Re: please help me get over the past!
agree with scratch ...when couples ver already made , thn y ve indulge ourselves in activities lik ths , y nt wait for the right time when Allah want us to get into marriage relation .
Please don't bring religion into this. This very same religion doesn't endorse seeking love interests and pursuing love affairs behind your family's back.
so both sides are wrong, one who pursued a rather intense relationship and the other side which just wants her to get married to some schmo they will pick out.
I just wanted to explicitly state that because, many times ppl shoe the wrong in one aproach to justify the other one, while missing that the other approach is wrong too.
to boil it down, by religion a girl can not be forced to get married to someone against her wishes. period.
and also by religion the requirements of marrying in the khandaan, biradari, zaat/caste ( i mean heck the whole concept is wrong), race etc are all baseless.
The family's motives seem to be screwed up based more on face saving in community and biradari by supporting and propogating a completely unislamic approach. If there was something wrong with the guy, he was an alcohlic, a general moron that would be one thing, but because he is a different "caste"
and for those who say elders have your best interests in mind, please smell the espresso. elders are human, like you and I, with their own faults, shortcomings and biases. Their view is not always right, its not always in your best interest and is not always altruistic. They may think they are doign things n your best interest but their decision making is clouded by their own biases.
Re: please help me get over the past!
One can never forget the first love, the first commitment, the dreams of marrying each other and live happily together forever n ever.....
But one can still pursue a better life with someone else if the first love wasnt meant to be. You just need to know what you are looking for in a husband and then fight for it.
Dont just accept whatever they find for you!!
Your grandpa is dying and yet the wedding is to be in May09???? what have they planned with the Lord??? he might pass away even before may09 so its just emotional blackmailing and nothing else!!!
I am very sorry to hear about your mother's death, your grand pa's illness and how tney have treated you in Pakistan and are not allowing you to get married to your first love.
I come from a family background similar to yours and I have fought a long battle for the life I want to live. and it has been worth it!!!
Re: please help me get over the past!
femme fatale........... my mom died 2 years ago..... i did mention that earlier but besides that i did istakhara last night and i couldn't see anything clearly so im gona do it again tonight.....
Re: please help me get over the past!
Arent you supposed to do it for 7 days straight to get a clear answer? Im just asking...dont know for sure!
Re: please help me get over the past!
Oh man, there are so many stereotypes about istikhaara - it makes me go crazy!
People who are really serious about istikhaara, here you go:
If you don’t have 39 min. to watch this then here you go - good info in only 7 min.:
Both videos are authentic lectures about the method of istikhaara and marriage. Both videos follow the Sunni sect of Islam.
For everyone, who will not be clicking on the above links - just know one thing: stop waiting for a dream as a response to your istikhaara. More often than not, people don’t have dreams!
Re: please help me get over the past!
Stright_up, thank u soooo vry much ofr the video.......this will def make everybody else aware that not everyone gets dreams by performing istikhaara,......
and for those who say elders have your best interests in mind, please smell the espresso. elders are human, like you and I, with their own faults, shortcomings and biases. Their view is not always right, its not always in your best interest and is not always altruistic. They may think they are doign things n your best interest but their decision making is clouded by their own biases.
agree.
Stright_up, thank u soooo vry much ofr the video.......this will def make everybody else aware that not everyone gets dreams by performing istikhaara,......
You're very welcome. :)
hey guys im back........ just wanted to let you know about whats been goin on..... i did do istikhara and at first i didn't have a dream, sign or a feeling........ so i did it again and i got a feeling and it wasn't good....... long story short i know what to do now........ Allah mian showed me a way and i am gona take it..... if Allah mian doesn't want me getting married to the guy i love, i don't have a problem.... and its because i know that Allah mian does things for us that we can benefit from and He wants us to be happy...... I am not gona question Allah about anything because i trust Allah and because we have no right to! ever since i did istikhara and left everything on Allah mian i feel much better! the only way i can get over the guy i love is by not thinking about him its gona be hard but i have to do what's right for me! Everything happens for a reason and i truly believe that......... if Allah didn't want me getting married to him then there has to be a reason........ i also recently found out that the guy i like drinks alcohol.... im not sure if he's an alcoholic or if he just drinks occasionally but i am not gona take a chance and get screwed! i cherish all the moments we had and i respect him and love him for everything he did for me and i wont forget that he was my first and only love.....but..... now i have to start a new life and thats not gona be easy either so i have to pray and pray and prayyy........ and hopefully Inshallah everything is gona turn out the way it's suppose to....... i know a lot of you guys said to do what i feel like and just marry him........ you guys weren't wrong and i respect your thoughts and suggestions but now that Allah mian showed me a way i have to take it............. what if i get an awsome husband that i would totally fall for? that be nice....... ive made my decision and its all because of Allah mian and im happy with it...... and its also with the help of all of you thank you sooooo much guys....... honestly you guys helped me out a lot....... just think what if Allah mian brought me here for a reason and it was so you guys could help me which you did....... and thx straight_up for the video you posted it really helped me!
I am gona start all over again and i just need all of you guys to pray that i can have a healthy, wonderful, happy, loving and a successful life and relationship with my future husband!
i will update you guys with everything that's gona happen!!
thx guyyzzzz!!!!!!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!!
Re: please help me get over the past!
Im happy for you hun...good for you! I hope you get all the happiness you deserve, Inshallah!
Re: please help me get over the past!
Sounds great:) dont give up ur hope. inshaAllah Allah will help you through this. and rememeber not to give up ur rights.
wish u all da best:)
Re: please help me get over the past!
sweety....
my family doctor once said 'i dont understand why muslim people complain about so many thing, they have Allah to turn too"
Its all about our faith on Him and He never turns down anyone who asks him for help. Allah says "main us ki bi sunta hon jo pathar ke bothoon se mangte hain" aur hum tu directly Allah se mangte hain....
I am happy for you :) I hope and pray Allah reward you for your sabar and grant you wid a husband who respects you as an individual and truely love ya
Re: please help me get over the past!
Proud of you mashallah. Everything happens for a reason maybe that guy not gud enough for you inshallah you will love again xx
Re: please help me get over the past!
Its really unfair for you to marry someone while you are so in love with someone else. I thought there was no "caste" system in Islam! Is he from a different culture or whatever? If you are in the US or even in PK have the guy you like's family give a proper proposal. Also if they want to marry you off in a hurry and there is a guy ready and willing why go to Pk and look for a new guy! I think maybe you are thinking too much about who you are going to upset etc... as someone said God helps those who help themselves....
hey guys im back........ just wanted to let you know about whats been goin on..... i did do istikhara and at first i didn't have a dream, sign or a feeling........ so i did it again and i got a feeling and it wasn't good.......
I am not too sure what this 'istikhara' is (I had never heard of it before joining GS), but maybe the 'not so good' feeling is for the arranged dude?
[quote]
long story short i know what to do now........ Allah mian showed me a way and i am gona take it..... if Allah mian doesn't want me getting married to the guy i love, i don't have a problem....
[/quote]
Allah mian is supreme, and he has given us the ability to think for a reason. I think Allah mian would want you to marry the guy you love. This is why Allah mian just didnt create zombies, he sent men and women in this world with grey matter.
[quote]
and its because i know that Allah mian does things for us that we can benefit from and He wants us to be happy...... I am not gona question Allah about anything because i trust Allah and because we have no right to! ever since i did istikhara and left everything on Allah mian i feel much better! the only way i can get over the guy i love is by not thinking about him its gona be hard but i have to do what's right for me! Everything happens for a reason and i truly believe that......... if Allah didn't want me getting married to him then there has to be a reason........
[/quote]
Again, this just sounds like a verbose self assurance, to deal with the reality you are facing. Remember in such a scenario if things don't work out well (I hope that's not the case), I hope you don't blame Allah mian for that.
[quote]
i also recently found out that the guy i like drinks alcohol.... im not sure if he's an alcoholic or if he just drinks occasionally but i am not gona take a chance and get screwed! i cherish all the moments we had and i respect him and love him for everything he did for me and i wont forget that he was my first and only love.....but..... now i have to start a new life and thats not gona be easy either so i have to pray and pray and prayyy........ and hopefully Inshallah everything is gona turn out the way it's suppose to....... i know a lot of you guys said to do what i feel like and just marry him........ you guys weren't wrong and i respect your thoughts and suggestions but now that Allah mian showed me a way i have to take it.............
[/quote]
Ok thats a good reason to ditch the guy, but make sure the 2nd guy does not have any serious character/personality flaws either, because that would be unfair to the first guy.
[quote]
what if i get an awsome husband that i would totally fall for? that be nice.......
[/quote]
What if...
[quote]
ive made my decision and its all because of Allah mian and im happy with it...... and its also with the help of all of you thank you sooooo much guys....... honestly you guys helped me out a lot....... just think what if Allah mian brought me here for a reason and it was so you guys could help me which you did....... and thx straight_up for the video you posted it really helped me!
[/quote]
You should just say you made the decision on your own, because like every other decision it may or may not be the right one.
[quote]
I am gona start all over again and i just need all of you guys to pray that i can have a healthy, wonderful, happy, loving and a successful life and relationship with my future husband!
i will update you guys with everything that's gona happen!!
thx guyyzzzz!!!!!!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!!
[/quote]
I wish you all the best, though I disagree with the way you are approaching things.
Re: please help me get over the past!
Hi wonderz.....thanks to u even i performed istikhara and within a week or so of doing it, i saw the results. I recently broke uo wid this guy cus his family was against it, but i sttill kept praying and praying that sum miracle wud happen and we cud get back together again. but after doing istikhara, i began notincing that the guy whom i so wanted to be with was not so loving and caring after all. i deserve sum1 much better. i didnt c that desparation in him to get back together, so why shud i???if he doesnt need me then why even i dont need him. and i know that mayb there's a much better guy in my future that him, and whatever Allah swt does, he does for our good.
Re: please help me get over the past!
Ok, I read all the posts in this thread. Although you were upset over losing your "love", I couldn't help but get the sense, you were almost 'over' him on your own and all you really needed was some sort of reassurance from the rest of us. Contributing to the fact is the reality of your youth. Had you been some 30 year old woman, you'd find it harder to bounce back.
So you're all set. Good for you. That's excellent news.
Having said that, what your father did/is doing is just what most Pakistani men do in his situation. I wasn't surprised to hear it -- just appalled. So the date range is '09 March-ish becasue your grandfather is critically ill? Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture? What if, God forbid, something happens to him tomorrow? How does that effect your wedding date? Marrying off a young girl based on senseless predictions...? They might as well tie you up in a room like cattle. Oh wait! They already did that..! It's disgusting.
I do, however, want to commend you on your strength to stick this one out. It's excellent that you've got your life back on track and are once again optimistic about the future. I hope to see some great things in your future. You deserve a break! You've dealt with some very unfair sh*t.
Keep us posted on your grandfather's health.
Best,
YP