It's true. I know tons of friends whose goal was to get married. They finished their undergraduate and no cared that they hadn't done anything or had no experience in the real world. They were young and got married super easily. But it's different with guys; if my husband goes through a rough patch, I'd support him 100% because I know that he's capable of getting back on his feet. With this guy, he's never been on his feet so why would I willingly marry him knowing that I could be in for a lifetime of financial woes?
This thread is amazing! Every time I think I've made a decision, someone says something which makes me start thinking all over again!!
amazing? more like ruin your life because you'll never make a decision. Who cares if a guy on the internet thinks you're a slut or too arrogant for wanting an ambitious man? Being double minded is worse than making the "wrong" decision. I know easier said than done but make a decision, stick with it, and deal with the consequences.
Ok everyone, I read all the comments again and made a pros and cons list.
Pros: he's shareef, likes my confidence and sharp brain, acknowledges my achievements
Cons: no job, wants me to sponsor him, says he'll find a good job once he's here, lack of drive/ambition, always looks to me for advice/guidance instead of researching stuff and making own decisions
I think it's clear what I have to do. I'm ending this once and for all and whenever I have doubts, I'll come back and read this thread!
Why don't you share these feelings with him and maybe give him 6 months to get his act together and if he doesn't then get done with him.
I tried before. I was very blunt and basically told him exactly what I shared on this thread. He said that I'm being too materialistic and at the end of your life, you want to have spent it with someone who loves you. I felt really guilty when he said that but there's nothing wrong with wanting certain qualities in your life partner, is there? I even gave him a certain amount of time, like you suggested but he said he can't do it unless he knows I'm in his life. I think I've given him too many chances already. This has got to stop.
I tried before. I was very blunt and basically told him exactly what I shared on this thread. He said that I'm being too materialistic and at the end of your life, you want to have spent it with someone who loves you. I felt really guilty when he said that but there's nothing wrong with wanting certain qualities in your life partner, is there? I even gave him a certain amount of time, like you suggested but he said he can't do it unless he knows I'm in his life. I think I've given him too many chances already. This has got to stop.
I think we all know what you have in mind. You have already made your decision. Don't drag this further, if you want to end it then do it so you don't lead the guy on anymore. Stop all contact, eventually he'll get the message and move on. If it's not meant to be then there is no point pushing it. When there is no respect in a woman's eyes for a man then there shouldn't be any connection at all. If all you're going to do is criticize him when he gets here for his "indolence" then he's better off in Pakistan. Let him have whatever self respect he has and move on.
Ok everyone, I read all the comments again and made a pros and cons list.
Pros: he's shareef, likes my confidence and sharp brain, acknowledges my achievements
Cons: no job, wants me to sponsor him, says he'll find a good job once he's here, lack of drive/ambition, always looks to me for advice/guidance instead of researching stuff and making own decisions
I think it's clear what I have to do. I'm ending this once and for all and whenever I have doubts, I'll come back and read this thread!
Given that you have never met this guy in person.....even after 4 YEARS....I'm not even sure what's there to "end". You just need to block him from your e-mail/online chats, and not pick up when/if he calls. Focus on finding a man who is actually ready to take on the responsibility of a husband, and who you can actually meet in person.
BTW, I understand that you think he's so shareef and all.....but keep in mind that you have never met him in person....let alone his family/friends etc. You have no idea what he does, what type of people he hangs with on a day-to-day basis. You know about him what HE has CHOSEN to share with you.
^ Agree with everything. Maybe one thing OP may want to do slightly differently - send a polite note to the gentleman she wants to move on. After that she can do all the blocks etc.
I tried before. I was very blunt and basically told him exactly what I shared on this thread. He said that I'm being too materialistic and at the end of your life, you want to have spent it with someone who loves you. I felt really guilty when he said that but there's nothing wrong with wanting certain qualities in your life partner, is there? I even gave him a certain amount of time, like you suggested but he said he can't do it unless he knows I'm in his life. I think I've given him too many chances already. This has got to stop.
ok then i think u answered your own question! He's not worth it if he is unable to understand the importance of him holding on his own.
Would you say that about all poor guys trying to better themselves?
I think the main problem here is that he hasn't tried to better himself at all.
It's been 4 years and he hasn't made any progress. Forget about for marriage sakes, even just to be able to take care of ones parents, people try to get promoted, study further or switch careers if it's not working out... he hasn't done any of that.
Then why do we keep on ranting about female empowerment, equality in workforce, and all that feminism? If the girls job is to look after family and home, shouldn't she looking after him when he is stuck in a deadlock? or should she abandon him because he cant provide? and if she should abandon him on the providence issue, should a guy be entitled to leave wife when they opt for job, because she would be lacking in her conventional job?
Then why do we keep on ranting about female empowerment, equality in workforce, and all that feminism? If the girls job is to look after family and home, shouldn't she looking after him when he is stuck in a deadlock? or should she abandon him because he cant provide? and if she should abandon him on the providence issue, should a guy be entitled to leave wife when they opt for job, because she would be lacking in her conventional job?
IF she chooses to work with the consent of her husband then its b/w them but her home should remain the priority.
Getting in deadlock and remaining in it are two very two very different scenarios.
Yes yes, now if I see anyone with a degree in Human Resources, I’ll remember to scoff at them and say “You have no right to marry anyone, please kindly become a nun and or priest of preferred religions”.
