People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

[Knight30]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

@redvelvet

Op, your daughter's friend is a trespassing deviant who littered your home with garbage that will require a rather expensive and monumental effort to remove. Please report her to the cops. But before doing so, make sure to rip off her face so the cops think you acted in self-defense after she attacked you with the loaf of bread she bought you.

If you had a child and someone fed her bread with pork lard in it what will you do, everyone has the right of choose.

[redvelvet]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

@Knight30

If you had a child and someone fed her bread with pork lard in it what will you do, everyone has the right of choose.

Is OP's daughter being fed bread with pork lard in it? Has this girl acted in a way that threatens the OP's life or religious beliefs? Why not give advice applicable to the OP's situation instead of blowing the matter way out of proportion?

[Knight30]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

@redvelvet

Is OP's daughter being fed bread with pork lard in it? Why not give advice applicable to the OP's situation.

Is invasion of personal space a very foreign concept for you, going into the house without her permission is trespassing in the least. trespassing of personal space is a crime also.

[redvelvet]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

Knight, just arm yourself with a leaf blower and blast away all the personal space invaders, the neech, the ghattiya, the environmental polluters, the hypocrites, and the scum of the earth. :k:

[Knight30]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

^^No one will ever enter my house without the adult occupants consent.

[redvelvet]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

@Knight30

^^No one will ever enter my house without the adult occupants consent.

Mubarak. And if you arm yourself with a leaf blower and stand across the threshold of your castle, no one dare enter it much less cast their gaze upon it.

[ekumunng]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

OP why don't you invite that family to your home for a nice lunch/dinner/tea, show them around your home and tell them you don't need their help.

[Knight30]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

@redvelvet

Mubarak. And if you arm yourself with a leaf blower and stand across the threshold of your castle, no one dare enter it much less cast their gaze upon it.

I have guard dog Snow Ball will lick the intruders to death!!Haha

https://scontent-a-sea.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/t31.0-8/1980218_10203014334494601_7526786548417174658_o.jpg

[redvelvet]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

Nice, nice. So you have a noble steed.

[Miea]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

Erm, what groceries did she buy for you?

[Knight30]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

@Mezhgan

In my opinion, everyone looking far too deeply into this. Although they were mistaken, the family obviously had good intentions. Honestly, I find some of these comments rather off putting. Given your response, I wouldn't be surprised if the family thought twice before trying to help someone after this. This is type of overreaction that keeps people from wanting to help others. God forbid you ever really need something.

I don't know if this is cultural, but simply because someone gives you something it, it does not mean that they are implying that you have financial problems. A neighbour of ours quite likes to bake and often gives us cupcakes, biscuits, scones and other sweets she prepares. As she is kind enough to think of us, I also give her cupcakes, biscuits, toffee and other sweets that I prepare. It has nothing to do with anyone's financial state.

With all my training in dealing with people the cardinal sin is making assumptions, my wife helps a lot of families but she always asks for permission and she would get a list from people as to what they need, It is absolutely a choice and personal space situation. The world is becoming a complicated place. Some old people I deal with are fiercely independent and any sign of patronizing offends them deeply.

[eastern11]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

OP , I do see where you are coming from. It would hurt your pride if people saw you as needy where you clearly are not and that's quite understandable.

Now regarding why they did it, the way you have described some of the Pakistani community living there, most have a cliche view of a divorced single parent Pakistani woman. They want to help but don't want their kid to visit and associate with "modern" people. Thier intention to help you was good though misguided. It's one of those situations where no one is wrong really. However, you did the right thing by being polite as some might even get mad at the giver. They probably got mad because you refused their help.

Be the bigger person and move on. I have divorced friends here in the US and some of the community treats them awfully.

[redvelvet]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

^That. I was wondering if their standoffish attitude had something to do with you being divorced.

[Southie]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

Steed mhanje knighted dog?

[TLK]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

If they refused to take money, asked them to name their preferred charity organization so you can donate money on their behalf so they can get the sawaab.

[Sahdia77]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

@redvelvet

Sahdia, your daughter's friend is a trespassing deviant who littered your home with garbage that will require a rather expensive and monumental effort to remove. Please report her to the cops. But before doing so, make sure to rip off her face so the cops think you acted in self-defense after she attacked you with the loaf of bread she bought you, unaware of your wheat allergies. Now, if your daughter had informed her of these allergies, kick the charge up a few notches to attempted 1st degree murder. There, that should teach her a lesson!!!

You meant it as sarcasm or irony, yet shockingly, some people here actually did that or tried to do that to us: making false accusations against us in a different situation and exaggerating everything in efforts to give us much trouble with varying results. I was shocked, but there actually really are people of different ages who do this to other innocent people. I don't understand the need of certain people to make false accusations towards someone who hasn't harmed them.

And I wanted to add to everyone, that child had my permission to enter my home even in my absence if she wanted to. I have given my children full permission to bring their friends home after school (as long as they treat my children well of course). My son does it most often, they usually play a game on a playstation or watch a movie. Sometimes my children bring a child home who I've never met before. Then we meet each other at that moment. It's nice and I like most friends they bring. The friends of my children are welcome in our home. That's an important point for me, to let my children have that.

The child who insisted we're poor and need her groceries wasn't trespassing. She entered our home briefly for the first time when she put groceries there. (yet she still refuses to really visit us and stay for a while, since that is still forbidden to her by her family) My daughter was with her. She said as her friend kept insisting and didn't believe her, she let her do that to stop the discussion as there was no use trying to convince her friend when she really believed she was right. My daughter was there. That child is not a criminal. She didn't break in my home. And she is my fellow Muslimah, and a fellow Pakistani, she knows we are Muslims too, there was no haram food. She just took items from her home and gave them to us. This is why my first reaction was: 'how kind and how sweet'. Then when I was told everything, another thought was added 'how bizar she doesn't believe we do have enought money to buy groceries, but it's just as bizar that's she has been asking for weeks the details of our finances, oh well, never mind, still kind to try to help someone, even if in this case it wasn't needed.'

I don't think the child herself meant harm. However her family reacts, she herself has been nice, she was certainly not a criminal in this case.

[Sasha21]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

Op it seems that the wierd parents have instilled some good values in their daughter. It is the parents who r now viewing u as a charity case and not as equals and maybe that's why they r trying to not mix with u. The grocery part could have been an honest mistake but them ignoring u is very intentional, that is the rude part. And it was very noble of u to be accepting of their groceries mistake and perfectly acceptable to be offended by their snubbing u at school. You also have to know that for u buying groceries when u get money might be normal but for them having to wait to be paid to buy groceries in itself puts u in the needy category.

If they are refusing to listen to u I'd write a note with everything down, leaving out the fact that u were waiting to b paid the next day in order to buy groceries. You can just say that u buy them that day of the week cuz its better for u schedule. You can say that u appreciate their generosity but that it would be more rewarding for them if they helped out a family who was really in need. You can then tell them that they have a really nice and sweet daughter and ur daughter enjoys her company. You r also very happy that ur daughter has found a friend who is from a good family and trust them both (the girls) to be positive influences for each other and blah blah blah that they should hang out together at each others homes more often. And u can say that whenever she comes next to drop her daughter at ur house u would love to have her (mom) over for tea.

[Lusi]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

I don't think you need to explain anything to them. It seems like their behavior is bothering you alot. Make a donation to masjid or some organization. Attach the receipt with a thank you note stating you appreciate their thoughtfulness, however, you did not need the help. You have made a donation on their name. In future, if they have any concern, you prefer them communicating with you then leaving groceries/goods/money at your door.

[Sahdia77]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

It's strange to me that when a person isn't rich (anymore), suddenly that person isn't viewed as equal? Our prophet Muhammad (saww) wasn't always rich, he and the sahaba (ra) and his family were very poor during part of their life. So, since this family doesn't like someone whom they accuse of being a charity case, they wouldn't have liked the prophet and sahabi either when they had less or even truly nothing? And certain sahabi's were even divorced too. Hey, the prophet himself almost became a divorcee when he wanted to divorce from Hazrat Sawda (ra). So this family would have had many reasons to dislike the sahabi (ra) etc. That's impossible as a Muslim. I think it's interesting for all of us to think about these things and see how we all behave. And when the prophet and sahabi (ra) did have the chance to be rich, they declined and always treated all people equally, be they poor temporary or for always, be they middle class or be they people who have just enough or rich.

My children and I have just enough. That's our category. We're not rich. Yet, there was a time in my life when I did have more than enough money, but even then I had some friends who were amongst my best friends who had much much less than me, to me they were still equals. I've experienced both sides, having more than enough money, and nowadays just having enough.

When I had more than enough money, I had a terrible personal life. I wouldn't want to go back to that time. Now, after being divorced and living on my own with my children, I'm much happier, we always have fun, not just together, also in our own ways, life is alhamdulilah. If I could choose, I'd still choose this situation, even with narrow minded people being rude towards us without a real humane reason.

I'm happy I found out in time, because I'd rather not associate much with narrowminded people. Not just people who dislike my children and me for not being rich or because I chose to divorce and live alone, but I'd also rather not associate much with people who are racist for no other reason than hating someone who is different, nor do I want to associate much with Islamophobes, Jew haters, Homophobes, Neo-Nazi's, etc. If one can talk and reason with these narrowminded people, I'd give them a chance, if not, no thank you. I'd rather not associate with them.

[Sahdia77]

Re: People who force groceries on you while you have enough money to buy them

@Lusi

I don't think you need to explain anything to them. It seems like their behavior is bothering you alot. Make a donation to masjid or some organization. Attach the receipt with a thank you note stating you appreciate their thoughtfulness, however, you did not need the help. You have made a donation on their name. In future, if they have any concern, you prefer them communicating with you then leaving groceries/goods/money at your door.

Thank you very much, that is a great solution. For now, it's done. if it ever happens again in the future, then I'll follow this advice insha Allah. I do hope I won't need it though. :)