My story needs ur patience to read.

Lifestyle Relationships
81

jub aik meethi zuban se u can handle situation then y worsen it?
if u get divorce from this guy after sometime u urself will think"itni bari baat nahin thee. kia tha jo main sorry keh daiti"

i think Gullible the problem isn't ur husband n ILs only. u r a part of problem too. u r not flexible n compromising enuf, u don't know how to turn things in ur favour, u hav same ego issues as them.

mat kero sorry. but how r u gonna survive in such a hateful environment i dunno.

ager tumharay parents tumhain support ker saktay hain tu theek hai get separation.
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ek bar sory karny sy shan main koi farq nahin aay ga
zid achi bat nahin,, jo ladki itni choti sy bat husband ki nahin manti wo kahin or ja kar kia ghar basay g

sory karo khud bhi khush raho dosroon ko bhi rehny do susral jo hai jaisa hai dil sy qabool karo nafrat mut rakho dil main

parents kab tak support karain gah , jo parents support karty hain wo ladki kabhi husband ki kamai sy khush nahin ho sakti
bether hai jaisy husband kahta hai karo

choti si bat hai sorry kah do

82

I didn't say if I say sorry tow Shan main farak aye ga. In my situation, keeping in view the past situations that u ppl don't know, sorry isn't a good idea. N I haven't said sorry to anyone n my husband is in talking terms with me now. Allah ka shukar, ab jab I will tell story to Mil tab Sab ki ankhain Khul jaaein ge aur aqal b.

83

Yikes, I sense a little hostility from you....toward people who took the time out to help you.

Hum mind-readers nahin hain.......humay tumhari private life k SAB details maaloom nahin hain. Jo tum ne information provide ki hai.......hum sab SIRF ussi information ki base par.......tum ko advise dey saktay hain.

Jab k tum ne dekha hai k sab tum ko sorry kehnay ka mashwara dey rahain hai.............to tab TUM ko past examples k saath explain karna chahiye tha k tum kyoon nahin sorry kehna chahti.

Tum ne sirf kaha k tum sorry nahin kehna chahti.....and k hum tumhay sorry kehnay k ilava koi advice dain. Aisay response se HUM SAB ko kya pata k tumhari kya personal reasons hain na maafi maangi ki.

Jab tum khud poori information nahin day rahi about what has happened in the PAST............then you can't really blame us for not understanding. We don't know how effective saying sorry will be if YOU never provided the "view about your past situations." We can understand only from the information you give us.

Regardless.......I'm happy that things are better for you now.

Teri aadaten mere yaar jaisi hain
84

Re: My story needs ur patience to read.

Thanx for the rudeness

85

Re: My story needs ur patience to read.

Hey now...please be fair. RV wasn't being rude. At all. She made a completely valid point that we can only give advice based on what you write on this forum. If there are other things going on that you don't write about, it's hard to provide sensible advice on what we're NOT told. That's all she was trying to say.

So far, everybody (including me) who has suggested you apologize suggested this because we believe it's the best thing based on the information provided. WE believe it. It's our opinion. It may be right, it may be wrong. We're not trying to force it on you. RV certainly isn't trying to force it on you.

If we're all wrong about the apology thing, so be it. But we posted out of concern for you and based on what we were told. We can't read minds and help you based on what isn't said. Pointing that out isn't rude...it's simply stating a very basic fact.

86

I don't get enough time to write my past stories that's y I simply said in one of my posts that give me some advice other than saying sorry

87

Re: My story needs ur patience to read.

Gullible, there are a couple of viable options here, but first you need to clear you head and get away from all the hostility around you, its not good for you or your kid. You staying there is not only a daily reminder to your inlaws of the bust up (thier perception they were insulted by your parents) but will continue to get worse unless there is some dramatic U-turn either on your part or theirs...(which seems unlikely). So if you can take a break and go to you parents or elsewhere for a while, it would help you think clearly to decide your next step..

Secondly, it might help your inlaws realise (and perhaps your husband too) thier behaviour, and be more willing/open to make amends and resolve this situation, especially for thier sons sake if nothing else.

Thirdly, If you want to talk to your MIL to clear the situation, then do so at a time where the others are not there to interfere. I would advise you not to start with accusations against her daughter, as that would get her defences up and render all your efforts useless.

Start with acknowledging her grievances...'I know my parents must have said things and even though it was beyond my control, I am really sorry for anything they said that was hurtful (apology, out of the way).

Now if by her response, you can see her defences have been lowered, you have got your MIL on level footing, and you can bring out your part of the story and she will be more than willing to listen to it.

If however she goes off on a rant against your parents, then you need to stay quiet, and reitrate your apology, 'I know, everything just got of hand and and im really sorry about it...' until it gets through, that you are actually apologising.

Once you get her to soften up, tell her your part of the story, and explain the misunderstanding on your SIL part (in a non accusatory way) and see where it goes from there. If it gets fired up again, dont get into an argument, just up an leave the room. You've done your part, that's all you can do.

88

No u said that in the past u had similar issues created by ur inlaws, for last two years in some of ur post, which was enuff to tell wut is happening isnt new, n had it been new even then i wudnt tell u to apologize. But i wudnt give u my opinion as the only correct one, it's u to decide.

To say sorry does make difference in shaan. Wut is shaan, ur ego, or self-respect. U have the full right to protect them.

Using words like shaan ego etc disapprovingly doesnt make any sense to me specially ven u rnt at fault.

N u r mature as well , u wud know the consequences of ur actions.

So dont care about any rudeness happening here.

N best of luck

Aik Jaisi... :D
89

Re: My story needs ur patience to read.

it is ur life gullible u gotta decide ultimately

90

Thanku action sequence n mamooli.....I need to clear her wat n how actually things went, I m not gonna acuse anyone. Will tell everything wat sil said n way my dad said. I think my mil being an elder should have talked to me n her daughter when she came from abroad n the situation wouldn't have worsen any more. I need to talk to her infront of my Fil cuz he knows how to handle the situations very well, cuz talking to Mil seperatley, she would pressurise me.

91

Gullible, this thinking has got to stop

apologising doesnt make anyone smaller and certainly does not make u apologise at everything.

Sure you shouldnt be apologising for something you havent done, but here clearly, u got ur parents involved in something they shouldnt be involved with, and further they shouldnt be talking about ur health infront of ur inlaws, full well knowing its not going to go down too well... AND further to that, they have come into ur house and insulted ur inlaws.

Not on

Maybe you dont need to say sorry as such... but talk to ur SIL. She is much much older than you. Even if she's ur SIL, she still is a lot older and deserves a bit of respect. Ur dad should certainly not have talked back to her.. i cant believe how some parents let this happen.

And in regards to ur baby... take her to a doc. Take her some paedetrician. Ur SIL may be right. The baby might not be getting enough food to stay asleep for more than a few hours. Get on top of ur baby's health, rather than thinking a maid is the solution. The maid may be the solution for u to get some rest... but what about the poor baby? He/she needs to be checked out.. ur milk might not be suiting him/her.

Make the bubz ur first priority. And no, the maid is NOT the solution

92

Re: My story needs ur patience to read.

Your husband should have stuck up for you. Shadi kerne waqt to bhai sab khushi khushi bhag ayai to aab kia howa? Moun kyun nahin khola? You need to give him a piece of your mind. Ziada chup karaingi to sab sar pe char jain ge.

When others get up ( sils) pretend as if you don't care.

Instead of crying next time please try to utter a few words. No witch has the right to insult anyone's parents.

93

i would say, DON'T say sorry to them, it will just make them feel that whatever they did was right and whatever was done from your parents side was wrong (which was wrong btw)... but as we all know that you are dealing with such an immature crowd of ppl, apologizing them will only boost their ego and they will come after you making you say sorry each time you guys will have an argument, no matter if it would be your mistake or not. Remember, being apologetic when it's your fault is a very brave thing to do, but saying sorry when it wasn't actually YOUR mistake is just not right.... it's kinda like sending them the message that being offensive to someone is a right thing to do.

the better way is to IGNORE their childish attitude and be cool with them, talking and acting normally like if you are naive and aren't really paying any attention to their bad behavior. If your husband keep insisting you to say sorry to his family ask him to apologize to your parents on his parents behalf as well. Both sides were at fault and both of them shouldn't have interfered with your family (comprised of you, hubby, and the kiddo only) matters. If your hubby didn't want to hire a maid it should be the decision of your family as a whole and not like "mera ya tera" decision... and your parents should have been fine with it. Although, I don't think your hubby will agree to say sorry, or maybe he will if he has gotten some brain, but he might atleast stop pushing you for a sorry as well, i think.

the whole issue started with a maid, i am also wondering why exactly did you need a maid anyway???? you have just one kid and you already are trying to avoid your role as a mom??? your kid is your responsibility and if you or your parent think you are just too little and not ready to take charge of your baby then you must have not gotten married or planned a baby in the first place. But if you decided to be a mother anyway then it also should mean to ACT like one. Me and many mothers i have seen are raising their kids without a maid or any extra helping hands... we do feel overwhelmed at times but none of us have died yet by the burden of motherhood. Just keep one thing in mind, all of this exhaustion and depression would be over in a couple of months when you and your baby will get used to each other and your hormones will bounce back to the normal level.... some sleepless nights after having a baby is not a life long thing.

PS: maybe your karachi wali SIL is right in taht your baby isn't getting just enough food to sleep through for a couple of hours at a time. How old is your baby???, if he is a baby baby and hasn't started his solids yet and is exclusively breastfed, try adding a couple ounces of formula milk. this really help fill their little tummies up. Or if he has started his solids already, try giving him baby cereal three times a day. Or it might be gas or something. Best thing would be to consult his pediatrician.

Good Luck with everything and enjoy the babyness of your baby!:)

Lets Congratz "Dekh lo Awaz de kr...."
94

Re: My story needs ur patience to read.

Hey it cud b colic , seriously get this checked gullible

~~~Missing Someone~~~
~~~Missing Someone~~~
95

I have seen many paki women specially when them bcom the "HONOURABLE" inlaws of the bahu, dey get themselves a liscence to create scenes.

This is the cheapest thing paki inlaws do is make bahu make apologize for their own faults.
Well, thats not only Gullible's problem.. i'm not yet married and my SIL made me apologise for her mistakes a lot of times and also insulted my sister and my father and even after that I apologised....You know why? Because my MIL and fiance is with me and they know their daughter/sister's nature.. although she's single and 29 years old i'm 5 years younger than her and so is my fiance but my MIL always say to me: I know tum samajhdar ho, woh nahi samajhti us ki aadat hay.. beta tum humesha yaad rakhna meray liye tum teenon barabar ho :) which is something really adorable, i adore my MIL a lot! and my fiance also know his sister.. she used to through plates on the dinning table whenever my FIL talks about her marriage as she never wants to marry. [that's her choice of course, i'm not supposed to say anything about this] and well, my fiance' is a very sensible person too.. he always say that main un ko nahi samjha sakta woh bari hain, laikin tum please apna dil un k liye kharab nahi karna kabhi woh kehti hain phir khud bhul jaati hain sab aur main jaanta hun its not easy to cope with this always but main tumhaaray saath hun humesha khud ko akela mat samajhna.
So, the reason why i mentioned it here is that.. SILs are like this in 90% of the cases in Pakistan especially, but not all of course :D the problem with Gullible is that her husband isn't with her also or not showing that he is with her and being rude which is heart breaking for a woman.
Make your husband a little close to you... try to talk to him, say sorry to him 1st if he's hurt in any way and then calmly tell him what you want from him, tell him that you want atleast his support to be strong and be nice to everyone and say sorry etc...... believe me! if he would be there with you as your supporter [even after whatever he did at that day, smile etc] and he would have talked to you with a lot of pyaar mohabbat, to tum kab ka sorry kar chuki hoteen yaar.. aur yeh issue khatam ho chuka hota!
Make your husband understand YOU.. aahista aahista samjhaao unko, as they say... drop drop bhi paani giray to bhi pathar mein kabhi na kabhi hole ho hee jaata hay.. nothing is impossible.
Good luck girl, go for it and work everything out for you :)

96

Re: My story needs ur patience to read.

^ underlined lines are said by someone else i just tried to quote it.. sorry!

97

Re: My story needs ur patience to read.

Well I hate to break it to you but it is your parents fault.

They said to people on two occasions that you are week and there is not servant to take care of the baby. So they interfered which made the in laws feel that they were not doing right by you even though they probably are doing their best.

Frankly I think you are a very spoilt individual my mother got married abroad and raised a family of six and we are all successful individuals and she had no family at all here to help and there is no such thing as maids and servants in England.

You should be lucky you have a servant. Women nowadays do not want to take responsibility I say suck it up and be a strong woman and take care of your baby and family. Take vitamins or go doctors.

I can’t believe that you think you are the victim in this your parents unknowingly or knowingly did besti of your in laws and that is why parents should not get involved in their daughters home lives except for cases like domestic violence.

Again suck it up and take care of your responsibilities, children are hard to take care of they wake up every 5 minutes they scream and shout the get ill, they teeth crying is the only way they communicate it’s called motherhood and if you can’t take care of one child then god help you.

98

Re: My story needs ur patience to read.

here in the west we do everything without a maid, kids, career, home, cooking and in pakistan the system doesnt work without maids … :rolleyes: there are 3 females in the house, what are u all doing there all day … i have seen it all, this is not a suprising .. its a typical pakistani joint system house situation.

99

so agree with you! Why blame it allways on the MIL's .. maybe they cannot afford a maid, plus they bring lots of other problems, its not a solution to the problem.

100

Re: My story needs ur patience to read.

My take is this, followed by my advice:

too many people involved in one couple's business. Move out with your husband and limit the influnce his family AND your family have. Don't tell them your problems and don't ask for their advice.

Arranged marriages can be a good system, and they can be a total nightmare, as can joint families. LEarn to let advice in one ear and out of the other. When you get married, you make a decision to make a family with another person. Your family now is you, your husband and your baby, and NO ONE ELSE should matter. Sure, people like to give their advice, but too many cooks spoil the broth.

Moving out is the most important step though. It really irritates me to hear of young brides being mistreated in their new 'home'. Best advice I ever heard is that there can only be one Queen Bee in a hive. You're not it. You never will be. So move out to your own hive where you can be queen bee.