Well I think u missed my point here.I am not against taking care of the kid when needed. I am just saying that when a person needs a couple to take care of her child, shouldnt she be asking both persons? and lets assume that she is too busy,unformal whatever to ask her bhabi and thinks that its enough asking her brother. but then what the heck does she think of her bhabi when she tell her brother about her husband’s arrival from Pakistan and telling him that he shouldnt be telling anyone else about it. So she doesnt wanna share a good news with a person but is expecting her to take care of her kid. Thats exactly what I have reacted on!No more,no less.
Cancelling the birthday dinner with our friends is somethig I felt I had to do cuz she didnt want others to know that her husband is coming and hubby’s friends would find it odd that his only sibling was not there at his birthday dinner while the nephew came!!anyways the birthday wasnt a big deal.I just get provoced when she treats me as I have to go along when needed but she cant even include me in the good news!!
Well I think u missed my point here.I am not against taking care of the kid when needed. I am just saying that when a person needs a couple to take care of her child, shouldnt she be asking both persons? and lets assume that she is too busy,unformal whatever to ask her bhabi and thinks that its enough asking her brother. but then what the heck does she think of her bhabi when she tell her brother about her husband's arrival from Pakistan and telling him that he shouldnt be telling anyone else about it. So she doesnt wanna share a good news with a person but is expecting her to take care of her kid. Thats exactly what I have reacted on!No more,no less. Cancelling the birthday dinner with our friends is somethig I felt I had to do cuz she didnt want others to know that her husband is coming and hubby's friends would find it odd that his only sibling was not there at his birthday dinner while the nephew came!!anyways the birthday wasnt a big deal.I just get provoced when she treats me as I have to go along when needed but she cant even include me in the good news!!
Chameli we get it--- she's rude! I think you've already made up your mind about what you're going to do, and I think you are looking more for justification of your actions, then actual suggestions.
Someone else's rudeness won't justify rudeness on your part- so becareful about what you do. Also, how many times is this newly wed going to pick up her brand NEW husband from the airport? Just once. So just let her do it her way, and let it slide - just because she's just got married. She's going to be too busy dealing with her new hubby now, that I doubt you;ll have to worry about her much after this. So let it go.
Chameli we get it--- she's rude! I think you've already made up your mind about what you're going to do, and I think you are looking more for justification of your actions, then actual suggestions.
Someone else's rudeness won't justify rudeness on your part- so becareful about what you do. Also, how many times is this newly wed going to pick up her brand NEW husband from the airport? Just once. So just let her do it her way, and let it slide - just because she's just got married. She's going to be too busy dealing with her new hubby now, that I doubt you;ll have to worry about her much after this. So let it go.
Choti Jaan, I am not planning to be rude to her.I am just letting out my feelings on this forum. Otherwise I would have picked up the phone by now, called her and told her off by now - if I wanted to be rude to her!!!
Re: Pissed off
Ahhhh, I get it Chameli. You are right, she should have asked both of you, if she didn't, your husband should have had the courtesy to ask, if he didn't, he should understand that there are no secrets in marriage and told his sister so. But all that didn't happen.
Vent on...
Ahhhh, I get it Chameli. You are right, she should have asked both of you, if she didn't, your husband should have had the courtesy to ask, if he didn't, he should understand that there are no secrets in marriage and told his sister so. But all that didn't happen.
Vent on...
What your problem???
What your problem???
What he's saying is is that, you sound like the kind of person who needs to have everyone agree with you .
STOP VENTING!!! I think you need some time off gup shup. Go outside, take a walk, cook something, think happy thoughts, turn on the TV whatever. This venting about how you've been so wronged should not be going on for hrs. MAx. two minutes. Go read the thread "how should I respond" which talks about a lady with a sick child and a REALLY rude MIL. Be grateful for what you have.
Aww. That was cute, thanks rabia3983.
I’ve got too many but don’t think sharing every single one of them on this forum would get me anywhere in life, so don’t ask. 
You are wayyyyyyyyy more straight up. 
Well I am glad that you have someone who can support you so you dont need to share things here!
Re: Pissed off
^ Okay now I feel bad. :(
I guess I can just pray that you feel more supported in your life. Ameen.
^ Okay now I feel bad. :(
I guess I can just pray that you feel more supported in your life. Ameen.
Well there is no need to feel bad. You have a good supporting network so you can glady laugh at others who have lost theirs!!
Chameli420,
I think that it's very admirable of you to be patient with your sister-in-law and go out of your way to help her....even when she doesn't reciprocate. I agree with the points Choti Jaan and Chester have made. Your sister-in-law is not obligated to share everything with you. From now on u don't share every detail of your life with your sister-in-law either. That way you'd be less offended since there will be fewer reciprocal expectations in the regard of sharing life stories.
Chester suggested that you tell your husband to tell his sister that he will confirm plans with you (his wife) before doing any baby-sitting or other plans for his sister. I think that's a good idea and you should mention and emphasize this to your husband firmly but nicely. I don't know if your husband will follow the idea, but it is the least he could do since he's not offering much support otherwise.
Tell me this. Does your sis-in-law's new husband even KNOW that she has a son from a previous marriage? Or does she plan to surprise him with a step son? In this whole process, that little boy is getting hurt, Chameli. His mom doesn't even want him around when she meets her new husband. What kind of message is that going to send to the kid? Or maybe, his mom wants to talk to husband about some important things privately prior to introducing him to the little boy. Who knows? But this is a tough situation for the kid. And it's really nice of you and your husband to take care of him and give him gifts. During this time, someone from his family needs to be with him.
I just hope that your sis-in-law doesn't make a habit out of leaving her son at your house for babysitting. If you start getting that vibe in the near future, then you and your husband seriously need to address the issue with your sister-in-law and tell her that a child needs to be with his parents and she needs to take care of that responsibility. While the mamoo and mamani love and enjoy spending time with their nephew, they can't take the place of his parents.
If you have any major events (parties, trips, outings, etc) then remind your husband about them in advance, so that he can cancel any last minute requests his sister throws in his face. You should also let your inconsiderate sister-in-law know in advance that you have major plans for a certain date.....and hopefully she'll think twice before bothering you with her own responsibilities.
Try not to expect any returns from your sister-in-law. Maybe it's part of her personality to be self-centered. Some people don't realize that giving is also a part of a relationship, instead they only know how to take take take without realizing how they are affecting the other person. Believe me, there are people like that out there who are just unbelievably clueless about common sense things like this. But that shouldn't stop you and your husband from wanting to help others from the goodness of your hearts. You'll get your reward from Allah in return for all your kindnesses, you don't need to expect anything in return from your sister-in-law. And if you feel like you can't help out or don't feel like it, you're not obligated to. .....especially if it's someone who KEEPS ON BUGGING YOU FOR LAST MINUTE HELP. Just keep saying u're busy.....and eventually they will get the message and leave u alone.
Re: Pissed off
Chameli is your sister in law also dark-skinned/unattractive/overweight (any/all of the above)?
Even if the sister-in-law was the most beautiful woman in the world, it still doesn't give her the right to throw last minute requests at others, and drag others along with her without any consideration for occasional reciprocation.
I've seen beautiful people that are considerate and rude. And I've seen unattractive people that are very considerate and very rude.
Re: Pissed off
^ Yes u are so right
:D
Re: Pissed off
guys.... be easy on chameli. after readin all the posts she seems like someone who is really sensitive (and i can SO relate to that!!) only when ure this sensitive do u care abt others. in her case, she feels hurt that not only dus she hide stuff frm her she has the nerve to b downrite rude to her. there is smethin called basic ettiquettes that u follow even in frnt of strangers... and here we are talkin abt a SIL-Bhabi relation which shud have some respect atleast.
the kid dumpin part reminded me of my friend who faced a similar prb. this woman(jeethani) was v rude and blunt and say so many mean things to her all the time but at the same time she wud leave her kids with her. her kids are practically at my friends place all the time cus she so lovin and kind. so ppl use other ppl cus they dun SPEAK OUT!!! u need to speak out. this is what my friend is not doin rite. i keep tellin her shun her off. maybe u shud try doin that.
havin said that, please just forget this issue and move on. if someone is not tellin u stuff, honestly u cant do anything abt it except be nice and caring and try to spend some girly time with her.... do exactly what a DIL wud do with her MIL to make her happy. since u have to continue meeting her, its best advised that u try to b friendly with her rather than rude. otherwise it will only get worse!
Re: Pissed off
Chameli, When your SIL asked your hubby if you guys could take care of the kid, did he straight away say yes or did he ask you first and then said yes?
If the former, then I say your hubby's at fault. If he did ask you before confirming, then your SIL could be at fault, that too partly. ( she didn't know your hubby wasn't going to ask you :p)
She has her reasons to behave in whatever way atfront of her new husband. And if she doesn't tell you is not because she has something against you. Imagine, if you were in a sticky situation, would you ask your brother or his wife for advice or help?? Maybe you and SIL aren't on very friendly/open terms so she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you...
Plus, think about this > If you guys really had some commitment and couldn't take care of her son, your SIL would be less bruised (for lack of a better word) by her brother saying no to her, rather than her SIL.
Jis tarha woh aapki SIL hai, usi tarha aap uski SIL ho, ye rishta hi terha hai IMO. So dont blame your hubby at all. Men are silly when it comes to politics.
(My own answer doesn't convince me a whole lot, its these kinda situations which make me never get married... I rest my case. Hope you find peace Ameen)
Re: Pissed off
Chameli, there needs to be some clear and distinct guidelines between you and your husband first. Your SIL is a secondary matter...
As long as you and hubby are on the same page, she wont be a problem to handle. Make sure he knows what he has to do the next time she decides to get involved.