Physical Attraction

[Nutwer]

RedVelvet when you are right you are right…

I agree and advocate each and every word RV said. Wht Rv said is a major and serious issue in pakistani society.

The people putting her down would be probably those that are the beneficiaries of this occurence.

I know im ‘Nutwer’, but i also absolutely hate this double standardness our pakistani parents portray.

C’mon, dudes on this thread, you all know that each of ours first and major criteria is that the babe must be ‘hot’, and if shes not no matter how educated or good charactered she is, we go ‘next’?

So why the double-standardedness and attempts to brainwash the girls away from the thier right??

No girls is saying here that her proposal must look like arjun rampal,or he shud excel in every category.

What is being said is that females similar to males also have the instincts and need of some degree of physical attraction in thier mate.

And also if they are being chosen by any ‘man’ or ‘aunty’ for thier beauty then they also deserve to have the same right.

This marriage stigma is in operation everywhere, back home and resident.
And it sure pisses me off.

And I think Girls should take a stand for thier rights and not let anybody degrade or emotionally blackmail them into marrying people they for whatver reason do not want to.

and also due to the phenomena of how othwerwise unsatisfied married women start looking out for other men.

And snowy-winter i disagree that men are less endowed on the looks part. I feel that is just a argument projected to dissuade the women. Granted less men are endowed the facial beauty. But to women physical attractivness of a man is a broader aspect which also includes his height, physique, dressing, grooming etc.

didnt want to say this but:

power to RV.

:smackhead:

[Pseudonymous]

Re: Physical Attraction

^i didn't see this coming, i'm happy to see you understand.

[snowy_winter]

@redvelvet

^Snowy Winter

I never said that ALL girls from ALL educated families are married off to just anyone. I was talking about how many mothers (even those who are educated) who value blind obedience when it has the potential to fail big time.

I'm not trying to paint women as the victims here. I'm only addressing double standards that society has toward men and women/sons and daughters. And YES.........it IS a GIVEN that every girl is different............every family is different..........every situation is different. Some people (male or female/parents) are more shallow or open-minded than others. I get that. As mentioned earlier, I'm only talking about the double standards that are often seen......or that I've personallly observed.

If physical attraction is the SOLE factor that one consideres for marriage............then YES........that is shallow. But there's nothing wrong in wanting someont that you find physically compatible AND mentally/emotionally compatible as well. There's nothing wrong in wanting a little bit of everything. One should AT LEAST find their partner decent looking.

To ignore physical attraction entirely..........is not right either. And few people can manage to do so. Most of us are not built that way. We have an innate desire for attraction. For those who can rid themselves of this desire...........more power to them. But we deal with "attraction" on a daily basis. We're less inclined to eat something that doesn't look appealing. When we go shopping (for clothes, a car, furniture, home, etc)...............we do take into account the way that the product looks and whether or not we find it visually appealing and whether or not we find it compatible to our needs.

Am I trying to reduce human beings to mere objects? **NO, that is not my intention here. **Rather, I'm pointing out that since we deal with attraction on a regular basis in other aspects of our lives..........................it's unreasonable to eliminate it entirely from the rishta and marriage scenario. And it's silly to say that having the desire to find an attractive mate is shallow. IF that's the case........then we shouldn't have preferences regarding aesthetics in other areas of our lives as well.

And YES........to emphasize again.............character should also be considered.....and not solely appearance.

I absolutely agree with you !!

And yes, like I mentioned there has to be atleast some attraction between the couple to increase the probability of a happy life.

[Nutwer]

Re: Physical Attraction

Its not that i dnt understand Marwah.

All i said in my scnd last post was that which is factual.

The bottom line is: like you, Guys always talk and discuss about getting good-looking babes. And when it comes to real thing we do exactly that.

But Girls when it comes to real thing, often they end up going-out/marrying some ordinary/less than ordinary dude - where all the bigged up standards go down the drain (and often its the buffest girls with the worst boys)

So i feel its kind of ironic and hypocritical from females when threads or discussions of this kind are initiated.

[Maula_Daad]

Re: Physical Attraction

sorry to say, pretty dumb Q

even in arranged marriages ppl exchange pictures and in some cases see each other and if they find the other party attractive enf, they say yes. If a marriage is being forced on the couple then there is not much of a choice left, hunn

[PatriotX]

Re: Physical Attraction

^ very true. the attraction criteria is actually an easier aspect in an arranged marriage compared to compatibility and other factors, either u find one attractive or you just don't, no rocket science there.

[ria]

Re: Physical Attraction

I agree with you PatriotX

[kerrigwen]

Re: Physical Attraction

I have a somewhat related issue, and I didn't want to start a new thread yet.

I'm newly married, it hasn't been two months just yet.

My husband is alhamdulillah a great guy. <3

I don't find myself physically attracted to him at all. At all. In the first couple of weeks we made out, and tried to consummate the marriage a couple of times ... I always felt very, very uncomfortable with it all. I don't know if it's because Ramadan started the same week we moved into our apartment, or something else - but we've just not been intimate for almost a month now.

I don't know what to do, and it's weighing on my mind a lot. I don't like seeing him frustrated about it (and he clearly is), but at the same time I can't make myself just ... want him that way.

Any advice?

Maybe I should mention, I'm a generally introverted person, and I find it annoying when he calls me weird nicknames and asks me what I'm thinking or tweaks my nose. He knows I find it annoying but he does it anyway.

We get along very well, I just don't think we have a lot in common. :-(

[Nutwer]

Re: Physical Attraction

If you were not attracted to him why did you agree to marry him u fart.

However I bet he made sure you were attractive to him.

[MIAinVA]

Re: Physical Attraction

^ Thats not a very nice thing to say. Shame on you Nutwer

[kerrigwen]

Because it was a good match. He's not odious-looking or anything, he's kind of cute actually. He's a good Muslim, with good character, and that was important to me.

He does find me attractive. I don't know if it'd be easier or harder if he didn't, but right now I'm just wondering what I'm going to do about satisfying him without freaking myself out.

We live in a pretty much all-white town too, not like we can go out on dates or anything, especially this time of year.

And please don't call me or anyone else 'fart' or any other rude names, thanks.

[MIAinVA]

Re: Physical Attraction

IMO its all a state of mind. I think you're stressed out about the whole thing..... Relax and give it time if you can. Maybe watch some nice romantic movies with him. Create a romantic ambiance.... having light music on helps a lot. Don't THINk too much :)

[Nutwer]

Re: Physical Attraction

^Nutwer apologizes.

goodnte all

[ajuba]

Re: Physical Attraction

Kerrigwen
I was in the same situation when I got married..........we didn't end up consummating the marriage for years. It was horrible. we even went to a psychiatrist, which didn't realy help.
Bottom line - if you don't feel sexually attracted to some1 you shouldn't marry them. if they have lots of other good qualities then great be firends with them but not m,arriage.
Anyway, too late now. My adivce to you - just let him do it to you, Once you've done it once it will be much easier after that. But first time round forget about hopw you feel just let him get on with it!

[Deeba1234]

Kerrigwen I was in the same situation when I got married..........we didn't end up consummating the marriage for years. It was horrible. we even went to a psychiatrist, which didn't realy help. Bottom line - if you don't feel sexually attracted to some1 you shouldn't marry them. if they have lots of other good qualities then great be firends with them but not m,arriage. Anyway, too late now. My adivce to you - just let him do it to you, Once you've done it once it will be much easier after that. But first time round forget about hopw you feel just let him get on with it!

Exactly. Ppl need to realise marriage is supposed to be an intimate relationship, not merely a normal everyday friendship. Those who marry a person with absolutely zero attraction or spark in this day and age are more than likely going to run into problems later. Girls, Do NOT put yourselves into these situations!! It is not smart to step into what is prob going to be a loveless/dead/marriage of convenience, to kid urselves into thinking everything is ok or to do it to try and keep family members happy. They are not the ones who are going to have to be sleeping with hubby, are they??

[raheelmushtaq]

Re: Physical Attraction

it is somewhat important but not so much that you forget about the other things

[njgal]

**How does that come into play within the confines of an Arranged Marriage ? **

Everyone says how important it is to have a degree of attraction to the person you want to marry but how can one be physically attracted or even develop any kind of attraction perforce within such a short span of time !

rv said it best - I think you know in an instant whether you are attracted to someone or not.

To keep the attraction going after marriage is another topic.. I also think that's important.

[zena_uk]

Re: Physical Attraction

All my girlfriends that got forced to marry men they disliked, have basically been forced to take anti-depressents by inlaws just to numb there misery. My recently divorced friend told me how just looking at her husband made her sick (he was seriously obese and ate like an animal) and that she would lie like a corpse in bed while her hubby just climbed on and did his business. In the end (after many suicide attemts) they just sent her home to her parents for been 'mad'.
If only her parents had respected her choice she would not now be known in the community as a 'crazy divorcee with sexual problems'.

[MIAinVA]

Re: Physical Attraction

^ Thats horrible :(

[Nutwer]

Re: Physical Attraction

^ It shows the importance of women not being emotionally loose in giving into guys.

Must be rational cos studs like me are out dere.

But u cant have everithing. I mean im a stud who know understands women. But then you ladies also want men with 15 properties and 15 cars and ive only got one of each at current.