I think it's painful moving on because subconsciously you'll also be thinking of him and how this affects him. You can't control another's actions and even if he does disintegrate on the inside, as some people do after breakup, you can't change it or affect things. It's like a grieving process and people express it differently. Both of you had dreams of a future and life together. Now that dream is gone it may take time for both of you, especially him, to get over it.
Grieving process is the keyword. Exactly how I felt while driving yesterday.
I get what you mean. But my situation is different. I have prayed to God again and again to remove my love for him and his love for me in our hearts if we aren't meant to be without any feeling of pain. Only God can do that. God alone can move hearts and put love and take love away from hearts if one asks God for it, considering it's reasonable. If I don't pray about it, I still have feelings for him. So let's see if my feelings would go slowly by the help of Dua. If you sacrifice yourself, that was probably real love to because you don't want to hurt him or anyone else in the family.
Thx yeh, I'll think of it that way. Hope it helps me. Ok ill take a look at those stories.
Thx for the tips. Yeh, I feel like I have really did torture myself already. But what if after 2 months I talk to him again and I start to have feelings for him again? (If my current feelings go away in the first place that is).
Well I have already told him to get married and he told me too so considering we both know it's impossible. I just feel suffocated knowing that I wont know how he is, if he's ok, if he ate, if he sleeps on time, if his heart is happy, etc etc. So I told him to marry someone at least then my heart would be at peace knowing someone is there to care for him. I dont know if he's gonna marry yet though. I know deep down it'll kill me inside seeing him with someone else, but I'll know at least he's happy and someone will be by his side to take care of him. True, maybe it's the best for the both of us. God does what's best for all of us.
True.
I agree prayers and duas to get the love out of your hearts is the best option as well as everything else GG suggested.
Important to mention it was an emotional relationship based on love rather than superficial. True love is hard to get over and would be for him also. He wants you to move on and get married also yet expecting him to get married as well might not work out. Don't tie your fortunes to what he does. What if he never marries? what if his system never gets back to normal? What if he is never truly happy with someone else..and never finds someone who cares for him? What if he does marry just so you marry but does not feel happy?
You can't hold yourself responsible for all what happens to him. You have to consider yourself first as selfish as it sounds. I agree God does what is best for all of us.
Grieving process is the keyword. Exactly how I felt while driving yesterday.
So don't be harsh on yourself. Grieving can take a lot of time. You too had future plans and not a superficial love but a sacha pyar..jo har kisi ko nahi milta. Even if the person you find next does not have all those qualities he may have some other qualities.
I agree prayers and duas to get the love out of your hearts is the best option as well as everything else GG suggested.
Important to mention it was an emotional relationship based on love rather than superficial. True love is hard to get over and would be for him also. He wants you to move on and get married also yet expecting him to get married as well might not work out. Don't tie your fortunes to what he does. What if he never marries? what if his system never gets back to normal? What if he is never truly happy with someone else..and never finds someone who cares for him? What if he does marry just so you marry but does not feel happy?
You can't hold yourself responsible for all what happens to him. You have to consider yourself first as selfish as it sounds. I agree God does what is best for all of us.
It would really hurt me if he lives his life all alone. I want to care for him like a little one. Like care for every little thing. Im distracted right now a little so im ok. I dont know anything could happen in the next few mins if im not distracted. Just trying u know.....
Ill pray that if not me, then may he finds someone who truly loves and takes care of him.
So don't be harsh on yourself. Grieving can take a lot of time. You too had future plans and not a superficial love but a sacha pyar..jo har kisi ko nahi milta. Even if the person you find next does not have all those qualities he may have some other qualities.
It would really hurt me if he lives his life all alone. I want to care for him like a little one. Like care for every little thing. Im distracted right now a little so im ok. I dont know anything could happen in the next few mins if im not distracted. Just trying u know.....
Ill pray that if not me, then may he finds someone who truly loves and takes care of him.
Yes, sacha pyaar it is. Lets see...
If he now lives in another country chances are he may never tell which in a way is good because distance is important. If you guys remain friends if that is possible maybe you can still show some care till you find someone.
Think that you are in control..GS is great for distractions. Keep distracting yourself till you feel strong.
The fact that you can pray that and that he too wants you to marry and be happy shows it is sacha pyar.
It would really hurt me if he lives his life all alone. I want to care for him like a little one. Like care for every little thing. Im distracted right now a little so im ok. I dont know anything could happen in the next few mins if im not distracted. Just trying u know.....
Ill pray that if not me, then may he finds someone who truly loves and takes care of him.
I'm sorry you're going through difficult times, and I hope you feel better soon. If at all possible, try not to worry too much. He will eventually find someone and he will be happy. And you too will find someone who will truly love you and vice versa and you will be happy too. Setbacks, sometimes severe like the one you are currently going through, are unfortunately part and parcel of life. But times change. And change for the better. Things will get better for you too.
As for suggestions about how to keep oneself busy, I think reading a book can be a very rewarding experience. Something non-fiction though that doesn't have a lot of emphasis on relationships and melodrama, maybe biographies or memoirs of historic personalities or other inspiring people you like? People like Hillary Clinton, whose latest memoir was published this week. Or you can read a book on topics that are close to your field of interest/university major(s)/profession.
phir vohii short cut? :D
kaunsi shortcut OP ki madad kar rahe hain :) aap ko koi dua pata hai or anything which helped u in past please share. It will help all the silent others in same situation.
kaunsi shortcut OP ki madad kar rahe hain :) aap ko koi dua pata hai or anything which helped u in past please share. It will help all the silent others in same situation.
du'aa is not a short cut to get our wishes fulfilled quickly and with surety. we must first try our best to be an obedient banda/bandi of Allah then Allah will inshaa Allah listen to your du'aa even if you say one word in your own language. du'aas aren't meant for quick fixes when one is in trouble. at least, i believe that one has to work hard in order to get Allah's attention. be His slave first.
du'aa is not a short cut to get our wishes fulfilled quickly and with surety. we must first try our best to be an obedient banda/bandi of Allah then Allah will inshaa Allah listen to your du'aa even if you say one word in your own language. du'aas aren't meant for quick fixes when one is in trouble. at least, i believe that one has to work hard in order to get Allah's attention. be His slave first.
Allah has said already in Qur'aan that:
wasta'eeno bis sabri was-salaat!
seek peace through salaat and patience.
kiuN K
innaAllaha ma'as sabireen!
Allah is with patient people*.*
I understand KKF bhai and I get what you're saying. But if someone is in pain and duas will give them sukoon then what is wrong in telling them about it so they can do it in their own time. I did a google search and saw it is being asked in other forums also.
I understand KKF bhai and I get what you're saying. But if someone is in pain and duas will give them sukoon then what is wrong in telling them about it so they can do it in their own time. I did a google search and saw it is being asked in other forums also.
Agree with u on that. Its like im helpless, physically, emotionally and mentally. like some sort of black magic is done on me so I fall for the wrong person. I cant help myself no matter how hard I try. :s
Hi,
How do you overcome the pain of love? We both love one another but can't get married due to difference in religions. I really have no one to talk to and it is killing me inside. If somebody could please talk to me? I am trying to forget him but it's not helping me. What should I do? I cant keep busy either because I work only one job and then I am free the rest of the days.
Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks.
everything wil be OK inshALLAH. Time heals every wound.
Agree with u on that. Its like im helpless, physically, emotionally and mentally. like some sort of black magic is done on me so I fall for the wrong person. I cant help myself no matter how hard I try. :s
I'm sorry but no...just NO. That is a terrible attitude to have. Things happen in life and, as humans, we sometimes have lapses in judgement and behave unwisely. We shouldn't blame outside forces or "black magic" for our bad judgement (which everyone experiences from time to time).
As far as helpless, honestly, people have given you loads of advice on how to approach your parents and you've shot them all down with "this won't work" or "that won't work" before even giving their advice a try. In order to stop being helpless, YOU have to be proactive, which you really don't seem keen on.
I think it's best you guys don't end up together. As harsh as it sounds, I'm going to be brutally honest with you, converting for the sake of a marriage is not really accepting a faith. Your parents placing an ultimatum that his entire family convert is also unrealistic and completely foolish. You can't force people into converting, and you cannot expect him to convert for you. That's a big NO NO in my book. That's not even love on your part, because you're obviously telling him to do something that perhaps even he isn't fully committed to. Even if you guys did end up getting married and he did convert right now, what would happen once the kids came along? This would never work out hun sorry to say. I've seen cases where one partner converts and their family doesn't speak to them. It's heart breaking and then their children miss out on one side of the family. And I've also seen cases where people convert for the sake of marriage and then after they return back to their previous faith. So no, I don't really believe in converting for marriage and to be honest your parents demands are also ridiculous.
You are better off marrying and settling down with a guy who is already from a Muslim family, as your parents have a demand that most non-Muslim people would never be able to do, no matter how much they love their kid. I think you fail to see the situation from your bf's eyes and to be honest that makes you a bit selfish. He can't be the one giving more in this relationship. If you're too afraid to speak to your parents for him, then I think you already know that the reasonable thing to do is to move on. Yes it hurts but lessons have been learned and you need to realize that there's someone else for you.
Get busy in your life and think about other things besides him and marriage at the moment.
I am no stranger to heartache of this variety. But this thread: oh my goodness gracious! Even if OP is trying to move on from this guy, this thread won't let her forget him with its analysis on how to determine whether the feelings were 'sacha pyaar' or anything less than that, or its analysis on how the guy must be faring and what conscious or subconscious emotional factors make it easier or harder to move on. I don't think this is helpful. If anything, it brings her attention back to this guy and keeps it there.
The partial solution to all problems is prayer and patience and then you have to apply effort. All the advising in the world is not going to help until you firmly decide to take control and do something. As I suggested to you before, express your concerns to either a grandparent or an aunt or uncle who can then talk to your parents. I've, MashaAllah se, seen this strategy work though I was skeptical at first. Get up and try, even if it's just baby steps at first. If you think you've black magic on you, get up and find its cure. Remaining in a mopey state won't accomplish anything.
I'm sorry but no...jUst NO. That is a terrible attitude to have. Things happen in life and, as humans, we sometimes have lapses in judgement and behave unwisely. We shouldn't blame outside forces or "black magic" for our bad judgement (which everyone experiences from time to time).
As far as helpless, honestly, people have given you loads of advice on how to approach your parents and you've shot them all down with "this won't work" or "that won't work" before even giving their advice a try. In order to stop being helpless, YOU have to be proactive, which you really don't seem keen on.
Id give u a tip. How about be quiet if u cant help someone, dont post in their thread? And if yourself are so much of a good Muslim, quit judging then? If you're not so helpless then kindly stop posting helpless posts.
As for black magic, do you know me personally? Do u have any idea about even a singlE thing about my life or where I come from? No.
And to a person like u, I wouldn't even bother explaining how I know about black magic and how much of it can be done and in what forms it can come. I am just going to say that I am not the type of person to blame everything that goes wrong onto black magic. But then u havent lived my life so you wouldn't know where im coming from. And if ur so tough, id get u to talk to my parents and then let's see what happens?
Sorry if I came across rude, but ur "no, just no" wasnt very open-minded and sounded judgemental.
I am no stranger to heartache of this variety. But this thread: oh my goodness gracious! Even if OP is trying to move on from this guy, this thread won't let her forget him with its analysis on how to determine whether the feelings were 'sacha pyaar' or anything less than that, or its analysis on how the guy must be faring and what conscious or subconscious emotional factors make it easier or harder to move on. I don't think this is helpful. If anything, it brings her attention back to this guy and keeps it there.
The partial solution to all problems is prayer and patience and then you have to apply effort. All the advising in the world is not going to help until you firmly decide to take control and do something. As I suggested to you before, express your concerns to either a grandparent or an aunt or uncle who can then talk to your parents. I've, MashaAllah se, seen this strategy work though I was skeptical at first. Get up and try, even if it's just baby steps at first. If you think you've black magic on you, get up and find its cure. Remaining in a mopey state won't accomplish anything.
Id give u a tip. How about be quiet if u cant help someone, dont post in their thread? And if yourself are so much of a good Muslim, quit judging then? If you're not so helpless then kindly stop posting helpless posts.
As for black magic, do you know me personally? Do u have any idea about even a singlE thing about my life or where I come from? No.
And to a person like u, I wouldn't even bother explaining how I know about black magic and how much of it can be done and in what forms it can come. I am just going to say that I am not the type of person to blame everything that goes wrong onto black magic. But then u havent lived my life so you wouldn't know where im coming from. And if ur so tough, id get u to talk to my parents and then let's see what happens?
Sorry if I came across rude, but ur "no, just no" wasnt very open-minded and sounded judgemental.
And you aren't judgemental yourself? Numerous people have given you loads of helpful advice in a nice manner and you've shot them all down, sometimes rather sarcastically, and made assumptions about them as well when you don't know them either.
As far as posting in your thread, you're quite right. Posting here is a waste of time.
