i also haven't seen this message on any gora invites- this gaffe is all ours and has nothing to do with "gora influences on younger generations".
Indeed.
As crass as Americans culture can be sometimes, weddings seem to be one occasion when Americans stick to very traditional etiquette. It's actually considered rude here to mention gifts/registries/etc on anything enclosed with the wedding invitation - let alone printing "no boxed gifts" directly on the invite.
I'm just waiting for the day that desi brides decide that "no boxed gifts" is too subtle and just start charging set admission fees for their weddings. Perhaps someone could write a flowery poem that could be printed on the invites mentioning the $100/head ticket price?
Your definitely right about that Sahar, and donations and the all the other options are also great suggestions no doubt. The thing is in our culture, especially Pakistanis sometimes is that no matter what we do...somebody will be there to have an opinion and judge us for it. Whether we write that on an invite or not, if its not the " no boxed gifts" since its very acceptable where I live, then it could be something else regarding the bride, the food, the venue, the guest, other attendants etc etc..so I mean there is always something that people will find something to unnecessarily comment and complain about just for the sake of gossiping when it comes to weddings and events like these. And its also usually those same people or aunties and uncles you can expect that kind of stuff from so I just feel that no matter whether you do good or bad, its hard to please every body because everybody has their opinions no matter what and thats what I mean by to "each is their own" because it literally is. Whatever step you take, some people recognize your good efforts, and some people will criticize you for them and thats just the way it is so we can't constantly live our lives and form for other people who only seem to want to judge us every step of the way. Those actually close to you know exactly what your all about and what kind of family you are and would never make pre-assumed judgments about you like that. People with those kinds of opinions about you are usually just invited out of formality anyway because they have to be because of old ties and so on.. and if it offends them so much to look past the part where they were considered important enough to be invited and share in someone else's happiness then they just simply don't have to come because those three words aren't more important than the invitation itself... so thats just my take on it. :)
As crass as Americans culture can be sometimes, weddings seem to be one occasion when Americans stick to very traditional etiquette. It's actually considered rude here to mention gifts/registries/etc on anything enclosed with the wedding invitation - let alone printing "no boxed gifts" directly on the invite.
I'm just waiting for the day that desi brides decide that "no boxed gifts" is too subtle and just start charging set admission fees for their weddings. Perhaps someone could write a flowery poem that could be printed on the invites mentioning the $100/head ticket price?
lol so where did the idea originate from? i have not seen this in pakistan so it was a completely alien concept to me, took my cousins explanation of it being a norm out here to be a well-known fact
okay guys a related dilemma... what if you want to take the "no boxed gifts" to the next step... in that I only want cash.. hard cash... no cheques. cheques can bounce. please suggest a classy way to word the above desired setup, thanks.
plus is it tacky to appoint someone to count the cash as the guests roll in and give up the dough? it might be a good idea to have a running total of the gifts collected at the front of the room to keep track of the PnL.
You guys are making it such a big deal its hilarious. When most people get married in Pakistan the groom is still looking towards his dd to give him some inheritance so he can make something of his life. It doesnt work like that out here. Guys and girls go out get an education, a job and a career and build their lives from scratch.
Now for a couple in Pakistan who are moving into their in laws house which is probably like a 8 bedroom mansion it doesn't matter if the couple are bombarded with useles gifts they can always pass them down or they will most probably keep them for when they do get their inheritance and move out some day they will need those things.
From what Ive seen in the UK all guys will have their own house before they wed. A house which is usually fully furnished. Houses here in UK also arent 8 bedroom houses where you even have space to store presents so what do you do with all those useless things?
When me and my fiancee got engaged he had just bought a place. Slowly we have furnished everything and also my mum and dad have given alot. If all our guests bought us gifts we would have no use of them or nowhere to put them.
I will be putting 'no boxed gifts' on my wedding card but so that i get money. I dont really care about money. I just DONT WANT GIFTS!
**Gift:* something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation* (Source: Online Merriam Webster Dictionary)
By telling your guests that the "gifts" not come in a box and clearly implying that you want cash, because you haven't gone to the extent of saying that the guests come empty-handed, means that you've taken the choice away from your guests and it's no longer a gift, rather a demand.
As for the idea that it's now been done enough that it's acceptable, it's not that it's acceptable, rather people have become resigned to the tastelessness grubby manners of some members of the community.
I will be putting 'no boxed gifts' on my wedding card but so that i get money. I dont really care about money. I just DONT WANT GIFTS!
Why not just give ur unwanted gifts to charity? Wats the big deal... if you really dont care about money then why not state 'no cash or boxed gifts', maybe then people wont feel obliged to pay you that tenner ;)
I might actually. I might not. I might not even write anything.
Either way I will not make it a matter of my personal pride. I will come to whatever decision with my partner and family when the time comes.
For people who do write it good for you! And good on those who don as well!
I don't understand why these simple three words are life and death for some of you girls and if your opinionated over something so small how will you ever comprimise with your families to be... Jeez who would have thought 'no boxed gifts' would wind up so many people lol
Mate I don't know what sort of wedding you had/will have but I'm getting married at the waldorf which is costing 13k just dry hire I am then paying 50 pounds per head for food then all extras on top. If someone gives me a tenna they won't die I am paying a lot more for their butt on that seat :)
Lol, touchy. Its your choice what you pay, why should your guests have to pay you anythin? Anyways, dont worry your guests would probably pay your alot more than a tenner but if u wana indirectly 'ask' for it then good on u..........
You know... im starting to think the ones that have something against no boxed gifts are secretly upset that they cannot put this on their invitation and collect money because it will make them look bad.... lol
I just had to add another thing I have been to many weddings that had no boxed gifts was written on the card and I heard nobody complain. Also its easier for people to give a tenna than go in search of a present which is more brain raking and will potentially cost more anyway. Ok all you pro gift people imagine people writing 'boxed gifts only' !!! When you look at it that way the alternative is not so bad.
