Things were going great. My khala went to Pak to go wedding shopping for me since it turned out I couldn’t go. My mom was with her and they chose a barat suit for 4K. Then, I guess because of some miscommunication and my mom thinking it was ok, she purchased my walima suit for 2K (after a lot shopping around and haggling). Well, my MIL called today and said that that was WAY over budget and that they wanted to pay…wait for it… $750 dollars. total. Well my mom told her that she has no idea how that’s even possible and they settled it but now there’s on mention of jewelry/shoes because my dress alone cost double what they wanted.
Basically…I’m not crazy right? 750 is an absurd amount? I went to DC/chi recently and the cheapest suits that weren’t completely ugly or simple were upwards of 2K; the ones that I really liked were 6K…so I thought we were getting my in laws a pretty sweet deal…needless to say, it’s left a bad taste in my mouth…
i'm getting married in January...i'm NOT least bity of overwhelmed. thank God i'm a man! lol
i keed, i keed!
relax...don't worry too much...chips will fall in place. :) mubaarakaaN.
why don't you just pay the difference and get over with it?...enjoy the moment.
I mean that's what it's coming down to but it's kind of sad (yeah I'm a little bitter right now) because his family is much much better off and my parents are already forking over so much money for my fiance's clothes/inlaws clothes too. It just seems kinda messed up...like they're not happy because I don't see how anyone could think that that was a reasonable amount for anything nowadays and they're just making our lives difficult by having this insane budget. "go on, you pick what you want. As long as it's under 750"...
Has your MIL demanded that you spend thousands on her or her son? If not then $750 is generous. It is not your right to expect someone to spend thousands or even hundreds on you.
Your wedding and the wedding clothes last one day - the relationship lasts a lifetime.
I know Punjabi families do a lot of dayna layna. But other communities don't and they don't expect it either. Unless his family insisted you but an Armani suit for him and clothes and jewelry for the rest of his family, you've just created a one-sided expectation that's part of your family's traditions and not his.
Things were going great. My khala went to Pak to go wedding shopping for me since it turned out I couldn't go. My mom was with her and they chose a barat suit for 4K. Then, I guess because of some miscommunication and my mom thinking it was ok, she purchased my walima suit for 2K (after a lot shopping around and haggling). Well, my MIL called today and said that that was WAY over budget and that they wanted to pay...wait for it... $750 dollars. total. Well my mom told her that she has no idea how that's even possible and they settled it but now there's on mention of jewelry/shoes because my dress alone cost double what they wanted.
Basically...I'm not crazy right? 750 is an absurd amount? I went to DC/chi recently and the cheapest suits that weren't completely ugly or simple were upwards of 2K; the ones that I really liked were 6K...so I thought we were getting my in laws a pretty sweet deal...needless to say, it's left a bad taste in my mouth...
You can't compare what you'd find here in USA wiht what you'd find in Pakistan.
You can't compare what you'd find here in USA wiht what you'd find in Pakistan.
I'm only comparing because they said that they'd find something cheaper in the US and when I went to Devon and all these places, it wasn't true at all. What I got for 2k, I was seeing for 6-7K.
Has your MIL demanded that you spend thousands on her or her son? If not then $750 is generous. It is not your right to expect someone to spend thousands or even hundreds on you.
Your wedding and the wrdding clothes last one day - the relationship lays a lifetime.
I know Punjabi families do a lot of dayna layna. But other communities don't and they don't expect it either. Unless his family insisted you but an Armani suit for him and clothes and jewelry for the rest of his family, you've just created a one-sided expectation thats party of your family's traditions and not his.
The laynda dayna is one thing but I find it hard to believe that someone can reasonably expect to find something for less than 750. Not just the outfit, but EVERYTHING - shoes, jewelry, clothes, makeup-- for under 750. My mom bargained in Pakistan as much as she could and she was only able to drop the price to 2K. I didn't think I was expecting something insane in terms of price, especially given how expensive things are in the States (my mother is their only link to Pak so if my mother hadn't gotten the outfit, they wouldve had to get it from here/Canada).
it should have been clearified before being bought.
maybe u guys can pay the difference and the inlaws pay what they wanted all along, $750. simple. everyone has their own budget that they work with. its rude to expect them to pay more than they want to.
p.s) this is exactly why each side should do their shopping themselves... and then, whatever is bought, should be accepted with gratitude by the other side and worn happily. wedding lasts a couple of hours. marriage, well...hopefully a lifetime.
Take a white wedding dress. You can buy a dress for $150 at David's bridal, off the rack or you can go to a designer and buy a dress for $10,000. Both options exist and the only hold back is what you want to spend and what you can afford to spend.
I know of a family whose wealth is in the hundreds of millions - when their son got married they hosted the valima at the Masjid and donated money to pay for weddings of the less fortunate in India.
Don't measure someone's generosity in dollars and cents, but through their actions.
it should have been clearified before being bought.
maybe u guys can pay the difference and the inlaws pay what they wanted all along, $750. simple. everyone has their own budget that they work with. its rude to expect them to pay more than they want to.
p.s) this is exactly why each side should do their shopping themselves... and then, whatever is bought, should be accepted with gratitude by the other side and worn happily. wedding lasts a couple of hours. marriage, well...hopefully a lifetime.
They had originally wanted me to pick out what I wanted but when I went to Devon and NJ everything was over 3K. So since my mom was in Pak, she offered to buy it for cheaper. They said that they'd pay the whole thing but my parents feel bad now so I think they're going to pay the difference + jewelry/shoes/makeup.
Take a white wedding dress. You can buy a dress for $150 at David's bridal, off the rack or you can go to a designer and buy a dress for $10,000. Both options exist and the only hold back is what you want to spend and what you can afford to spend.
I know of a family whose wealth is in the hundreds of millions - when their son got married they hosted the valima at the Masjid and donated money to pay for weddings of the less fortunate in India.
Don't measure someone's generosity in dollars and cents, but through their actions.
I'm not saying they're not generous; I just didn't know if I was crazy and $750 was a doable amount because it didn't seem to be when I looked around.
$4K is designer bridal price. $2K while not high end designer, is still pricey. If you buy from a market or bazaar, yes a wedding dress can be bought in $750. Will it have all the bells and whistles, no. But a nice dress can be bought.
My point being, until someone has first hand experience shopping and is comfortable spending that much money, the first inclination it's to say that $1000 on an outfit worn once is too much money.
Don't treat it like a personal slight. It is not your in laws responsibility to spend money on you. Once you're married, you can have grand expectations of your husband, but until then everything from them is a gift and with a gift even if we don't like what we're given, e should graciously accept it and say thank you.
There you go. That is where the problem happened, that you yourself admitted - miscommunication i.e, which is a polite way of saying that we failed to check with them upfront, or we did not think that checking was important. Either way, with all due respect, the fault is on yourside. Just admit it gracefully, pay for the overage, and don’t make this issue a matter of stress for your family or your in-laws.
There you go. That is where the problem happened, that you yourself admitted - miscommunication i.e, which is a polite way of saying that we failed to check with them upfront, or we did not think that checking was important. Either way, with all due respect, the fault is on yourside. Just admit it gracefully, pay for the overage, and don't make this issue a matter of stress for your family or your in-laws.
the oversight wasn't on my part. My fiance gave my family (and me) the okay because we went dress shopping 2 weeks ago together. He told them that budget was okay but my mom made something cheaper than what he said.
If i was you just accept it and move on. Dont have any expectations as when the bubble bursts its not always pleasant. Your fiance gave you rhe go ahead? But your MIL said your budget 750.. so did he say it was ok to spend more?
My MIL moaned my dress cost alot, she was with me when i ordered and said nothing went home and created a tamasha. I just was like ok watever in my case my hubby paid for my dress shoes and jewels for valima so i just okayed it all with him.
If you want the extras then unfortunatley you will just have to pay the difference. As your MIL clearly wont budge on her budget
Weddings are not happy occasions; they 're just not with all the requirements and rasmain and drama. We've sucked the joy out of weddings. All this pre-shadi stuff scares me.
soconfused, I don't know if this is something you can do, but I suggest letting the parents handle this stuff now. You're overwhelmed because you feel like you need to handle all of this, manage all the personalities, expectations, opinions, please everyone, including yourself, etc. I recommend stepping back, get what you get, handle anything as needed, and focus on being married and planning for your lifetime with your husband. Let the parents handle the headache of the wedding.
I get this is hard for a lot of brides, but I do think sometimes this is the best way.