only married 2 months and feel depressed

maybe not depressed, but def sad or unhappy at times.maybe im wrong. i dont know. my husband is a nice guy overall, hes 5 times namazi, and all that. he wants me to ear duppatta on y head while im out at other ppls houses in front of men and while im out. he says im his wife and this is our culture and relgious guidance etc

see, im not relgious and him asking me to do this pisses me off and i feel im being controlled. a aprt of me feels hes right and its only a duppata, but another part of me feels like telin him to F off…ok i dono if im wrong pls tel me guys…

hes from pak im from uk

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

And such is life...

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

may i ask a question? did you not know this before you married him?

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

i was just going to ask the same question as above...

i think its essential to know what is expected of u before marriage...especially if u are from 2 different cultures where it is not obvious how u are expected to act...

yes but i said dont make or force me il do it myself, but he says when? jab tum mar jayogi..cos he thinks i wont do it and to be honest i dont want to do it either. but i assumed he wouldnt keep saying it. he said it nice however i feel like im being pushed into it...i dono

eventually you are going to tell him off. Make sure what happens after that, you post it here.
We are all tuned in.

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

I too do not cover my head and all that, but i'll do it in the future not because someone will force me to but because i'll feel like it.. and i know that time will come soon when i'll be ready to cover up myself.

Everything that we do is based on our niyat, so just talk to ur husband that theres no point in covering up when ur heart is not into it..and that you will do it when YOU will feel that you should do it not because he wants you to do it.

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

please take me seriously. this isnt a joke. can i have some proper advice pls.

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

If you are being controlled, and you keep supressing your feelings, you will explode one day. I don't know what else to tell you.

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

OK, so marriage is compromise. Here is where either he or u compromise's on this particular issue.

Not talking about it WITH HIM in a pleasant and sincere manner is NOT going to help u.

Talk to him about how u feel, tell him that b4 the marriage u agreed to do it when u r ready and this not being ready at the mo and his reaction to it is making u crazy.

In a marriage, both parties have got to give n take a little. Sometimes u, sometimes him.

You will not get anywhere by not letting him know how u feel, but don't turn it into a fight.

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

seriously sara_P just hang in.
Guys is not up against you. He up against the western culture. After a while he is going to learn that modesty is only defined on based of cultural term. What I mean to say is you have to look at the surrounding of the person you are judging..
I have seen that happening… good news is it always works out… bad news is its always hard on girls…
too bad for you :omg:

PlayStation: don’t confront him too much over it… play along.. as much as you can… things will work out..

As a male, I can tell you I understand where your husband is coming from. I would like my wife to wear decent clothing and wear hijab in front of other men. Having said that, I wouldn't force her to do it, because then she wouldn't be doing it for the sake of religious obligation, rather for my sake which in my opinion is not the point of *hijab. *I'd try the gently, loving way. Teaching her about Islam and her obligations, and explaining to her about what other men may think of her.

Marriage is about compromise Sara - it's dupatta right? It's not something like the burqa. It's a part of our culture and women are actually expected to wear it. It's not as if he's asking you to do something outrageous. Why does wearing the dupatta bother you so much?

Firstly, you must have known he's religious before marriage. You should have realised this would come up then.

Secondly, when you say you're 'not religious', what does that mean? You don't pray, or fast, or what? Because if so, **you **will have to change, not him. That's the blatant truth: he isn't going to become less religious for you.

If you have any children, your husband will want them to have a proper Islamic up-bringing, though I think you may not be too bothered. Start thinking about how you're going to deal with that now. Sit down and talk to him.

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

ms pathan

i think he is not controlling u i think ............. as a muslim u shud aware of it.

i think u shud read some gud books written by learned scholars about the role of a married muslim woman............

consider his possessiveness as a blessing and not a burden .............. hope u have heard of single parenting problems faced by UK galz ...........

beside i think it is bit of his fault that he married a gal who is from uk(a very different cultural background).

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

^dude dont make her more depressed.

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

Look folks, the issue here seems not of what is being communicated but how.
Hounding someone does jack, and the issue is on her husband's side.
statements like ...when wil you do it, when you die?.. are irrespinsible, hurtful and idiotic.

Getting on her case about what is islamic and all is not what she is asking for.

Sara, I would advise you to try and bring some calm in this discussion. have an oppen discussion, where you focus that you are evaluating, and will do it when you feel you can do it. dont get into a telling him off slope. That will create a bigger mess.

btw does he have a fist length beard? ;)
also are you in UK now or in Pakistan?

to other ladies reading-- when evaluating a potential husband, whether arranged or not, you have to be very clear on lifestyle and major things, let there be no ambiguity. if there are timelines needed they need to be stated.

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

**you sound like u r very confused desi to me. i'm at a loss as to why did u marry a guy knowing that he is a religiously inclined person. if he asks u to wear rupatta which, as he rightly said, is required by shari'a and the culture so whats the problem? after marriage, compromise and understanding is the key to a successful marriage.

he is trying to fulfil his religious obligations while u, as i see it, are trying to listen to ur whims and superficiality. whats more important? ur marriage or ur whims?

May God Bless u and give u the strength to sort out things with ur hubby and lead a happy life and may Allah give u success in this transitional dunyaa and the everlasting aaKhira...aameen**

HU it has nothing to do with religion. They are in the marriage for 2 short months...
None of them is doing any thing out the ordinary,... neither Ms. Sara not
Mr. Sara.

First disaster would be Sara losing her temper or Sare becoming unwilling to wait for him to adjust with UK culture.
Only when he is well adjusted in UK, he will be able to see that even with out duppata Sara is modest.... that if she is...

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

Sara...in your other thread you said you are going get married in 3/4 months???

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

^holy shyttttttttt

she is already planning to remarry :nono:

Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed

sara - do you live with your in-laws?

If you do - then it's always recommended to have your dupatta - at least on you, if not the head.

If you do not live with the in-laws then you need to let him know that you are not comfortable having it on your head at all times when you are out.

He should have discussed this with you before marriage.