I never said marriage is not about love and commitment.
Re: Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl
How old are you PW? I do know a pathan girl who is a doctor but her standards are pretty high.
As for love and commitment, post #41 is the first time you've mentioned either one of those things. It tells me they're not really all that important to you.
With the blessing of Allah I am finally about to get married. My parents have given me the choice to find a Pakistani girl here in the US or go back home to Pakistan and get married.
A little about me.
I was born and raised in America. I have been to Pakistan five times to visit for a total of 3 1/2 years. I have learned to write in Urdu and Pashto on my free time. I have also studied Pakistani history. I am a religious person. I have a B.S in Accounting Information Systems and a CPA license as well as a JD law degree. Currently I have a stable job with the IRS as a tax attorney making over $100,000.
I have tried my level best to become the best person I can be. I want a wife who has also done the same. I want her to be religious and graduated from a profession like medicine, law or engineering.
What concerns me is that it will be a little harder to find the girl that I am looking for in the US (not a lot of girls from NWFP here). My parents prefer I marry from the same ethnicity.
A girl from Pakistan will most likely know our language and culture much better. Understanding wise I think the US girl would be better because we were both raised in the US. There is a difference in mentality.
*I know it depends on the girl but I want to know in general. Please try to be as unbiased as possible. *
*Thank You *
Since you seem to know what you want, and seemed to have made up your mind, what exactly is the question? Or is it just a matrimonial ad?
How do you measure someone's love and commitment before you get married?We find out how much love and commitment is there after marriage, this is why I did not bring it up.
My main question is for someone in my situation is it better to get married to someone in the states or back home in Pakistan.
Re: Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl
Since you say that you want a girl from NWFP and then say that there aren't many girls from NWFP in the U.S, and then you say that a girl from Pakistan will know your language and culture better and will be preferable to a girl from U.S. You have basically answered your own question, and it seems that you have made your mind up. As far as understanding is concerned that is something that will develop after the marriage.
Re: Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl
The U.S. doesnt have many pushtoons. The ones that are here are very spread out and sometimes its just not easy to get to know the families because they often want someone local whom they have interacted with. So I think it will not be as easy for you to find a pushtoon girl here with all the things you require.
Even if you find a wife who is a doctor in Pakistan, she will have to study additionally to take exams here to qualify for working here. Also if she is a lawyer in Pak, you must be aware that a law degree abroad does not automatically qualify you to practise law here. What if the girl doesnt want to go through that? How will you feel if lets say later on after marriage your wife didnt pass a qualifying exam? There are a lot of things you need to consider before you make either decision.
I think its best to do istikhara to see what decision is best for you.
Re: Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl
Of all the criteria to choose from a spouse, being particular about her degree has to be the most superficial and snobby one.
How do you measure someone's love and commitment before you get married?We find out how much love and commitment is there after marriage, this is why I did not bring it up.
My main question is for someone in my situation is it better to get married to someone in the states or back home in Pakistan.
You dont sound like someone who was born and raised here, Ill be frank with you.
You sound like the many men I ran into that werent much to look at but were looking for a fair, smart and professional female. Education is supposed to help you grow and become a better person...how has it helped you? I dont see it at all. I have yet to see one non-superficial or attractive trait in your posts.
Marriage is not a way to increase your personal assets. If your family is also planning on demanding jehez because of all the money they had to spend on you...I have no idea what to even say to you.
Lets look at it this way:
What makes YOU a great catch besides your law degree, which doesnt mean much to a Pathan doctor because she is bringing home her own paycheck????? Since she is a doctor and making her own money, your cash is of no use or value to her. Financially, you would make no difference in her life.
So aside from demanding, superficial and materialistic........what other great qualities do you possess that a professional woman - that already makes her own money and doesnt need you for that - might find attractive?
Thats the list women who have it all going for themselves will be most interested in.
This Pathan Doctor that has all the wonderful qualities you want...she doesnt have to sell herself to you...there are toooooo many like you in the US but not many like her.
Its the other way around...:)
You dont sound like someone who was born and raised here, Ill be frank with you.
ditto!
PW, to answer your question.. I don't think you should go with a Pakistani-American girl. I can't say anything about Pakistani girls since I wasn't raised there, but like PS said, I don't know what an American girl who has a great career and everything else in life going for her could gain from this marriage. At least to a girl from Pakistan, you could offer a career in America.. (I'm not saying that all Pakistani girls are attracted to that, but there could be some educated ones that are..) As far as the mentality goes, IMO it's not like your mentality matches that of a Pakistani-American anyway (sorry, but that's what it sounds like), so there'll be an adjustment to be made either way.
great post, psquared.
pathanwarrior, you asked how do you measure love and commitment when you go through an arranged marriage? i'll tell you how you DONT measure it...through an assessment of the girl's personal wealth and the prestige associated with the piece of paper she got for graduating from college.
you could see what traits she values in a partner...and likewise, she'll also notice that about you. I personally wouldn't trust anyone who was marrying me for my career choice because its not this that will hold you up.
If you're going for an arranged marriage, it doesnt matter whether the girl is here or there....there are great Pathan girls in the US too (i myself know a religious, Pathan girl who is the most naik girl I know and is an engineer) but in an arranged marriage, a good portion of it comes down to how well your families mesh.
Just because you're having an arranged marriage doesnt mean you can't get to know her....generally, there are at LEAST two meetings of the families (one when you go to her house and the second when your family goes to her house). its not wrong for you to exchange emails on the basis of trying to find out whether you're compatible for marriage.
You dont sound like someone who was born and raised here, Ill be frank with you.
You sound like the many men I ran into that werent much to look at but were looking for a fair, smart and professional female. Education is supposed to help you grow and become a better person...how has it helped you? I dont see it at all. I have yet to see one non-superficial or attractive trait in your posts.
Marriage is not a way to increase your personal assets. If your family is also planning on demanding jehez because of all the money they had to spend on you...I have no idea what to even say to you.
Lets look at it this way:
What makes YOU a great catch besides your law degree, which doesnt mean much to a Pathan doctor because she is bringing home her own paycheck????? Since she is a doctor and making her own money, your cash is of no use or value to her. Financially, you would make no difference in her life.
So aside from demanding, superficial and materialistic........what other great qualities do you possess that a professional woman - that already makes her own money and doesnt need you for that - might find attractive?
Thats the list women who have it all going for themselves will be most interested in.
This Pathan Doctor that has all the wonderful qualities you want...she doesnt have to sell herself to you...there are toooooo many like you in the US but not many like her.
Its the other way around...:)
Re: Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl
^ yeah great post psquared!
Ideally, you want someone born and raised in Pakistan and has moved to U.S after completing atleast the highschool. Definitely wouldn't recommend a girl who has spent years in the public schooling system here. Unfortunately, most desi girls have not been able to find the balance between eastern and western values, thus leaving them in a state of confusion which may not be obvious on the forefront but is always lurking under the skin. In my opinion this is a gamble not worth taking.
My advice is to go for an educated pushtoon girl back home. There is definitely a LOT more to chose from. However, keep an eye out for someone who has received higher education here in the US and shares your pushtoon values/customs.
Best of luck,
Re: Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl
Pashtun:
I think it's good you are being picky and you shouldn't settle just for the sake of it. Take your time until you find the right girl who posesses the majority of the qualities which are important to you in a girl. I can also definetly understand your view on wanting a girl who is either a doctor, engineer or lawyer. I am nearing the end of my law degree and my first preference (and my parents) will be to find a guy who is either a doctor, engineer or lawyer.
In regards to whether you should be looking for a girl in Pakistan or the US, I think it all comes down to personal preference. You need to be asking yourself whether you can get along with a girl who has been raised in a very different environment to the one you have. For some people this is not a problem and I think it's probably a lot easier for a guy to adjust to a girl from Pakistan then it is for a girl to adjust to a guy from Pakistan. Personally I refuse to marry a guy who has been born and raised and is living in Pakistan because I think (for me) it would be too difficult.
So take your time and best of luck! Keep your options open and I am sure you will find the right girl =)
You dont sound like someone who was born and raised here, Ill be frank with you.
You sound like the many men I ran into that werent much to look at but were looking for a fair, smart and professional female. Education is supposed to help you grow and become a better person...how has it helped you? I dont see it at all. I have yet to see one non-superficial or attractive trait in your posts.
Marriage is not a way to increase your personal assets. If your family is also planning on demanding jehez because of all the money they had to spend on you...I have no idea what to even say to you.
Lets look at it this way:
What makes YOU a great catch besides your law degree, which doesnt mean much to a Pathan doctor because she is bringing home her own paycheck????? Since she is a doctor and making her own money, your cash is of no use or value to her. Financially, you would make no difference in her life.
So aside from demanding, superficial and materialistic........what other great qualities do you possess that a professional woman - that already makes her own money and doesnt need you for that - might find attractive?
Thats the list women who have it all going for themselves will be most interested in.
This Pathan Doctor that has all the wonderful qualities you want...she doesnt have to sell herself to you...there are toooooo many like you in the US but not many like her.
Its the other way around...:)
You are taking this the wrong way.
I am not trying to make anyone sell themselves to me.
I will marry the person who wants to marry me just as much as I her.
My family is well off even without my financial support.
I am not sure if all females would agree with you that a husband's check does not matter if the wife is making a check.
Financially we would be wealthier together, there is a difference.
I will tell you my other qualities, I am religious, loving, caring, hard working, compassionate, forgiving and a respectful person.
Pashtuns are generally very good looking people and I am also.
I also have this quality of being able to solve problems and come to compromises.
Religiously the wife keeps all her money while the wife has a share in her husband's money. Even if my wife was to not give me a penny I would still want the best for her and would still spend on her.
I have four sisters of my own who I love more than life and I would treat my wife better than I would want them to be treated or at least try my level best to.
Re: Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl
okay so whats your age Mr. Warrior? And how do we see your picture?
I know one Pushtoon, religious (extra religious when she is waiting for her test/exams results :D) , good looking Dr. gal in Pak from a very nice educated family. She has completed her house job etc about a year back. And now preparing for some exams to do spcialization in Surgery. Coz she wants to be a Surgeon.
Re: Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl
I totally understand your position mate. Being a punjabi warrior, and since punjabis are generally sexy people, I am quite sexy myself. I am looking for a good rishta, preferably a punjabi astronaut kuri who is fully familiar with world history, esp the era when catapults were invented, and can cook perfectly round paronthay.
I totally understand your position mate. Being a punjabi warrior, and since punjabis are generally sexy people, I am quite sexy myself. I am looking for a good rishta, preferably a punjabi astronaut kuri who is fully familiar with world history, esp the era when catapults were invented, and can cook perfectly round paronthay.
*LOL, good one Janwar.
"Religious" and "broad-minded"? That's an oxy-moron, moron.*