Don't get me wrong. This guy - no one should feel sorry for him, because he has every responsibility to make his wife happy and comfortable and from prior posts to this one, it seems like he's a total jerk.
He is NOT marriageable material.
I'm angry at this angel woman for even marrying him in the first place, knowing that he was showing his true colors.
You need to recognize red flags, and then find the courage to drop the guy like a hot tamale.
Easier said than done, of course, but seriously, we need to start recognizing deal breakers and have the courage to drop those guys.
By putting up with such men, and making excuses for them, boys only continue to develop these habits.
The day, we as ladies, start demanding more from our men, they'll work harder to live up to our expectations, and the less floozies you'll see.
^ i am trying not to be insensitve to the postee.. BUT i am reading everything with a grain of salt... serously. Someone who thinks ironing clothes is torture, can surely make everything else sound horribly bad too... nahin?
but, everyone has their limits.
he may very well be not marriage material at all... having said that... who is and who cant be made into one?
PCG, I know so many guys who have moved away for work for the first year or so to get some money to build their life.... they end up calling the biwi over or move back.. or watever.. and these marriages have survived... i guess cus the wives have been somewhat understanding.
Yes, it aint the ideal marriage.. and not something one would want.. but she knew of the situation very well before she got married.... if u aint going to be happy with it... then dont get hitched. Simple... or ask whether u can be called over.. its not that hard. IF she has the courage to pop pills or ask for divorce... why did she not consider asking her husband to take her along? i dont get it
my dad was away for the first yaer or so when he got married.... it didnt do anyone any harm. Its the way u look at it.. and deal with it
salaam DA, i read the whole post and i responded earlier, however after reading the whole thread some new things surfaced where apparently in may you opened a thread with a similar complaint but you were not married then, khair jo bhi reason the behind you going against the given advise and you getting married i would suggest talk to him and str8 up tell him key you dont mind taking care of his parents (if that is the reason behind him yelling at you) as long as you live with him and not be thousands of miles away, cuz the whole point of marriage is communication and a lil bit of sacrifice and struggle, marriage is not a bed of roses as some ppl assume and when they find out the truth, they immediately decide to break it. What i dont get it why is it so easy for ppl to break marriages or get divorce, and everyone gives this a go ahead, okay problem aayee aur shaadi tor do. Shaadi means struggle, sacrifice, communication and love, pata nahi aaj kal log kon sey dream world mein rehtay hain where for a relationship they have 10 million conditions, yaar aap log shaadi kar rahay ho ya contract sign kar rahay ho aur agar kar lee hai to nibhaana seekho, relationship aur shaadi ko ek mazaaq banadiya hai logon ney.
Khair mein zyaada bol gaya lekin DA sis i dont think key problem abhi haath sey niklee hai and you should talk to him immediately.
Good luck in marriage but a brotherly advise key stop thinking about suicide or divorce instead live to fight for your love and marrige :k:
PCG i dont disagree with you, lekin taali ek haath sey nahi bajtee, if she went through with the marriage then i guess she should try to save this as well, its only been 10 days and trust me i have seen some hard headed guys change their tone just cuz of their wives, khair the marriage is in early stages and she is going through the adjustment phase and i think it is totally on her as to how this marriage turns out as the guy had made his intentions clear before the marriage. I am not supporting the guy and i do feel for the girl but married life as i said is not a walk in the park. :k:
Are you being serious or is this a joke? I would like to believe it’s the latter. However, if you’re serious…
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many people (including myself) told you not to marry this guy.
You said that you wanted advice…but the truth is that you don’t really want honest advice because you lack the courage and maturity to hear it. You actually want us to say something (even if it’s harmful) that would suit your desires. And that’s not how advice works. Several of us here…those around your age…those younger than you…those older than you…those who are married…and even male members…told you to forget about this guy. And if you are indeed suffering after marriage…I’m sorry about that…but some people learn their mistakes the hard way.
And now you’ve created this thread…where you say that you’re being tortured…but you provide no details that would allow us to understand and help…n off you go n disappear. Agar melodramatic thread khol na hi tha…to detail man likhna chahiye tha.
I guess I have to be the one here to say I have mixed feelings about this whole situation.
Yes, we all advised her to leave him at one point. She went ahead and married him anyway thinking she can make it work. We all sometimes underestimate our obstacles and end up drowning ourselves when we thought we could float. Its happened before and its happening here.
I do have some sympathy because a marriage is not a business arrangement to get a naukrani in your home no matter what. I can understand her frustration with the shouting because for someone who comes from a quiet household...that can be very disturbing and nerve wracking.
I do not know what to tell you DA...I hope Allah swt makes this easier for you.
I will say something though. Until things settle down, do not have children.
I can't believe the number of 'I told you so' posts. She has posted for advice. Don't you think she knows she should have listened to you? She doesn't need to hear over, and over again. She's already really upset, show some compassion.
My advice is get out now; he was awful before you got married, and he's still awful now. There's this great lie that women are told: be nice and kind to all and everything will be OK. That works with some people but not all. My mum wasted her whole life waiting for my dad to change. He never did. You're young, you made a wrong decision, don't let it ruin your whole life.
That is the problem though, the OP doesn't listen to or follow any advice given. She's only been married for a grand total of 10 days. Thats waaay too early to leave a marriage considering hers was a love marriage and she had been with him for 5-6 years. Fair enough if she was engaged then yes by all means walk away (and she was given this advice before) but marriage is a totally different thing and one has to at least try before giving up. The husband is a jerk and his family are not exactly nice to her but I don't think the OP is entirely innocent in all of this either.
I think you all are forgetting that she hasn't just known him for 10 days. She has known him for 5 years. So the 10 days don't matter. One of the reasons that love marriages don't work is that we're very emotional. Once we start going out with someone we get emotionally involved and it's hard to think practically which is why so many women all over the world make the wrong decision, this is probably why it is frowned upon in Islam. If love marriages worked then there would be no divorces in the west.
DA: No one there is showing you any respect. It will be hard, because you have a connection. But just get out, it sounds as if you're life will be all about huge rows and then half hearted making up. Good luck, let us know what you decide.
Looks like what's done is done. You are married and in this situation.
Marriage is a big change. That CHANGE is not going to be different regardless of "who" you marry. You will miss your home, your parents and old lifestyle regarldless of "who" you marry.
Your boyfriend is now your husband which is a different relationship as well. Recognize the difference.
So instead of being overly emotional about ironing clothes and attention - think very strategically and see how you can change your circumstances.
If you want to go to Dubai with your husband - then you have to work at convicing him. It might take some time.
It would benefit you to have you in laws on you side. So invest in that relationship as well for you OWN benefit.
WHY WHEN THEY SEE THEM CANT THEY ADDRESS THEM LIKE ANY STRONG WOMAN WOULD?
WHY WHEN SHE KNEW THINGS BEFORE HER MARRIGE DINT SHE ADDRESS THESE PROBLEMS INSTEAD CHOSE TO CONCENTRATE WHERE TO GET THE WEDDING SHERWANI FROM?
AT THE TIME SHE COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING N SAW THE PROBLEMS SHE SHUT HER EYES NOW IN 10DAYS TALKING ABT DIVORCE?
MARRIAGE IS MORE THAN JUST A WEDDING!!!!
GURLS GROW UP!
She is an educated gurl as i just went through her previous posts so judging the whole situation her husband fits a profile of a classic man who should be handled by his wife through the years of their marriage.My mom says when she got married my dad was similar too but over the years she took the right steps and now id call him 'joru ka gulam' or a guy who respects n loves his wife. no man is born marriage material (all blame goes to guys mom) the gurl should be smart enough to turn him into husband material.this gurl is not playing her cards ryte...u dunt come running into a forum to ask advice for such things Allah has given everyone a deemag! all our mothers have dealt with the same situations its ur turn now sister..no marriage is a bed of roses..i wont get those rosses too..dunt even think of divorce...be strong n fix ur husband! pateince & brains helps..!!!!!
WHY WHEN THEY SEE THEM CANT THEY ADDRESS THEM LIKE ANY STRONG WOMAN WOULD?
WHY WHEN SHE KNEW THINGS BEFORE HER MARRIGE DINT SHE ADDRESS THESE PROBLEMS INSTEAD CHOSE TO CONCENTRATE WHERE TO GET THE WEDDING SHERWANI FROM?
AT THE TIME SHE COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING N SAW THE PROBLEMS SHE SHUT HER EYES NOW IN 10DAYS TALKING ABT DIVORCE?
MARRIAGE IS MORE THAN JUST A WEDDING!!!!
GURLS GROW UP!
She is an educated gurl as i just went through her previous posts so judging the whole situation her husband fits a profile of a classic man who should be handled by his wife through the years of their marriage.My mom says when she got married my dad was similar too but over the years she took the right steps and now id call him 'joru ka gulam' or a guy who respects n loves his wife. no man is born marriage material (all blame goes to guys mom) the gurl should be smart enough to turn him into husband material.this gurl is not playing her cards ryte...u dunt come running into a forum to ask advice for such things Allah has given everyone a deemag! all our mothers have dealt with the same situations its ur turn now sister..no marriage is a bed of roses..i wont get those rosses too..dunt even think of divorce...be strong n fix ur husband! pateince & brains helps..!!!!!
ur not being tortured...u have met life!
*such posts just make me extremely angry..
waah jee, thank you, my point that i tried to get thru earlier, it has become a norm that everyone gets into a marriage with an exit strategy, jaisay hee going gets tough immediately play the divorce card, I mean c`mon.
I think you all are forgetting that she hasn't just known him for 10 days. She has known him for 5 years. So the 10 days don't matter. One of the reasons that love marriages don't work is that we're very emotional. Once we start going out with someone we get emotionally involved and it's hard to think practically which is why so many women all over the world make the wrong decision, this is probably why it is frowned upon in Islam. If love marriages worked then there would be no divorces in the west.
DA: No one there is showing you any respect. It will be hard, because you have a connection. But just get out, it sounds as if you're life will be all about huge rows and then half hearted making up. Good luck, let us know what you decide.
ZARA i think the 10 days do matter as she knew what she was getting herself into 5 years in advance and thus she decided to take the plunge and thus 10 days are what we count :k: I dont mean to disrespect DA but marriage is not a joke key jab chaha kar lee aur jab chaha chhor dee, thoree to struggle and problems har relationship mein hotee hain, its about how you handle and resolve them not runaway :k:
You know insha'Allah everything will get better. Just be patient. I've heard so many stories where the marriage was really tough in the beginning but with patience everything got better. I can tell you a story of this aunty I know. She was telling me how when she got married, her saas and nand didn't like her, and they basically brainwashed their son to be against her as well. It was one of those marriages that was set from the day the guy and girl were born. Anywho on their wedding night, her husband comes in and says, "Don't ever ask me for a kid because I won't ever give you one" And he left the room. She cried so much, and basically had to put up with saas and nands nonsense, and her husband was pretty rude to her for the first year or so. He'd always be glued to his mother and wouldn't spend much time with his wife. So conclusion of the story is, now she has 2 wonderful sons, and her husband, is sooooooooooo sweeeet! People change with time, as they mature and grow older their priorities change too. Be patient, when your husband sees you are being patient, and doing everything the way you are supposed to, he too will eventually start listening to you.
I hate this argument that if a woman's jilaak enough she can fix a husband. Real life is not like this. This really damages women, and they end up taking a lot of abuse because it's always their fault.
