Pissed off

Lifestyle Relationships
61

Re: Pissed off

What you need is a holiday! Take that kid along with you cos' he needs a holiday too! :)

On a serious note, your sister in law sounds like mine. When I was a newly wed I was looking after her son of 1 years for eleven months while she went to work. It drove me mad why she would treat me like some babysitter as I had no experience in looking after a baby. My husband never forced me to look after his nephew but he didn't want to upset his sister either. I did it only b/c I felt sorry for that child whose Mum couldn't look after him. I kept my mouth shut and stayed patient. Now that child is so close to me and I felt like I did something good even though my SIL tries to keep that child away from me after noticing his unusual attachment to me.

If you don't get on well with your sister in law - then simply keep distance from her. Its best that way sometimes. I do this and it keeps things simple between us. Its better than being enemies and on none talking terms. You don't have to be impolite, or say anything to her - just keep a distance. Say the normal hello and bye and if she makes any sort of comment - simply ignore it. Smile and look away. It gets easy you know! Also, it sounds like she does you a favour by being so secreative about her personal life!

I feel sorry for your husband's nephew. If he is young etc then just look after him. Do it just for the sake that he is an innocent child who is probably confused by all this and his new step dad etc coming into his life.

Your hubby is in a difficult position. He doesn't know whose side to take as he wants to stay loyal to both his wife and sister. Be patient with him and don't expect him to speak up boldly to his sister for you - b/c he doesn't want to upset anyone. Don't complain to your father in law either...or anyone else. Just be patient.

Enjoy your life and try to stay happy. These things cause so much unnessary stress and problems.

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Re: Pissed off

I don't know how much you love your IL's and your hubby but from what I gathered your husband seems to prefer attending his sisters needs before yours?

Chameli, first of all cutoff with your SIL already. She won't tell you anything and you are better off keeping her away from you and your inner family. Second issue is your husband. Tell him straight forward that who comes closer to him, his dear wife or his stubborn and unpleasent sister? If he says both, then you really ought to get a stronger grip on the family and make some rules that satisfies and compromises between you and your husband's wishes. There is just so much he can do as a brother. Its rational if you tell him that he will seek your permission whenever his sister expects YOUR family to do something.

last and not least, just try getting a hard favor done out of your SIL and see how far she goes. Let your husband judge that for helping out.

Last but not least, once you are done doing with helping her out by taking care of his son and decide to cut off with her, remember this "Living well is the best revenge". i.e Do something that would make her jealous(only if you really care actually).

Bishounen Knight
Ali

63

whoa! yeh to larai dalnay wali bat hai. this comment itself sounds so fasadi.

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Re: Pissed off

I like Iggle's suggestion a lot...go on a holiday.

You need to get closer to your husband Chameli...its a must if you want this SIL out of your hair. Decisions cannot be made without you knowing about them. Its not right or proper.

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Re: Pissed off

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Thanks guys.

I have had a nice chat with my husband about this whole situation. That I feel that there is not a balance between what my SIL expects me to do for and what she actually does and how she behaves with me. Of course I don’t mind taking care of the kid but if she keeps misbehaving with me, she cant expect me to be nice to her either. Or when she cant treat me as a family member, she cant expect me to be like a family member either!!

My husband’s problem is that his way of suriviving conflicts has been to ignore them and just be nice to everyone. That why people around him havent had any limits so now they are behaving like that with me as well but when I try to put a limit it becomes very difficult for me.

I am not pissed off anymore. Rather hurt and dissappointed which I shouldn’t be cuz a person like her cannot do good for me anyways.

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sometimes the best option is [none of the available ones]...means...some situations die on their own if you don't keep them alive through ur thinking and attention. i know its not easy but you've got to do what you've got to do.

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Well thats how I have dealt with it so far. But sometimes its just hard. When ppl think that they can get away with rude behaviour and still make u do stuff for them.thats not just rude. That’s really bad tameezi.
On top if that its just so amazing that this same person is part of an Islamic organization teaching ppl how to be good!

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Araaay Chameli I know ppl think that their bhabhies are their servant.

Yes she is very Chalak that she ask her brother that way she want to make sure that you guys will do that and want to hurt you as she doesn't give importance to you.

What I would say it's all your husbands fault because he doesn't have guts to say that to her sister. Tell him or keep telling him that if she or him want you to do anything for your sister in law or anyone then they have to ask directly to you. I'm sure you are a good lady you won't ever refuse even you won't like to do.

How I knew that as your SIL know that you would do that that's why she is asking his brother. I think you always did whatever your SIL asked your hubby to do. No matter you liked it or not. She knows for sure that you gona do that.

She sounds selfish and mean person as she didn't tell even her family members that she married a guy from Pakistan.

Now you have to thing a girl who could be that mean to his own brother that she didn't tell she is going to marry then how could be she good for you?

Listen. Your hubby wont do burai of her sister if she would do anythig wrong. Do you know why? It will make him embarass himself in front of you.

Some or Most of the guys feel uncomfortable to accept the truth or reality that their sister or mother or father or brother are doing wrong to them and his wife.

If you love your husband don't try to embrass him.

What you have to do if you don't want to help your mean SIL tell your hubby clearly next time you are not going to baby sit or whatever if she doesn't ask you directly. I'm not her servant.

If he doesn't listen to you and agree to his sister himself then you don't help him at all and go to your parent or friends house to visit and let him do himself to give him a lesson. After that he sure will tell her sister to ask you directly.

Now I'll ask you to do yourself a favour no matter whom you help you will get reward from Allah. Keep helping her out of love one day insha Allah she will realize that you love her alot and always help whatever and whenever she needs.

Some times and some people think they brought a servent for whole family in the name of bahoo, bhabhi.

I know she must have been doing things for a long time now you can't stand it.

I agree with you that it would be no good to go to recieve her husband at airport and go meet him at home same day he will arrive.

Now think this way. They got married both of them would be excited to meet and have privacy. Remember your wedding day. You never know if his husband asked her to come alone and live alone on first meet.

I think I made some sense. Try to understand her side too. She was married and Islamically she is allowed to marry again and next time there is no need to ask family person or involve them as she is mature enough and indepent. As I think Islam allows. Hazrat Khateeja Alaihus salam proposed herself to Muhammad Sallaho Alaihi Wassallam.

Help her on her Suhaag raat. smiling.

Timepass - November 2012
Timepass - November 2012
70

3 are usually a crowd...especially on suhaag raats. norm is 2 ppl only. but if that can roll the ball for her then who are we to object.

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Re: Pissed off

make up an excuse that ur busy whenever she wants u to be babysitting after a while shell get the hint.Shes youre SIL ...who cares if she dosnt open up to you.. if she wants to keep her buisness to hrerself stop caring about her and life will become so much easier.:)

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Hi Chameli,

How are things going now? A little better? Any improvements? Have you told your husband that before agreeing to do any future babysitting for his sister, he should ask you about it first? If so, how did your husband respond to it?

Perhaps this will sound mean, sneaky, and manipulative. But let's face it, many of us are guilty of using this technique at various times in our lives to get our point across to the other party, and to display our seriousness about an issue. And SOMETIMES (maybe not all the time), but sometimes it can works! Chameli........how effective is a COLD SHOULDER with your husband?

Maybe he also doesn't stand up for you because deep down he feels that you WILL ALWAYA be NICE enough to ALWAYS do what his sister orders, ahem I mean requests you to do. Time to show him that it's not just a complaint you have, it's a serious issue!

You and your hubby need time to bond as a couple, you need time to go out watch a movie, eat at restaurants, or just chill at home ALONE. It's unfair of your sister-in-law to get in the way of that. And I hope that when YOU have kids of your OWN.....that your SISTER-IN-LAW will be nice enough to RETURN THE FAVORS and BABYSIT YOUR KIDS FOR YOU AS WELL!!!!!!!

Timepass - November 2012
Timepass - November 2012
73

Thanks, I feel much better now. SIL's husband arrived and we had the kid over. We gave him some gifts that he was really happy for.He has no clue that his step-father has arrived. I think he will find out tomorrow.I feel sorry for him!!

Before that, I had a nice chat with my husband. The minute I told him that his sister was not the problem here all his body language changed suddenly and he became relaxed. I told him that the problem here was the way he has been dealing with the situations SIL was creating. And that whatever his sister does is really not relevant to us as a couple as long as he was able to stand up for me when I needed it and that of course I understand that they as siblings need each other and ask each other to do small things but when SIL as been ignoring me in bigger things and still expect me to take care of her kid without even involving me at all I think it was too weird!
So I have told my husband to let her sister know next time such stuff happens that she can also ask me.

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Re: Pissed off

^ Wonderful! Inshallah, things will get better.

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Re: Pissed off

hmmmm why can't you ignore her? Pretend she doesn't even exist? Take care of the kid out of the goodness of your heart? For your husband?

I have two really evil aunts and for my dads sake I have ignored them and pretended they don't even exist for the past 15 or so years.

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Saieen baba ji tusi gul to wadi chungi karday ooo per nothing dies if you think or not as new thing start after one thing. Ppl like Chameli's SIL don't stop they keep doing one after another to hurt the person whom they become jealous of.

Chameli dear ppl who become jealous of you by any reason does that thing to keep ignoring you to make themselves happy.

Good to hear that you talk to your husband and now not pissed off any more.

You don't know I saw a girl whoe's all in laws don't give her a single lift since the first day. Always tried to get divorce from their son or brother. They always try no matter what and it's been 20 years of marriage. That girl don't say a single word to them neither her husband. They even make stories of lies and tell to her husband in front of her. At that time she doesn't say anything too. Her husbnd keep saying same thing what her sisters, brothers, father and mother says most of the time. But she doesn't change her behaviour she keep giving lot's of expensive gifts, keep loving them and herself keep giving them good advices to benefit them.

What she understand that they are all jealous of her and can't behave well to her because of jealousy.

Chameli you said that she your sister in law didn't ask or involve you guys. What her in laws did. They didn't even tell and invite her and her husband. So what she can complain? She don't complain to her husband as she don't want to hurt his feeling more. Can you understand how he would have felt when he found by her wife that his brothers and sisters got married and have kids and he didn't even know. How much he would have hurt by knowing this from her wife.

PPl are very mean these days. He was the brother who took care of whole family and let them have eduction and provide everything for them. They even kick him out of their house. Hide from them.

Now her mom passed away and it didn't hurt him that much he didn't cry even didn't felt that sad as much as he felt sad on his MIL death as she use to behave like he is her son and he use to behave like she is his mother.

All his life he always in front of her wife said my family is good they didn't do anything wrong as he was the chashm e deed gawah of everything.

The his mom died he said my mom said this and this to me and wife was amazed all his life he kept denying those things.

They In Laws forget Allah is there too. They have to behave well other wise they will be caught for that.

Allah sub ko hidayat day Ameen.

unse bahut kuch kehna hy mager