Oh God. 
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
Fairytale... im agree with you...BUT...what PCG is trying to say is..a women SHOULD wear hijab but if she really want to...see if today her husband is forcing her and she is wearing but if she is going alone somewhere she is thinking my husband is not watching me here so im not wearing here..
the point is if u me or her really want to wear hijab we should wear with all our heart and wish....cos at the end of the day if she is wearing by FORCING thn she will never understand the meaning of hijab and it will be a burdn for her..
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
That and tomorrow, you don't know what he's going to ask you to do.
Abusive relations can begin like this. He wants you to do that. Guilt trips and insults you into it. Then he'll want you to do something else. Again, will guilt trip and insult you into it.
Its not so much the "Hey I am concerned about your afterlife, so here, put on this helmet" that I'm concerned about. Its HOW he is getting her to do it - the guilt tripping and insulting and talking down to her.
Which is probably why she's wondering if she's being bossed around for ego's sake.
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
Normally men in a relationship try to dominate women by being successful at their career, financial stability or superior intellect. From what I understand in Sara_pathan's case, the man after waiting for his visa to migrate to Vilaayet is feeling a little insecure, incompetent. So he has to find ways to dominate his woman. The easiest and fastest one given his situation is Mardaangi by pressuring his wife into doing things he knows she will have a hard time doing.
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
^ ok there is way too much assumption there, u do NOT know the guy at all. stop scaring the poor girl and filling her head with idiotic generalizations.
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
say f*ck off. He doesnt own your body.
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
deprive him of sex and if he tries to rape you call the police
Fairytale... im agree with you...BUT...what PCG is trying to say is..a women SHOULD wear hijab but if she really want to...see if today her husband is forcing her and she is wearing but if she is going alone somewhere she is thinking my husband is not watching me here so im not wearing here..
the point is if u me or her really want to wear hijab we should wear with all our heart and wish....cos at the end of the day if she is wearing by FORCING thn she will never understand the meaning of hijab and it will be a burdn for her..
No no no, i was not pointing towards only PCG. My response was mainly for the earlier posts.
Secondly I very well understand when you say doing Hijaab from heart etc. I am a gal too and wont like if its imposed on me. But if i am someone's wife, I may do it just for him, even without liking it. I am sure that after some time I will start feeling comfortable with it. Its jsut the first time fear and your inner feeling of being controlled. Keep them both aside for a while, and decide, you will be fine.
She should be thankful he has not asked him to do full pardah, imagine what she was going to do in that case.
And yes these things should have been discussed and decided before marriage when you could still review your decision again n again. Now its too late already.
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
My GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
it's funny how US girls LOVE to wear the bridal dupatta on. We try to make it a point to look our best with the duppatta on our head... yet once the big day is over - we want to throw it out in some corner hoping never to find it again!
No no no, i was not pointing towards only PCG. My response was mainly for the earlier posts.
Secondly I very well understand when you say doing Hijaab from heart etc. I am a gal too and wont like if its imposed on me. But if i am someone's wife, I may do it just for him, even without liking it. I am sure that after some time I will start feeling comfortable with it. Its jsut the first time fear and your inner feeling of being controlled. Keep them both aside for a while, and decide, you will be fine.
She should be thankful he has not asked him to do full pardah, imagine what she was going to do in that case. ** And yes these things should have been discussed and decided before marriage when you could still review your decision again n again. Now its too late alread**y.
Its not too late. She says I am not wearing it and that's it. Who the hell is this douche to claim absolute ownership of this poor girl. Id bloody shank him if a guy tried to claim ownership over my sister.
Normally men in a relationship try to dominate women by being successful at their career, financial stability or superior intellect. From what I understand in Sara_pathan's case, the man after waiting for his visa to migrate to Vilaayet is feeling a little insecure, incompetent. So he has to find ways to dominate his woman. The easiest and fastest one given his situation is Mardaangi by pressuring his wife into doing things he knows she will have a hard time doing.
:O aisa bhi hota hai? :(
say f*ck off. He doesnt own your body.
deprive him of sex and if he tries to rape you call the police
that is bad bad bad advice
1st off ur asking her to tell her hubby to f -off...what if he said the same to her and even implemented it?
secondly depriving him of...thats a low blow n for wat? cuz he's asking her to wear a dupatta in public? isnt that a bit extreme?
third call the police on him???? do you what that could lead to? I have seen it happen
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
what funguy says sounds compelling, although mr. pathan could be a citizen who still feels that way. btw, funguy, are you really a guy?
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
say f*ck off. He doesnt own your body.
deprive him of sex and if he tries to rape you call the police
the last place I was living in about 5 years ago a lady slapped her 9 yr old son because she was trying to bathe her daughter and the son was being annoying...the father walks in at the same time and tells his wife don't hit him again or else i will slap you. in her "zid" she hit the kid again and the hubby slapped his wife and went out for a walk.....she was crying her eyes out when a couple of her friends came over.....when she told them the story they told her to call the police and report physical abuse
she did ...the police came and took her and the kids away into so-called "witness protection" or whatever...the hubby pleaded guilty at trial and apologized for his behavior and requested to be given his family back...well not only did he end up doing jail time but we still have no clue what happened to his wife and kids...for all we know the police themselves could have raped the woman and done god knows what to her...separated the kids and put them in foster homes since the mother had hit the kids .... so dont give this kind of BS advice of involving the police
this could ruin her life in more ways than you can imagine
and depriving him of that would be just plain wrong
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
hey ignore SLickstar he's a joker who likes to mock posters with exaggerated responses.
guys im not being a joker. Its serious advise im giving. After analyzing the situation from 4 different angles i have come to the sane conclusion that depriving him of sex is the best option. Here me out, this guy is emotionally blackmailing her into wearing a dupatta which she doesn't want to. She should play the same game, deprive him of sex, when he is begging for her she says You can have me only if you stop blackmailing me into wearing a dupatta; just watch him agree to everything she asks.
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
chalo theek hai par police ko bulaane ki advice toh nahi do na yaar
Clearly we have, here an incompatibility of partners due to cultural and religious clashes.
This 'religious' Hubby well knew before marriage, Sara is western raised girl unused to be controlled- but he inspite went along.
And sara pathan knew he was a religious guy who never hid his expectations before marriage- but inspite went along.
Also Guppies did warn sara in her earlier ' threads' that he seems like a dominating pakistani man resistant of change, and that possibly this marriage is not compatible.
Sara continued on on the grounds that he sincerely loves her.
Personanlly speaking, this 'guy' is equally wrong. If he knew he wanted the religious/hijabi girl, why did he agree for pathan.
possibly there is more to the story.......this 'molvi-saab' may indeed have endured all this, as many others, for the ultimate 'golden reward' of THE GREEN CARD.
Irrespectivly, if he wants his wife to be religious there are ways of going about it.
He hold pathan down for a discussion, and should appropriatly but ONCE make clear his wishes and related religious obligations to the importance of covering or uncovering. Then he should stop the harassment.
Once he has discussed the above Sara pathan is an adult having ability to retain knowledge.- after that if she does abides or not- its her burden- and not her husbands.
and 'There is no compulsion in religion'
Besides this, I am insighted that nowadays lots of 'religious' men purposly marry 'less religious' women, with the intention they 'are the ones' that can make them better muslims.
Speaking frankly- if all else fails- sarah-pathan can at the same time tell her husband to also 'to lower his gaze' each time a women them across the street.
This requirement from men is equivalent to women as said in koran.
This is also an 'obligation', whether 2 women pass you in the space of a minute or 200.Let Hubby also have a taste of 'obligation'.
(This one is almost practically impossible)
Besides, in mean-time I emphazize to pathan, to do atleast somthing that will satisfy hubby.
Sara it is important to ensure you body and back is fully covered and that your body shapeis not clear.
You have already mentioned earlier that you are a fairly attractive looking girl, and maybe your husband feels possesive about this.
I recommend you wearing atleast a 'chadder' or loose top/coat/cloak at present.
Not only pathan- But all Girls dressed contrary to the above, will arouse (awaringly or unawaringly) physical attraction in some males- which can lead to further fitna. And pathan has alredy mentioned her BIL issue.
Ther is no compulsion in religion and also Nabi-pak did not enforce all the obligations to his sahabies at once, because he knew it would be too much for them to bear.
As-long as there is no danger of fitna- sara pathan- your hubby should understand that you will adopt the headscarf when you are ready yourself when your heart agrees to it.
However- pathan- you must be currently somewhat more mature and in cases where there is danger of fitna you should, for that time, adopt the scarf.
However, out and about in public in U.K- from where your from-, the society is usually more-mannered than compared to countries like pakistan.
Sara- dont be depressed. We understand your anger ' to tell him to f..k off' but now you are married and shud be more careful.
Your husband is a religious man DO NOT force him into uttering those 3 regretful words 'talaq talaq talaq'.
If this happens you CANNOT re-marry him again- plainly he will be able to attain an alternate wife- but you will not-and your life will be ruined.
Therefore, Dont be angry, LEARN TO BE Be DIPLOMATIC.
And I advise speak to somebody wiser and closer to you who knows you and your situation better than us and can advise better.
However, Personally speaking again, regardless of his well off situation back home, I still feel your 'hubby' would not mind that 'Green Card'.
Some people from back home are incredibly clever and unnoticeble and the facts prove some of them will go to great lengths to obtain thier permanent stay goals.
Goodluck.
Totally agree. Instead of focusing on how many uncles and aunties are doctors or which village their grandad comes from ppl should focus on the basics of compatibility. The hijab/no hijab issue, does he have a problem with wife wearing western style clothes, as well as future living arrangements, will he ‘allow’ u to work or study after marriage, what other things does he expect from u etc are major things. I really can’t understand why some ppl go into marriage so blindly just hoping that differences of opinions or situations will just somehow resolve themselves..