hey guys im totally new here! n i know my question would be better in the relationship category but i just thought that all of you guys have been married or will be getting married so it’s best to ask you guys! … well my family is old school very old school! i fell in love with this guy ive known for about 2.5 years and we have been through a lot! my dad found out about us well he didnt actually find out about us but i told him everything myself so things can move toward a marriage talking situation… but it totally backfired on me… if i wanted i could’ve ran away with him or do a lot of stupid things which i didn’t because i respect my dad a lot… if the guy i loved was from a different religion or just a bad guy i would never wanna marry him because i know the difference of right and wrong… but he a Muslim from Pakistan and the only reason why dad isn’t letting anything happen is because he is from a different cast thats allllll!!! i am dead in love with this guy he is my world my life he’s my jaan but i had to break it off with him because of my dad… it was really hard for us we cried like babies but we couldn’t do anything about it… the guy i love is sooo understanding and he would never tell me to leave my dad for him so we ended everything… it’s only been like 3 weeks and now i found out my grandpa has two types of cancer and he doesn’t have a lot of time left and he really want’s to see me get married.
I had no choice so i said “ok” i just think that maybe Allah Mian doesn’t want me getting married to the person i love maybe there’s something bad behind it which i just don’t see… so i don’t blame Allah Mian and i never will i know Allah Mian wants and does th best for us, sometimes we think it’s not fair but its for our own good! now that im getting married next year around may 09! and ive already started shopping for everything… it’s just so awkward for me whenever i go shopping i think of that person… whenever the thought of me getting married hits me i just imagine myself sitting down with mendi on my hands and that guy looking at me… i cant imagine myself without him… but now that i know i cant get married to him i know i have to start a new life with someone else and i wanna make everything right… i don’t wanna ruin my relationship with my future husband because of my past… all you guys sound very nice and intelligent so please help meeee i really don’t know what to do, im going crazy! i cry all the time but whenever my dad shows up i act like everything is ok and that im happy because i don’t wanna upset him! and theres no point of asking me what my future husband is like because i don’t know yet my uncles and grandpa are still looking for a guy and when i go back to pakistan ill get married! i hope one of you say something that will actually help me! i dont have friends because i dont make em, im too busy with college and i cant trust anyone so i hope you guys can help me! thx guys!!
pray to allah and make istakhara... and allah will show u inshallah a sign or will put something like this in ur heart... and then u have to do consequent this thing...no matter what will happen!
oh gr8888 they havent found u a guy n still u r shopping around and worrying :\ about it well u r right if the guy u like is not in ur destiny nothing will make him urs did the guy send a proposal at ur home???if not tell him to do so...i think rather then telling ur dad directly the guy should have sent a proposal at ur home!
pray to allah and make istakhara... and allah will show u inshallah a sign or will put something like this in ur heart... and then u have to do consequent this thing...no matter what will happen!
God helps those who help themselves.
istikhara is good in situations when you are double minded about choices. Here is seems like she is being pushed in a direction because someone else wantsto see her married in a specific timeframe.
look lets leave sentamentalities aside and make a decision in a rational manner.
I am sorry to hear about your grandfather's condition
and lets aside the first guy for a second as well.
yes he wants to see you married but to the right person with whim you will have a happy life.
Rushing into anything is not right,
people dont realize that wedding is one day (well or a week of events)
but a marriage is for lifetime, or even if it is not it has impact for a lifetime.
make the right decision at the right time and find the right person.
Wow thats tough!
First of all I think you are a wonderful person for realizing that running away and stuff like that is stupid! Secondly I pray that your grandfather's sins are forgiven and that he gets a place in Jannah.
IF the guy you are marrying(when you know more about him)is a decent nice good muslim and you dont have a problem with him then maybe its in your best interests to think of your new life with him as opposed to your past relationship. I think that everything in life works out and its all in your kismat.
Just pray that Allah gives you the strength to move on.
Also I would recommend telling the guy that he has the right to move on to.
A friend of mine had a similar situation where she couldnt marry the guy because he wasnt zameendaar or jutt and she accepted it. She said that she knew fighting with her family wasnt going to get her anywhere. She married someone else and now has two beauuutiful kids MashAllah. Before her marriage she said it was hard for her to picture getting married to someone else but we all helped her see herself as his wife. We went on group lunches and invited him etc.
The boy she wanted to marry, on the other hand, turned out to be not as great as he appeared. If he loved her he would accept the fact life has to move on and its whatever is in the plan of Allah SWT but he created a big scene at a dinner I through for her where he showed up unexpectedly, insulted her family adn the groom, insulted my family and walked out trying to take the dulhan with him.
I dont know everyone is different
i gues u hav taken a wise step , sometimes wht parents knw frm experience we cant even think or imagine , so stay with ur parents decision , i hop thy wont lik to ruin ur life , wht they do is to giv u a secure future for ur coming life ... i dont believe in love neither i would recommend... love wasnt a long lastin game , u hav to take wise step in order to get maximum blessing frm Allah n to remain safe n sound with ur future.Support ur parents else try to convince them logically n justify thm if u r right , stay clam dont panic MOST of the tim elder takes the right decison , u wil com to knw after the time
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oh gr8888 they havent found u a guy n still u r shopping around and worrying :\ about it well u r right if the guy u like is not in ur destiny nothing will make him urs did the guy send a proposal at ur home???if not tell him to do so...i think rather then telling ur dad directly the guy should have sent a proposal at ur home!
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Agree , the guy should do something if he is really serious abt u .
his family came to my sister's wedding and my uncle really liked his family and he did talk to my dad about him but my dad got pissed off and told my uncle to never talk about that again! O GOD it's sooooo hard..... i sat down and really thought of the things that could go wrong and well i remember him saying once that no matter who he marry's that girl has to live with my family in pakistan and i know he is very posessive but awsome at the same time..... and my plan is to get married in pakistan and come back so i can go to nursing school and become a nurse and i know he would've never allow me to leave pakistan and his parents............. maybe this is the reason why Allah Main doesn't want me getting married with him...... but no matter what the problem is...... bottom line........ it hurts like s*** and its soooooooo hard! i will do istakhara....and i will sit down and make myself understand all this! and i will start a new and happy life! and try to have fun with everything thats related to my wedding! the last time i talked to that guy was 3 weeks ago and we talked about everything and he agreed with everything i said and that we have to move on..... but it just kills me when i think that the last thing he said to me was I Love You meri jaan and he cried sooo much and i said I love You to Jaan and i cried and then we just said bye....... and hung up.......
I know how hard it is, because I also went through this....my parents didnt agree initially....and it was bad....and it got to the point that I was prepared to leave him...but alhumdulilah tings worked out and today we are married (got married in Aug)....What I have learnt to believe is that if something is in your kismat..u will get it..
There was no way in hell we could have got married....my whole khaandan was against it....and it wasn't a major reason..just that he wasn't as good as me?! even though he was a decent guy..dont ask...my family tink 2 highly of me!
But anyways...parents refused the rishta and 2 years later im married 2 him....isthikhara definitely helps coz it makes u stronger from deep within...and if this guy is not in ur kismat then it will be easier to come to terms to...if he is..then no1 in the World can change it..because Allah has written it all before...sum how...he will be urs...but if hes not...then everyone could have agreed but sumfin wud have happened and u wudnt have got married..
trust Allah..do loads of dua and do isthikhara...if ur famiyl find u a new guy..then it will be easier to concentrate on him and slowly with time u shall 4get ur past...I hope it all goes well for you...coz I know exactly how u feel....I have known my husband for 9 years nw mashallah....and we only got married now...so if I had to break up with him 2 years ago...I know how I would have felt..
Inshallah tings will be ok..
This time will also pass.................Inshallahx
Similar situation happened to me, i was with a guy for over 6 years and his family wudnt agree and neither wud mine due to the 'caste' thing but i went totally against everyone in my family cos i knew how right he was for me. i did istikhara aswell and it came out positive which gave me more hope.
Because i openly made everyone realise how much he meant to me and how much i wanted it, i finally married him and now he is the best son in law my parents have and they are so happy with him.
You shudnt act liek eevrythin is hunky dory when its not cos that gives a wrong impression and in the future ur dad can easily say u were the one that was happy with everythin. trust me it happens. make ur decision thouroughly and stick to it if u truely believe its right for u. and inshAllah it'l work out in the end
Your grandfather is going to die, yet you still have to live. Not telling you to disrespect him or your parents but it's your life chick. Unless you're like 18 or something.
I know a girl who was pressured into marrige and now everyday seems like an effor for her. Catwoman kinda put it out too bluntly but yes the idea is the same.
Give yourself time to get over him and decide what you can live with. Marrige is a gamble (love / arranged / cast / family - they may give indications , but in the end it is a gamble).
his family came to my sister's wedding and my uncle really liked his family and he did talk to my dad about him but my dad got pissed off and told my uncle to never talk about that again! O GOD it's sooooo hard..... i sat down and really thought of the things that could go wrong and well i remember him saying once that no matter who he marry's that girl has to live with my family in pakistan and i know he is very posessive but awsome at the same time..... and my plan is to get married in pakistan and come back so i can go to nursing school and become a nurse and i know he would've never allow me to leave pakistan and his parents............. maybe this is the reason why Allah Main doesn't want me getting married with him...... but no matter what the problem is...... bottom line........ it hurts like s*** and its soooooooo hard! i will do istakhara....and i will sit down and make myself understand all this! and i will start a new and happy life! and try to have fun with everything thats related to my wedding! the last time i talked to that guy was 3 weeks ago and we talked about everything and he agreed with everything i said and that we have to move on..... but it just kills me when i think that the last thing he said to me was I Love You meri jaan and he cried sooo much and i said I love You to Jaan and i cried and then we just said bye....... and hung up.......
I feel for you man xxx
Look don't worry darln everythn gna be ok inshala just plz don't speak to this guy anymore if you know your parents will never agree and you will not do anythn against your parents wishes. There will be many times you will wna contact him or him you but don't go there trust me, and don't lock yourself up in your room thinkin about this go out have fun. I think if you knew who you will be marrying that would make things easier for you (if he a nice guy)
Be strong turn to Allah (swt) whenever you are feeling weak. It isn't as hard as you think it is trust me.
When you get married i hope your swept off your feet.
One word for you: Elope!! (you will never get over the past)
Marry the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with.. marriage is a gamble anyway, but why take chances when you know you have someone better to share your life with???
and oh by the way, parents will forgive and forget eventually!!!
Your grandfather is going to die, yet you still have to live. Not telling you to disrespect him or your parents but it's your life chick. Unless you're like 18 or something.
ditto. i don't want to sound rude but if you can't convince your parents to let you marry the guy of your choice, then i don't think you're ready to get married. you're gonna be facing a lot more difficult situations once you're married and if you can't fight for what you want now, then i don't think you'll be able to do it once you're married either.
this is what i have come to realize. the older u get, the more ur parents begin to respect the decisions u make. do not elope. do not get married just because ur grandpa is passing away. do not marry a complete stranger. take ur time, finish school, start working, have fun and live ur life. once ur at an appropriate age where YOU WANT to get married, then u can start thinking about getting married. at that point where u r probably around 24-25 (maybe) trust me, ur parents would just be happy that u have finally decided to get married. i know a woman whos 32 and her parents have given up on her getting married. she says she'll get married when she finds the right man, yes shes paki. and her parents dont say anything to her. my own aunt got married when she was 29 and she was being pressured since she turned 20 and at 25 her family had given up on her getting married and she finally got married to an albanian man(which was the first interracial marriage in our household) and no one gave a damn, everyone was just happy she was finally getting married. therefore, just hold out and do things when u r ready for them, not when others are ready for them.
personally, keeping my parents happy is a very big thing for me. if they had said no to the man i married, i would have called it quits unless it was some ridiculous reason. so i understand why u dont speak to him anymore, at the same time it doenst mean u have to marry anyone ur family chooses at a time thats convenient for ur family. its probably going to take u a long time to get over this guy but trust me, time heals all.
Hey there hun! I hope everything works out for you!!
and I really mean it, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dont marry this other guy! you can convince your husband aftter shaadi about letting you study and whatnot but please dont ruin your life by just marrying somone ur not happy with ! PLEASE!!
it eventually not going to have a good turn-out, and you will never be happy! trust me its one of those things that will pass once you & ur REAL husband get married and people start realizing you are really happy and all ...just talk to your dad
write him a letter or somehting , ur his daughter so I'm SURE he will see ur pain and understand, but please SPEAK up, you still have time!
Wow, this is amazing. I had tears in my eyes reading your post.
The best way to get over him is to disconnect completely from anything related to your past love. Anything and everything he gave you, sent to you, etc has to go. Dont keep anything, no matter how precious. Dont speak to him again because not only will you hurt again but he will too. This is a healing process for him too now.
While I understand the pressure you're under, I dont think marrying a man like this is the right thing to do. There has to be a ray of hope out there...look for it. Dont walk away without trying everything. You dont want to think one day "would things have been different if I had just talked to my dad?". Thats really hard to live with. Try speaking up just once...you never know do you?
I will definitely pray for you. I hope things get better for you, Inshallah.
The only person that can help u is u urself..decide what u want to do! Do u want to go against u're parents and marry the guy u love..or agree on marrying sumone that u're parents chose for u.
Why are u shopping when there's not guy yet? U have time to try and convince u're folks!