Not Meant to Be?

[Drama_Queen]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

You are 24 and worried!!! I got engaged when i was 26 and married at 27. My sister will be married at age 28. We both are highly educated and working. The trend has changed lately, now parents wait until their daughters have a career. I think 24 is a good age to start looking. Dont feel down, there are plenty of girls being married in their late 20's. Just enjoy your single life and pray that u get a good life partner. Inshallah

[zobia]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

What?

aunty i meant teenager.

45 years old looking for 19 years old doctor.

[soconfused]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

They don’t exist! There is no balance. Girls seem to spend longer at uni and in the process reach the 24/25 age group whilst a lot of parents marry their sons of at a younger age to girls who don’t spend the time at uni etc :| a relative of mine actually said that had I not spent so long at uni perhaps id be married by now. This was following an instance where a family saw my pics, approved, but then never called back after finding out that I am working and more qualified than their son was :| why is it so intimidating if a girl is independent? I just want a guy who is AT LEAST working. There are plenty of guys on student visas but I flat out refuse unless he’s working.

Oh and btw I live in Australia. Yes I’m Pakistani. I am very very very hesitant to marry a guy from back home because a few girls I know have and, even though their husbands are well educated back home they cannot find jobs here. My parents have asked relatives and friends to look in Pakistan but only if he’s a doctor because the assumption then is that he will find a job here quite easily.

yeah, I agree. We have the same problem here, too. I've been told by numerous aunties that I'm going to be "too old" when I'm done with school and everyone that's been "serious" has attempted to either get me to stop going to grad school or settle for something else. :S

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

that's just another way for them to get you to NOT achieve your dreams so they can feel better about their status as slackers.

[Hmmna]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

the aunties are bored out of their minds and love to meddle. It's their purpose in life to not let any1 b happy. If u r single u shd get married, if married then child, if One child then wens the next one, no boys arggh keep trying until u produce one, no girls but u need 1 daughter keeP trying (arghhh). Plz dnt heed their advice(for lack of a better word). In one ear and out the other

[Hmmna]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

19 yr old doctor:rotfl:

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

after read a few posts, my theory is one you get married as soon as he or she gets a chance, with some caveats of course

marriage should not stop you from studying, marriage should not stop you from have career oriented goals etc etc

[ain]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

Hello all. I am really upset and any insight/helpful advice would be much appreciated.

I am 24 years old. I am a lawyer and working at a law firm. Throughout my years of law school my parents were adamant that the marriage issues for me only be considered upon completion as they did not want to burden me and wanted me to finish, get a job first etc. Which is totally fine. I have now turned 24 and still not married. I finished post grad studies mid last year. Any rishta which comes along..something always occurs and it does not work out. I.e.: Isthikara turns out not good, or the guy is not educated or still at uni, etc. I know i shouldn't be but I am really depressed. I used to be extremely outgoing, bubbly, talkative and now I can't even smile. I feel like a robot going to work each day and do everything in a similar manner. Even my so-called best friend does not think i'll ever get married. She got married last year. The issue is not that there are no rishtas, there are but something always goes wrong. Does this mean i'll never get married? :( my mother always dismisses my concerns and asks how I can be so silly after studying so much but that's how I feel. My younger cousin recently got married (although that was a love marriage and no one was happy) and I feel like a bigger loser now. I want to stop feeling this way because I am constantly in tears over this. I feel old and loserish and I don't want to anymore :(

It's better to be single than married to the wrong guy.

I'm sorry you're hurting but you WILL recover and go on, and enjoy things again. It takes time. You're still young. :)

[cutefifa]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

@zobia

these days you will see lot of guys in their 30z..dont know why but i guess they are more career-oriented thn ever before. they want to be established first and then start looking for someone in their teens.

I am not agreed with you… or may be in Pakistan scenario is different. guys are getting married in their 20’s mostly in late 20’s or as soon as they settle in their life. In my own circle of friends guys are getting married or engaged.

@ria786

Thanku all for your responses. It’s difficult for me because all of my friends in the same age group and younger are now married. I am not overly picky, all I expect is that the guy be educated, working and religious. You wouldn’t think that would be so difficult to find but apparently it is because my family has been looking for over a year now. My parents feel so bad when they have to say no to people but at the end of the day if theres no match theres no match. I feel old because my best friend now has a whole new circle of married couple friends and is constantly emphasising to me that im not married. I AM VERY FRUSTRATED and upset and have had enough of everything. Needless to say I don’t hang out with her much anymore.

Don’t call her your best friend if she is hurting you constantly… Stop talking to her… she is not a sincere friend.

I am 29 and still single… so what should i do now? … suicide because i am ancient…

I am not saying i am happy with my status… i feel depressed too… sometimes i plan for my future what if i can’t get married… i should concentrate on my career now etc etc etc… but whenever i feel depressed i make plans with my friends…so you should do that too. Make more friends spend time with them… hangout with them… enjoy your life… because when you get engaged you will not get that much liberty so enjoy your time as much as you can. Rishty asmanoo per banty hain… so you must have some one some where… just wait for a right time… keep searching for a good proposal… but don’t get depressed.. don’t feel like loser… you have a successful career MashaAllah. Be happy what you have.

[soconfused]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

after read a few posts, my theory is one you get married as soon as he or she gets a chance, with some caveats of course

*marriage should not stop you from studying, marriage should not stop you from have career oriented goals etc etc

*

I'm a strong believer in this but that doesn't mean that the aunties/boys I've met are. It's actually a TURN OFF to a lot of aunties/sons to have the girl be ambitious. I had a friend who was turned down by a LAWYER (which means he's EDUCATED) because she was pursuing a 2 year ho-hum master's of Art degree. He said he didn't want a wife that was that ambitious. I mean we laugh about it, but...it's sad if you think about it.

[mainhoon_na]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

@soconfused

**

I'm a strong believer in this but that doesn't mean that the aunties/boys I've met are. It's actually a TURN OFF to a lot of aunties/sons to have the girl be ambitious. I had a friend who was turned down by a LAWYER (which means he's EDUCATED) because she was pursuing a 2 year ho-hum master's of Art degree. He said he didn't want a wife that was that ambitious. I mean we laugh about it, but...it's sad if you think about it.

thats only cause an ambitious well educated girl makes guys insecure...in their eyes and the in laws, she wont settle for average housework cooking etc duties... its an incredible shame...

[dreamMerchant]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

I know bunch of guys who are frustrated that they are highly educated and settled but will they ever get a good girl. Should i ask them to contact you? lol.

[dreamMerchant]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

On a serious note... 24 is still a perfect age to be single, even if it takes2-3 years for you to get married still its ok.

[MissChievous]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

Now we're just generalising - yes, there's a fair share of guys who will feel intimidated by a well-educated girl but what about those who demand an equally-qualified prospect i.e. doctors?

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

Where are they? Tell them to PM me.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

after read a few posts, my theory is one you get married as soon as he or she gets a chance, with some caveats of course

marriage should not stop you from studying, marriage should not stop you from have career oriented goals etc etc

Tell that to all the guys and their families who do an abrupt 180 after feedin a girl these lies and say ok well enough studying and working , time to settle down into your housewife roles. I've seen girls frequently threatened with divorce and even kidnapping of their child of they plan on working.

Its really sad.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

You know it’s odd. I’ve had the experience that the guys from pakistan are wayyyy more open minded than the families in the states. The families here who are trying to keep a traditional connection are stuck back in the 60’s and 70’s way of thinking. I kid you not. I’m a 29 yr old doc in the middle of my training and I didn’t get aggressive about looking for guys till maybe a few months ago where now I’m online on these dating websites and aggressively scanning. I continuously am turned down by guys who grew up here cuz I’m too old and ambitious per them and meanwhile the guys who are total fobs and been in the country for a few years spending most of their development in Pakistan are way more open minded about things. I’ve had Pakistani guys tell me they like the fact that I work and that I’m educated and independent cuz this is the trend in Pakistan now and meanwhile super educated guys here think I’m going to make aninept mom cuz I work and their moms are all looking for the 20-25 range.

I guess what they say is right. You can hold degrees and still be Jaahil.

@cutefifa

I am not agreed with you… or may be in Pakistan scenario is different. guys are getting married in their 20’s mostly in late 20’s or as soon as they settle in their life. In my own circle of friends guys are getting married or engaged.

Don’t call her your best friend if she is hurting you constantly… Stop talking to her… she is not a sincere friend.

I am 29 and still single… so what should i do now? … suicide because i am ancient…

I am not saying i am happy with my status… i feel depressed too… sometimes i plan for my future what if i can’t get married… i should concentrate on my career now etc etc etc… but whenever i feel depressed i make plans with my friends…so you should do that too. Make more friends spend time with them… hangout with them… enjoy your life… because when you get engaged you will not get that much liberty so enjoy your time as much as you can. Rishty asmanoo per banty hain… so you must have some one some where… just wait for a right time… keep searching for a good proposal… but don’t get depressed.. don’t feel like loser… you have a successful career MashaAllah. Be happy what you have.

[cutefifa]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

@PyariCgudia

You know it’s odd. I’ve had the experience that the guys from pakistan are wayyyy more open minded than the families in the states. The families here who are trying to keep a traditional connection are stuck back in the 60’s and 70’s way of thinking. I kid you not. I’m a 29 yr old doc in the middle of my training and I didn’t get aggressive about looking for guys till maybe a few months ago where now I’m online on these dating websites and aggressively scanning. I continuously am turned down by guys who grew up here cuz I’m too old and ambitious per them and meanwhile the guys who are total fobs and been in the country for a few years spending most of their development in Pakistan are way more open minded about things. I’ve had Pakistani guys tell me they like the fact that I work and that I’m educated and independent cuz this is the trend in Pakistan now and meanwhile super educated guys here think I’m going to make aninept mom cuz I work and their moms are all looking for the 20-25 range.

I guess what they say is right. You can hold degrees and still be Jaahil.

PCG i can understand… we are in same age bracket and have same problem. but Masha’Allah you have bright career ahead and i am still struggling. You are in USA and thier generally girls have difficult time in finding proposal and I am in Pakistan but don’t have one suitable proposal for myself i don’t know why? But i am very hopeful that Insha’Allah we will find our “Man” soon who will be perfect for us.

And yes Pakistani men are more open minded… They are mostly demanding girls with career. They don’t have any problem if their wives support the family with them may be because of inflation and because of higher standard of living in Pakistan… Pakistani society is changing seriously… girls are getting married in their late 20’s or 30’s as trend of love marriages increasing (this trend really favors girls :p). But still there are number of unmarried girls in their 30’s or late 20’s who are waiting for their right time… and they are even very pretty as well…:halo:

[Ashy2010]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

According to the analysis from one of the rishta aunties, two main problems faced by girls late twenties and early thirties these days are:

1. Large number of younger guys (23-25) as guys are more likely to start looking at a younger age and get married soon as compared to few years back when usually guys tend to get married around 30-32. Mothers these days want their sons to marry soon since they want to avoid the instances of sons choosing their own wives if they are left unmarried for too long once they are settled in their careers.

2. Older guys (30+) are not earning good because of the bad economy and thus girls in late twenties are unable to accept these proposals. As more and more girls are now working, they tend to look for guys who earn at least equal salary as themselves.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

Yeah i think that’s what it is. The economics in Pakistan has gotten PRETTY BAD. I mean, I was shocked this last time I went to Pakistan. Everyone wants to live above their means, but at the same time, people aren’t making a lot and jobs are unstable. Foreign companies invest, and then pull out when things get politically unstable, so you never know when your job is gonna go.

So it makes SENSE to marry a girl with a career - means your kids will have somewhat of a better future. Those families that are set in their careers and family businesses are probably less interested in a career girl and want someone who is gonna sit 24-hrs with her baby, even though there are maasis taking care of the kid most of the time ( - never understood that).

In America it’s different. Well educated guys are settled well financially, and they dont need a wife who works. Their parents are happier with a traditional bahu since they left Pakistan when that was the trend, and they’re still stuck in those ways.

I went to college and grad school with a LOT of desi boys - educated and americanized like myself. And most of them took wives from abroad, and took wives who were ok with sitting at home, and if they did work, it wasn’t anything too crazy ambitious.

Go figure. I busted my ass all these years for no reason I guess? Oh well. At least I am doing something good out there and hopefully making a difference, which I wouldn’t be doing sitting at home and cooking someone their chicken malai koftas.