As most of you know, I’ve got a little fella in Junior KG, who’s 4 years old.
The other day I learned that there’s a boy in his class, and he’s been in the hospital for some time now. I went to the Dollar store the other day, and Musa asked to get a card for him to send to the hospital. Apparently, this little boy’s parents just found out some three weeks back that he has leukemia. Things got worse when he got a cold, and that turned into pneumonia. On Friday, I learned that he passed away
It came as such a shock to me. A little four year old boy gone just like that. I can’t even to begin to imagine what his parents are going through and what they must be thinking. Within one month, he’s gone. I mean can the doctor’s not pick this up? (I have so much ranting to do about doctors and how they never know what the heck is going on) May Allah always keep our children safe and healthy. May no parent ever have to go through something like that.
Musa’s school has sent home a letter informing the parents of the boy’s death, and asking parents to explain to children in their own terms as to what has happened.
Now the children know that he was in the hospital and he was sick. My question is…how would you talk to a 4 year old about their class friend passing away? Have any parents had to explain something like this to their children before?
I have some ideas as to how to go about it..just thought maybe someone had some advice or some other ideas that would be helpful.
smilestar, I have had to explain the death of an oder person, but never a child. I would be so hesitant to go into details, but you know, children talk and could find out from their friends. Maybe you can tell Musa that his friend is not going to be in school anymore as he is in a safe place, all better now. And that you don’t know any more than that.
And then just pray, for the child that is now gone, and for all of our children. May God protect our little children.
I would tell him the truth when he asks. Children are very perseptive about death. Has he approached the subject yet? Answer all his questions with as much honestly as you can. I would probably allow him to express his feelings about his friend through a picture or something (art is really good therapy).
If he has yet to mention it perhaps lead the way by engaging him in a book involving a animal dying, children usually relate well to animals (have no idea why). Goodbye Mog is a really good book for dealing with death. It's about a family cat who dies.
OMG, that is just so sad. Prayers for the little one and his family.
As far as explaining...just keep to the truth but simplify it as much as possible. When a good person dies, they go to heaven. You can't see them or talk to them but they are there like an angel looking down. Body goes into the grave but the soul - the person - goes to heaven where everything and everyone is beautiful and nice and they keep an eye on the ones that they love down here on earth....
These are the kinds of things I told my boys when my dad passed away - boyz were 6, 5 and 3. They accepted these explanations, asked some more questions (but I dont remember specifically what they were). But now, they talk about him, ask me if he knows about certain accomplishments, if he can see them from heaven.
Niki don't be sad luv. Death is part of life, even small lives.
My first experience with death was when I was 9, my cousin who was 12 died from an illness. Took me a good few year to get over as I was petrified of her 'ghost' coming to find me wearing her clothes which her mother made me wear. And then, after that, my uncle died, I personally sat there and watched an elder of the family die and then my mum. In fact, death has played a HUGE part of my life. You never actually get over it, you just sort of learn that it happens no matter what.
The only negative I can think about of experiencing death at a young age is fearing it. And correct me if I am wrong, but we are supposed to fear it (or so my daddi tells me). I do not think a 4 year old should be fearing death though and hopefully if dealt with the right way, I think 4 year olds can accept death appropriately.
I can see myself being slaughtered for this as I am not a parent. Oh well.
nikki - my tayya passed away a year ago this summer, and musa knew that he had passed away. he understood the concept that my uncle was no longer with us, and that people get sad at that. he had more questions as to why, where did he go, etc..and i just explained that he was sick and that now he is with Allah. but i think it'll be a little harder understanding it when it's someone that you know, or something that you played with everyday at school. your friend that you've seen at school since the beginning of the school year.
milly - no, he hasn't asked about it yet, as the children in the class don't know yet. all he knows is that his friend is in the hospital. the book idea is a really good idea, to slowly get him into that frame of mind instead of jumping right into it.
i don't think they can understand the concept of fearing death, as they're still too young. they do know that people go away, and then don't come back and you can talk about it in general terms. i believe the hard part comes in when it's someone they actually know and have spent time with on a daily basis, where it becomes a little harder to tell them about it.
mama - i like your ideas..explaing how they're now looking down on us and in a happier place. as to not to scare him away from anything, but rather be comfortable about what happened to his friend and that he's in a safe place now.
I meant fearing death in the sense that it is going to happen to other people they know and care about. Like I used to think about my mum dying all the tiime when my cousin had died.
^ ahh. i understand. i thought you meant fearing death itself.
hmm. that's something to think about. how did you overcome that?
I didn't. My mother was ill most of my life so I knew her dying when I was young was inevitable. However, I was much older than your son and im sure if you deal with this in the right way your son will not fear his loved ones dying. I think the best way to initiate the conversation is through a book. Im sure there are many more than the one I have suggested.
o god how sad! reminds me of the time when my bestest friend frm childhood passed away wen I was 11. I still cnt getover the fact :( esp how we used to hide in corner and talk boout our wedding day. sorry for derailing ur topic but dats just not fair and sad but nature. dnt tell ur child much. tell him he won't be coming or is home skooled. hez only 4 and death is a strong topic for such age. let him kno when he grows up
