Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl

Lifestyle Relationships
1

With the blessing of Allah I am finally about to get married. My parents have given me the choice to find a Pakistani girl here in the US or go back home to Pakistan and get married.

A little about me.

I was born and raised in America. I have been to Pakistan five times to visit for a total of 3 1/2 years. I have learned to write in Urdu and Pashto on my free time. I have also studied Pakistani history. I am a religious person. I have a B.S in Accounting Information Systems and a CPA license as well as a JD law degree. Currently I have a stable job with the IRS as a tax attorney making over $100,000.

I have tried my level best to become the best person I can be. I want a wife who has also done the same. I want her to be religious and graduated from a profession like medicine, law or engineering.

What concerns me is that it will be a little harder to find the girl that I am looking for in the US (not a lot of girls from NWFP here). My parents prefer I marry from the same ethnicity.

A girl from Pakistan will most likely know our language and culture much better.
Understanding wise I think the US girl would be better because we were both raised in the US. There is a difference in mentality.

*I know it depends on the girl but I want to know in general. Please try to be as unbiased as possible.

Thank You

2

Re: Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl

I had the option of marrying abroad, but I didn't as a choice. All depends on what you are looking for in a girl: a career-oriented girl, or a home maker girl. And then ofcourse some girls can manage both (though you'll have to compromise a little on some things in both areas). In general, if you are a very liberal guy, then marry abroad if not then marry back home.

I am assuming that you are a pathan. Bye the way, from what I've seen, pathan girls are really really great.....Best of luck!

3

Re: Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl

For a seemingly educated guy, you seem very narrow minded. You have limited your scope to a NWFP girl who will jive with your American born/raised personality and is either a doctor, engineer, or law. Good luck.

I don't know why someone born/raised in the US would have such stipulations in finding a mate. One would think that an educated person would focus on finding a girl with a good personality, someone who respects you and your family, someone you are attracted to, someone you can see spending the rest of your life with, the profession and where she's from being trivial issues.

4

^ Exactly!

Why narrow down u're search? Get married to someone who u like..whether she's raised in the US or Pakistan shudn't matter..

5

I also agree with both of you!

6

Like I said before I am a religious person. Our religion allows dating but only when one is married and it is in a very controlled environment. Basically you go to the girls home with your family and you talk to here there. The time that our religion gives us is limited. I cannot go to someone's house for months.

Me marrying a Pathan girl is the wish of my parents which I will honor. There are religious girls in the US too.

I want someone who is loving to my parents, from a good family and has a great personality.

I am not worried that I will not find anyone, I am just asking what is best to do in my situation.

If You Have A Chance To Meet In Real
7

Re: Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl

***I do not think there is anything narrow minded about wishing to marry someone from your own cultural background or ethnicity.

Education does not equate denying one's cultural norms or practices. Marriage in itself is a huge step and an arranged marriage where one has to make a whole lot of compromises and adjustments to begin with is already difficult , having an added ethnic disparity just makes it even more difficult .

I am in no way against inter-ethnic marriages , to each their own but at the end of the day you want to have things that both of you identify with and can relate to. Every ethnicity has its own norms and practices that an outsider cannot relate to or even appreciate .***

Guys vs Gurlz
8

" I want her to be religious and graduated from a profession like medicine, law or engineering."

I called this narrow minded not that she has to be a punjabi or pakhton.

9

Please elaborate ?????

Are you saying religious girls can't be doctors , lawyers or engineers or that doctors , lawyers and engineers are not religious ?

10

Marriage is also about compatibility, someone from same ethnic group, religious and educational background helps a lot.

Guys vs Gurlz
11

[quote="sheyn, post:35, topic:206729"]

Please elaborate ?????

Are you saying religious girls can't be doctors , lawyers or engineers or that doctors , lawyers and engineers are not religious ?

Im not saying at all that religious girls cant be doctors absolutely not im not 6 years old.
What Im trying to say is what already a guppy had said:"For a seemingly educated guy, you seem very narrow minded. You have limited your scope to a NWFP girl who will jive with your American born/raised personality and is either a doctor, engineer, or law. Good luck."

I just think that its narrow minded, but for this person who is asking advice its maybe importand for him but im just speaking my mind what I think no one has to agree with me here!:)

12

Your best bet is to find a pushtoon in girl in pak. Finding one who has
professionals(doc,lawyers) in her family for 2 to 3 generation would be like hitting
a jackpot. I don't want to touch religious aspect of dating, but I have seen many
young professionals wasting years with the girls of their own choice, trying to make
things work and eventually giving up and letting family pick a girl for them.
Ironically they are all happily married with their arranged wife.(Who says we don't
learn from failed relations)

Once you pick a girl from pak, Then you don' need to worry about any thing. However
she would have an uphill task ahead of her making adjustments with a foreign born. No
question about that.
We all want to get to know and be friends with our spouse before marriage, but that
some time doesn't work. In that process , however, we do end up wasting years of our,
and more importantly, girl's time.

13

What's wrong with the girls who aren't in medicine, law or engineering?

close your eyes and type
14

exactly!

close your eyes and type
close your eyes and type
15

Re: Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl

I think you need to find someone similar to yourself in the US.

Why do Pakistani people speak English mixed with Urdu so much?
16

Nothing, this is simply what I want in my wife.

17

Re: Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl

Two things:

You're limiting your choice in women considerably and might miss out on some great girls if your criteria is so specific.

Your writing style and information you presented about yourself make me think you're a educated guy who has a set idea of what he wants in a woman and that it should all be there. If you marry here, you might have to compromise on the profession because girls here major in what they want...not what everyone else wants. However, you will have an easier time getting along, building a relationship, mutual respect will be there, etc. Basically, since you will have a lot in common it will be a lot more rewarding to be with someone from the US.

If you choose to marry in Pakistan, then before you even go there you have to ask yourself whether or not you have the patience to help her adjust to American life. You might not be on the same page for a few years, will you be alright with that? You might want her to be a certain way and she wont be that way...will you want to change her or accept her as she is?

Bringing a wife here from Pakistan is not a bad thing but it seems like you want everything in one person and thats not possible. Either you lower your expectations a little bit and compromise because thats what marriage is ALL about OR be prepared to reject a whole lotta girls based on your set criteria.

She has to be:

Pathan

Doctor/Engineer/Lawyer

She has to be cultured and well behaved

She has to be religious

She has to be well adjusted in the US

She has to respect your parents

SHe should have also studied Pakistani history

She should know Urdu and Pashto

If she is from NWFP, then she should know English

Have you thought about what you bring to the table and whether its even an attractive package to someone who has it all going for them? Do you find yourself to be enough to propose to a woman like that? If you find a woman who has all your criteria but she also wants a man who will give her everything she wants...will you be able to fulfill her wishes?

She wants a separate home away from your parents and doesnt care if you can read Urdu, English or Pashto backwards.

18

welll, if you find a girl like that are you sure she will adjust with you (born/raised abroad)? :hmmm:

19

I LIKE I LIKE :)

20

Re: Pakistani-American or Pakistani Girl

hmm intersting problem...so u definately want an educated lady who like u is in touch with culture and religion...i think it is possible to find someone like tht in the states but as u say ther arent many girls whit the same ethnicity...have u thought bout maybe broadening ur search.? as in not tying it down to one specific ethnicity? cos i think if u want someone from the stated u will have to compromise...and i also thing girls from back home...educated ones arent the sheep we think they are...we have an impression girls from back home will go in whatever direction we push them in..this is not always true

Suno hamdam ....