Hello, this is my first post here so I would like to say hello to all members.
Im planning a trip to Pakistan this summer. Haven’t been there for years. My stays in Pakistani usually lasts for 3-4 weeks.
But this time im intended to stay there for a long time(6mth - 1 year). Background for trip is hopefully to find a rishta there.
I want some good advices about how I can prepare myself for such a long stay in Pk. Btw, let me specify that Im a EBCD!(European born confused desi).
Im curious to know Pakistani men’s opinion about selfsupporting girls born and raised up abroad. I would also like to hear from girls who have been married to stabled and selfsupporting men from Pakistan?
Can anyone share their wisdom or/and experience with me. Your Help is highly appreciated.
All the ones that will be interested in you, they will all want to marry you for your European country's citizenship. So don't be dillusioned that "Aww.. he really loves me and wants to marry me" If you have any doubts, just ask yourself, would this guy be interested in marrying me if I was a citizen of Rawanda or North Korea, instead of that fancy rich European country. The answer will most likely be no.
First of all, stop considering yourself as “confused”. Its a mental state. Every morning when you wake up, stand in front of the mirror and repeat 10 times “I am NOT confused”.
Secondly, if you are going to be staying for a longer period, you are strongly encouraged to make yourself useful. Don’t just wait around for a good rishta to pop up. Depending on where you are in your school/career, continue with your studies or find a good job and be a productive person.
This is a very generic question, and it all depends on what kind of men you will be exposed to. What are your ecnomic circumstances. Do you (or your family with whom you are going to be staying) live in big cities (Lahore, Karachi, Islamabad etc) or in small villages. Like any big country (in terms of population, demography etc), there are all kinds of people in Pakistan.
Second thing that is important is what are you bringing to the table: your education, your looks, your values… the whole package. What are your expectations about your married life. Where do you ultimately plan to settle down. Do you want to permanently live in Pakistan after marriage or do you plan to whisk away your husband with you to Europe or are you indifferent and it all depends on what your husband wants.
Assuming you are going into a big city and have reasonable opportunity to meet highly educated professional men in there, they will be as picky about their future spouse as any men you find in Europe. If you are dangling the bait of a European citizenship, then you may attract some lamers whose only interest is the passport. Then again you may just find a great guy who is educated, ambitious and with great values who has a skill set that is easily marketable anywhere in the world.
Foreign born and raised girls give rise to certain preconceived stereotypes in our Pakistani societies. Depending on what kind of person you are you will counter these stereotypes in your own way. So get ready for an interesting ride.
Deewani ladki - I didn't get any message(PM) yet. :)
TeenDabbyWala - I don't want to waste my life with one who take me as a path to come abroad. I hope to find the right one who will marry with me for who I am, not my pocketbook/european citizenship!
Faisal - "ABCD" is just an attribute for me, wich I used as an acronym in my post. I don't have any confusions with being an "EBD". <- Corrected it, "C" is gone!
By the way, thanks much for your good advices. I belong to Lahore and have allready been in touch with studyinstituttes there(Punjab University, Lumb, Depilex beauty institute and so on). I will take some short courses during the time in Pakistan. :) Out of this, Im gonna work with my master-project from Pakistan.
I consider myself as an average/decent girl, both in looks and in education(Software engineer). I hope to find same values in my future husband. I was raised in a very traditional family and In my opinion a man(no matter where he's from) should protect and provide his wife for all her needs.
I want to spend some time in Pakistan, and later find out with my husband what to do next. :) We don't necessery need to live in Pakistan or Norway. I am very flexible at this front.
ASHTREY - Apka andaza kaafi ghalt sabit hoa. Im still young!
Still waiting for more viewpoint on this topic.
- Redlips
Hi Redlips perhaps i react a lil bit late now but indeed why ur searching for a husband in Pakistan? Im married to someone who lived i n Pakistan he is now here in Europe with me.
But i can say the way of thinking between a European and a Pakistan is very different.
Anywayz its ur choice where you want to go marry.
honest suggestion from some one like me, who is Pakistan born and raised. moved to london 7 years ago.
I have observed this kind of situations with people around me, my friends from here and from there.
personally i could have married here or in Pak, i only required to be compatible any person either here or in Pak. becuase I think I am in somewhere middle have got both good east and western traits.
but sadly, i have seen many people ruined their lives just because they or their parents want to get married to someone from Pakistan.
it can sometime work out if they person luckily has common sense and know how is the life in EU and dont have negetive image(which most people have).
another reason some visa hunters will be after you and make it like they really like you and will do whatever to please you( you may think they are very nice and caring)
so if you have to hunt there, remove these loosers from the list. who cant do anything but to climb to a visa ladder(not based on relationship only) - so only consider people only who are quite good successful in Pakistan professionaly. professional and confident! who doesnt just need you for visa thing but also compatible emotionaly, much awared about world have bit broader mind sets.
it will be hard for you to find honest person when you dont know people personaly long enough. but good luck!
but dont force yourself that you have to find at all cost. there will be some one for you, in EU or Pakistan or any part of the world.
Redlips, good plan in general, however, I dont see a connection between the three institutions that you have mentioned, unless lumb (and not LUMS) is an art institution.
Yeh to bohat hi achi khabar sunai aap nay. If you need any help in Pakistan to please contact me.
Ji meray to tukkay bhi kabhi ghalat nahi howay andaza to dur ki baat hae, lekin jiss stage per abhi baat hae maiN (tasveer aanay tak) maan leta hooN.
PS: if you have already found some one let me know and I will reduce the number of smilies in my next reply.
Nilu raised a very important point. No matter how liberal and understanding a Pakistani born and bred guy claims to be, there just are some innate barriers you can't brake in mere years.
I've seen it happen and it isn't the happiest of situations. People
of Pakistan generally are of a severely different breed usually too
caught up in the status (money, social group, trying to be westernized)
genre to care for anything else. You'd be much better off converting a
Norwegian to Islam and marrying him than marrying someone Pakistani.
.