lol DB blame me :(
PS did you look at my bridal material its in the invite post!
lol DB blame me :(
PS did you look at my bridal material its in the invite post!
yeah i thought I posted a response. It's niCE!!! but you didnt post pix of the outside!
Re: No boxed gifts please
no no not the invite i posted my mehndi and reception material on there too!
no no not the invite i posted my mehndi and reception material on there too!
Which thread?
Re: No boxed gifts please
Your so cute… ‘Did I go too simple/typical?’
Re: No boxed gifts please
i came across this website today and thought of this lengthy- and passionate!- discussion on asking for cash… http://www.depositagift.com/
according to this website, you can do just that via a registry and it isn’t tacky anymore. here are some sample registeries to see how it works- http://www.depositagift.com/sampleRegistries
what do you guys think? does it make asking for cash easier/less offensive? would anyone here try it out?
Re: No boxed gifts please
^ We’re actually thinking about having a ‘cash registry’, at least for Family Members since from both sides there will be about 200 family members and most would give cash anyway. I think for the rest of our “family friends” we’ll allow them to give us whatever they want at the actual reception. I think printing the link in your invitation or save the date card allows family friends to participate if they really want to.
Since most of family members will be giving us cash anyway(or pieces of gold jewelry to my fiance which she’ll probably not really wear, lol), it’s more practical to just set up an account like this in advance. That way, if you actually accumulate $5,000(I’m using this number as hypothetical example) BEFORE the wedding through the website you can use that to PAY for some of the wedding.
Another cool idea we were thinking about is a Honeymoon Registry. I’m one of the youngest cousins and since all of my cousins are much older with kids, established(meaning they’re financially well off), it would be cool for them to contribute and chip in for the honeymoon. That’s definitely a gift that we’d never forget and it’d be more special coming from family and close friends. In the end, it’s the same thing to receive $5,000 or have that $5,000 put in a Honeymoon Registry so you can book your honeymoon before your wedding without spending a penny on it. 
My fiance and I are both in professional school and won’t be earning for a while, but that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to have a honeymoon, does it? We can have lots of ‘honeymoon’ vacations once we start earning, but it won’t be the same. There are sites have really cool ways to divide up costs for the honeymoon, ex. you can split up what someone can pay for: Like 1 hotel night stay, 1 dinner @ so and so restaurant, 1 jet ski ride, etc. If you have a honeymoon package that has pre-listed events and an itinerary, you can divide each piece up and have a different gift amount for each ranging from $25 to $1,000(some of my fiance’s cousins give this much at weddings to their cousins, lucky us! lol). They can sign their name with the portion they gifted to you or keep it ‘HIDDEN’ so everyone can’t see what they paid for except for the couple who have the password. Here’s the link, check it out… http://www.honeyfund.com/
Bottom line about the main topic, “no boxed gifts” is not tacky at all. It’s PRACTICAL. I will be having the wedding in the city where my family lives, but I will not be living there after the wedding. How am I supposed to carry a million boxes with me back to where I live after the wedding? We need to stop worrying about what others will think so much and focus on what’s easier and best for us, especially if it’s your own wedding. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather have cash at hand to buy things of my choice and start off my new life than to have a bunch of ‘glass decorative pieces’ and toasters we’re not going to use. Besides, how is starting a wedding gift registry at a store any less “tacky”? You’re basically telling people “get me this!”, which is still not allowing them to give you what THEY want. Why? Because it’s about you! So whether you want specific things for your house or just want cash then go for it.
I think in the end we’re gong to set-up a honeymoon registry. I think my older brothers, closest college friends, and cousins will really enjoy gifting this to us and we’ll really enjoy accepting this gift from the people we love the most.
Re: No boxed gifts please
I always thought it sounds awkward. Anyway, when the time for wedding came closer, we realized it will be pretty impossible to for me to transport all the gifts from one state to another without going through lot of hassle and spending too much money. So we went with no boxed gifts. We got cash/checks and some gift cards, it was great. People gave whatever they were comfortable with. We enjoyed shopping using the gift cards/cash/checks.
Re: No boxed gifts please
Love the honeyfund...a friend of mine did this, she was thrilled with it!
Re: No boxed gifts please
Love the honeyfund...a friend of mine did this, she was thrilled with it!
Yeah, it's a unique and fresh idea. We're keeping it in mind as well...let's see what happens
Re: No boxed gifts please
It's one thing to give suggestions (like registries for gifts and cash) and a completely different thing to give an order that says that someone's gift is unwelcome.
It's tacky and rude.
In the U.S. I don't think most ppl would actually tell someone their "gift is unwelcome". I've never been to a wedding like that. And most couples that do prefer cash have it worded on their invitation like "No boxed gifts please." The "please" in there is making it a nice request.
I think it's also rude for a guest to go to a wedding and give them something the couple clearly doesn't want. Is it about the guest or the couple at this point? Every guest is going to give something, so whether it's $5 or $5,000 why not have them invest in something that the couple actually needs or desires. In this modern day and age, why keep feeding in to these weird formalities and pretending like you're okay with everything. What good is it getting a couple a gift that YOU want to give, but that they'll never use? Are you buying the gift to fulfill your own personal desire or you buying the gift for the COUPLE who invited you to their wedding? I don't see what the big deal is. You should accept anything that anyone gives you b/c a gift is a gift and blah blah blah, but lets be real here. Both of my brothers got married and barely used any thing that was gifted to them other than cash. They ended up leaving everything in Pakistan(where there wedding was). So who's money is gone to waste? The guests! Let's be practical people.
There's nothing wrong with stating what you prefer and would like as a couple. If it bothers a guest THAT much I would seriously question whether that guest actually cares about ME and making me happy or themselves. If someone gets me an ugly house decoration piece, I will still be overjoyed and thank them genuinely from the bottom of my heart because a gift IS a gift. It still means a lot. But it'll be sad b/c I'll probably never take it out of the box and really use it. So what makes sense here?
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^ i have to agree with sahar 100% here.
putting a "please" on doesn't change the tone of the message or its content. what you're basically saying is, either bring money or you're not welcome, or alternately, please don't bring a boxed gift because we want your money. that's pretty rude any way you look at it.
as well putting a link to a registry on an invitation or save the date is also tacky. again, you're not giving your guests the option of choosing what to gift you- you're telling them where to shop, regardless of their personal preferences or budget. why are brides and grooms assuming their beloved guests will bring crap? why not assume their guests, who presumably care for the couple and are therefore invited to the wedding, will be bringing things that are meaningful to them and thoughtfully chosen for the couple- whether its a toaster or a $200. and if that doubt exists, then its pretty clear- DON'T invite 400 dirtbags to your wedding who are just going to turn up for a free meal and gossip session and will not care enough to put some thought into what to gift you.
imho, you can mention the registry on the website because that is an informal venue and lots of personal information is shared there. invitations are formal announcements for your wedding and there is no place there for "no boxed gifts please" or "the couple is registered at nordstrom".
a wedding gift is NOT a requirement- it is a kind gesture from your guests to you, the bridal couple. it is your job to graciously accept the gift, whatever it is, and move on. it is not your job to dictate to your guests conditions of their presence at your wedding.
Re: No boxed gifts please
We had couple people bringing gift boxes and we didn't say anything, they were thanked and welcomed like all others. I think a gift registry is dictating a guest of your gift conditions as well. I don't think it is any different from no boxed gift option. Anyway, that is just my opinion. Cheers. :)
Re: No boxed gifts please
To the above posts, everyone is entitled to their opinions so I respect that. I don't think it's THAT big of a deal though. To call someone rude or tacky is a bit extreme.
There are SEVERAL people on this forum who HAVE written 'no boxed gifts please' so why imply that those people are "rude and tacky"?
To everyone else, I don't think there's anything rude or tacky about the 'no boxed gifts please' concept considering our Desi Weddings and the types of guests we have to invite sometimes. If it's an all "non-desi" wedding I can see how it may be bordering on sounding forceful or tacky...but who are we kidding? We're desi and we have desi weddings with typical desi family friends who show up with typical desi gifts!
I agree with Sahar and SGC that it may sound like you're forcing someone to get you a gift, for ex. what if someone doesn't have enough cash that they're comfortable with gifting to you and they're embarrassed or uncomfortable? I understand that. So maybe there's just another way of WRITING it. It can be written to so it's not forced. I remember the 'no boxed gifts' trend started about ten years ago and it was kind of weird and new to everyone, but it's gotten really common these days and not many ppl find it a big deal. Almost ALL of the weddings I've been to in Texas(and a lot of them high-end, with the bride and groom as professionals, doctors, etc., educated, classy families) requested no boxed gifts for their own reasons and circumstances.
What if a bride lives with her in-laws and she doesn't need a bunch of things in a house that is already furnished? WASTE OF GIFTS!
What if someone like myself and fiance are have a wedding in the city our families live in but after the wedding will be flying back to where we live? Not EVERYONE has a wedding in the city they live in and not everyone is starting out a new life where they need a billion random items from people. Should we be expected to pay an additional load of $$$ just to ship all these boxes to where we live.? So we're PAYING to keep our gifts now?!
Everyone has their own reasons for why they prefer what they do. Let's leave it at that.
Anyway, lets make a deal. If Sahar or SGC can provide shipping for all the boxed gifts we receive at my wedding from Houston to the city where I live, then I will not state "no boxed gifts please" on my invite. :p
JK, I don't know if we'd word it "no boxed gifts please" to begin with, probably write something like "your presence and well wishes are all we want, but if you so desire to....." and then slip in how we'll be in transition as a couple and would prefer not to have boxed gifts. Then if someone brings a boxed gift that's fine and we'll love whatever they bring and try our best to take it back with us. If someone doesn't bring anything, that's perfectly fine too.
The issue here isn't about the gifts, I could care less if no one bought me anything at all. I just want my guests to have a good time and leave happy. But IMO it's dumb to let everyone spend and essentially waste money on gifts that you can't travel with or use. If I'm buying something for someone, my first thought is to try and get something they will want or need. That's what registries and 'no boxed gifts' do, they guide the guests and make their lives easier as well as getting the couple what they want. It's win-win. Practicality people!
In "non-desi" weddings the guests are so few, only family and close friends, so they will be considerate enough of the couple to ship a gift directly to where they will be living or buy them gift cards/cash without the couple having to state anything on the card. But at desi weddings half the guests that come do not think this much in to it! They will just show up with a big box that someone else gave them a few years ago. Let's not COMPARE our concepts of gift giving to "non-desi" people. That's ridiculous.
I'm all for being "American" when it comes to removing "tackiness" from some desi traditions we have, but at the end of the day we ARE desi and let's not forget that. Most non-desi weddings are comparatively smaller and only close family and friends are invited so the couple knows any gift given will be bought keeping the couple's convenience and situation in mind.
With desis, however, sometimes we have to invite tons of family friends at weddings(because we've known them for 20+ years, they invited us to their weddings, or they would be really hurt or offended that they weren't invited which we don't want to do to anyone) and those families will most likely pick up a convenient/cheap gift and it'll end up sitting in the garage or re-gifted to someone else.
EVERY desi family brings a gift, whether it's a box or cash. Isn't that 'forced' as well? But you can't change that can you? Even if you ask them not to bring anything, they will! What can you do now?
I guess a good solution to that would be donating whatever you don't need or want to a Masjid or charity? But let's not pretend like we're "non-desi" all of the sudden and expect everyone who gets us a gift will get us something nice or that we like. That's not gonna happen.
SGC, I respect the fact that you could have a smaller wedding in comparison to the typical desi shaadi, but not everyone can do that. If you knew you had to invite 150 people outside of your family & close friends what would you do with all the boxes they give you if you're flying back to your hometown the next day? What if a majority of those families do not see your "casual mention" of a registry or no boxed gifts on your wedding site? Would you still want all of those people to buy you something that you can't take with you or use? Ask them kindly not to bring you any gifts because you're moving? That won't work. They will still bring something b/c they feel like they 'have' to - desi mentality for you.
BOTTOM LINE, if my guests really care about my fiance and I and realize we are in transition then they will not find anything rude or tacky with requesting no boxed gifts(since they're bringing gifts anyway!). If they don't care about us they'll make it a big deal and find something to complain about. Haters will hate. Peace! :)
Re: No boxed gifts please
Can’t believe I have just read all 33 pages of this thread! 
Phew! In my personal view; I find the words ‘no boxed gifts please’ a little rude too. I wouldn’t go as far as saying it was tacky, but it’s quite distasteful to me. Having said that, it seems to have become such a norm these days that nobody even cares anymore - guests automatically gift cash. In fact, here in the UK…I’ve witnessed a man sitting in the corner with a ‘book’ noting down how much people have gifted. People even queue up to ‘pay’ I’ve always found this very odd growing up and could NEVER imagine having something like that at my wedding. I would probably not write anything on my invitations - my guests are more than welcome to gift whatever they like.
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Re: No boxed gifts please
Dang, I’ve never heard of something like that! No disrespect to the family who did that, but yeah, that is a bit unheard of. It kind of sounds like a fee to get in to the wedding, lol.
Kudos to you on reading all 33 pages, I just read the last one and and gave my thoughts 
After pondering on the topic some more, I still want to avoid getting a million boxes because I’ll be moving, but maybe writing anything about gifts on the ACTUAL invitation can be avoided. I’ve seen invitations with separate little inserts in the same envelope that have info about directions to the hall, registries, etc - maybe that’s where it can be mentioned. The concept of casually mentioning it on a website, like SGC suggested, would work if all uncles and aunties actually visited the website, but other than my younger friends and family I doubt anyone else would go on the website. A separate insert in the envelope seems like feasible solution. Even if I ask people not to bring gifts, I know they will. And I can’t have 50 big boxes to travel with, I gotta get the message out somehow.
My friend told me about a wedding once where the groom went up on stage and announced that all the gifts given to them were going to be donated to charity. The guests were appalled! lol. I thought it was a great idea and extremely generous on the couples part to want to give back to society on such a joyous occasion, but ppl at his own table were saying how if they had known this they wouldn’t have spent so much and blah blah blah. If you’re having a desi wedding with tons of desi people you can’t ignore the mentalities your dealing with. I think that’s why the “no boxed gifts please” idea was born in the first place…because ppl finally realized regardless of how organized or ‘non-desi’ their wedding is, the guests are sometimes not considerate enough to think about the couple and whether or not they need to travel or have other issues.
Re: No boxed gifts please
I was born and brough up in europe and I find it quite rude. Whatever someone wants to give you should be okay, so what if you get 5 coffe machines, return them, its that simple. I will never understand why people bother writing that, do you need the money to pay of the loan for the wedding or what? One should not worry about what people will give you, it is not about getting money or gifts or whatever ....
Re: No boxed gifts please
So you’re concerned about not offending people by excluding them from your wedding, but you’re not concerned if they are offended by your request that they give you a cash gift 
Can’t have it both ways…
Re: No boxed gifts please
SGC, I respect the fact that you could have a smaller wedding in comparison to the typical desi shaadi, but not everyone can do that. If you knew you had to invite 150 people outside of your family & close friends what would you do with all the boxes they give you if you're flying back to your hometown the next day? What if a majority of those families do not see your "casual mention" of a registry or no boxed gifts on your wedding site? Would you still want all of those people to buy you something that you can't take with you or use? Ask them kindly not to bring you any gifts because you're moving? That won't work. They will still bring something b/c they feel like they 'have' to - desi mentality for you.
BOTTOM LINE, if my guests really care about my fiance and I and realize we are in transition then they will not find anything rude or tacky with requesting no boxed gifts(since they're bringing gifts anyway!). If they don't care about us they'll make it a big deal and find something to complain about. Haters will hate. Peace! :)
donate the gifts to charity or store them in my parents or inlaws basement until the time that i can actually use them. i stored ALL of the gifts i got because we were living in a very small 1 bedroom then and had no room. 4 years later we're in a much bigger home with a proper kitchen and i've unpacked them all and am using them. there is no expiry date on these things, you know? they can be used, its just that you don't want to cart them across the country just now, right? it doesn't mean the gifts were unwelcome or that i was peeved i received them. that's my issue with this wording- it makes the couple seem ungrateful too and it puts pressure on the guests to shop either at a specific store or to only bring money. not every family can afford to gift a decent amount and showing up with $50 might be embarassing for them. as you mentioned, possibly a separate insert card is a solution although, that, too, seems a bit forceful. ideally word of mouth is how information about wedding registries is spread if people ask what to get the couple. and if your guests care, then they'll automatically bring cash without needing a reminder, no? :) they'll know you're in transition and respect that.