Pakistani born/raised women want controlling men?

[cricketplaya]

who said anything about working? a woman can still be independent in other ways without having to work.

From my observation....men who do everything while their wives are totally dependent on them for every little thing expect their women to do what they are told and not "talk back"....these women have no say in any decisions being made.

This is why being independent is a must for us women. This doesnt mean she has to work...it simply means she has to have a brain and know how to do things for herself....otherwise she will be left in the dark.

yeah, i couldn't word it the way u did.. :)
sorry ladies

[Iggle]

No only women with serious psychological issues want controlling men. In which case, I'd say it's a perfect match.

Lol!

[amir_pindi]

i agree with u 101% there

amir, u a girl too?

No no, playa im not women.

I just like sticking up for whats right. I was trying to open up your narrowmindedness.

In todays hectic and demanding lifestyles, where many men are also less reliable, women need to take on greater responsibilities.

hope u understand it now

[soni27]

Re: Pakistani born/raised women want controlling men?

i dunt know about personal development..

but i would just like to get oout of the house!..

a ful time career might tire me out..money/job/career kareeh mehnat is his area and his problem!

[Afro-Sheen]

Re: Pakistani born/raised women want controlling men?

I don't think any woman "wants" a controlling husband, irrelevant of background. That is just silly.

[Muzna]

Re: Pakistani born/raised women want controlling men?

I don't think that we have actually touched upon the root of the problem here.....

Maybe cricketplaya could elaborate on why he feels the way he does?

[Muzna]

This doesnt mean she has to work...it simply means she has to have a brain and know how to do things for herself....otherwise she will be left in the dark.

I agree with most of what you say AE but exactly WHAT determines independence?
Is there a financial aspect to it?
How does a woman's career impact a relationship?

[McPendo]

@Muzna

I agree with most of what you say AE but exactly WHAT determines independence? Is there a financial aspect to it? How does a woman's career impact a relationship?

It totally messes it up. She can't take care of her baby and can't cook and the house looks like crap!

[cricketplaya]

@Muzna

How does a woman's career impact a relationship?

The divorce rates can answer that question... almost 50% is frightening don't you think? people can argue if career has a direct relationship to divorce or not.. but comparing to countries where majority of women are stay at home moms, it makes sense.

[haania06]

@McPendo

It totally messes it up. She can't take care of her baby and can't cook and the house looks like crap!

I dont agree, nothing messes up if you have a good relations with your husband, and he is understanding, I am a doc, I work and I hav a daughter but nothing in my life is messed up Allhamdullilah. Nor my husband, niether my home or kid, it all depends upon alot of things like women personalities, support, relationships and balance.

There are important roles of women that she had to keep upto being a mother, daughter, wife etc.i agree But I think there are also other things for women to do in life, find thier peace, feel comfortable.

[Croquet]

may be that is the question that pakistani born and raised woman can answer? if so, allow me. I donot want a cotnrolling man and in my interaction with my peers through out my life nor do other women and girl beyond the age of 15 perhaps(and not all even then,and i donot come from an affulent background and i have seen through my life a mix of rural mindset and urban one) it is just socially they are frowned upon if they desire independence and equality. Try being brought up in a house where every time you talk back or lose temper your elders tell you how wrong it is especially for a girl. The entire shaping up of women is done by the means of telling them what are good traits and what are bad especially for women.It is wrong to be rude, it is wrong to lose control when angry but it shouldnt be especially for girls. Some women than take this on as Allah's honest truth and further go on to create households with similar advice and some who resent it and try to break free.

[Croquet]

@cricketplaya2

The divorce rates can answer that question... almost 50% is frightening don't you think? people can argue if career has a direct relationship to divorce or not.. but comparing to countries where majority of women are stay at home moms, it makes sense.

the lack of divorce doesnt essentially make a statement about the nature of relationship. Infact soemtimes marriages just go on in abusive cycle because of financial dependence on women's part and no social welfare what so ever.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

@Muzna

I agree with most of what you say AE but exactly WHAT determines independence? Is there a financial aspect to it? How does a woman's career impact a relationship?

Independence is a a very personal thing and can mean different things for different people. One can only figure out on their own how independent they want to be.

For me, independence means being able to take charge of your life, and making decisions on your own about certain areas and aspects of your life.

Certainly there can be a financial aspect to independence as well. One can be dependent on another persons income however they can be independent in many other ways. I have seen many stay-at home moms who completely take charge of their household including the money that comes in.

A womans career can impact a relationship both negatively and positively. I can not be specific with my answer here because the way it is impacted depends upon the people involved and how they handle it.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

@cricketplaya2

The divorce rates can answer that question... almost 50% is frightening don't you think? people can argue if career has a direct relationship to divorce or not.. but comparing to countries where majority of women are stay at home moms, it makes sense.

There are many reasons for why the divorce rates are high...you can not blame high divorce rates on career women.

[Kaleem]

Re: Pakistani born/raised women want controlling men?

AE you will be surprised how many people believe and blame the education as the reason for increased divorce rate in Pakistan. Just recently I had this discussion with some friends who will remain name less for the purpose of hiding the guilty. They cannot differentiate the fact that education is not the culprit, it is the increased pressure to have two earners in the family. Whilst, I agree that if the kids are being neglected, one of the parent has to sacrifice their career (notice I did not say woman has to sacrifice... I am all for sugar mammas).

[cricketplaya]

@Kaleem

AE you will be surprised how many people believe and blame the education as the reason for increased divorce rate in Pakistan. Just recently I had this discussion with some friends who will remain name less for the purpose of hiding the guilty. They cannot differentiate the fact that education is not the culprit, it is the increased pressure to have two earners in the family. Whilst, I agree that if the kids are being neglected, one of the parent has to sacrifice their career (notice I did not say woman has to sacrifice... I am all for sugar mammas).

Only people with backward mentality will blame education. I am all for women pursuing higher education, and I didn't put the blame solely on career minded women AE, I was saying that this does have big impact on divorce rates.

[fayax]

Re: Pakistani born/raised women want controlling men?

Here is the gist of it. No one blames the education of women as the culprit.

But let me explain it to those who cannot understand and cry 'why oh why' each time they realize the society is going down into the pits and divorces are becoming more common.

Both men and women are being educated in colleges on same subjects etc. Docs, engineers, business etc etc. Then for example two professionally education and career minded people get married and have a baby! Whoa! What a surprise!

Neither one of them knew this could happen. ... The chances of the MAN carrying the baby are pretty slim I would say. So are the chances of the man breast feeding the kid, not to mention the man needing the rest before and after the childbirth. Get it?

So since we cannot inherently change the roles of men and women at the very basic desire of the marriage (i.e. kids) we should also try to understand that in most cases the women will have more of a 'house' role in her married life.

Having said that, both hubby and bubbly now want go to get married and go get a career and neither one wants to stay at home and raise the children. Enter the NANNY. So children being raised by mostly people that are totally not related to them ..and parents come home and spend two hours and dinner with the kids and then gnite and in comes another day. So children are being raised by these schools that have cookie cutter curriculum or by nannys.

There is never an increased financial need to have two incomes unless there is a desire to raise the standard of living to a start beyond the one person's means.

Since most of the times (hehehe) the woman has to bear the child and 'breast' feed the child she is the more appropriate party to be at home with the children.

So, its not because women got educated that causes these rifts, its the fact that women got educated in areas that goes against the nurturing and raising of the child unless they are willing to sacrifice their careers - which in turn causes the resentment...on and on...

Anyone would easily give up the desire of a big house, better car, better clothes to be with their child and actually get to raise him or her..or at least for the child to be with the mother (and no the mother does not have to be businessperson or an engineer) she does however have to be educated and know how to take care of a child..and NOT learn as she goes.** So the KIND of education is somewhat relevant. **

Noone wants and unparr gunwar...but not along the same lines not many men want the professional women who bosses men around at work and forgets that it aint gonna work at home.

[cricketplaya]

Re: Pakistani born/raised women want controlling men?

^exactly, people are living beyond their means...

[Mamaof3]

Re: Pakistani born/raised women want controlling men?

A controlling person dictates what another can and cannot do. Thats wrong. Marriage should not be a master-slave reationship.

If a guy wants a home-maker wife then thats the type of gal he should marry. If he wants a professional wife then marry one. Same goes for gals - marry one who shares the same vision of the type of lifestyle you want to lead and problems and divorce should not be a worry.

[amir_pindi]

Criket-Playa

Stop discriminating against women who also like to work and be self-sufficient.

In todays pakistani women dicriminating and supressing society, some women like to work and be self-sufficiet so they don have tolerate injustice at the hands of others.

Women who are educated and able to be self-sufficient shuld be allowed to do so, because its give them the satisfaction of being self-sufficent and not be 'mohotaj'/dependant on anyone which all humans have the right to be.

However ofcourse one has to prioritise, and every womens case is different.
After marriage if a lady has kids that need attention and her husband is able to provide finanical adequecy then she its better for her to do the job of looking after the house and the husband to work.

Regarding careers, Criket playa, if you open that mind a little, you will notice that in some careers there is a social and collective need for women professionals, such as

'Haanias' above.

Open your mind up a bit dude. Its people like you who first dont let women use thier God-given abilities to make themself productive, then complain after wards;

'oh what a burden these daughters/sisters are for us'.

Girls also dont choose to be burdens, and some like proving they are not.

Sorry for loossing it, its just i hate thick men who just like to excercise thier power on the weaker sex.