Right so, I’m British Pakistani and I want to marry a non-Pakistani guy(well he kinda ‘proposed’ to me). He is half Italian and half Brazilian (Muslim revert). He is breathtakingly handsome, polite nice guy and he knows how to appreciate me. I have learned to speak fluent Italian and a bit of Portuguese. But why are Pakistanis against it? They are looking down on me saying things such as I’m betraying my ethnicity
There are hills and mountains between us.Also at the same time ,I love my culture and language, so I’m afraid of losing my heritage and not passing it on to my kids.Furthermore, I’m worried that my parents will struggle to communicate with him.Not to mention the difference in culture.So yeah, don’t know what to do?
Btw I’m Kashmiri (Mirpuri), my family are pretty traditional, backwards and narrow-minded.None of my female relatives have married outside the stupid caste nevermind the race.If i marry him, I’m certainly not looking forward to the gossiping fearsome aunties.
Pakistanis ,would you marry outside your ethnicity? What do you honestly think about girls that marry non-Pakistanis? Should I go ahead?
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
Right so, I'm British Pakistani and I want to marry a non-Pakistani guy(well he kinda 'proposed' to me). He is half Italian and half Brazilian (Muslim revert). He is breathtakingly handsome, polite nice guy and he knows how to appreciate me. I have learned to speak fluent Italian and a bit of Portuguese. But why are Pakistanis against it? They are looking down on me saying things such as I'm betraying my ethnicity :(
There are hills and mountains between us.Also at the same time ,I love my culture and language, so I'm afraid of losing my heritage and not passing it on to my kids.Furthermore, I'm worried that my parents will struggle to communicate with him.Not to mention the difference in culture.So yeah, don't know what to do?
Btw I'm Kashmiri (Mirpuri), my family are pretty traditional, backwards and narrow-minded.None of my female relatives have married outside the stupid caste nevermind the race.If i marry him, I'm certainly not looking forward to the gossiping fearsome aunties.
Pakistanis ,would you marry outside your ethnicity? What do you honestly think about girls that marry non-Pakistanis? Should I go ahead?
You should go ahead and try your best :), try to get your parents to agree and don't care about anyone else.
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
Other people will certainly elaborate on why Pakistanis might be against it, but as far as the kids go, you have to be okay with your future children possibly not being very Desi at all. Forcing your kids into a culture will probably cause problems. Similarly, he should be okay with your kids being very Desi.
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
Yup, do go ahead if you feel like. I know 3 people personally who married outside their race. 2 girls and 1 guy. HOWEVER, they didnt mind and were not so traditional to begin with.
People will talk and then one day forget. Who cares.
As for me, i am rather conservative when it comes to these matters, so it must be a Pakistani when I get married.
Ps. The fact that your spouse is a Muslim is still the most important thing. Race/Caste etc comes later. :)
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
If your immediate family is ok with it then go for it. We Pakistanis are usually conservative when it comes to marrying outside the caste let alone the ethnicity. So just check with your family. They are the people who should matter to you most.
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
I know a lot of British-Pakistani girls who have married out of their culture into all sorts of races and nationalities, and it's worked out fine for them.
The main thing is just maknig the decision of whether you wanna push for this with your family and stand your ground.
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
Salaam I am a UK Muslim Matchmaker and unforunately there aren't enough single British Pakistani Singles around. So you should therefore tell your parents this. I am doing lot's of research and it will be available on my site soon. So the key is he's Muslim, that's what matters. Insh'allah if they give him a chance it should work out. ............ShaadiBaji
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
He is a reverted Muslims , Mashallah , he will go to jannat with you Inshallah, in the end this is what counts.
If people will be talking behind your back that will raise your level in Jannat , so do not worry. Just follow your religion and your heart.
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???
If it comes down to that , then I will choose my family over him.
I haven’t told them yet My family have very strict beliefs about marrying outside of their culture.Well my brother knows and he believes marrying outside the culture is wrong.
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
Hey,
All I'm gonna say is that Islamically... both man and woman should be MUSLIM. If they are a non BELIEVER then it's not acceptable obv. But in terms of the strict pakistani culture...... you gotta work hard esp cos your a girl. Hope all goes best. Im fixed with someone back home... he is two years younger than me...He's ok but I really did it for my family. EVERYONE is happy. Esp cos its in the fam and stuff. But.... just hope everything goes well for everyone Insha Allah.
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
InElegance:
1) You should've thought about all this before you started dating the guy and led him to believe that marriage was a real possibility (since he proposed to you, that leads me to believe that you two dated and he was lead to believe that this relationship was leading to marriage).
2) I know MANY Pakistanis married to Pakistanis, Indian's married to Indians, Mexicans married to Mexicans etc.....yet their kids don't know anything about their own culture! On the filp side, I know several mixed couples where the kids are very well aware of BOTH cultures. Having a Pakistani husband doesn't guarantee anything. Regardless of your husband's background, if you want your children exposed to Pakistani culture....then you can do it. Yes it will be more difficult....but not impossible.
3) Who the heck cares what aunties and other random people think? You're not a teenager are you? Don't be so concerned about other people gossiping. Learn to live your own life. The ONLY people that matter are your own family and his. As long as your family and his family are ok with this union, then go for it.
On a side note: I married outside my culture. I know quite a few other couples who did the same. No one had it "easy". There were plenty of fights and tears involved in all the mixed unions I know. But once the wedding was over, everyone got on track and started behaving (at least among the couples I know). Families always put pressure and try emotional blackmail to break the couple up in the beginning. Once the wedding is done, no desi parents wants their daughter or son divorced.......hence the drama goes down to a minimum or dissappears. (Note: This is my experience with the people I know...I realize not everyone reacts this way).
When I meet someone who married outside their culture (especially desis), I think "wow....good for them! They fought for the person they loved and choose their own life partner". Being in a mixed marriage myself, I know first-hand how difficult the journey was that lead upto my wedding day. Hence when I see other desi mixed couples....I have nothing but respect for them.
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???
-p
Your brother and my brother sound similar..
I was in a similar situation but the rest of my family were supportive (esp my dad).. You need to find someone who’s sympathetic to try and help them see sense.. Good Luck
Btw there are a few of us here attached and married to non-Pakistani guys..
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
Right so, I'm British Pakistani and I want to marry a non-Pakistani guy(well he kinda 'proposed' to me). He is half Italian and half Brazilian (Muslim revert). He is breathtakingly handsome, polite nice guy and he knows how to appreciate me. I have learned to speak fluent Italian and a bit of Portuguese. But why are Pakistanis against it? They are looking down on me saying things such as I'm betraying my ethnicity :(
which half is italian and which is Brazilian ?
That can change every thing..
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
InElegance, the guy SHOULD be Muslim in order for you to marry him. So Islamically, there is nothing wrong in marrying him. There is contradiction in fiqh and hadith. Some of them says the girl's parents should APPROVE of the guy and some of them says the marriage is still valid even if they don't approve the girl's choice.
Its always better to take your family in confidence. Don't care about others. Islamically you are not doing anything wrong. Try to talk to your family and if they approve, its best for you. They might disapprove in the beginning and you might have to wait and keep on working to convince them until you finally have their blessings for the marriage. But its worth waiting if you want to have inner satisfaction with your decision.
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???
Bit in black -Just wanted to clarify that parents are NOT allowed to disapprove on the grounds of race - according to any madhab..
3 madhabs say you MUST have the consent of your guardian and 1 says it’s recommended but without it your marriage will still be valid. In the case of your guardian not agreeing because of race he can be replaced by someone else (there’s a specific order) but obviously that should only ever be a last resort..
My family have very strict beliefs about marrying outside of their culture.Well my brother knows and he believes marrying outside the culture is wrong.