Does he let you wear non-shalwarkameez clothes?
Touche!
not part of our "culture"...
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
[QUOTE]
Allah has left it open for women to decide for themselves what is necessary to be covered on the body.
[/QUOTE]
Problem with this is it leads to subjectivity. Someone can be very scantily clad and still follow that verse according to their own view of what morality is.
A consensus needs to be reached as to what exactly Allah is saying here - for this, we look at the Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) to see how he practically implemented Allah's command. And he ordered women to cover their hair, not once, but a THOUSAND times.
No one suggestion and advice is going to work on you Sara but may be you will learn something from these pics.
If u notice they are not Pakistani ladies, they are not even muslims. They are the most famous ladies we know today on this planet. Yet so down to earth :hinna: and so confident in this so called BACKWARD dopatta.
I wish we could learn some good things too from west .. :hinna:
Or may be i shoud wish that shawl n dopatta fashion comes in the west,coz then surely we all will love to follow it with proud.
I think he's being more cultural than religious as well, if it was down to Islam he'd prob insist in 'proper' hijab that doesn't show hair poking out the back and thru sheer fabric. Most practising Muslims agree dupatta doesn't really constitute real hijab unless it's completely opaque..
It's a pretty important thing to not agree on with fiance, knowing he had these views and u didn't want to going along with it it would have been best not to marry him. I don't think the situation is going to get better as time goes on, am sure it will get worse.. Men who hold these views don't tend to budge. If a man had said to me I must cover my hair after marriage there's no way I would have just assumed he'd back down or forget about it, it's one of his principles and just as u have urs he has his as well.. I don't think he's right pressurising u to wear it but u knew what his views were on the subject and agreed to marry him.. If u led him to believe that you would wear it after marriage then I guess you should stick to what you said..
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
Learn something from Jemima Khan? Like how to have an affair with Hugh Grant? 
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
this discussion about hijab has been done to death. this thread is about personal choice. there are tons of threads on the religious aspect of it, feel free to read
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/religion-scripture/329837-conversation-about-hijab.html?highlight=hijab
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/religion-scripture/320308-why-hijab.html?highlight=hijab
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/religion-scripture/242128-hijab-vs-marriage.html?highlight=hijab
Yes thats why i specifically said that i wish we could learn some GOOD things from the west. But no we will only look at the ugly part. Coz we love ugly things :hinna:
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
Ok .... I think this topic needs to be split??
The thread starter says she is feeling controlled. Is he controlling in other aspects or only adament in this? You have to ask yourself is he really being controlling or just asking you to do something? There is a difference. How does he treat you when you don't listen to him? Do you guys even talk it out?
I agree..... thats exactly what i think.
Likewise!
We think you have created your own religion by introducing hijab, haram chicken, haram beef, etc.
Don't forget the permission to keep four wives. And the divorce issue which has destroyed numerous families.
I agree with you guys to some extent too
but can we get back to the topic that sara posted she needs advice but we are now too busy arguing back and forth on whats islamic or not
...one should also remember there is no compulsion in religion so then the matter is really basically should she do as per her hubby's wishes or not?
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
lol i feel sorry for the guy who's wife thinks about telling him to eff off. What a poor bloke! lmao mate
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
when i come to GS. I feel like the most diplomatic person in the world.
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
^ Yeah the make up diplomacy!
lol i feel sorry for the guy who's wife thinks about telling him to eff off. What a poor bloke! lmao mate
true. I agree with u.
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
ok i think everyone is sidetracking major...im sure sara understands that ur SUPPOSSED to do hijaab and cover up...she knows that but she CHOOSES not to...but this isnt the issue...the issue is between husband and wife...ther relationship and the way she is feeling CONTROLLED...if it was a simple hijaab issue she would have posted it in the religion thread..some people need to stop sidetraking and focus on the issue in hand?
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
^^thank you
You know why they can wear duputta and still look happy (maybe) and down to earth (yea rite) and confident (sure)?
Because its not a part of their life. They’re wearing it for various reasons, respect out of the country they are visiting, to try something new, etc. No one is forcing them to waer it, least of all their life partners.
It’s SO different from wearing it for the rest of their lives…its not just a piece of cloth or fashoin statement, its a whole lifestyle, and sorry if u dont want to hear ugly things but the lifestyle of these women is far from “Islamic” or religious.
Sara_pathan... the first year of marriage is pretty tough..... the husband trying to establish his domain while the wife trying to adjust to a new household. Some husbands try to impose rules on their wives in order to prove that they are the supreme head of households and that the woman has to obey in all cases. Hopefully that is not so in your case.
All that I can say is have a calm discussion with him (without getting heated up or emotional) and ask him why is it imperative for him that you start now. Isn't it more important to take a dupatta properly, i.e. over your chest and not hanging on the side, rather than having it on your head and wrapped around around your throat, with your chest showing.
Try to make him see reason..... otherwise all that i can say is that you'll end up doing it cuz he forced you to and then resenting him for it.... which is not a good beginning for a marriage, unfortunately.
**
Hi im a 30 yo guy from the UK and i married a girl from pakistan. she is very religious and wants me to grow a full beard. i told her i will grow one when i feel like it but she says then i'll never do it so she wants me to do it now. i've started growing one bc i dont want to fight with her but i am starting to resent her because i hate the way i look with this scraggly beard. she says she'll allow me to trim it but i still am not used to it. she says it's our Sunnah and quotes me Hadith all the time. I feel like she is controlling me.**
i think she is not controlling u i think ............. as a muslim u shud aware of it.
i think u shud read some gud books written by learned scholars about the appearance of a muslim man............
consider her possessiveness as a blessing and not a burden .............. hope u have heard of child support problems faced by UK men ...........
beside i think it is bit of her fault that she married a guy who is from uk(a very different cultural background).
**you sound like u r very confused desi to me. i'm at a loss as to why did u marry a girl knowing that she is a religiously inclined person. if she asks u to grow a beard which, as she rightly said, is required by sunnah whats the problem? after marriage, compromise and understanding is the key to a successful marriage.
she is trying to fulfil his religious obligations while u, as i see it, are trying to listen to ur whims and superficiality. whats more important? ur marriage or ur whims?
**
man your wife is not doing anything wrong. u shd obey her bcz its the example of our Prophet (SAWS) which she is telling u to obey. do not think bad of ur wife. u shd pay ur thanks to Allah for blessing u with a good wife. wud u rather have a drunk, gambler, cheater.
Ok now Serious....Salman...if u really want to keep your marriage forever thn u should listen her..and if u dont feel good thn discuss with her and listen what she have to say..
after marriage uve only got ur wife to please anyway and if she finds happiness in seeing u having a fist long beard then why not go for it? I mean i understand guys love dressing up and looking good but alot of bearded men look gorgeous in their henna tinted beards too.....
If your totally against it then theres no other way out of this mess then to tell her
While i know all posters above are well-meaning, i wonder if they would've written the same thing to a guy??
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
Sara,
You've done something very stupid and it is your own fault. He TOLD you his expectations for you. You were the idiot that chose to make a SACRED COMMITMENT despite the fact that you did not want to follow through on these expectations. And knowing that your husband was not simply "religious" but also clearly narrow-minded. And now you are sad.
For heavens sake. It's like you people don't take marriage seriously anymore! I don't like what your husband is asking of you. I don't like his tone. I don't think that he is religious for forcing this kind of covering on you. I don't think he is right. But you know, you committed the bigger wrong by entering into this marriage under false pretences. As rude as he was, he was also honest and direct PRIOR to the commitment, and YOU WERE NOT.
The first step is for you to acknowledge your own mistake and irresponsible behavior.
The next step is for you to never let anything like that happen again. Don't whine to others. Don't sit there holding everything inside and hoping it will get fixed. YOU ARE AN ADULT. So start behaving like one. There is a problem. ADDRESS IT.
You made a commitment and you must honor it unless you are truly in a bad situation. You must do everything you can to make your marriage work. And the first step is NOT blind obedience in the name of religion like some others are saying. It is open and honest communication, something you clearly did not engage in enough.
Take responsibility for what is happening to you. Talk to your husband. AND DO NOT AGREE TO ANYTHING UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY MEAN IT.
Argh.
As a male, I can tell you I understand where your husband is coming from. I would like my wife to wear decent clothing and wear hijab in front of other men. Having said that, I wouldn't force her to do it, because then she wouldn't be doing it for the sake of religious obligation, rather for my sake which in my opinion is not the point of *hijab. *I'd try the gently, loving way. Teaching her about Islam and her obligations, and explaining to her about what other men may think of her.
Marriage is about compromise Sara - it's dupatta right? It's not something like the burqa. It's a part of our culture and women are actually expected to wear it. It's not as if he's asking you to do something outrageous. Why does wearing the dupatta bother you so much?
Firstly, you must have known he's religious before marriage. You should have realised this would come up then.
Secondly, when you say you're 'not religious', what does that mean? You don't pray, or fast, or what? Because if so, **you **will have to change, not him. That's the blatant truth: he isn't going to become less religious for you.
If you have any children, your husband will want them to have a proper Islamic up-bringing, though I think you may not be too bothered. Start thinking about how you're going to deal with that now. Sit down and talk to him.
wowwww
i miilion dollar advice
my husband is not like that but my inlaws are like wearing dupatta nd full sleeves
for my husband i do that,,,i feel so gr8 nd honored,,bcoz dupatta on ur heaD is a sign of respect and most of all its ALLAH'S ORDER to all muslim women
tcare