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And WTH. So he's attached to his nephews and nieces??? I think that's soooo endearing.
How are you annoyed with that?
Jeez, you must be a greedy cold woman to get jealous of your hubby giving some love to the kids in his family.
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[quote]
Jesus. This is info I collect in the first 5 min and if I don't like what I'm hearing, its not happening"
[/quote]
lol.. pcd , true said
And WTH. So he's attached to his nephews and nieces??? I think that's soooo endearing.
How are you annoyed with that?
Jeez, you must be a greedy cold woman to get jealous of your hubby giving some love to the kids in his family.
You need to read her post again pcd.. she said even they make fun of her and don't respect her (the bhanjyz, bhanjiz.. etc).. plus she is a newly wed, she wants more respect and acknowledgment than what she is getting ( which is zero..I think)
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applause for PCG
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I’m not done.
Disturbed Angel (fitting name…):
You do not take pills and kill yourself over this sort of thing.
That shows how retarded and irrational YOU ARE.
Here’s some solutions:
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Stop taking everything he says to heart. Boys are boys and sometimes they don’t even know what comes out of their mouth, and usually, they don’t even mean harm by what they say even though you might be taking it that way.
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Do some bonding activities with him (not just sex), but spend some time with him outside - go out with him. Guys don’t like to talk. So don’t sit there and have a discussion with him about how annoyed you are with him. Like he needs that. Go out with him and just hang out. Do something both he and you like to do. Playing PAC-MAN at some video gaming place - whatever.
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Spend some extra effort trying to become friends with your in-laws. They are now your family after all.
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Spend some extra effort doing nice things for him - cook him his favorite meal, etc. You take care of him, he will take care of you. This varies if you work, because you might not have as much time in the home. So in that case, maybe buy some food from his fav take-out place or something. Or take him out for dinner or some fun activity.
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Give your relationship some time, before you decide on a divorce. Divorce in a SERIOUS situation, like if he hits you, or cheats on you, or is sexually torturing you with ridiculous behavior (like bringing out whips into bed or something insane). Well, unless you’re into that kind of thing, then whatever floats your boat :k:
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Do not commit suicide. If you’re really that miserable, after a few months, then just ask go back and sit at your parents home in protest with X demands. If he refuses, then ask for a divorce and move on with your life. But then, understand, that now you’re used goods, and the men in THIS society, are not going to easily forgive for that.
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^ ahaha @ 5
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Oh the kids are making fun of her or something?
Hm. That's weird. Usually kids get super excited about dulhan aunty (dulhan chachee or dulhan maami or whatever).
That's not an easy thing to handle, but do not under any circumstance indulge the kids or get into fights with them. Just smile and ignore them, and they'll eventually give up. At some point, point it out to the hubby and ask him if he thinks it is alright that they poke fun at you.
Again, communication.
I don't know what is going on in this house. Maybe she is getting into arguments with the kids, as if she's a kid herself. What "respect" does that land you?
And again, SIX YEARS. If I had six years, I'd know everyone in the family and everything about them down to what STD's they have.
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Thanks pcg... exactly my point. I said.. I was hated..
My thing was.. just give it time.
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i so hate bollywood type love marriages!!!
Oh the kids are making fun of her or something?
Hm. That's weird. *Usually kids get super excited about dulhan aunty (dulhan chachee or dulhan maami or whatever). *
:D
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That's what we called all our chaachis.
Dulhan chaachi.
Then the next chaachi came in, and the previous one lost the title "dulhan".
The youngest chaachi, who interestingly has my same name, and is my age (UH YEAH, WEIRD!!!), is now the one who keeps the title "Dulhan chaachi".
I still call her that sometimes.
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:hinna: i truly missed gupshup!
u r funny (ok sometimes) … we still call our chachi “dulhan chachi” whenever we go back to Pak although her daughter is now engaged and is about to get married in a year or so 
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fellow Guppans and guppies.
Your advice seem very rational however, without knowing the background i think its wrong to blame her or tell her to suck it up.
DA had many troubles before marriage with this guy and his family. I am sure Red velvet remembers her issues that she shared in an earlier thread.
Disturb_angel,
I went through the last thread you posted in may 2009 in regards to the problems with your fiancee(husband) and your MIL.
There is A LOT of events that have happened before the marriage and I see Guppans like amir_pindi, RV, Kinz and many others gave you advice to leave this guy and end the relationship.
I guess you walked in with hopes k everything will be fine after shadi and obviously thats not the case.
There is no point in talking to him since we already established in earlier thread that he is a jerk and possible psycho.
Honestly, after reading that thread i am not surprise that they are torturing you since he use to torture you emotionally and mentally before through calls and emails.
First of all, is he still planning on taking you to Dubai with him or are you gonna stay with his parents?
Honestly, you still have the same option you had before marriage. Leave him. You are finishing up your degree, go back to europe to your parents and live your life. There is no way out. He is not going to change as you may have noticed already. I am just scarred that this might will turn in to physical abuse if you dont speak up or leave considerring his actions in past.
I have personally know some who was in abusive relationship. Although, he was 1000 miles away and She only met him for few month in 3 years, met online and talk online and phone. her story was A LOT like yours his mood fluctuations, One day nice one day Jerk. when i was reading your earlier thread thats what it reminded me of and that girl finally had to break the engagement. and Now mashallah she is with some one else and very happy. I am sure if she decided to stick with this she probably will be in same position as you and from what i know it can easily become abusive mentally and physically. Just leave you have been trying to change things since a year and it didnt work. with time it wil just get worst.
Good Luck!
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this morning when i read ur initial post i felt really sorry for u. i thought to myself i wonder what they are doing to this poor girl to make her want to even think about killing herself after only 10 days of marriage. i really thought ur in laws were beating u or something even worse. now that i have read ur previous thread from april, im sorry to say i have ZERO sympathy for u.
u KNEW what ur husband and his family was like before u got married to him. u posted a long thread complaining about everything thing and u got good advice from ppl about what to do but u kept saying u cant leave him cos u love him and uv been with him for 5 years and u cnt forget him or sleep if u dont talk to him and now after only 10 days u want to divorce? what has happend to ur love now? yes i do agree that ur husband was insensitive for leaving u alone til 3am on what is supposed to be a special night for u both and his family are not exactly friendly towards u but u already knew all this from the start.
u knew that he was inconsiderate and selfish and basically only looking for a cook and maid to look after his family while he lives alone in dubai. u complained about the house that his parents live in and the fact that he will live in dubai while u have to live with ur in laws in ur previous thread yet u still married him and here u are once again upset about the way things are going.
bottom line is u knew everything and despite the advice given to u, u still married him. its only been 10 days, marriage isnt a game. if u dnt like the way things are then sit him down and have a serious talk with him. if u dnt want to live alone with his parents while he works in dubai then tell him u will go out there and u will work and pay for ur own expenses because thats one of the reasons u told ppl as to why he didnt want u living out there with him cos he cnt afford to keep u. if u can pay own expenses then he has no reason to say no to u
this morning when i read ur initial post i felt really sorry for u. i thought to myself i wonder what they are doing to this poor girl to make her want to even think about killing herself after only 10 days of marriage. i really thought ur in laws were beating u or something even worse. now that i have read ur previous thread from april, im sorry to say i have ZERO sympathy for u.
u KNEW what ur husband and his family was like before u got married to him. u posted a long thread complaining about everything thing and u got good advice from ppl about what to do but u kept saying u cant leave him cos u love him and uv been with him for 5 years and u cnt forget him or sleep if u dont talk to him and now after only 10 days u want to divorce? what has happend to ur love now? yes i do agree that ur husband was insensitive for leaving u alone til 3am on what is supposed to be a special night for u both and his family are not exactly friendly towards u but u already knew all this from the start.
u knew that he was inconsiderate and selfish and basically only looking for a cook and maid to look after his family while he lives alone in dubai. u complained about the house that his parents live in and the fact that **he will live in dubai while u have to live with ur in laws in ur previous thread yet u still married him **and here u are once again upset about the way things are going.
bottom line is u knew everything and despite the advice given to u, u still married him. its only been 10 days, marriage isnt a game. if u dnt like the way things are then sit him down and have a serious talk with him. if u dnt want to live alone with his parents while he works in dubai then tell him u will go out there and u will work and pay for ur own expenses because thats one of the reasons u told ppl as to why he didnt want u living out there with him cos he cnt afford to keep u. if u can pay own expenses then he has no reason to say no to u
Woah.
What kind of a spell did he put on you Disturbed_Angel, that you still went through a marriage KNOWING THIS???
Jesus Christ, AND you're getting educated, so its not even like you're some stupid twit. What were you thinking???
You either fix this problem, or leave. If he thinks of you as a caretaker for his family, then that's the first problem. He was never in love with you, he's been taking advantage of you and manipulating you to serve as a servant (probably because they don't have enough just to hire a caretaker), and he probably just needs some booty call when he visits Pakistan.
Ok, whatever, I've said enough. This whole situation is totally crazy.
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I think DA is in her late teens hence being sappy towards the whole thing - I do feel that she needs to talk to him first to make it all work, and if she really really can't take it then leave the guy. What's the point of howling or popping pills over a man who only needed a maasi to cook and clean for him and his parents.
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u rock PCG, seriously.. brilliant post (the long essay one)
also, please explain what "shouting" means.... some people just talk loudly.. they dont know it may sound like shouting...
khair... the thing is D_A.. i know ur newly wed.. BUT, u need to make an effort too not to expect sooo much from him... im sure he's trying to balance his family and u and the pressure is prob getting to him
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ok i just read lipsticks post....
wow
marriage is serious business.... pls dont treat it like a silly relationship u can end whenever u want... considering u knew exactly what u were heading into, this all sounds so silly now..
..