i'm the oldest child in my family and i don't think i have a chip on my shoulder and i hope i'm right in saying i that i'm not arrogant. So maybe it's just the people you'v come across??
Much depends on family history too methinks....my hub and I are both middle children and so have somewhat more empathy to the whole issue for our middle son. Our eldest gets the most attention hands down cause he has issues that demand special attention. But we do our best to make up for that with the other 2. And most of all, we try to make sure all 3 know how very much they are each loved and cherished for the special little people they are. They know - eldest is our "Sunshine". Middle is our "Treasure". And youngest is our "Baby Mine". They'll ask about that sometimes just to confirm - "mama am I your treasure?" or "Daddy am I your Baby Mine?" Hopefully, they all know that they are each different but each loved endlessly in their own way - and INshallah will avoid the eldest syndrome or middle child syndrome or youngest-spoiled syndrome!
Jokes aside though …i think the “arrogance” & “need to excel” stems more from the fact that being the eldest U get ALL the attention and r the “centre of the universe” so to speak and then the second , third …etc come along …and attention gets divided … and to counteract this parents overindulge the eldest…
I am very much an oldest child and I do think that we have a certain style to us. However, I’m not sure that I understand your point completely…I’ll address it in parts.
Definitely, but that is because we’re the best.
I’m not sure what you mean by this. I don’t think it connects with the arrogance. Is this a separate point about how they are always resentful? I do feel that oldest children often feel an over-inflated sense of familial responsibility and feel the need to take on everything to themselves, which may make them seem bitter, resentful, and bossy, because they feel no one else takes things as seriously as they do. It’s not correct, but it requires a certain degree of self-awareness to understand that. At young ages, we don’t have that.
What kind of attitude do you mean?
Yes, at times I think most of us do. But it’s not always there, and I think it depends on the context. It also relates to what I mentioned above, their sense that they are the only ones who are taking responsibility and have the necessary knowledge. I don’t know why they feel that way; they just do.
What does that have to do with the oldest children?
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Definitely. I think they often listen to the oldest too much or they are themselves quite young when they have the child so they don’t completely know what they’re doing and the child doesn’t take them completely seriously as authority figures. I also think that in my case, I felt that I knew way more about life in America and growing up here than my parents did as immigrants, so I took on an air of authority.
I'm the oldest in my immediate family as well as amongst my cousins...and I am totally not like what you described. I think I was too busy being responsible to find time to be arrogant or chip on my shoulder. Hmmm perhaps I did not really take advantage of my position then??
I'm the oldest child living in the house right now and boy is it a lot of responsibility..! It's not necessarily an air of arrogance that we have about ourselves, its just that we need to have some sort of authority or "robe" to make the younger ones listen to us and respect us. I think its harder to be the oldest (or elder) sibling because theres a lot of pressure to set the right example and to balance being a siblign and second-parent almost in a way...
Its not arrogance... its just the fact that the eldest is put in situations and have greater experience in most fields... like if an Aunty rings, and Mum's not home, I am always given the phone, so I have more confidence in talking to elders coz its always come down to me...
being the eldest means youv'e expereinced life a tad bit more then your siblings and hence at times, parents may consider our suggestions more seriously then that of others.
I disagree.. the oldest is the most responsible,with alot of weight to carry on their shoulders. They mature the fastest and always make sacrifices for the younger siblings. Im the youngest and I can say that my oldest brother had to see/witness that I am lucky enough to be born at a time where i dont have to.
being an eldest sisbling can be a blessing for many.
it gets to be a role of an example setter and also in the olf school way, to be able to be a friend and supportive shield for parents.
so the whole democracy talk, even if genuine, is not necessary because in fairness aware families, the birth order is not down-graded, even it has to be a younger sibling turning out to be more responsible.
it is all about making the right choices and being honest in everything that one does without being seflish.
best,
Dushwari
