Past Stuff

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Past Stuff

No, I am not asking them to disclose their past but this that why they are so cool with girl’s past & by past I mean sleeping around, clubbing, dating etc

22

Re: Past Stuff

For some people life is slightly more complicated than the virginity of their partners. These days the priority should be finding a decent, understanding, intelligent wife who could be a good life partner and a great mother to raise kids as good human beings and in my view these qualities can be found in both types of girls (i.e. virgin or non-virgin).

I’m not saying that girls who sleep around have these qualities, but the reality is slightly more complicated than this simple metric. The decision will matter on the person and when you are sure that other aspects of her personality are strong. When in doubt, take a step back or even move on. Overall marriage is a gamble in itself especially for people who go for arranged marriage route. Use your judgement, make a decision and stick to it.

23

Re: Past Stuff

If someone has not been doing these things he won’t be so cool about it.

24

Re: Past Stuff

I don’t get it? non-virgin here doesn’t mean divorced/widowed. It refers to the sleeping around character trait.

25

Re: Past Stuff

I did not mean widow or divorced either. The character trait of sleeping around is found among pros and surely I’ll not consider a pro as potential wife.

26

Re: Past Stuff

did you mean someone who doesn’t do it for a fee? or someone who does it just a couple of times?

27

Re: Past Stuff

Listen man, let me give you an example from this forum.

There is a post here where the brother of the OP has been physically involved with a girl for many years. Now they want to get married but the guys parents are not agreeing. The guy is not man enough to at least give that relation a respectable status of marriage and take that girl as his wife. Pretty sure he will honor the parents wish and marry his virgin cousin.

That girl hasn’t been sleeping around with half of the city, she was only committed to one person but now things are not looking good. This girl clearly has a past but she is not a pro or was into it for fun.

Now that girl is *someone *that I meant! Clear now?

28

Re: Past Stuff

Why would anyone do it but for fun? She wasn’t forced into it. I get your point though. Being in a committed relationship is different from being a happy bed hopper.

29

Re: Past Stuff

That’s why one should refrain from getting physical before marriage, committed or not committed, it’s not halal. If you are committed with someone that doesn’t mean you just start sleeping with him/her.

And that dude from other thread, if he really wanted to get married to her, he would have done that long ago, he is just using his parents as excuse to get rid of her.

Mannn what is happening to people’s morals these days. Do people have any boundaries/limits?

30

Re: Past Stuff

I do not agree with what she did but that’s life and there are more grey areas than black and white!

31

So girls should overlook a guy’s finances, his looks, his education, his living situation and that he is attached to his mother’s apron but a guy cannot overlook her past? And furthermore if a guy sleeps around its okay because boys will be boys but a female cannot because she’s doing it for fun.

If things like virginity matter to someone then that someone should also be capable of giving her exactly what she wants as well. She should be able to ask how much you make and wish for a separate home.

32

Re: Past Stuff

I agree with you totally. If he really loved her, he should have given her respect by marrying her first.
Sleeping around is no small thing. Its not like u broke a glass, and say oh sorry I am not going to do it again.

33

Re: Past Stuff

Apples to Apples please.

Character Traits are character Traits
Guy not sleeping around = Girl not sleeping around
Guy decent, respectful,cultured = Girl decent, respectful, cultured

Looks, Financial situation are not indicators of character :slight_smile:

34

Re: Past Stuff

I don’t think anyone is condoning or promoting a promiscuous, liberal lifestyle for either girls or guys or in any way saying that it is acceptable. Instead what they seem to be saying is as follows:

  • Judgement of the sin is up to Him and Him alone.
  • There may be circumstances when overlooking the sin is the for the best - which actually comes back to the idea, that judgement of the sin is for Him alone.

I don’t think many people would go out there and actively look for someone with a promiscuous past, but if they met someone like that, they would look at who that individual was now and base their decision on that person’s current character and compatibility.

Oh, and “guys with a past” are not unusual - and girls are expected to overlook it, because after all - it was just boys being boys.

35

Re: Past Stuff

Promiscuous, liberal lifestyle? Since when did promiscuous get associated with liberal?

A conservative or a liberal can be promiscuous or not. Promiscuity does not have much to do with whether one is liberal or not.

The word liberal has been misused not just here.

36

Re: Past Stuff

Those guys don’t have any standards.

Even though it’s allowed in Islam to marry a divorced woman but that’s only in case of Halal marriage not haram hookups.

So guys who go for that are actually going for something else, that can be wealth, a visa or anything of that sort. And the worse case could be he fell in love with a hoe, yes I said it :slight_smile: