Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
and love your family:hoonh:
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
Okay so OP (Nadz) to clarify which of the following is the issue:
1) your husband has potentially changed his mind about moving
2) you are in the UK on what looks like an extended holiday rather than a move (and to be honest I was thinking this was a move back to the UK based on the fact you even asked for a advice on how to pack your breakable kitchen stuff)
3) when you do move to the UK you will have to find a job where you earn over £18K and support a full household for at least 6 months?
Sorry I'm a bit confused as there's a lot of posts on employment, holidays, and moving.
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
Its all above. I'm angry at him for not getting his nationality when he could have. He had to stay another 2 years for it. He came as student did his masters then had a job for 2 years. But he didn't want to stay for the duration because he doesn't think things through. He has no decision making capabilities or plans things . He just lives say for day. And its not a good attribute
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
Hey nadz..just wondering. Were you aware of the consequences of marrying your husband?.
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
Its all above. I'm angry at him for not getting his nationality when he could have. He had to stay another 2 years for it. He came as student did his masters then had a job for 2 years. But he didn't want to stay for the duration because he doesn't think things through. He has no decision making capabilities or plans things . He just lives say for day. And its not a good attribute
I think you need to have a serious chat with your husband Nadz and I mean a SERIOUS chat rather than brushing the issues you both have under the carpet you could do with dealing with them for your own sanity and the sake of your children.
The British Government will constantly move the goal posts for settlements in the UK; it's a given considering the majority public feeling towards immigration so if your husband doesn't figure out what he wants to do soon you may find you have to earn more than £18k etc.
I was in a long distance relationship for a year and it wasn't easy. Often things can get misinterpretated etc so I honestly think you need to talk to him-prompto and sort out what you both want and the time scale you are working to etc.
Yes he will miss his family; no one can argue that but you both need to consider a sacrifice of say 6-8 months of you possibly working followed by say 3-6 months of waiting to hear about your case to benefit you as a family unit in the long run. If he lives for the day he could do with looking at things realistically; if he wants to come over to the UK in say 2 years time there is no promise of you finding a suitable job at the right time, earning enough etc so you may not be able to apply for his visa. Did you work before marriage? If not then there is always the added struggle of finding a job with just qualifications but no experience which I'll be honest with you is a struggle and a half!
Communication is what's needed here. Patience too if your husband won't listen or talk to you about the situ.
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
We have had many serious chats. Its not sinking into.him
And I honestly believe he doesn't want to come so if the goal posts are moved further away for settlement it.nau be to his advantage.
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
^ well in that case, it looks like he's drawn that line in the sand...golden question here is are you going to come to terms with the fact that Pakistan will be your home, or will you live apart in UK?
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
^ well in that case, it looks like he's drawn that line in the sand...golden question here is are you going to come to terms with the fact that Pakistan will be your home, or will you live apart in UK?
Ditto to the above.
If you want my honest opinion I think if you actually want this relationship to survive one of you needs to give up and go by the others way of life. If you are going to be that person it's a case of living in Pakistan with the MIL and doing as they wish or else your turmoil will never end.
I know a family where the woman is married to a guy that runs in local elections in Pakistan. His lifestyle out there is ayaashi. He sits around all day, people visit him and invite him out to dinner blah blah blah. When he came over to the UK his FIL expected him to work and financially support his family. He refused on the grounds that he was 'better than that'. So he went back to Pakistan and his wife visited him every 2 years for 8 years to get pregnant. They've been married for over 18 years and now the woman is facing the fact the UK government will no longer happily give her benefits to support her weird lifestyle. I'm not saying this will be you in a few years time; I think you really need to think about what direction you are willing to see your relationship sail to.
If your marriage was arranged you could ask elders to speak to him. No one likes seeing their children's marriages dissolve or end up second best.
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
I honestly believe that your stay in Pakistan would be lot easier and manageable this time once you realise the ugly reality of living in the UK. Somehow you always viewed the prospect of life in the UK with rose tinted glasses whereas given the situation you are in, its totally the opposite. On paper your life in the UK can be 10xs harder for yourself and your children than your personal 'boredom' in Pakistan. In order to progress your husband's visa application, you'll have to work full time to earn the standard requirement of income and savings. In that process you'll not only keep them away from their father but deprive them off motherly care and attention as well. Given how frequently spousal visa laws change, the whole thing itself is a gamble.
Your mother in law was a lecturer for most part of her life, she just retired not long ago. Your sister in law is a doctor. There is no way you can't have a fulfilling career in Pakistan given the type of household you are in. It just matter of letting go of your extremely distorted view of life in the UK.
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
I didn't think I'd be here again complaining so soon.
Really? :/
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
Princess- how on earth was the government giving hee.benefits all these years!!!! She conned the system and they never knew? How did they now realise and stop her benefits. I'm assuming Its child tax credits. I know so many who live out of country and come once ayear for renewal. This is what I've been accused of too!
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
Nadz, she stated she was a single parent with no qualifications to get a job on. I've worked closely with the division of the Job Centre that works with single parents and now they actively encourage ALL to get out there and find a job and if the person cannot get a job due to lack of experience etc they are expected to do voluntary work. Said person in the above example was told she would need to get a job. At first she cooked up excuses e.g. childcare. The Job Centre then got her in contact with local organisations to find her a voluntary job which would be within suitable hours.
She lied; she wasn't a single parent as such however she claimed she looked after her children alone so was single. Although she lived in the UK and would have qualified she was still in a relationship with someone even if he wasn't in the UK thus not single.
She was claiming Income support (I think not sure what single parent get) and what is now CTC.
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
^ why don't people report stuff like this to the authorities?
It sounds like you both want to live in 2 different countries and think the other person will give in. I don’t know if you grew up in UK and Pakistan is a foreign place or if your husband is acting like a child by not planning for the future or “continually changing his mind” as a ploy to stay where he wants to without confrontation. You both have to be true to yourselves and each other.
Did he always want to live in Pakistan permanently and make that clear before marriage? Or did he change his mind about that? Is he just agreeing to move to UK because things get heated during your chats and he agrees to appease you? Is he afraid that he won’t be able to provide for you and the kids to the standard he is able to provide in Pakistan in an extended family household? Forget the location and figure out what kind of life you and your husband want? For example, quality time as family, lots of love & jovial home environment, well adjusted & happy children, you as stay at home Mom, household help to cook, clean, and watch the kids, middle-class lifestyle, etc… Then based on your desires, you should be able to prioritize your list & figure out which is most important and which location will meet your needs most. Regardless of where you decide to live, it will be difficult.
If you decide to live in UK, you will have to get a job and start taking steps to sponsor him and that will mean, no more visits with him until he moves. And if you decide to live in Pakistan, you will have to adjust so that whatever challenges you have encountered there just roll off your back. Under Islamic law, if a woman lives with her husband’s family, he needs to provide her with private quarters which include bedrooms, living room, bathroom, and kitchen. And her privacy must be ensured such that his family members do not enter without permission your living quarters and mess with your belongings.
Wish you luck.
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
I feel for you Nadz, first the realisation that England just isnt what it used to be then the realisation that your might have to live with that MIL for the rest of your life. Urgh!!!!
Damn if I was in your shoes, I would tell my husband yes I agreed to staying with him in Pak but that was BEFORE I got to know his mother would have it in for me the whole time. So either he get us a separate place to live in Pak or I take the kids back to the UK and take however long it takes me to get a job that pays enough for me to call him over and if that means years then so be it. Its gonna be hard for him to accept to be without the kids for so long but then it wll help him to realise well its just as hard to live with his mother for me.
Personally I think thats a compromise for both of you. You compromise your life in the UK and he compromises living a little away from his mum. Not miles but a little enough for there to be space between you and his mother thus saving himself years of constant arguments between mother and wife and him being caught in the middle between the two.
What you think Nady???
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
Can some one tell me something. My brother and dad have started a import export business and my husband also wants to do business he's been interested for about a year. Could we use the business and him.as part of it and show this for a visa? It wont be spouse visa but would another means suffice?
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
Can some one tell me something. My brother and dad have started a import export business and my husband also wants to do business he's been interested for about a year. Could we use the business and him.as part of it and show this for a visa? It wont be spouse visa but would another means suffice?
Highly doubt it Nadz with it being a new business. Plus I am assuming your family is in the UK so all legal paperwork VAT situ etc will all be UK based and your husband isn't. The only way I can see around this is if your husband was to be paid wages by your brother and father and he be their 'agent' in Pakistan but again this will take time because new businesses are rarely liked by the HO. I ran by own businesses before so I'm going from that experience etc.
Are you looking at providing HO with business paperwork to say he's entering the UK on a business interest? Because for that type of visa you are looking at having anywhere in the region of £50k-250K in his account to prove he is likely to invest in the UK. I know a family who've settled in the UK via their husbands business related visa but he has opened a business and had approx £87K in his account to prove his worth.
Good Luck.
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
Husband has around 80 lakh ruppees so that's around 60k ??
Then what we do? And it would be a serious business venture.
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
Husband has around 80 lakh ruppees so that's around 60k ??
Then what we do? And it would be a serious business venture.
It depends on the business in question, start up costs he'd be looking at etc etc.
You'd need to consult a Solicitor who has worked with those who have come to the UK via business and then settled here. I'd also take a look at the HO website as info is always updated on there.
If you have not already done so join an immigration forum; it's not as straight forward as a spouse visa.
Re: my turmoils begin again. fed.up of myself.
^ why don't people report stuff like this to the authorities?
A lot of people do. However by the time the government get round to investigating it things change, internal policies change and they have to decide which fish to fry...I wish more action was taken against fraud cases TBH.
I'm aware of a guy who has come into the UK on a dead persons passport! No really it's true. However he's now been caught and no doubt a legal battle will begin.