Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
Salam Sara and Redlips....
First of all Sara thank you for sharing your thoughts... I appreciate someone that tells it like it is, and have no worries about Pakistani guys like Wane that may be offended by your comments... This is a forum for people from all walks of life and people need to realize that everything expressed here is an opinion (nothing more and nothing less)! So thank you for expressing your thoughts Sara.
I should add that i have seen a few pakistani guys from Pakistan marry gals from the US (and believe me when i say, these guys were high quality) !
My advice to you redlips is DO NOT go to Pakistan to look for a potential spouse.... best thing for you to do is go to a place with a large foriegn pakistani population (like Mississauga Ontario or Bradford England or NYC USA)... Toronto has a huge pakistani populatin that is fairly law abiding and better educated than perhaps England's or the US's Pakistanis....
YOure welcome to disagree with me folks!
Salam to everyone reading.
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
My reality check just bounced. I tell you girls, don't get married. Instead, buy pair of sandles. They are similar to men, easy to walk on once you get the hang of it. Once you get the hang of it, you'll get use to men too.
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
Every man (eventually) become his father
and gurls their mom.
so look at the ideas and philosphy of his father!
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
^This is actually a very good point. Look at the parents of the person you are about to marry, because most likely they are the ones who influenced your husband/wife the most while young.
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
I have to say that I agree with the poster who said you would have more in common with a Norwegian convert than you will with a guy from Pakistan. Whether we are willing to admit it or not, there are huge cultural differences. Many guys who come straight from Pakistan when they are adults are not prepared for the working hours, weather, and other things they will have to deal with in Norway. For my friend's husband, even putting his own gas in the car and doing the yardwork was a rude awakening.
If you are planning to live there then you need to decide what your expectations are in terms of how much privacy you will have, joint family or no, whether you will be allowed to drive or go shopping on your own (something I wouldn't recommend), etc. There are millions of little everyday things that we are used to doing here that just isn't practical there.
When it comes to girls from Pak marrying guys from here, I also feel sorry for them. Most don't realize potentially how isolated they will be. They will almost have to learn to drive, and even if they are living in a joint family, there is no servant to pick up the slack. We have dishwashers and vacuums, but someone has to run them and maintain them. And it is normally the wife who does the grocery shopping, joins the PTO (parent teacher association), takes the kids to school, sports, and their other activities, in addition to what ever other jobs she has. If you are in a joint family, it can mean that much more work.
Anyways, I hope that you and your future husband are able to talk about all of the possibilities and come to some compromises before the marriage.
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
yara pakistanis are not that bad at all. i was born and raised in england and now i live in the united states. i married a man from a VILLAGE in northern pakistan. everything worked out fine for us. i wanted someone with family values, and he wanted the same. he also wanted to come to the states, of course. who am i kidding if i say he didnt? but whats so bad about that? they just want a chance to come here and prove themselves like we have. and when they have potential (my husband has a double masters) why should it go to waste in pakistan, where everything runs on safarish system? he respects me, i respect him, and we have grown to love each other a lot. i stayed with my inlaws for 6 months after my wedding in charsadda. i miss them so much that i'm going back again for 2 months. i dont experience any of the jealousy etc or bad manners. my room stays locked when i'm not there, and if they want to go in there i really dont have a problem with it. they know when to interfere and when not to. as for being independant and not having a momma's boy. my husband has lived alone for the past 7 years in kohat, so i usually distribute my time between kohat and charsadda. i think if we want pakistanis attitudes about us to ease up then we need to make some changes in our own attitudes, like lets stop calling them FOBS for one. kisee ka thora saa bhee accent hota hai toh woh FOB hota hai, chaahay uskee vocabulary hamse achee bhee ho
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
I don't think there's any point in getting defensive when people say that a match between an American/European-born desi woman and a Pakistani-born man is often not a good idea. That doesn't mean that one is better than the other, but rather that the cultural and personal expectations tend to be different enough to warrant serious consideration.
Nothing's impossible, but you shouldn't ignore potential conflict.
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
Notall there.. its not the accent that's a problem at all, i dont think anyone is makin fun of it..
Sahar ure right.. each has had a diff upbringing, diff experiences n thus diff expectations , its not necessarily a bad thing but it can be the cause of a lotta conflict..
Pinkie.. thanks :)
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
tha’s very interesting:D my mom is dead…and so is the father of my future spouse..
(i mean died during our childhood)
.does that mean we have no future:confused:
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
this thread is more than a year old and may be the girl has already found the guy and is happily married now :halo:
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
:k:
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
not all paki guys are loosers looking for a ticket out.... some guys (wheather they'r from the villiage or city) have more pride than that. Agreed that very very few would fall in this catagory... but THEY DO EXIST!!! (I know b/c I'm getting married to one of them... :) ) I was born and raised in TO, and he was born and raised in Lahore.
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
Not everything is bad here, just like any where else. This sara516 is the limit. I dont know what kind of people has she been mingling with here in Pakistan. I have not seen many such examples. People here are ok, just like any where else. There are plenty of things wrong with you westerners as well, again just like any where else ... lekin bakwaas kerni tou zaroori hei.
Sara516, please leave asap. Your whining and portraying yourself as an angel wandering the corridors of hell is sickening.
Well well well, look who's tighty-whiteys are in a tight knot. Hits too close to home, Wane? Sara516 hit the nail straight on the head. Her description is exactly my experience in Pakistan too. You're so used to it that it doesn't bother you anymore.
I'm not saying that marrying someone from Pakistan is not a good idea...I've been happily married to my "fob" husband for five years. But it's scary going to Pakistan to look for a sincere husband nowadays, more than ever.
If Redlips has family there who personally know some guy who is truly sincere about marriage, then by all means go for it. But be extra cautious of total stranger rishtas, coming through matrimonial services or through an unfamiliar person. So many girls here in the US were married to fraudulent men from Pakistan. Many of these men had secret wives in the old country, or were divorced and never mentioned it. So many of them have the ulterior motive of being married until they get citizenship, and then giving the girl the boot. It's been happening so often, it's sickening.
Truth be told, Pakistanis as a whole, are probably the most corrupt, malicious, petty and cheap people walking the face of this earth (their low standing in the world proves it), and this is just what my patriotic desi to the core hubby says. Pakistanis are punch-drunk on status, coming to America, and showing off in front of their relatives. Plenty of Indians (both men and women) marry people from back home, but I've noticed that these Indian Hindu couples are far more sincere towards each other, and try their best to make their marriages work. I know a lot of such Indian couples, and you hardly hear of a horror story like you do with Pakistanis.
It's totally okay for a desi guy to marry a girl from the west, as long as he is sincere and devoted to his wife. If the green card was just an added perk, good for him. He should love her enough that even if he wasn't going to be getting citizenship, he would still marry her anyways. The hard part is finding such a guy. It can be done, but buyer beware. Redlips, your best bet is finding the educated son of a simple family. Don't get invovled with "thayz" people that are too good to be true. And thayz doesn't necessarily mean rich. Those poor ones are just as cutthroat as the next guy.
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
I dont see a single reason here for you to get personal.
You dont know me, I was not talking to you and most probably you are not even aware of Sara516’s history of painting all the Pakistanis with the same brush.
She calls Pakistanis living in Pakistan haraamzaday. How would you like it if someone said that Pakistanis living in the US are haraamzaday?
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
iThese spoiled ABCDs think that ALL the guys back home have just one thing in mind - green cards. While im sure few guys are just looking for green card but a bigger majority just wants a pious,virtuous, hayyadaar, respecting of elders kind of a girl. And the chances of finding such a girl are much higher in da homeland.
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
Lol my history?
I’ve only ever seen you post twice in response to something I’ve said; the “history” you’re referring to is when I asked if raping your wife was allowed in Islam, and if not, why do men do it. If you bothered to read any further in that thread, I also explained the situation, and i even said when opening the thread, if what I heard is true then they are haramday (what else cud u call someone who rapes his wife on their wedding night?) **or the girls who relate these stories to me are lying and full of shiit. **But I guess u ignored that part.
N you know what, I’ve seen lots of stupid things said about American pakis, especially about girls, from people like Lussi, n like I said before i’m damn sick of it, so don’t use that ridiculous and tired argument with me. 
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
She calls Pakistanis living in Pakistan haraamzaday. How would you like it if someone said that Pakistanis living in the US are haraamzaday?
Wouldn't bother me a bit. You are entitled to your opinion, I am entitled to mine. Based on a lifetime of visiting Pakistan, I'd say she's pretty accurate.
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
Ha, don't make me laugh. The majority want a pious girl? No, they want a young virgin who's white as snow, tall, and has either immense wealth or a green card to offer. When all these desi aunties go bride shopping in Pakistan, do you honestly think that piety is the only factor? Piety and sharafat are expected of every girl (you won't look at a girl who's not shareef), but they are not assets as much as beauty or wealth. If a woman had a choice between a namazi darker girl versus a fair one who's not strict about her prayers, 99% of the time they'd pick fair one for her son.
America is overflowing with truly pious girls, girls who are doing jihad by keeping Islam alive in a kaffir country. But what's the overwhelming impression of US raised desi girls? That they're loose and slutty. My sister has had several rishtay from fobs, and the first thing on their mind is "if she's a wir-gin." Here she is, namazi, educated, polite, wearing decent shalwar qamiz, in a religious household, and somehow, almost all of them wiggle in the statement, "Oh desis think girls here are loose." Sure, there are a few bad apples, but the stuff I see happening in Lahore proves to me that Pakistanis can be equally badmaash as the goray in the US. You guys take the cake in hypocrisy. Man, you can't even go to a frickin' McDonalds without seeing illegitimate couples there. I know all about your drug scene, prostitution, dance parties, swingers, abortions, etc etc. I know you aren't reading tahajjud when you're out of your homes at 3 am in the morning. No buddy, the chances of finding a pious girl are much higher in the US, than in "da homeland."
Re: Pakistan - Long term stay and marrige!
I know all about your drug scene, prostitution, dance parties, swingers, abortions, etc etc. I know you aren't reading tahajjud when you're out of your homes at 3 am in the morning. No buddy, the chances of finding a pious girl are much higher in the US, than in "da homeland."
^ I couldn't agree more. In addition, you are far more likely to find a girl who's actually educated about Islam, instead of the usual "well I read the Quran but not in a language I understand" lot, or my personal favorite "I learned everything I need to know about Islam from Behishti Zewar!"
And that is why my bahu will come from either the US or Canada, insh-Allah