I don't know anything about good manners.
Finally I can agree with you on something.
as for couples who are moving, here's the sugestion i made before:
I think it would be less rude to include a message that said,
"We look forward to your company on this special day. Because the bride and groom will be moving soon after the wedding, we ask that the only gift you bring is your presence."
Or something like that.
perfect, and its not just for ppl moving or weddings.
for kids bdays we tell people that only their presence is required, but if they want to get something they can donate to a child service organisation as a sadqa in the kids names, or bring a toy which we will donate to a shelter.
first year people did not think we were serious but year 2 we had big boxes sitting where we put the toys for donation, by year 3 people got used to it. :)
Re: “No boxed gifts.”
My sister’s wedding card said something to that effect ^^.
Basically she asked that they would not be taking any gifts. Pagal laRki 
My two cents in this situation is this: I really do not think it is a big deal to request monetary gifts. It's YOUR wedding. It depends on your crowd. If in your crowd it is considered tacky, then don't do it. But in all the weddings I've been to, they've requested monetary gifts, and honestly that works out best for us too because then we don't have to go around searching for a gift that will likely end up sitting and collecting dust anyway. In terms of using registries and the like, in my crowd it's just not really done. I agree that you should try to be as tactful as possible with the wording on the gift card. At the end of the day, if guests want to bring a boxed gift instead of cash, that's their call. I do not think that it is unreasonable to expect a gift for your wedding, regardless of how small. People can give within their means, and if you'd prefer to have $50 instead of a quacking alarm clock, then you have the right to state it. If people want to make a big deal about it, then they don't have to come to your wedding. I think it's reasonable to want to give a newly married couple some funding to start off their life with.
And in terms of the argument that people should tone down their weddings instead of expecting gifts...I know that I will always give a gift at a wedding. And regardless of how lavish the wedding is, I will always give the same amount. Yes, if a couple wants to have a lavish wedding that is their choice. But a wedding is an event where people want to share their happiness with others and although you shouldnt have a wedding that is more expensive with your means, it's not unreasonable to expect the monetary gifts to provide you with some support.
Originally Posted by SanaZaidi630 http://www.paklinks.com/gs/images/buttons/viewpost.gif
I don’t know anything about good manners.
It really makes no difference.
Very classy and oh so “good mannered” of you. 
Re: "No boxed gifts."
This is a preference. You shouldn't tell people they are poor manared or cheap or tacky because they disagree with you. Everyone has their own way of doing things. Don't put them down because their belifes/ opinions are different from your own.
Re: "No boxed gifts."
I think the key is simply to not let anything get to you. Whether the invite says "no boxed gifts" or nothing at all, we have to stop taking everything so seriously. We don't know why people ask for the things they do, and we don't know why someone chose to give a small amount of money or re-gift something because in either situations, we'd need to walk a mile - or several - in their shoes. It's best not to assume in any situation.
So gift-givers...put some thought in what you're going to give and give the best you can afford in your particular situation whether it's $20 or $200 (in cash or gift form)...if you think a request is questionable or wrong...you have every right to THINK so. Just don't discuss it with others because then we're in gheebat territory. And gift-receivers...accept whatever you are given with good grace. After the gifts are open, don't do a full-scale analysis about how good/bad/cheap/expensive/inconvenient gifts were and then talk about it with everybody you can find...that's gheebat too.
Why do people get a hissy fit if they see 'no boxed gifts' on an invite? I haven't put it on my wedding invite because I've only invited very close friends and family to my wedding and I honestly don't care what they give me. I am just happy as long as they are present. But some people are obligated to invite distant relatives and friends often at the request of their parents and if they refuse, their parents end up hurt and upset! In such cases, I think it makes complete sense to request 'no boxed gifts' to minimize clutter and unnecessary things that the couple might end up getting from people they have never seen in their entire lives. And do you honestly think most of these distant relatives and friends put much thought into their gifts?
I personally won't write 'no boxed gifts' on my invite but if someone does, BIG DEAL! If it offends you that much, don't bother going to their wedding. Stop creating unnecessary drama.
Re: "No boxed gifts."
it does't feel nice to ask but i too prefer cash gift. i remember how we got sooo many unnecessary gifts that it was hard to get rid of later on. however one can ask close relatives/friends what the need but asking everyone in general isn't appropriate.
ager traditions badal jain tu koi haraj nahi. do agree with mistral that while giving cash gifts u do hav to dash out a certain amount to keep ur status.
Re: "No boxed gifts."
Kinda tacky but then so is the bed bath and beyond gift registry that you often get with the wedding invite here in the states! You can be practical only to a certain extent
Re: "No boxed gifts."
someone we know just wrote,
"NO BOXES"
i was like what?
Re: "No boxed gifts."
its simple, let ppl bring what they want, what u like keep, what you dont want donate.
khel khatam paisa hazam
next problem?
PS: at this rate I can solve all of desi community problems in an afternoon
Thats such a great idea masha Allah
okay guys a related dilemma... what if you want to take the "no boxed gifts" to the next step... in that I only want cash.. hard cash... no cheques. cheques can bounce. please suggest a classy way to word the above desired setup, thanks.
plus is it tacky to appoint someone to count the cash as the guests roll in and give up the dough? it might be a good idea to have a running total of the gifts collected at the front of the room to keep track of the PnL.
okay guys a related dilemma... what if you want to take the "no boxed gifts" to the next step... in that I only want cash.. hard cash... no cheques. cheques can bounce. please suggest a classy way to word the above desired setup, thanks.
plus is it tacky to appoint someone to count the cash as the guests roll in and give up the dough? it might be a good idea to have a running total of the gifts collected at the front of the room to keep track of the PnL.
Yes it is tacky. What if they don't have the means to give a lot of money and everyone sees? Just try to remember you gave what and thank them later. Not all people are that fortunate and it could cause problems if you do that.
Yes it is tacky. What if they don't have the means to give a lot of money and everyone sees? Just try to remember you gave what and thank them later. Not all people are that fortunate and it could cause problems if you do that.
I'm pretty sure she's being sarcastic...she's making fun of all the people who think demanding "no boxed gifts" isn't tacky, rude, and unsophisticated.
Seriously though...how did Pakistanis go from having a culture where one is expected to do proper "takalluf" when being offered a gift (and politely decline the gift out of modesty a few times before actually accepting it) to one where its becoming increasingly acceptable to demand money from your guests right on the invitation. It really is a shame.
I'm pretty sure she's being sarcastic...she's making fun of all the people who think demanding "no boxed gifts" isn't tacky, rude, and unsophisticated.
Seriously though...how did Pakistanis go from having a culture where one is expected to do proper "takalluf" when being offered a gift (and politely decline the gift out of modesty a few times before actually accepting it) to one where its becoming increasingly acceptable to demand money from your guests right on the invitation. It really is a shame.
*Oh....hard to tell when someone's being sarcastic online.... But you are right on the second point. I guess when people's mentalities changed; the younger generation is a lot more influenced by goras and their customs. *
Seriously though...how did Pakistanis go from having a culture where one is expected to do proper "takalluf" when being offered a gift (and politely decline the gift out of modesty a few times before actually accepting it) to one where its becoming increasingly acceptable to demand money from your guests right on the invitation. It really is a shame.
just adopting the norms and the ways of the west I guess. my cousin had it written on her card recently and when some of the family raised their concerns, she just shushed them up and said it was a very practical and sensible approach and how her gora friends do it all the time, we desis just need to 'get with the times'. go figure
Re: "No boxed gifts."
^ well said!!
i also haven't seen this message on any gora invites- this gaffe is all ours and has nothing to do with "gora influences on younger generations".
Re: "No boxed gifts."
Okay, so my brother got married abt 1.5 yrs ago.. For the valima my family didn't write 'no gift box' on the invitations - we didn't expect money from people, what ever they could give and if nothing thats fine..
No joke, all the guests except maybe 2 gave boxed gifts and everyone else gave money? Quite surprising..
Now for the baraat day - my bhabhis family wrote no gift box on their invitations and many people in fact majority didn't adhere to it and gave whatever they want and some gave money.
lesson to be learned: those who can afford it will give u money those who cant will get u a gift, why embarrass urself and ask for money.. It's not some charity show, it's ur wedding !