Re: Pain of love
^ lol
even MizgaaN got a little upset...she never does though! :)
Re: Pain of love
^Lol. Hardly. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. :)
I find that it is best to refrain from upsetting oneself over the random rantings of people on the internet. There are much more serious and unfortunate things taking place in the world, especially our part of the world, to get upset about.
Re: Pain of love
You come on a website posting stuff about yourself asking people for advice. Did you expect a pat on the back instead? I am sure it would have saved others a lot of time had they done that.
I doubt you’re sorry for coming across as being rude, as you don’t really sound it. Every single person who posts to you other than ‘‘aww’’ your reply is ‘‘I am helpless I am this and I am that’’. Either you stop feeling sorry for yourself and man up or you look for awwws as replies which makes the whole point of seeking help pointless. 
Re: Pain of love
Who exactly did I “shot down”? Like I said, if u got nothing better to say, dont post in this thread. I never forced u to post here.
It takes one to know one. Always remember that. You kept on going about my attitude and wasnt that an assumption? God damn, this is why desis are so pathetic.
Go away then
Bye
Lol no. I asked for an advise, didnt ask to be judged. Did u expect a pat on ur back after you posted in here? I think so.
Well maybe u need a hearing-aid. It’s not my problem if you take it the wrong way. Take it as negative my intentions as u like. Ur no help anyway. Lmaooooo I am not feeling sorry for myself. Gosh. So ur saying being lonely and depressed is feeling sorry for yourself? Well then more than 1/2 our world is feeling sorry for themselves.
Like I said, I want help for myself, dont want to go on what to tell my parents yet. First it needs to start from me getting up and walking in life, standing on my own two feet then parents come in.
If u dont understand this simple idea, then I cant further explain myself. And ur not alone, most ppl tend to misunderstand me anyway.
Re: Pain of love
Maybe you need to look up the definition of being rude. Pretty much everyone is saying the same thing to you, you’re responding by throwing your toys out of the pram at every good suggestion while nodding at anything that pats you on the back. We can’t be all wrong now can we?
Which is EXACTLY I said to you above as well but in response you go on the attack 
Re: Pain of love
Okaayyy
Re: Pain of love
All i'm saying is you need to realize you're wasting time thinking about this guy who as much as you love him and you say he loves you, you two are not going to be together because of the reasons you stated.
I think all of us have gone through the pain of love. You have to be selfish in this scenario because he is someone else's husband and you don't keep in touch or think about other women's husbands right? right. Like Indigo rain said if your parents don't seem helpful in changing your surroundings and moving forward to a guy that is right for you, get your other family members involved. Those distractions and changes in surroundings are absolutely necessary for recovery as much as possible so you can get yourself out of these thoughts of you and him and what you're used to. You aren't a couple anymore he doesn't exist and shouldn't exist in your world.
Just don't make any rushed decisions if you do meet a single muslim guy because you still aren't fully emotionally recovered. We don't really think straight or rationally when we're emotionally in intense pain. Been there done that.
I hope you aren't still in touch with him just to see how he's doing or whatever as in checking his emails or messages because that is something people that are in that state of mind do. That's just going postpone all the recovery and waste your time. Go cold turkey rather than going through the slow recovery way. It's two months of just painful, necessary recovery but it's like taking a band aid off fast rather than slowly.
Just don't talk about it over and over and over because eventually those people that are helpful will get tired of hearing about your ex. I speak from experience :D. You need those good people in your life.
Hope you don't get angry with me too :p since i've recently been through the same. We're all trying to help.
Re: Pain of love
All i'm saying is you need to realize you're wasting time thinking about this guy who as much as you love him and you say he loves you, you two are not going to be together because of the reasons you stated.
I think all of us have gone through the pain of love. You have to be selfish in this scenario because he is someone else's husband and you don't keep in touch or think about other women's husbands right? right. Like Indigo rain said if your parents don't seem helpful in changing your surroundings and moving forward to a guy that is right for you, get your other family members involved. Those distractions and changes in surroundings are absolutely necessary for recovery as much as possible so you can get yourself out of these thoughts of you and him and what you're used to. You aren't a couple anymore he doesn't exist and shouldn't exist in your world.
Just don't make any rushed decisions if you do meet a single muslim guy because you still aren't fully emotionally recovered. We don't really think straight or rationally when we're emotionally in intense pain. Been there done that.
I hope you aren't still in touch with him just to see how he's doing or whatever as in checking his emails or messages because that is something people that are in that state of mind do. That's just going postpone all the recovery and waste your time. Go cold turkey rather than going through the slow recovery way. It's two months of just painful, necessary recovery but it's like taking a band aid off fast rather than slowly.
Just don't talk about it over and over and over because eventually those people that are helpful will get tired of hearing about your ex. I speak from experience :D. You need those good people in your life.
Hope you don't get angry with me too :p since i've recently been through the same. We're all trying to help.
Thx.
Nah im not angry at u. U said in a non - judgemental way.
It would be so much easier to let go off him cold turkey if I had one other single person in life to talk to.
Dont want family involved, they dont know I love him.
I just keep myself alive only thinking that this life is not permanent.
Re: Pain of love
Thx. Nah im not angry at u. U said in a non - judgemental way. It would be so much easier to let go off him cold turkey if I had one other single person in life to talk to. Dont want family involved, they dont know I love him. I just keep myself alive only thinking that this life is not permanent.
Exactly, this life isn't permanent. And if you truly believe there's an after-life where you'll be judged, then why the heck are you allowing yourself to waste away for this guy? Because it carries abundant sawab for you? This guy, who until I read GlobalGal's post, I had no idea he was someone else's husband. He may have made his marriage stronger if he had spent the time with his wife instead of with you. You don't want to be the woman who wrecks another woman's home or relationship. Don't invite that karma in your life. You are 26, that is not ancient. There are plenty of women older than you who are surviving. You don't need another single guy to fall back on in order to move on from this married dude. What you're essentially saying is that you depend on a guy to get ahead in life, otherwise you are totally incapable or so severely handicapped that you can't take a step forward on your own. Life doesn't stop for anyone, not the single ones like you, not the divorced or widowed, not even the ones without children, not even those who have suffered worse tragedies. Yes, it may be easier if you had another guy to distract you from your pain, but it isn't necessary. You don't have another male distraction, so will you just mope around and put your life on hold? People can only tell you to get up and push forward, in the end it's you who has to actually stand up and do it, even if it's a few steps at a time.
Re: Pain of love
Indigo, I'm saying that OP needs to see that he will be some other woman's husband. No he's not married yet according to the OP but i'm just trying to get her in the frame of mind of seeing it in that way so she doesn't keep thinking about him. If he doesn't belong in her future, it's best she doesn't waste her time constantly thinking about the two of them together since it doesn't exist anymore.
Oye Outofdisworld, forget about him I wasn't talking about him...he doesn't exist in your world anymore remember? When i said that you need to get other family members involved I was agreeing with Indigo Rain about getting other family members in the frame of thought of you are at the age where you want to look for a life partner. Family as in your grandparents, uncles, aunts ones that love you.
Re: Pain of love
Exactly, this life isn't permanent. And if you truly believe there's an after-life where you'll be judged, then why the heck are you allowing yourself to waste away for this guy? Because it carries abundant sawab for you? This guy, who until I read GlobalGal's post, I had no idea he was someone else's husband. He may have made his marriage stronger if he had spent the time with his wife instead of with you. You don't want to be the woman who wrecks another woman's home or relationship. Don't invite that karma in your life. You are 26, that is not ancient. There are plenty of women older than you who are surviving. You don't need another single guy to fall back on in order to move on from this married dude. What you're essentially saying is that you depend on a guy to get ahead in life, otherwise you are totally incapable or so severely handicapped that you can't take a step forward on your own. Life doesn't stop for anyone, not the single ones like you, not the divorced or widowed, not even the ones without children, not even those who have suffered worse tragedies. Yes, it may be easier if you had another guy to distract you from your pain, but it isn't necessary. You don't have another male distraction, so will you just mope around and put your life on hold? People can only tell you to get up and push forward, in the end it's you who has to actually stand up and do it, even if it's a few steps at a time.
Just saw this. I think GG may have accidentally misinterpreted some of the comments. The guy is single but OP and the guy are convincing each other to get married to others as a way to move on. I mentioned sacha pyar since they both know the situation, are distant from each other but are supporting each other to find someone new and move on.
I agree life moves on and I think OP can use all the suggestions to help with the moving on process but first I think it's important she feels emotionally strong again.
Re: Pain of love
Indigo, I'm saying that OP needs to see that he will be some other woman's husband. No he's not married yet according to the OP but i'm just trying to get her in the frame of mind of seeing it in that way so she doesn't keep thinking about him. If he doesn't belong in her future, it's best she doesn't waste her time constantly thinking about the two of them together since it doesn't exist anymore.
Oye Outofdisworld, forget about him I wasn't talking about him...he doesn't exist in your world anymore remember? When i said that you need to get other family members involved I was agreeing with Indigo Rain about getting other family members in the frame of thought of you are at the age where you want to look for a life partner. Family as in your grandparents, uncles, aunts ones that love you.
I think if OP did have good friends to confide in or family who were more open to discussion she'd be able to go cold turkey more easily. If both of them have resolved that it won't work out and are at closure with it, then is it really wrong to remain friends? They've only had an emotional connection. Particularly if they resolve not to see each other or meet? I don't know. Your points also make some sense as well.
Re: Pain of love
^ No shaasavera I didn’t misinterpret anything read my post above yours, if you could. The main goal is for her to forget him, move on with her life and use any tools necessary to do so even if it means picturing him married with 6 kids and definitely moving on with his life happy.
Re: Pain of love
Anyone can move on from anything if you try hard enough.
if they want to.
Re: Pain of love
yeh 'ishq kii maar aisii hotii hai k jis par paRe vohii jaane yaa phir Khudaa jaane!
**
yeh 'ishq nahiiN aasaaN, bas itnaa samajh liije
ik aag kaa daryaa hai aur Dooooob ke jaanaa hai!**
Re: Pain of love
sorry GG didn’t read that before posting. That’s an innovative way to think about the situation 
Re: Pain of love
I am no stranger to heartache of this variety. But this thread: oh my goodness gracious! Even if OP is trying to move on from this guy, this thread won't let her forget him with its analysis on how to determine whether the feelings were 'sacha pyaar' or anything less than that, or its analysis on how the guy must be faring and what conscious or subconscious emotional factors make it easier or harder to move on. I don't think this is helpful. If anything, it brings her attention back to this guy and keeps it there.
The partial solution to all problems is prayer and patience and then you have to apply effort. All the advising in the world is not going to help until you firmly decide to take control and do something. As I suggested to you before, express your concerns to either a grandparent or an aunt or uncle who can then talk to your parents. I've, MashaAllah se, seen this strategy work though I was skeptical at first. Get up and try, even if it's just baby steps at first. If you think you've black magic on you, get up and find its cure. Remaining in a mopey state won't accomplish anything.
By the way, are you saying that she should talk to her grandparents, aunt, or uncle so they can convince the parents to be more rational as in as long as he reverts willingly and submits willingly not for the sake of marriage and it shouldn't matter if his whole family reverts or are you saying that she should get her grandparents, aunt, uncle involved so they can find a good muslim single guy so she can move on and look for a life partner in another guy? I initially thought you meant the latter because a marriage where the parents have to be convinced by so many people isn't going to start out well.
Re: Pain of love
Exactly, this life isn't permanent. And if you truly believe there's an after-life where you'll be judged, then why the heck are you allowing yourself to waste away for this guy? Because it carries abundant sawab for you? This guy, who until I read GlobalGal's post, I had no idea he was someone else's husband. He may have made his marriage stronger if he had spent the time with his wife instead of with you. You don't want to be the woman who wrecks another woman's home or relationship. Don't invite that karma in your life. You are 26, that is not ancient. There are plenty of women older than you who are surviving. You don't need another single guy to fall back on in order to move on from this married dude. What you're essentially saying is that you depend on a guy to get ahead in life, otherwise you are totally incapable or so severely handicapped that you can't take a step forward on your own. Life doesn't stop for anyone, not the single ones like you, not the divorced or widowed, not even the ones without children, not even those who have suffered worse tragedies. Yes, it may be easier if you had another guy to distract you from your pain, but it isn't necessary. You don't have another male distraction, so will you just mope around and put your life on hold? People can only tell you to get up and push forward, in the end it's you who has to actually stand up and do it, even if it's a few steps at a time.
Sorry what?
He's not married. I was telling him to get married so i get detached from him. I never find myself to be attracted to someone who is already married. In fact, I wouldnt want someone to do that to me so why would I do that to someone else?
And we already if ever do share stuff with our aunts/uncles, mom already doesn't like it. She's the type of person who wants everyone to tell her and only her things. And when she makes her mind about a thing, then doesn't move, no matter what.
Re: Pain of love
Sorry what? He's not married. I was telling him to get married so i get detached from him. I never find myself to be attracted to someone who is already married. In fact, I wouldnt want someone to do that to me so why would I do that to someone else? And we already if ever do share stuff with our aunts/uncles, mom already doesn't like it. She's the type of person who wants everyone to tell her and only her things. And when she makes her mind about a thing, then doesn't move, no matter what.
Who cares if your mom doesn't like it. No parent would. Most people don't like being corrected, they don't like anyone giving them unsolicited advice. The objective is not to make your mom "like" the unsolicited advice. The objective is not to please your mom. The objective is to plant a seed in her head, to get her thinking even if it isn't apparent to you. Usually when we are chided or given unsolicited advice that challenges our beliefs, our ego will make us defensive, we may get angry, but it will still make us think about the other person's words. It makes us question ourselves, our actions and views. And maybe an adult from the family, such as a grandparent or aunt, can talk to your mom in a better way than you. They may word things in a more impactful way or may give a hint to your mom that could wake her up. If you have tried talking to your parents time and again to no avail, then this is the next step. Dua bhi karo aur koshish bhi.
Re: Pain of love
Id give u a tip. How about be quiet if u cant help someone, dont post in their thread? And if yourself are so much of a good Muslim, quit judging then? If you're not so helpless then kindly stop posting helpless posts. As for black magic, do you know me personally? Do u have any idea about even a singlE thing about my life or where I come from? No. And to a person like u, I wouldn't even bother explaining how I know about black magic and how much of it can be done and in what forms it can come. I am just going to say that I am not the type of person to blame everything that goes wrong onto black magic. But then u havent lived my life so you wouldn't know where im coming from. And if ur so tough, id get u to talk to my parents and then let's see what happens? Sorry if I came across rude, but ur "no, just no" wasnt very open-minded and sounded judgemental.
Actually that that post is very apt and appropriate for your situation. Stop acting like you are in a Bollywood love story. Be practical if you know thre is no future with his guy just move on.
and once you open a post anyone can reply. You can't say it is my thread as anyone can give can reply.