only married 2 months and feel depressed

[Slickstar]

@PyariCgudia

By the way, those of you guys here who want your wives to wear hijab…why are you not restricting your proposals to hijabi girls? There are plenty of hijabi girls waiting for rishtas - why give a rishta to someone who is not already wearing it?

And then there are these hopes you have of “oh well, she’ll change”, or “well, i’ll convince her of what she needs to do to get into heaven”.

BS. Seriously people. Do things right for once, please, and send out your proposals a little less haphazardly. Quit thinking of how much inheritance she’s getting from Dad, or what visas you’ll be able to get.

haha I love it!

[funguy]

@jalebi121

btw, funguy, are you really a guy?

no, I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

[lady_lama]

@PyariCgudia

Just like YOU were wrong in entering into a marriage knowing he was asking something you’re not comfortable with, HE was ALSO wrong in marrying you knowing that you’re not really a hijabi sort of girl.

@PyariCgudia

By the way, those of you guys here who want your wives to wear hijab…why are you not restricting your proposals to hijabi girls? There are plenty of hijabi girls waiting for rishtas - why give a rishta to someone who is not already wearing it?

And then there are these hopes you have of “oh well, she’ll change”, or “well, i’ll convince her of what she needs to do to get into heaven”.

BS. Seriously people. Do things right for once, please, and send out your proposals a little less haphazardly. Quit thinking of how much inheritance she’s getting from Dad, or what visas you’ll be able to get.

@FairyTale

Some of you ppl are just so ridiculous. Instead that you encourage her to focus more on saving her marriage, her family, concentrate on increasing the love n trust between hubby n wife, ulta you guys are convincing her that HE, the guy who deserves some position, some respect n CONTROL in house, is controlling her n her life, n he is totally unfair in his demand???

I don’t know how do you guys really work in ur real lives. How successful you all are.** I say save families, for god sake we have already enough of bad happening around us. Divorces are happening on trivial issues of life. We do not even know her husband**. Who knows may be he is a REAL decent guy. Who knows he had changed his self too for her. Did she herself didn’t know what kind of person he was before tying the knot??? And now when she is already his wife, is it not her responsibility to listen to him and keep him happy? If she cannot listen to his small desire, as small as covering her head in front of na-mehrams, how can anyone guarantee that she will stand by him if God forbid he gets into some major trouble ever in life???

Why we ppl think that life is a bed of roses? Why do we think that we won’t ever have to compromise and sacrifice to save some relations in our lives that deserve to be given sacrifices?

She can double her love, respect and value in his heart by only listening to his this one demand. Which may eventually turn him into an ideal husband she had always dreamed of? Are u ppl even aware of the techniques how to win someone’s heart?

Before putting negative suggestions here, think at least once that your suggestion may impact someone’s LIFE in a negative way. And who knows that you will be declared responsible for being so irresponsible while typing away your free advises online.

Well said both of you!!!

[Sara516]

@Slickstar

guys im not being a joker. Its serious advise im giving. After analyzing the situation from 4 different angles i have come to the sane conclusion that depriving him of sex is the best option. Here me out, this guy is emotionally blackmailing her into wearing a dupatta which she doesn't want to. She should play the same game, deprive him of sex, when he is begging for her she says You can have me only if you stop blackmailing me into wearing a dupatta; just watch him agree to everything she asks.

And how is depriving him of sex going to help either one? she's no better than him in blackmailing......

I hear this advice alot and honestly it sounds stupid, because SHE'S losing out on sex too. Contrary to what most people seem to think, women actually DO like sex.

Did i mention women like sex? Did i offend enough people here yet?

[MIAinVA]

@Nutwer

And pathan has alredy mentioned her BIL issue.

Hainnn?!?!? Kiya keh rahay ho Nutwer? Now YOU’re confused

[Slickstar]

@Sara516

And how is depriving him of sex going to help either one? she's no better than him in blackmailing......

I hear this advice alot and honestly it sounds stupid, because SHE'S losing out on sex too. Contrary to what most people seem to think, women actually DO like sex.

Did i mention women like sex? Did i offend enough people here yet?

well my bad. call the cops

[Sara516]

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

No i think its a good topic, im gonna move it. :D

[PyariCgudia]

@NJMasti

it's funny how US girls LOVE to wear the bridal dupatta on. We try to make it a point to look our best with the duppatta on our head... yet once the big day is over - we want to throw it out in some corner hoping never to find it again!

It's her personal choice. Why are you mocking her for it? You think that approach makes any one of us non-hijabis care for a hijab? It drives us away from it more.

[AmorAmor]

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

Wow, the girl didn't come on here for people to start taking the moral high ground.

Sara - I think there are more issues than you are letting on. Are you happy in your marriage? Do you have any regrets? It may be that you're not happy in the relationship and that's why you're picking faults with him. As many people have said you were aware of his inclinations prior to the marriage.

To the person that said that Sara is a 'confused westerner' for not wanting to wear the hijab - I would like to point out that I have seen many many girls in Pakistan that dress in ways that most Muslim girls in the UK wouldnt dare think of!

The guy is clearly asking her to wear dupatta because that is what his culture has taught him to do. If he wanted her to cover up islamically he would have asked her to wear a hijab.

To the poster that put up a few pictures to say that a few goreh folk have wore duapattas and been 'down to earth and confident' - yeah wearing them for what? 5 minutes?

Sara - it's your choice. Not wearing a hijab could potentially open up a can of worms and mean more problems in your marriage. Telling your husband you will wear the hijab when you are ready may also cause problems because he'll always be waiting for 'that day' and if that day isn't soon then it doesn't seem like he'll be best pleased. Either way you need to discuss this with him, nobody can force you to do something you don't want to do.

How about trying it out? Wear a hijab and see how you feel?

There are worse things that a lot of girls do than not wearing the hijab.

[Mehnaz]

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

Nutwer, you are confusing Sara Pathan with Nadz123 (or whatever her name is).

Sara, I'm going to ask you again (since my lost is probably going to lost amongst the others) to first determine whether he is being controlling or if he is being ziddi on this one issue. If he's being controlling, he will try and control other aspects of your life as well. Plus there are ALWAYS consequences for not adhering to controlling behaviour. Only YOU can determine if he's being controlling or simply stubborn. Not anybody else who has posted.

I am not even going to comment on the blame laying posts. If you made a mistake (which you haven't said yourself yet but people have assumed), I am sure you feel ****ty enough. You don't need anybody else dumping crap on you. In these types of situations, to survive it and get through it, you need incredible amounts of love and support. Not finger pointing.

[fairywings85]

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

guys.....where is sara pathan?? i mean wev been going on and on for 8 pages and she replied like...once.? twice?...

[PatriotX]

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

^ she is sitting back and enjoying all the attention

[NJMasti]

@PyariCgudia

It’s her personal choice. Why are you mocking her for it? You think that approach makes any one of us non-hijabis care for a hijab? It drives us away from it more.

oh no no no!

I’m not mocking her. I am just telling the truth. I am also a non-hijaben

I would not cover my head all the time! Only at masjid and occasions that absolutely require us to wear.

[Nutwer]

the basic thing is:

Sara pathan married a molvi-who never hid his intentions prior to marriage.

and she KNEW this was coming. So she is herself to blame.
People gave her enough warnings, those that she proudly shunned off.

Not that i take the molvi husbnads side, but tell me which molvi would would walk about without letting his wife wear the scarf.

And this molvi too knew sara pathan is from a different culture and is cannot at once adapt to new things.

No offence, but this molvi also looks dodgy to me. No point saying he is wealthy back-home so would not drool for a British Passport.

-Look at 'Mohommad Alsayed', the billionaire owner of Londons 'harrods'. He is wealthy enough but has not got yet a British Passport that he is still starved for.

But Pathan had all the earlier clear signals showing him to be a narrow-minded subservient wife expector.

now u gotta deal with it babe.

[Sara516]

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

No use in letting this debate go on when the original poster has disappeared.

[Sara516]

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

Reopened on request.

[zara_bangash]

please take me seriously. this isnt a joke. can i have some proper advice pls.

just think why he might have said it....there are ppl who say lot of stuff behind you and mayb he might have not like it .....or he wants u to cover ....so whats a big deal in it....go for it ......u may really like it.......i have seen very modern girls who have covered after marriage.....n they really loved it .....n it might help u gain ur hubby trust n respect........coz if u dont listen to him.......n if u are going to call him off for such a small thing.....no one will suffer ...its u who will suffer.....lifes very short......live up to it......u never know whats hold for u tommorrow....live happily...enjoy life.....

[fairywings85]

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

i dont think id ever go as far as the full deal..but i like the idea that all u have is ur husbands..u are ur husbands..and i dont mean that in the sense that u are his possesion..but after marriage everything u have is shared only between u..

[mama_ki_dua]

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

You should have made it clear how you are from the beginning. I don't understand why people don't discuss these things, after marriage they start complaining.

YOU are the one to blame. When u marry a qari sahab. You should know what he's going to be like. You cannot expect him to go clubbing, wear mini skirts. When you marry a maulvi you gotta be like them too. Tell him to F off and you are the one who's going to be suffering. He'll go ahead and marry an 18 year old no problem. After that you'll be the one who will have to make a compromise and get married to a 50 year old. I'm not joking, i've seen this happening to people.

[jalebi121]

You cannot expect him to go clubbing, wear mini skirts. When you marry a maulvi you gotta be like them too. Tell him to F off and you are the one who's going to be suffering. He'll go ahead and marry an 18 year old no problem. After that you'll be the one who will have to make a compromise and get married to a 50 year old. I'm not joking, i've seen this happening to people.

Ok that was totally harsh and unnecessary. How did you infer that she wants to go clubbing? I've seen so many of my friend's grandmas visiting from Pakistan and they don't even wear full dupatta, they just put a scarf around their neck--do you think this means that they are all party girls now? Or going to be divorced?

i agree with amoramor here:
"The guy is clearly asking her to wear dupatta because that is what his culture has taught him to do. If he wanted her to cover up islamically he would have asked her to wear a hijab."

these guys make big shor about Islam Islam yet they are the first to run off to the british embassy for their visa.