Re: Physical Attraction
Thank God our parent's generation did not have GS... otherwise, we might not have been born.
I have heard that MV and I've seen it as well......where the moms can sometimes be more picky than their sons.
At the same time.....I HAVE also heard guys say that they want their partner to have such and such physical attributes.
I'm not comparing the guys and the girls, here MV. The purpose of my previous post was to point out** the difference in mentality that elders have toward their sons and daugthers.** I've seen it many times where parents will try to convince their daugther to say yes to a rishta she doesn't find physically attractive. However........parents will go easy on their sons if they choose to reject someone because they don't feel an attraction.
For example......parents might want a patli larki for their son. But if their daugther is not attracted to a rishta that is over-weight..........you get responses like "koi baat nahin beta, after marriage you can help him lose weight."
Let me say that I KNOW physical appearance is NO indication of one's character. You could be a perfect 10 on the outside.........and your personality can be below a zero.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What one person finds attractive.....the next person may not. However........parents should understand that physical attraction is a part of human nature present in both genders.
I've heard of girls being told by their mums after they've wanted to turn a guy down due to there being no attraction 'why are u so picky, do u think ur so beautifull yourself??'
I can't imagine a son ever being told this by his mother (on the contrary they're usually hyped up as being 'soooooooo handsome' even when they're distinctly average), like u said there is generally much less pressure for them to have to 'settle' for someone they aren't attracted to.
Re: Physical Attraction
Physical attraction is important to both men and women i believe. sometime its over personality that counts and attracts without the strict rules of physical features attraction.
I've heard of girls being told by their mums *after they've wanted to turn a guy down due to there being no attraction 'why are u so picky, do u think ur so beautifull yourself??' *
I can't imagine a son ever being told this by his mother (on the contrary they're usually hyped up as being 'soooooooo handsome' even when they're distinctly average), like u said there is generally much less pressure for them to have to 'settle' for someone they aren't attracted to.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FRICIN TRUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Isn't is soooooooooooooo sad how a mother won't hesitate to PUT DOWN her own daugther just because she doesn't feel attracted to someone? Hello Mommy..............your daughter is a human being............and like ALL human beings...............she has the natural desire to want someone she feels attracted to. Just because your daughter rejected a guy because she's not attracted to him DOES NOT mean that she thinks that the guy does not have good character and it DOES NOT mean that she thinks of HERSELF as a beauty queen. It simply means she doesn't feel attracted to him. So as a mother...........why the hell can't you accept such a natural instinct in your daughter? Why must you put her down and tell her that she's not pretty enough? NO PARENT should say that to their own child. People might comment negatively on the looks of another person. People might make broad comments that they don't feel attracted to a particular person. And their decisions and feelings should be respected. But a PARENT should** NEVER** put their own child down for his/her looks. What would such a parent gain from forcing/pressuring/emotionally blackmailing/guilting their daughter into marrying and spending her life with someone she feels absolutely no attraction for???????????????
This really upsets me. The same parents will compliment their sons on being such handsome studs no matter how many flaws he has. Why boost the confidence of your son unnecessarily and hurt the self-esteem of your own daugther???????? Why??????? Why look for fair-skinned.....super skinny.........super young.........girls for your sons no matter how average looking he might be???????????? And then you ask your daugther to make compromises about a guy because she feels no attraction for him. "Beta, he'll lose weight after marriage." I'm sorry......but losing weight is no easy task. And many people (MEN AND WOMEN) become very** LAX** about their health after marriage and end up packing on the pounds as opposed to losing them. "Beta, that's okay. You can teach him how to dress and do his hair." What are you? His personal stylist? "**Beta, don't worry. After marriage you won't notice his physical features at all. They will disappear from your view. And you will NATURALLY develop an attracation toward him." **And what if that attracation fails to develop even after the marriage......and your child feels trapped.......and starts getting distracted by other people????????? A wedding day is stressful enough as it is BUT it should still ultimately be memorable in a positive way. Do parents feel content knowing that their daugthers are not feeling happing about their wedding day because they feel pressured/guilted into marrying someone they have no desire to. Is such blind or forced obedience an admirable quality?
Why do parents NEVER give such "reasonings" to their sons??????? "Koi baat nahin puttar........your wifey will lose weight after marriage. And even if she doesn't........you tell her how to dress nicely. And even if that doesn't work, don't worry puttar. You'll automatically start loving her after marriage." Well, there's no guarantee that will happen.
I have ACTUALLY seen this happen. Just because a girl does not feel attracted to a particular rishta does not mean that she thinks of herself as Aishwarya Rai..........it simply means she feels nothing. It also does not mean that she's looking for a guy who resembles an Adonis. Perhaps she's looking for someone that she feels compatible with on a physical level AS WELL as an emotional level. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have both aspects in a relationship. Even if the girl's parents and the rest of the world think her partner is ugly...................AT LEAST...............she should find him attractive.
Re: Physical Attraction
^once again, i agree with every word you said!
Re: Physical Attraction
Believe it or not.................................another DISGUSTING comment that I've heard aunties say is*............"Oh my daughter is so obedient. She would marry any guy I handed her over to."*
I kid you not. I've ACTUALLY heard such comments. Can you believe that? Educated aunties bragging about such obedience in their daughters. "My daugther would agree to marry any guy that me and her father choose to bind her to."
That's sick! Out of ALL the things that a mother can choose to brag about in regards to her daughter................she chooses THIS?
And GOD FORBID..........what if the guy that mommy has chosen for her daughter turns out to be a TOTAL DOUCHE BAG.................would mommy STILL go around bragging about her daughter's blind obedience to the other aunties? Or would she then feel some shame that her plan fizzled and popped????????
Such bragging is not something to be proud of. If you want to brag about something.......brag about how intelligent your daugther is.........or how independent and strong she is.............or how good her character is. It's sick to brag about how angelic and blindly obedient your lado rani is.
Bragging about how your daugther would have married any guy you thrust her hands into...............reduces her to CATTLE. MOOOOO!
Re: Physical Attraction
RV honey its time to move on.
Pick some more serious issue ppl have in their lives, learn about them and help them.
Quit wasting time on some thing so useless.
Re: Physical Attraction
i know! they're like "isko mein jo bhi kahoon, ye to kuch bolti hi nahi :)" and they're SO proud. but i do think that the majority of aunties who say things like that aren't educated or they've grew up in a home where obedience like that is praised.
RV honey its time to move on. Pick some more serious issue ppl have in their lives, learn about them and help them. Quit wasting time on some thing so useless.
PM sweetie........................there's nothing wrong in discussing various angles of an issue. These double standards ARE issues in our society. Hello.........what planet do you live on?
And how do you suggest I should spend my time? Should I go around bashing the men ...............as YOU............go around bashing and negatively stereotyping and mocking ALL WOMEN in practically EVERY thread? Is that productive use of time in your opinion????????????
So, don't tell me how to spend my time.
Re: Physical Attraction
^RV, save your breath. i don't think anyone expects a post that actually makes sense from him.
i know! they're like "isko mein jo bhi kahoon, ye to kuch bolti hi nahi :)" and they're SO proud. but i do think that the majority of aunties who say things like that aren't educated or they've grew up in a home where obedience like that is praised.
Marwah........I overheard an educated aunti (who is a professional)......make such comments about her daughter to other aunties at a gathering. Her own daugther is highly educated.
Stupidity CAN transcend education, class, and location.
^RV, save your breath. i don't think anyone expects a post that actually makes sense from him.
LOL, I know Marwah. I just wanted to remind him of it.
Re: Physical Attraction
ok my mistake,
I thought you could do some serious good to ppl.
Chalo it will take you some time to see it.
happy posting :)
Re: Physical Attraction
RV… i agree with you 100% :k:
Believe it or not.................................another DISGUSTING comment that I've heard aunties say is*............"Oh my daughter is so obedient. She would marry any guy I handed her over to."*
I kid you not. I've ACTUALLY heard such comments. Can you believe that? Educated aunties bragging about such obedience in their daughters. "My daugther would agree to marry any guy that me and her father choose to bind her to."
That's sick! Out of ALL the things that a mother can choose to brag about in regards to her daughter................she chooses THIS?
And GOD FORBID..........what if the guy that mommy has chosen for her daughter turns out to be a TOTAL DOUCHE BAG.................would mommy STILL go around bragging about her daughter's blind obedience to the other aunties? Or would she then feel some shame that her plan fizzled and popped????????
Such bragging is not something to be proud of. If you want to brag about something.......brag about how intelligent your daugther is.........or how independent and strong she is.............or how good her character is. It's sick to brag about how angelic and blindly obedient your lado rani is.
Bragging about how your daugther would have married any guy you thrust her hands into...............reduces her to CATTLE. MOOOOO!
Well, as long as are having a nice and mature discussion, I would like to point out some deficiencies in 'some' of the girls and their moms who belong to the other end of the spectrum.
The girls gets a rishta of a nice, educated, decent, good looking guy but he's not that rich. The girls will be boasting next day to her friend I rejected him because he didn't belong to MY class... see how classy I am. And the girl's mom would be bragging to her friends "Jee uss bechare ki to pay hi sirf 50000 thee itne main to bechara sirf meri honey ke clothes khareedta"
Another scenario. Some girls are over-obsessed with physical attraction and reject good rishtas just to marry a great looking playboy. You see, nature has a way that guys are in general less good looking than girls. So judging a guy just by his physical attractiveness seems really shallow. I think what he has acheivedi in his life, his characters etc should also count. There obviously needs to be some physical attraction in the guy for the girl, but I have seen way too many girls getting either ruined by "being cosy" with good looking douchebags, or marrying great looking playboys. Hence, I think physical attraction is one factor and should be considered, but some girls take it too far
Bye the way, I seriously disagree that girls are forced to marry just anyone in educated families. Its become very rare from what I have observed in the past couple of years.
mujhe to Khoobsoorat haath aur paauuN bahooot azeez haiN...maiN jab bhii dekhuuNgaa koi laRkii shaadii ke liye to merii shart hogii k jis din amiN aauuN dekhne ke liye us din dastaane [gloves] yaa moze [socks] na pahneN vo. aur bhii chand ek baateN haiN jaise kalaaiyaaN bhar bhar chooRiyaaN aur mehndi lage haath aur nail polish lage dast o paa aur haN siDol se baazoo :)
lol, i find it all just so funny...the way he wrote it, couldn't understand some of the word's meanings... :S
^Snowy Winter
I never said that ALL girls from ALL educated families are married off to just anyone. I was talking about how many mothers (even those who are educated) who value blind obedience when it has the potential to fail big time.
I'm not trying to paint women as the victims here. I'm only addressing double standards that society has toward men and women/sons and daughters. And YES.........it IS a GIVEN that every girl is different............every family is different..........every situation is different. Some people (male or female/parents) are more shallow or open-minded than others. I get that. As mentioned earlier, I'm only talking about the double standards that are often seen......or that I've personallly observed.
If physical attraction is the SOLE factor that one consideres for marriage............then YES........that is shallow. But there's nothing wrong in wanting someont that you find physically compatible AND mentally/emotionally compatible as well. There's nothing wrong in wanting a little bit of everything. One should AT LEAST find their partner decent looking.
To ignore physical attraction entirely..........is not right either. And few people can manage to do so. Most of us are not built that way. We have an innate desire for attraction. For those who can rid themselves of this desire...........more power to them. But we deal with "attraction" on a daily basis. We're less inclined to eat something that doesn't look appealing. When we go shopping (for clothes, a car, furniture, home, etc)...............we do take into account the way that the product looks and whether or not we find it visually appealing and whether or not we find it compatible to our needs.
Am I trying to reduce human beings to mere objects? **NO, that is not my intention here. **Rather, I'm pointing out that since we deal with attraction on a regular basis in other aspects of our lives..........................it's unreasonable to eliminate it entirely from the rishta and marriage scenario. And it's silly to say that having the desire to find an attractive mate is shallow. IF that's the case........then we shouldn't have preferences regarding aesthetics in other areas of our lives as well.
And YES........to emphasize again.............character should also be considered.....and not solely appearance.
Believe it or not.................................another DISGUSTING comment that I've heard aunties say is*............"Oh my daughter is so obedient. She would marry any guy I handed her over to."*
Many parents say that and its to show how obedient their daughter is. That does not mean that they are going to exercise that authority.
I've heard of girls being told by their mums after they've wanted to turn a guy down due to there being no attraction 'why are u so picky, do u think ur so beautifull yourself??'
I can't imagine a son ever being told this by his mother (on the contrary they're usually hyped up as being 'soooooooo handsome' even when they're distinctly average), like u said there is generally much less pressure for them to have to 'settle' for someone they aren't attracted to.
lol thats so true deeba. I feel we all have same stories at home.
I heared my mom telling me the same thing, whenever I made faces at some proposal... " tum khud bari khubsurat ho? Tumharay liye koi shehzada asmaaan se uthray ga? "and i tell her, may be, who knows. This follows a chapaath.
But well my mother has always always taken myside.... she says at the end, zindagi tum ne guzarni hai. nahin passand tou na karo......... :D
Many parents say that and its to show how obedient their daughter is. *That does not mean that they are going to exercise that authority.
*
Hmmm.........true. It does not "necessarily" mean that ALL parents are going to exercise that authority. But we do know that there ARE some parents who believe they DO have the authority......and don't hesitate to exercise it.
But seriously......say the "compliment" to yourself TLK........does it sound intelligent? Does it sound flattering? I would feel like a mindless animal incapable of thinking and making decisions.........if someone complimented my blind obedience. It doesn't flattering at all.
And parents can choose to compliment obedience in other areas instead......such as housework.......or taking care of siblings......etc etc......that actually sound GOOD and even HEALTHY.
By equating submission in marriage to "goodness"..........it only goes to show how our desi society (or at least some people in our society) think that the ULTIMATE and BEST OBEDIENCE that a girl can show..........is agreeing to marry whomever her parents choose without question or complaint. And that's wrong.
Once again..........I'm not saying that ALL parents are like this.