Not Meant to Be?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Not Meant to Be?

I live in the US too and this seems to be a common issue. Either there's no desis in the area, no desis that are worth it (I went to college with a HUGGGGEEEE muslim population but I was either too conservative/too modern/too fobby/too western), the guys/girls aren't educated or have that dakya noosi mentality of no woman working, etc. I'm 23 and I have anxiety about it ONLY because I've seen so many problems that my friends have. All of them / their families have been looking but have been unsuccessful. The first one in our group is finally getting married after 3 yrs of rishtas.

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

firstly dont stress... ur 24 :)

secondly, look elsewhere... why limit yourselves to US/Canada?

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

main apna sar kahan maaroun? :(

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

dewar par. :cb:

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

these days you will see lot of guys in their 30z..dont know why but i guess they are more career-oriented thn ever before. they want to be established first and then start looking for someone in their teens.

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

Thanku all for your responses. It’s difficult for me because all of my friends in the same age group and younger are now married. I am not overly picky, all I expect is that the guy be educated, working and religious. You wouldn’t think that would be so difficult to find but apparently it is because my family has been looking for over a year now. My parents feel so bad when they have to say no to people but at the end of the day if theres no match theres no match. I feel old because my best friend now has a whole new circle of married couple friends and is constantly emphasising to me that im not married. I AM VERY FRUSTRATED and upset and have had enough of everything. Needless to say I don’t hang out with her much anymore.

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

What?

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

That is not a friend. You tell her next time that if she's so worried about you, instead of whining about how you can't join her little club, either she recommend a guy for you or shut her trap. You're not willing to settle for second rate nonsense, and there is NOTHING wrong with that.

Yeah, it is hard to find guys who are EDUCATED, WORKING AND RELIGIOUS. I know. I talk to so many guys, and it's a wonder what these people admit to doing. The more educated, the less religious. The more religious, the less educated. There's very little balance.

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

took the words out of my mouth, sister! Where are the religious, smart, nice guys!?

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

They don’t exist! There is no balance. Girls seem to spend longer at uni and in the process reach the 24/25 age group whilst a lot of parents marry their sons of at a younger age to girls who don’t spend the time at uni etc :| a relative of mine actually said that had I not spent so long at uni perhaps id be married by now. This was following an instance where a family saw my pics, approved, but then never called back after finding out that I am working and more qualified than their son was :| why is it so intimidating if a girl is independent? I just want a guy who is AT LEAST working. There are plenty of guys on student visas but I flat out refuse unless he’s working.

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

[quote="ria786, post:70, topic:256669"]

They don’t exist! There is no balance. Girls seem to spend longer at uni and in the process reach the 24/25 age group whilst a lot of parents marry their sons of at a younger age to girls who don’t spend the time at uni etc :| a relative of mine actually said that had I not spent so long at uni perhaps id be married by now. This was following an instance where a family saw my pics, approved, but then never called back after finding out that I am working and more qualified than their son was :| why is it so intimidating if a girl is independent? I just want a guy who is AT LEAST working. There are plenty of guys on student visas but I flat out refuse unless he’s working.

would u consider educated religious from back home...im assuming you are pakistani

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

Oh and btw I live in Australia. Yes I’m Pakistani. I am very very very hesitant to marry a guy from back home because a few girls I know have and, even though their husbands are well educated back home they cannot find jobs here. My parents have asked relatives and friends to look in Pakistan but only if he’s a doctor because the assumption then is that he will find a job here quite easily.

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

i know what you mean… i live in the UK and that is a common problem here tooo. my husband is from back home educated… really nice mashallah… but the job is a problem… he works but its not what he wanted to do… dont stress abut it too much sis… i know its easier to say than done, but really… inshallah everyone is looking and it will happen when the time is right… just get on with things and the right rishta will come when you stop getting so concerned and upset… just pray to Allah and ask HIM to do what is best for you :flowers:

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

^ Thanks.

Oh and in addition to that..can I just say I am also sceptical of guys on student visas. There was one such rishta recently. The guy was good looking, just finished uni here etc. His parents spoke with mine on the phone and they seemed decent enough. My dad then asked my dadabu to go and check them out and meet them in Pakistan. At this point the guy’s dad kept calling my dad and saying just say yes u have no reason to doubt anything I tell you etc. My dad said no and so my dadabu went to their house. The guy’s dad informed my dadabu that they had a huge business etc etc etc. My dadabu thought they seemed decent enough and had a nice house HOWEVER upon doing some further investigation it came to light that these people were a bunch of frauds. There was no business. They were in severe debt. And had specifically targeted our family because my dad’s side is extremely well off back home. The idea was that I would marry their son and they could then (this was said by a third party) “blackmail” our family into paying of the debts. My father made no mention of this to the guy’s dad and simply said we would not be proceeding when he called. You would think that he would take the hint. Well he didn’t. He kept calling my dad again and again and AGAIN and asking why it was a no and that they were very shareef etc. As if this wasn’t bad enough the actual guy then emails my dad saying he wants to be my parent’s son. Like wth? SERIOUSLY??

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sis you have good people and you have bad people.... thank Allah Almighty who saved you from that.... theres so much of that though now a days... another problem... but just hang in there.... have you tried matimonial webistes?

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No I haven't. I'm really hesitant to do so because iv'e heard horror stories where guys are just on there to have fun not serious and then the girl gets her heart broken etc etc. :s WHAT is a girl to do seriouslyy? My parents don't mind if I find someone (pakistani) myself but there is no one. I spent 5 years at uni and the pakistani guys there were..let's just say...none you could take home and intro to the family. And now at work there are no pakistani colleagues.

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

hhhhmmmm that just sounds so familiar.... best thing sis... take time out... go on holiday for a few weeks... come back fresh... happy... pray to Allah.... and carry on with things... please try not focus on the marriage thing so heavily... i will keep my eyes open for someone suitable for you here in the UK too.... private mail me if you wish...

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

If you are in Australia try other states? lol.
or go to the Mosque and see if theres any good ones there. Does your husband HAVE to be Pakistani?

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

ria786, majority of the girls and families usually look for few years before they finally get married. Very few lucky girls are able to get married within a year of searching for good proposals.

It should have been good to start looking for proposals while you were still studying although your parents might have told the guys families that you will only marry once you are done with your education.

Just have patience. Keep the rishta process going on but don't immerse yourself in the process. You have a career to focus on. You should be grateful that your mom is not giving you any pressure. We all have mothers whom we have to take care of when they start cyring every other day because they can't find a good rishta for us.

Try to find more and more ways to look for proposals. There are many rishta wali aunties who can recommend some good proposals. You will have to spend money for that though :p Be open and flexible to move to other countries.

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Re: Not Meant to Be?

Great advice here ria, u r only 24, and a professional so its not like u need some1 to provide for you. Dnt stress, I assume u r a Muslim, and v believe that whatever is written for you shall come to pass. There r some good guys out there [believe it or not ],
And once again u r only 24!!