Not for his sake, she wants to appear as ‘flexible’ and ‘naik parveen’ thats why. Also so that when someone says something, she can say "look I apologized, they are the ones who have banned me from their house, its all their fault’…
also if the husband says something’ look i apologised to your parents already, what else i can do?.. if they had cared for you or your kids, they would’ve forgiven me. But obviously they don’t care about you, thats why they have banned me".
HOw many times parents disrespect the DIL and she still has to put up with their attitude? i personally think that respect is not just given to someone, it should be earned. if my mother inlaw doesn’t earn her respect, i will never respect her. chotay bari ki tameez is more like justified bullying by inlaws. I am not saying its always the MIL who misbehaves, sometimes DIL can be wrong too , however, just because someone is older does not mean they have the god given right to get respect when they dont deserve it. so in your opinion, is it okay if DIL never forgives her husbands parents because they misbehaved with her? her reaction is also justified then, right?
If someone is genuinely sorry for what they’ve done, I think the most mature thing would be to forgive them. However, if they do not appear to be genuinely repentant for their behaviour and the “misbheaviour” is something that happens on a regular basis, I don’t think they are “entitled” to forgiveness simply because they are your mother-in-law. While I wouldn’t advocate disrespecting someone in return, I don’t believe anyone should be forced to forgive another person as forgiveness is something that is voluntary and should be genuine.
That said, if I had an evil mother-in-law, I would avoid her like the plague. I wouldn’t try to stop my husband from having a relationship with her as that is his mother, but I also wouldn’t go out of my way to get into the good graces of someone who has no intentions of getting along with me.
respecting elders is one thing but the OP suggests that since a woman misbehaved with her husbands parents, its okay for her inalws to not forgive her and not talk to her for years. so i was just wondering what should a woman do when her mother inlaw misbehaves with her and disrespects her?? should she also not forgive the mother inlaw and never speak to her for years? its only fair.
and older people are given discounts because they are usually on fixed incomes and dont work, getting discounts is not the same thing as being allowed to misbehave with your daughter inlaw.
By ignoring/snubbing the DIL for years, the in-laws would also be hurting their son (her husband) and their grandchildren. Since this cold shoulder has a domino-effect on other people, it may even be seen as a transgression. It’s the same thing if you reverse the situation to where the DIL snubs her in-laws for years. It is not only the intended target/s of the snub that will suffer; the husband and children are also affected. So, when you look at it from this angle, it’s an excess and there is nothing “fair” about it.
terrible behavior, I am not saying that anyone should misbehave with anyone. dont get me wrong please.
I simply asked WHAT should a daughter inlaw do if her mother in law is being disrespectful? thats all i am asking.
^She didn’t say they are respected because they are on a fixed income or that all elderly persons are on a fixed income. She said that they are often given discounts for this reason.
How do you want the DIL to respond? What comes to mind is the example of my aunt. She has wronged a few people in the family. But she came around to apologizing to another aunt much sooner than she did with my uncle. The reason for this is that my aunt responded with a decent approach whereas my uncle only fueled the ego and tension by fighting back aggressively. I know it is easier said than done, but generally speaking, it takes people a longer time to cool down if you treat them in kind. There are many ways that the DIL can choose to respond. She can treat her in-laws with equal or greater badtameezi than they showed her. She can choose to forgive and move on. She can choose not to forgive, but to still take the higher road. She can choose to confront her in-laws tactfully by herself or with her husband. Whatever method she chooses, she has to factor in the pros and cons and whether or not her decision will hurt/affect others (besides herself) in the long run…such as her husband, the marriage, kids, etc.
I have no problem in older people getting special treatment in terms of bus tickets.** however, i have a problem with mother inlaws disresepecting their daughter inlaws!!**
so if **your wife gets disrespected by your mother, she should just suck it up and put up with her??
**You are totally delusional if you think that western daughter inlaws just deal with in the insults, like pakistanis do. most of them talk back to their mother inlaws. Respect is earned, its not their given right just because they are old. you cannot compare a misbehaving mother inlaw to getting discount tickets.
i think that in that scenario, both DIL and the husband should confront the mother and tell her shes wrong. MIL should apologize and not repeat the same things again. if its done over and over, the DIL has every right to cut of ties with the MIL and ignore her plain and simple. thats what I would do.
