blushing rose u live in miami tooo? where
will pm u..
Re: No boxed gifts please
I'm on the cash only bandwagon. I think it's incredibly impractical and inconsiderate to give anything else. First of all, if they're lucky, the new couple will be moving into a small apartment. There will be no space for a china setting for 12. Second, I really doubt the bride is such a master cook that she'll need a bread maker, a stand mixer, etc. Also, style and fashions change even in housewares. Why load up in one go like this when you can do it over the years and get up to date things? Third, many couples end up living with their in-laws or in a combined family system. What use are those gifts other than collecting dust in the garage, being regifted, or if you have a particularly lalchi saas, giving her a kitchen makeover? Fourth, if you're moving to a different state, then what? You're going to spend $2000 moving $1000 worth of stuff?
This controversy would never have arisen if desis didn't decide to get all hypocritical about wedding gifts. We're the one of the few cultures that still stubbornly wears our traditional clothes and maintains our rasms on a regular basis. This thread is flooded with desi wedding dresses and jewelry--not one of us dreams of a white wedding, we drool at red weddings, dream of biryani, haleem, and tandoori chicken at our wedding buffets, and want the nicest, laciest, darkest mehndi designs we can get. Every thing is hardcore desi, but of ALL the western things we could have adapted, we adapt "boxed gift giving." We didn't adapt timeliness and promptness, we didn't adapt orderly lines, but we adapted giving blenders at weddings. And that's simply due to cheapness. I know there are issues of affordability, but I'd much rather get $25 cash than an iron or a blender. At least the cash can be aggregated with the other gifts and put to use in a sensible fashion. As my aunt says, "four $25 gifts is $100, while four appliances are just four appliances that will break down in a few years." And no matter how much time you spent on your registry, there will always be people who will get you a duplicate gift, or one from a non-designated store.
Asian cultures, particularly Chinese-Americans, and Italian-Americans would NEVER dream of giving a boxed gift. It's strictly cash only for them. They don't have to be told twice, and it doesn't have to be written on the invitations. They've kept that sensibilty in their culture here. Even in Pakistan, if your auntie and uncle decided to walk into the wedding with a gift, she would become a pariah--"Where's the salamee? Can you believe them? A toaster?!" It was and is strictly cash or, if you're particularly close, maybe a piece of jewelry (i.e. gold).
I totally don't believe in extravagant wedding gifts, but people should give what they can easily afford. You're can't hide the price of a boxed gift, so it's better just to give a cash gift that can be put to good use.
Re: No boxed gifts please
^ well said!
people really need to have more sense in gift-giving.
Re: No boxed gifts please
omg , this is STILL beng discussed?!
omg , this is STILL beng discussed?!
haan haan kar rahay hain discuss aap say matlab??
khud toh shaddi kar kay tuhfay shuhfay samait kar baith gayee hain aur ab doosray log zara apni strategy iron out kar rahay hain toh aap ko aiteraaz ho raha hai..
selfish insaan
Re: No boxed gifts please
btw next person whe sens me a no boxed gifts card ..I will get a big box and the nicest wrapping paper and then put decoratriuve layers of tissue and what nots in tge box and the gifts will be..a sandak chappal, manjan, metromilan agar batti ka dabba, hamdard sualeen, hamdard safi and carmina, aik lota...plastic ki kanghee..hair oil ki aik bottle, fair and lovely ki tube, a packet of a dozen narras, one of them big old spools of white thread u see at darzi places, preparation H ka barra dabba..
let dem ppl open that nice box in public then :D
i agree with Raatkirani's sentiments (we also give cash, as i'm horribly uncreative when it comes to picking out actual presents) but i still shudder when i see those tacky "no boxed gifts" cards!! it's just tacky and no matter how you slice it, it reeks of (intentions or unintentional) greediness.
instead of inviting everyone you've glanced at in your life, maybe it's better to invite people whose company you'll truly enjoy and who will be more sensible with their gifting/well-wishes? though i still think expecting a gift is just lame.
Re: No boxed gifts please
I've never seen this happen before.. but anyway, I agree with SGC and Sahar02's point of view.. it just sounds so awkward to me, I mean like TELLING your guests what to/not to bring you.. I say, leave it upto them. But then, if you just can not afford to have boxed gifts or huge gifts because you'll be travelling, then the suggestion by Sahar02 (Was it? :p) is best.. tell them their presence is the best gift they can bring you.
I noticed something strange at a few weddings recently. The wedding invitation card said "no boxed gifts", ie cash only please. But on the invitation cards for the bridal shower, they mentioned the bridal registry, and when I checked it out all the items were like $50-$300 household items like dishes and appliances and bedding and whatnot ---like the typical type of boxed gifts people would normally bring. I found this SO tacky --that on one side you are telling people give us cash and on the other side you are still expecting them to furnish your entire home?
Re: No boxed gifts please
^ ugh. just when i thought it couldn't get worse...
i got a wedding shower invitation with something like this: "your presence is gift enough but if you insist on bringing something, please consider a contribution to their tuscan honeymoon."
sorry, but that is so passive-aggressive to me because its coming from the maid of honor (who hosted the shower), and no matter how its worded, is still a request for cash because you know nobody is going to show up empty-handed. all this has done is cornered people into not bringing a gift from the registry (even though the couple had a registry) and instead compelled us to come with money. how is giving a motive for how they're going to spend the cash gift a reasonable excuse for blatantly requesting a cash gift?? i don't care if you go on vacation with it, but i DO care that i'm being asked to bring money, even if its worded in a roundabout way.
honestly, things like this just take the pleasure and graciousness out of gift-giving. i've seen similar invites for aqeeqa's with requests for "future education funds" -- same principle and equally tacky.
Re: No boxed gifts please
why dont people say no gifts please and if you want to give something, donate whatever you wish to a charity in the person's name.
help some needy ppl as well in the process.
or is that too utilitarian of an approach?
COULD NOT agree more. it is ridiculously rude.
^ ugh. just when i thought it couldn't get worse...
i got a wedding shower invitation with something like this: "your presence is gift enough but if you insist on bringing something, please consider a contribution to their tuscan honeymoon."
sorry, but that is so passive-aggressive to me because its coming from the maid of honor (who hosted the shower), and no matter how its worded, is still a request for cash because you know nobody is going to show up empty-handed. all this has done is cornered people into not bringing a gift from the registry (even though the couple had a registry) and instead compelled us to come with money. how is giving a motive for how they're going to spend the cash gift a reasonable excuse for blatantly requesting a cash gift?? i don't care if you go on vacation with it, but i DO care that i'm being asked to bring money, even if its worded in a roundabout way.
honestly, things like this just take the pleasure and graciousness out of gift-giving. i've seen similar invites for aqeeqa's with requests for "future education funds" -- same principle and equally tacky.
Re: No boxed gifts please
we had the 'no boxed gifts' on our wedding cards.. but still had a HEAP of presents on both days.. even if the wedding is here its pretty possible that you'll have that little phrase totally ignored.
waise bhi arent the cards printed separately from the grooms and the brides side? but if it isnt the most comfy idea with dulha bhai then well i guess its better to leave it as it is.. maybe doing the registry would be a good idea if your moving from canada to the states cuz the stuff can be shipped there.. and it'll be a good exercise for u and ur to be miyaan ji to get to mingle a little over what u might want in your house - date shate maar lena ;)!
all the best!!
i just looked at the whole thread after i posted my insight.. thori late hogaii hoon jawab dene mein.. hehe
Re: No boxed gifts please
^ if only we could all get away with it just once, eh??? lol
it would be so satisfying!
Re: No boxed gifts please
i agree with cheegum
u can even put something to the effect that says " no gifts please, your presence is our gift"
ah man. well then you better word it in a way where they'd understand what 'no boxed gifts' means.
id probably write 'sirf paise dain'..with a polite 'shukriya' at the end LOL
hahah i love it! so true...i know ppl get confused easily here....its hard cuz desis need any excuse not to give money or to give like a $20 gift but then bring their mother grandmother, father, fathers cousin, and thier foreign exchange student to your wedding...trusttttt its happened to me....ahh i dont know what to do.....its hard cuz u want cash cuz its easier then at the same time its like well maybe register for high priced only items so tehy cant get u like one $20 thing.....
or better yet.. be like this rich ass lady who came to a bridal event and handed me a thusbe and a hijab....now im no knocking htem but i dont even wear hijab!!! and why would i need that on my bridal shower????? grrrr.....
u cant win....
off to count all the cash i received at wedding 
In UK these days most ppl give cash anyway. However, I have come across the "No boxed gifts, please" one liner, right at the bottom of the invite, in the smallest font possible. Some try to sweeten it with:
No boxed gifts please, your dua's are enough...
However that's not true, cos if dua's were enough, they would have written No GIFTS please, rather than No BOXED gifts.
Personally I prefer cash, but i wouldn't write it on the card cos i wouldnt b brave enough. Part of the fun is seeing what people get u. Sometimes they r really nice gifts u normally wouldnt get for yourself.
If u dont like it, sell it on e-bay!
Re: No boxed gifts please
dude if you want to write it , do it. if not, dont . obviously its controversal so just use your own discretion. quit arguing
Re: No boxed gifts please
^ its a discussion/conversation, not an argument. thats what message boards are all about, aren't they? :)