rice, chowmain and shashlik but no regards from my hubby'side and my MIL was saying to my hubby dat dekhna BETA main tumhain freid rice khila kar dekhaongi.Mainay jab apnay hubby say kaha k kaisa laga meray haath ka khana to he asked from his mother k ammi ye khana sahi hai ya nahi?? WO har chooti baat pehlay apni mom say kehtay hain and then mujhay answer detay hain.He now started to hit me and wen i said k aisa na karye to he is saying k agar tum meray style mai nahi chalogi to aisa hi houga.One day i wore see through dress then instead of saying to me he said to his mother k DEKHAIN AMMMI IS NAY YE KAISAY CLOTHES PEHNAN HAIN AND SAB KUCH NAZAR AARAHA HA and then his mother said to me TUM APNAY DIMAGH SAY SOOCH KAR NAHI PEHENTI KIA KAPRAY...Main yahan thak gayi hun bas...AIsay to husbands kahin nahi houtay?
Life is getting worst day by day.Tommorrow my hubby is leaving for dubai and i will be alone here.I'm getting weaker by thinking of these tensions 24 hours.Don't know why all this happened.6 yrs ka pyaar bilkul meaningless hugaya..U people are saying dat talk to him but wenever i talked to him he never replied me and ignored me 24 hours..Unki ammi hamari life ko mazeed kharab kar rahi hain ...Jab bhi fight houti hai wo foran aajati hain and apnay son ka favour leti hain and akelay mai bhi meray hubby ko pata nahi kia kia kehti rehti hain.Yesterday wen my hubby shouts k DEKHNA MAIN IS LARKI KA HASHAR BIGAAR DUNGA then his mother said to him HAAN BOHOT HI SLOW LARKI HAI YE.meri mama and papa ko bhi ab kuch samajh nahi aaraha ha and they also tired now , they are saying k hamain ab tumhari wajah say neend nahi aati isiliye Allah ka naam lekar ghar aajao.Mujh say apni papa ki halat nahi dekhi jati..KIA KARUN MAIN AB??? Is larkay k liye mainay apnay parents say ro ro kar shadi ka kaha , sab nay samjhaya but i waz blind..ab to meray pass saray rastay close hugaye hain...Shadi say pehlay wo apnay driver ko uni. bhejtay thay mujhay ghar janay k liye and after marriage he is saying k ghar mai betha karo bcoz CNG bohot waste houti hai...SHadi say pehlay kitnay jhootay sapnay dikhaye and main educated honay k bawajood un sapnoon mai pata nahi kiun aagayi ? Kal jab wo chalay jayengay to pata nahi kia houga aagay meri life mai aur.SHadi k 2 days baad konsi larki ha jo saray kaam karna start kardeti ha??? Meray husband water k liye bhi mujhay order detay hain , cell phone utha kar lanay k liye bhi mujhay order detay hain and agar neend mai sorahi hun to ye bhi khayal nahi kartay k sorahi hun but start shouts k foran utho and itna mat soya karo.Jab early morning meri MIL uth jati hain to wo NOISE pollution karnay lag jati hain takay main and hubby uth jaye, bekaar mai cheezain bajanay lagti hain ...Main kia solution nikalon?? Mainay to sab kar k dekh lia.Even i made delicious freid rice, chowmain and shashlik but no regards from my hubby'side and my MIL was saying to my hubby dat dekhna BETA main tumhain freid rice khila kar dekhaongi.Mainay jab apnay hubby say kaha k kaisa laga meray haath ka khana to he asked from his mother k ammi ye khana sahi hai ya nahi?? WO har chooti baat pehlay apni mom say kehtay hain and then mujhay answer detay hain.He now started to hit me and wen i said k aisa na karye to he is saying k agar tum meray style mai nahi chalogi to aisa hi houga.One day i wore see through dress then instead of saying to me he said to his mother k DEKHAIN AMMMI IS NAY YE KAISAY CLOTHES PEHNAN HAIN AND SAB KUCH NAZAR AARAHA HA and then his mother said to me TUM APNAY DIMAGH SAY SOOCH KAR NAHI PEHENTI KIA KAPRAY...Main yahan thak gayi hun bas...AIsay to husbands kahin nahi houtay?
**DB ur whole story is making me so upset..i can understand wat u r going thru:(..i know how tuff it wud be for u:(..these are the reasons that i have started fearing marriage:(
i dunno what advice should be given to you...but yes one thing ..plz recite last ten ayaah and first ten ayaah of Surah Kahaf...it will bring alot of change to ur life...it wud take hardly 5min..plz daily recite them...**
Re: please help me!
half the things you write make it sound like you are scared of working hard/adjusting to in-laws lifestyle and expectations. expectations that you had no clue about before getting married, no doubt. so now either work hard, or negotiate with them about their expectations. no point in crying or showing anger.
secondly, if you've known someone for 6 years, why is it so hard to communicate with the person today? what is different now from before you were married? no one can do fake drama for 6 years. he's the same guy.
thirdly, how about finding a job? you'll get a lot more leverage as an independent woman than as someone stuck at your guys mercy.
[QUOTE]
getting weaker by thinking of these tensions 24 hours.Don't know why all this happened.
[/QUOTE]
Yes you do know, you know exactly why this happened, so theres no need to pretend otherwise. You ignored everyone, forget us, even your parents, and now you're deep in the pits. Only way up is being around those who will look out for you.
meri mama and papa ko bhi ab kuch samajh nahi aaraha ha and they also tired now , they are saying k hamain ab tumhari wajah say neend nahi aati isiliye Allah ka naam lekar ghar aajao. Mujh say apni papa ki halat nahi dekhi jati..KIA KARUN MAIN AB???
so...what are you waiting for...? go home...! its not that hard...is it?.
half the things you write make it sound like you are scared of working hard/adjusting to in-laws lifestyle and expectations. expectations that you had no clue about before getting married, no doubt. so now either work hard, or negotiate with them about their expectations. no point in crying or showing anger.
*secondly, if you've known someone for 6 years, why is it so hard to communicate with the person today? what is different now from before you were married? no one can do fake drama for 6 years. he's the same guy. *
thirdly, how about finding a job? you'll get a lot more leverage as an independent woman than as someone stuck at your guys mercy.
u cant judge a person unless u have lived with them no matter u spent 6 years or 20 years...saath rehne se hee aik doosray ki asliat ka andaza hota hai...
Life is getting worst day by day.Tommorrow my hubby is leaving for dubai and i will be alone here.I'm getting weaker by thinking of these tensions 24 hours.Don't know why all this happened.6 yrs ka pyaar bilkul meaningless hugaya..U people are saying dat talk to him but wenever i talked to him he never replied me and ignored me 24 hours..Unki ammi hamari life ko mazeed kharab kar rahi hain ...Jab bhi fight houti hai wo foran aajati hain and apnay son ka favour leti hain and akelay mai bhi meray hubby ko pata nahi kia kia kehti rehti hain.Yesterday wen my hubby shouts k DEKHNA MAIN IS LARKI KA HASHAR BIGAAR DUNGA then his mother said to him HAAN BOHOT HI SLOW LARKI HAI YE.meri mama and papa ko bhi ab kuch samajh nahi aaraha ha and they also tired now , they are saying k hamain ab tumhari wajah say neend nahi aati isiliye Allah ka naam lekar ghar aajao.Mujh say apni papa ki halat nahi dekhi jati..KIA KARUN MAIN AB??? Is larkay k liye mainay apnay parents say ro ro kar shadi ka kaha , sab nay samjhaya but i waz blind..ab to meray pass saray rastay close hugaye hain...Shadi say pehlay wo apnay driver ko uni. bhejtay thay mujhay ghar janay k liye and after marriage he is saying k ghar mai betha karo bcoz CNG bohot waste houti hai...SHadi say pehlay kitnay jhootay sapnay dikhaye and main educated honay k bawajood un sapnoon mai pata nahi kiun aagayi ? Kal jab wo chalay jayengay to pata nahi kia houga aagay meri life mai aur.SHadi k 2 days baad konsi larki ha jo saray kaam karna start kardeti ha??? Meray husband water k liye bhi mujhay order detay hain , cell phone utha kar lanay k liye bhi mujhay order detay hain and agar neend mai sorahi hun to ye bhi khayal nahi kartay k sorahi hun but start shouts k foran utho and itna mat soya karo.Jab early morning meri MIL uth jati hain to wo NOISE pollution karnay lag jati hain takay main and hubby uth jaye, bekaar mai cheezain bajanay lagti hain ...Main kia solution nikalon?? Mainay to sab kar k dekh lia.Even i made delicious freid rice, chowmain and shashlik but no regards from my hubby'side and my MIL was saying to my hubby dat dekhna BETA main tumhain freid rice khila kar dekhaongi.Mainay jab apnay hubby say kaha k kaisa laga meray haath ka khana to he asked from his mother k ammi ye khana sahi hai ya nahi?? WO har chooti baat pehlay apni mom say kehtay hain and then mujhay answer detay hain.He now started to hit me and wen i said k aisa na karye to he is saying k agar tum meray style mai nahi chalogi to aisa hi houga.One day i wore see through dress then instead of saying to me he said to his mother k DEKHAIN AMMMI IS NAY YE KAISAY CLOTHES PEHNAN HAIN AND SAB KUCH NAZAR AARAHA HA and then his mother said to me TUM APNAY DIMAGH SAY SOOCH KAR NAHI PEHENTI KIA KAPRAY...Main yahan thak gayi hun bas...AIsay to husbands kahin nahi houtay?
i do not want to sound mean or cold but your post is making me write that you are kind of exaggerating the situation or it could be that you have played a vital role in turning the situation like this e.g. you said you wore see through dress?...i mean what were you thinking? you are living with in laws and and there are some norms that one should follow while living with parents....sahi kaha unhoun nay...kapray demag say soch kar pehnnay chaiyay.
secondly waking up early....see we have always been hearing that after shadi the girl has to accommodate herself with the new rules, norms in fact with everything, if your husband wants you to wake up early n help his mother then do it for the sake of making him happy....it's all about giving giving n giving in the initial years of marriage yar...do whatever he wants you to do if you want to work this marriage out or else get out of there.
Thirdly you have known your husband for 6 years, has he been abusive before?
you have spent a lot of time with him ...did you not get the idea that he could turn into this monster and you must have had some idea about the family too?
darn, Such kind of stuff scare the hell out of me when i think of getting married:|......if you cant handle the situation then go back n end your misery please...or pray to Allah ....namaz-e-hajat etc
btw does he allow you to use internet n computer?:S
**He now started to hit me **and wen i said k aisa na karye to he is saying k agar tum meray style mai nahi chalogi to aisa hi houga.
I wouldnt stay if i were you after physical abuse. Thats what happened to me, so i left. It might get worse, so be prepared.
Re: please help me!
Go home.
DA,
Some of your concerns are not reasonable. For example, my parents/siblings/relatives/friends have asked me to bring them a glass of water. It's not hard to do, it's not a big deal.
I've been asked by my family members to bring them their cell phone if I happen to be closer to it or they're busy with some other task.
Do you need a servant to bring you a glass of water, cell phone, your purse, your slippers, etc?
I came back from Pak last week.......and my chachi has a maid that helps with the cleaning and washing a couple of times a week. But my chachi still does the cooking......and she/her kids will do simple things like bringing a glass of water for someone.
Reading about you getting so worked up over such small things might make some people wonder if you're a troll.
I understand that marriage is tough........you've had no prior experience with it. But husband se baat karne k ilawa........tumhay khud main thori si maturity paida karni hogi.
It's possible that when your husband and his family see you getting so stressed over small things.............it causes them to behave in a difficult manner with you.
It takes two people to make a relationship work and I'm not putting all the blame on you. I think both you and your husband are making mistakes that are hurting the relationship.
Regardless of the issues that he has with you............he should NOT be hitting you. You haven't been married long and he's already become physically abusive.
Make it clear to him that you will not tolerate physical abuse and that he needs to resolve conflicts in a civilized manner. Neither one of you seems ready for marriage. You both need to develop some maturity and patience. Talk to him about his behavior (the hitting)..............try to compromise on issues...........ask him to help you in making things easier for you........try not to freak out over small tasks. Maybe if you calm down and show patience.........he'll calm down as well. If things get worse instead of better (after you've tried your best)..........................................then go back home to your parents.
Re: please help me!
I think she’s making it all up, and this is a troll.
Notice how she doesn’t respond to anyone’s comments, she just updates us with the latest masala stories.
Says things like “I wore a see-hrough dress and my husband gave me heat over it”.
Gives us half stories - my husband beats me and says yehi hoga agar tum mere STYLE (??) mein nahi chalogi. With no reference to any of the surrounding events.
This person has zero sympathy from me.
Get a job. Get some intelligence. And get a life.
Re: please help me!
^ and she's got the freedom to use the internet, i wonder. It doesnt sound right to me as well.
Agree.
Apart from the “see-through” dress bit…it’s strange that she’d make being asked to “get a drink of water” and “bringing hubby his cell-phone” huge reasons of distress. I’m wondering if she’s a troll as well. If so, she’s managed to stay on GS pretty long.
Re: please help me!
I think PCG has nailed it. The woman is making up *rap and getting everyone worked up.
Re: please help me!
looks like fake story
I dont know. some gals r just like that..but i really pray it's a troll n tat a gal is not ruining her life over these silly things..
I really hope it never happens to anyone but DA, i think you need to try to adjust. so what he asks u to cook or for water or cellphone or u have to wake up early? dint u wake up early for skool and work? u dint leave htose things cuz u had to wake up early..u finished ur educaiton as well as u worked till u got married ( i think u r not working nymore)
if ur dad asks u for water or for his cellphone u going to elave his house?
u r going to wear see thru in front of ur bro and dad? obviously ny1 will get upset over these things..
when u go into a new family u've ot make space in their hearts n ignore samll things..cuz life never goes ur way if u keep making a big deal out of everything and can't compromise/adjust.
like these things r silly to get ur new life all upset over..
but on the other hand he should NEVER EVER hit you. 1 dafa hath uth jay then it doesn't stop that easily.
I wish you all the best. please make your decisions wisely and try to think with an unbiased mind.
Re: please help me!
internet per story share karny sy kuch nahin ho ga .
apny dimagh sy socho sari zindgi tum kia gs ,mami papa ko batati raho gee
thak gai ho to aram karo jitna time net per surf karti ho ja kah hubby sas kah pass betho un ko samjho
wats a troll?
Yeah whats a trolll?..........
But as for this story.. she said shes been with him for 6 years so i guess when your with someone as boyfriend/girlfriend. And marriage its totally different i wish people wud realise that. When your bf/gf your free. When family gets involved ur freedom is over. And all this jaanu shhhveetii stuff fades out. When you marry, you marry the family. Unless you get the one in a million guys who actually carry their wife all thru their lives.
Disturb_angel. Just go home.