Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
^ I guess I never saw the ruksati as a separate event. You come to the shadi hall, you have you're nikkah. You leave together. That's your ruksati.
I agree. I guess I just don't understand why it has a name? I mean, what does it mean? That you have to wear red? That you have to look like a dulhan? That you have to do the rasms?
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
Does anyone know the root of the word?
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
Err what does rukhsti means in Urdu? It means leaving, departure, farewell etc. So yeah Rukhsti basically means the bride leaving her home, saying goodbye and joining her husband's household.
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
It literally means "farewell" or "sending off".
To be honest the concept doesn't gel with me now, marriages aren't like in our grandparents generation when a girl/woman went from one protector to another, to hardly ever see her family again.
In addition, girls would be married at a very young age but they would not be sent to live with their husband until they were a bit older, so we can see why the traditions such as then dressing the girl up to be more womanly, giving her gold in the form of jewellery and sending her off to her husband with a celebration existed.
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
If you start nit picking, ultra examining and denouncing every aspect of our culture, I'm pretty sure we'd be left with nothing whatsover to appreciate enough to make it part of our life. The whole idea of bride getting dressed up for the event, saying goodbye to her family and friends and to her old life and getting a special send off is what makes our weddings so beautiful. It doesn't matter what the origin of the word or the concept is or what meaning and implications it held in our grandparents time. The idea has completely evolved for better and thats what matters.
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
^There's nothing wrong with that. The point is that it shouldn't be separated from the nikkah without good reason. My above post was a comment on why it was celebrated commonly as a separated occurrence. If a girl is having nikkah at 11 years old, it makes sense. The nikkah should be given the recognition it deserves, in every way - the rights it gives the couple and to be celebrated for the new union. Couples that have nikkah with no formal "rukhsati" as per our culture still have the bride getting dressed up, the event is still celebrated, and what's more the nikkah itself is celebrated for its significance, not just an event to send off the bride.
These days you are seeing so many nikkah's taking place on the day of mehndi, before the event, just so that the couple can sit together. The guests only know because bid is passed around. I do not see it having evolved for the better because the actual marriage has become a footnote to all the other wedding celebrations.
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
Nikkah itself has always been, since the time of Prophet, a very simple and straightforward event. Its no wonder that some interpretations actually view valima as an actual celebration of the marriage. But I agree that Nikkah should be conducted openly.
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
If you start nit picking, ultra examining and denouncing every aspect of our culture, I'm pretty sure we'd be left with nothing whatsover to appreciate enough to make it part of our life. The whole idea of bride getting dressed up for the event, saying goodbye to her family and friends and to her old life and getting a special send off is what makes our weddings so beautiful. It doesn't matter what the origin of the word or the concept is or what meaning and implications it held in our grandparents time. The idea has completely evolved for better and thats what matters.
Very well said!
@stoppit : I think most families usually have their own reasons for having nikkah on a different date ...I dont think its something you can generalize and question ...
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
I didn't have any dholki nights or mehendi or rukhsati or walima just a small nikkah with my family, his family and the Imam. In my eyes we are married but the world does not see it like that. People talk about us and say that we are 'tight' and didn't want to spend money, some people say that we are not married, some people say that what we did was wrong.....almost illegal..."how can she live with him without a rukhsati????"
Like stoppit i hope i have started a new trend. I hope that those with a little bit of education will understand that this is all that is required. Instead of a big wedding we bought a big house which if i do say myself is absolutely gorgeous and has made our lives so happy and comfortable, it's not easy for young people in London to buy such a house.
But people still sneer and make comments...i have photos of the nikkah, i have the nikkah certificate and the imam who preformed the nikkah is very well known.
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
I'm curious, since I know very little about Islamic marriages, but when you have the Nikkah (say in the US), is it legally binding? Like under government eyes, what day would be your marriage? The Nikkah, rukhsati, valima or some other date?
Just wanted to say I am SO happy this forum exists.
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
^the nikkah is the marriage contract. In the US it is usually performed by a licensed imam who is registered with the state
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
^the nikkah is the marriage contract. In the US it is usually performed by a licensed imam who is registered with the state
Same thing here in Canada, except one has to get a license. In order to get it an application with information of bride, groom and Nikah date is submitted to City Hall.
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
Peace All
I have two questions:
a) How long after Aisha (RA) was married to Muhammad (SAW) did she (RA) move in with the prophet Muhammad (SAW)?
b) What is the iddat for a woman who has had nikkah and then talaq, but without the marriage being consumated?
The answers of these two questions might make people rethink their replies in this thread … 
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
^you tell us.
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
there is no iddat for such women as much i remember
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
there is no iddat for such women as much i remember
Therefore nikkah and consumation are two different things ... consumation makes iddat necessary not nikkah ... in which case the rasum that is performed for rukhsati (symbolises) that consumation will thereafter begin ... am I right?
You don't need to have a rasum for it ... one can simply move in with the husband and that will be taken as consumation. However even that is not necessarily consumation ... but one thing is clear nikkah itself is not what makes the couple considered "fully married" by Islamic law ... although it makes it full permissible for them to be together.
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
I think a lot of families get their kids nikkah done before marriage as a kind of safety. Usually around their early 20's these kids get into nikkah and hang out with their husband/wife etc without being 'fully married' (in the sense of rukkhsati, living on your own). What I mean by safety is that, when you're young... you like other people (sexual attraction etc). Inevitable. But rather than let those urges lead to sin, a lot of parents safeguard their kids by getting them nikkah'd. So, you're not doing any sin... you're married. You can go out alone with your husband/wife without it being an issue for anyone. And it also let's the kids further their careers/become mature/stable etc etc until they live on their own.
The 'rukhsati' isn't just a bunch of random rasms, it's more like...alright, you're on your own now. There's nothing wrong with having a rukhsati and a nikkah with a length of time between the two. No one sees it as an engagement - it's just an interim period before you're stable enough to live on your own.
I think the idea of nikkah first and then moving out a few years later is wonderful. You get to know the person without the pressure of living together and seeing each other 24/7...you're not worried about doing anything wrong, lol. Now of course, if someone were to take nikkah as "Oh I can break it off" - that's just wrong. And I think that depends on your parents/upbringing. If you're raised in a good Muslim household, one knows how important nikkah/marriage is...it's not an engagement. If you want to 'break it off', you will be getting a divorce.
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
Psyah - very good point.
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
Me and my fiance will do the same just nikah and some food for the guests who decide to come. Don't care if everyone thinks we are bf and gf for the rest of our lives, its their hang up. IF they want a rukhsati they can do it in our absence, me and my husband will be in our pjs in our lovenest that day LOL
Re: Nikkah is MARRIAGE
You don't need to have a rasum for it ... one can simply move in with the husband and that will be taken as consumation. However even that is not necessarily consumation ... but one thing is clear nikkah itself is not what makes the couple considered "fully married" by Islamic law ... although it makes it full permissible for them to be together.
Do you see how slightly ridiculous the bit in bold becomes. Even if you've not moved in with husband permanently, the marriage can still be consummate. And then the opposite, you could be living together and not consummate.
So there is no point to the rasm given that nikkah as you say, makes consummation fully permissible. The rest is not really anyone else's bsuiness.