Re: Fiance flirting online
He what we call a *DESPO. ***To find other despos like him, just make a fake account on facebook with a hot girl's pic and name and you will be getting friend requests from strangers in no time at all!
You will also get messages like:
"Hello this is YYY, you look so nice I want to be your friend. Can we talk?
:p
Re: Fiance flirting online
Im blowing this all out of proportion and that is a normal male thing to do, and that** sure I cant do it because he believes its not acceptable for females**
What the f*ck!!!
You have a shameless hypocrite on your hands. Would you allow yourself such behaviour? Then why him? Is he giving you any reason to work WITH him on this and find a solution? If he isn't, this will go on for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.
Re: Fiance flirting online
They ask stupid questions, for one.
As for the OP, well, first thing is how did you catch him e-flirting? If you were stalking him, that is not a good habit on your part. Secondly, no this is not normal male behaviour. Flirting is normal male behaviour, but not normal for a committed male - not that it doesn’t happen. The disturbing fact is, both married/committed men and women flirt. Not all of them but quite a few of them. Mostly for the thrills. Perhaps he doesn’t find you that interesting? Because engagement is the courtship stage of a relationship, ideally it should be quite exciting because you are getting to know your partner, plus both people are on their best behaviour. You might want to discuss things in detail with him and consider calling it off for the better of both of yous.
Re: Fiance flirting online
I recently caught my fiance flirting on facebook, it involved him sending messages to random girls on how beautiful they are and how he would like to get to know them better. I dont know what goes on with the chat.
I confronted him about this and he said it was completely harmless, he never intends to meet them in real life and that he does it for fun only and loves me, and that Im blowing this all out of proportion and that is a normal male thing to do, and that sure I cant do it because he believes its not acceptable for females
Im kind of scared of marrying him now because i fear he will carry on this behaviour afterwards and really i dont like it. I dont know if he will change.
I would really appreciate the views of the male members of the board. I want to know if this is normal male behaviour, maybe he feels appreciated with these women? he wants to feel hes still got it? I compliment him all the time and make him feel loved so I really dont know what more i can do
I guess there is the factor that he is more attracted to these women than me, im not a vain person but i dont think im that bad looking to him otherwise he wouldnt have accepted the rishta
really i appreciate your sound advice
It is not right for him send messages to other random girls however, i think you should help him. Listen to him what did he do what he did. And help him be nice person which i am sure he is. Do not listen to girls who will give you advise such as: leave him or anything like that.
Re: Fiance flirting online
I reallyy dont wanna fuel the fire.. but im telling u frm my experience. I trusted my ex blindly . He would flirt infront of me and i would never care . I thought at the end of the day hes coming to me so what the hell. guess i was wrong.
but ya if u know hes a good hearted person and he lovess u im sure u guys can make this work out for u guys InshAllah.
Re: Fiance flirting online
^ Help him? What is he, a flirt-addict? And what the **** do you think she is running, YMCA for a-holes? He is, well ideally he should be, old enough to know what is right and what is wrong. He is who he chooses to be.
Re: Fiance flirting online
^ i mean idont know i didnt want to say leave himmm : s
Re: Fiance flirting online
The guy is doing it to mess with you....to get you to react...:D
How could you know who he is messaging with? only if you are added to his friends somehow......and if he knows you are added....you didn't actually 'catch' him.......he got himself caught...
Re: Fiance flirting online
^ right .. like my ex used to say I flirt becaus ei want u to get jealous aur apna haq jataooo I find shakkki gurls very cutee.. ya right ...its just a way to make u think its right for them to mess around
Re: Fiance flirting online
Mind manipulation is a cardinal sin!
Re: Fiance flirting online
^Yeah.
^ right .. like my ex used to say I flirt becaus ei want u to get jealous aur apna haq jataooo I find shakkki gurls very cutee.. ya right ...its just a way to make u think its right for them to mess around
O wow, that is a good example of turning a normal girl into a paranoid woman. I am glad you're not with him anymore.
Re: Fiance flirting online
I agree with everyone else. Talk to him one last time and tell him that this is not a acceptable behavior. THe world wont come to an end if you break off ur engagement but Do discuss with him & involve ur family in it. Talk to ur sisters or mom abt this situation as well.
Re: Fiance flirting online
you know its not right behaviour, dont doubt yourself and try and look for reassurance that this is normal.
He doesnt value you and thinks he can fool you with a few words and is passing the blame on you.
Get out before you get seriously seriously hurt.
Re: Fiance flirting online
Thanks for everyone for their input,
I really didnt expect this much replies, and I thought you all deserve some feedback (don't want you to think im a troll lol)
I did talk to him alot about this, and he saw how hurt I was, and he said that it was a mistake and he promised he won't do it again. But I still felt my trust in him has shifted a bit. I didn't jump too much on him on how it made me really insecure (self-esteem is my problem that i have to deal with) but I did say that it changed my perception of him.
You're all probably going to hate me for this (I really should have mentioned this in the first post) but I'm not so innocent, I did something to hurt him in the past a while back (it's nothing really really bad, he forbade me to have any male friends, I had a lot before in school and sure i cut contact with them but one of them emailed me and I do admit maybe I was a bit too "friendly" in the email, nothing sexual in nature, just things like hugs and kisses but this was in the beginning when we were getting to know eachother and maybe I didn't come out of the flirting stage myself (so im no angel and really im sorry to all for being selective in my post) (he has my email password and found it in my sent items(it was sent months before), i have his, but i he didn't tell me about this secret facebook, so that's how i found it and checked his messages) , and he said he forgave me for it, it wasn't easy and it took a while to build up that trust to him again. Since that time I really changed myself as a muslim and really regretted on what I did. But after all this time he mentioned it again to me saying that he forgave me for that thing i did before so i must forgive him. He said to me that I kind of dishonoured him by writing what i did so i did much worse than what he did, as im a female, so the guy can kind of have a laugh that his finance flirted with him. In the heat of the moment, I became weak and really hated myself and said to him sorry and i forgive you.
Now i think back and I don't know why i surrendered myself to him, really i feel he didn;'t forgive me for this thing otherwise he wouldn';t hold this against me. In a way i feel guilty about what i did and kind of feel i dont have a right to complain because i hurt him aswell. I'm just scared that if i talk to my parents or anyone about it, I'll have to tell them what i did, and my parents have a bit of double standards you see, and will find what i did much much worse.
It really is my fault with what i did, and i dont think i should have accepted his forgivness before, because sure it will affect everything and he cant forget about it. I feel i have damaged him with what i did and really its all my fault. Maybe that was going through his mind when he did it.
Again deepest apologies to everyone for misleading you in a way and getting you all fired up, i kind of regret posting my thread now because i missed out that piece of vital information.
I've really shot myself in the foot and now i don't know what to do - sue me!
Re: Fiance flirting online
.
Re: Fiance flirting online
Well, falooda…
I dont think mulling over this will get you anywhere. What both of you did was wrong and cannot be changed. You no longer have any say in what has already transpired. However, what you can do is move forward with him on the SAME page.
My suggestion is to go to a couples’ counselor…I think both of you need to wipe the slate clean and never bring up the past again. Its easier said than done though which is why I suggested a counselor.
Re: Fiance flirting online
u replied to a friend u knew. he sends messages to random girls, while forbidding you to have male friends. seriously, what is this 
typical desi men and their double standards + creepiness. ur a woman what u did is worse blah blah. blah.
Re: Fiance flirting online
Firstly, Falooda, reflecting at your own actions is a good thing.
Are you keeping this relationship? If yes, then realize that both of you have done something you should not have.
IF you are keeping the relationship, forgive each other. BUT make it clear to him that there are no double standards whatsoever. Tell him that the thought of your male friend laughing at him is no different than other girls feeling that they are better than you when your fiance flirts with them. There are no two ways about it. Harmless fun is harmless fun, whether a guy does it or a girl.
Now that you two are on the same slate (in a way) what's worrisome is that you corrected your mistake but he dismissed his mistake by using the 'I am a boy' card. Don't let your guilt cloud your judgment. Especially since, according to you, your parents won't likely back you.
Re: Fiance flirting online
I recently caught my fiance flirting on facebook, it involved him sending messages to random girls on how beautiful they are and how he would like to get to know them better. I dont know what goes on with the chat.
I confronted him about this and he said it was completely harmless, he never intends to meet them in real life and that he does it for fun only and loves me, and that Im blowing this all out of proportion and that is a normal male thing to do, and that sure I cant do it because he believes its not acceptable for females
Im kind of scared of marrying him now because i fear he will carry on this behaviour afterwards and really i dont like it. I dont know if he will change.
I would really appreciate the views of the male members of the board. I want to know if this is normal male behaviour, maybe he feels appreciated with these women? he wants to feel hes still got it? I compliment him all the time and make him feel loved so I really dont know what more i can do
I guess there is the factor that he is more attracted to these women than me, im not a vain person but i dont think im that bad looking to him otherwise he wouldnt have accepted the rishta
really i appreciate your sound advice
I only read he first page posts.
There is no need to be extra alarmed.
He is still your fience. No evidence that he is really doing practically wrong there besides messing online. Not good but not bad enough that you start thinking of other way around.
This turf war kind of mentality is actually not helpul for women and unless he is totally out of contro,l use some cool behavior and be patient.
Men do things what pleasess them without really be so dedicated to the person who they are flirting. Some men just flirt. Let them.
As long as he is still committed to you and marrying you. Let it go.
You have to have more reasons to be worried about things like that. Just tell him you do not like that. But do not go to extreme.
Re: Fiance flirting online
Thanks for everyone for their input,
I really didnt expect this much replies, and I thought you all deserve some feedback (don't want you to think im a troll lol)
I did talk to him alot about this, and he saw how hurt I was, and he said that it was a mistake and he promised he won't do it again. But I still felt my trust in him has shifted a bit. I didn't jump too much on him on how it made me really insecure (self-esteem is my problem that i have to deal with) but I did say that it changed my perception of him.
You're all probably going to hate me for this (I really should have mentioned this in the first post) but I'm not so innocent, I did something to hurt him in the past a while back (it's nothing really really bad, he forbade me to have any male friends, I had a lot before in school and sure i cut contact with them but one of them emailed me and I do admit maybe I was a bit too "friendly" in the email, nothing sexual in nature, just things like hugs and kisses but this was in the beginning when we were getting to know eachother and maybe I didn't come out of the flirting stage myself (so im no angel and really im sorry to all for being selective in my post) (he has my email password and found it in my sent items(it was sent months before), i have his, but i he didn't tell me about this secret facebook, so that's how i found it and checked his messages) , and he said he forgave me for it, it wasn't easy and it took a while to build up that trust to him again. Since that time I really changed myself as a muslim and really regretted on what I did. But after all this time he mentioned it again to me saying that he forgave me for that thing i did before so i must forgive him. He said to me that I kind of dishonoured him by writing what i did so i did much worse than what he did, as im a female, so the guy can kind of have a laugh that his finance flirted with him. In the heat of the moment, I became weak and really hated myself and said to him sorry and i forgive you.
Now i think back and I don't know why i surrendered myself to him, really i feel he didn;'t forgive me for this thing otherwise he wouldn';t hold this against me. In a way i feel guilty about what i did and kind of feel i dont have a right to complain because i hurt him aswell. I'm just scared that if i talk to my parents or anyone about it, I'll have to tell them what i did, and my parents have a bit of double standards you see, and will find what i did much much worse.
It really is my fault with what i did, and i dont think i should have accepted his forgivness before, because sure it will affect everything and he cant forget about it. I feel i have damaged him with what i did and really its all my fault. Maybe that was going through his mind when he did it.
Again deepest apologies to everyone for misleading you in a way and getting you all fired up, i kind of regret posting my thread now because i missed out that piece of vital information.
I've really shot myself in the foot and now i don't know what to do - sue me!
Let it go.