Re: My Rishta demands
Demands is all good........being realistic is the key !
Re: My Rishta demands
^^ Thats what i was thinking too ...I mean if you start demanding .. demands can never end and you ll never find anyone who fits all the demands .. its literally impossible ...
plus .. if someone does .. thats maybe cos for the time being and once a rishta is done .. back to his old habits here we come ..as i ve seen it happening ..even with girls that from age of 16 - 21 they do all that partying .. going out etc etc you knw the chilling out b/f business etc .. and so one day their parents inform then that ..'giddy up' time for you to get married .. so everything changes .. to shareef larki .namazi.. you know the full turn over.. so when rishtas come .. they ll see their girl ..all dressed up decent in salwar kameez.. unlike jeans etc ... serving the guests ..unlike ..doing salam to guests and never seen again .. and this is temporary .. and i ve seen this happening ...and it can happen with guys too .. all playaz etc now become shareef ..
anyways .. you d might aswel post something on shadi.com :p
Re: My Rishta demands
Demands is all good........being realistic is the key !
As long as the guy is not a clubber or a playboy and can afford a family's basic needs, he'll make a good husband I guess, but the most important factor is that you loves him. Is that realistic enough?
Re: My Rishta demands
ya it is , if he is nt a clubber / play boy but a player thnnnn , bcoz ther r alot of players out ther in foreign who tend to be so shareef piouss n all the good stuff but in reality they ver a big cheater learnt all the tactics to get the rishta , its kinda their business thign so anythg is possible ... ?
Re: My Rishta demands
ya it is , if he is nt a clubber / play boy but a player thnnnn , bcoz ther r alot of players out ther in foreign who tend to be so shareef piouss n all the good stuff but in reality they ver a big cheater learnt all the tactics to get the rishta , its kinda their business thign so anythg is possible ... ?
Well that's for the girl herself or her parents to find out before the marriage take place.
Re: My Rishta demands
As long as the guy is not a clubber or a playboy and can afford a family's basic needs, he'll make a good husband I guess, but the most important factor is that you loves him. Is that realistic enough?
That is why I said...one needs to be realistic in one's demands !.......U cannot expect or demand perfection neither can u offer it .
One needs to know what one can and cannot live with and base their search for a potential partner on tha*t.
Re: My Rishta demands
of course , se aint asking us to find rishta for herrrrrrrrr ..lmao
so in short first deserve n then desire .
Re: My Rishta demands
@Sheyn....so true.
Re: My Rishta demands
but then any guy can lie about reciting the quran everyday. how would u know for sure that he really recites the quran everyday untill u pass stage 1?
Re: My Rishta demands
but then any guy can lie about reciting the quran everyday. how would u know for sure that he really recites the quran everyday untill u pass stage 1?
lol. just ask em or their parents views of their sons on cousin marriages and one can get their answer. :)
Re: My Rishta demands
***Reading Quran or "appearing religious" unfortunately cannot be perceived as a "good person" !
I've seen people reciting Quran and talking religion but their views and perceptions of religion and its teachings were absolutely twisted to say the least.........so I don't think its just about reading Quran or praying regularly but about practicing your religion in every aspect of your life that makes the difference !
There are guys who may not pray regularly or read Quran regularly (and i'm not saying that's a good thing ) but they know right from wrong and have the potential to grow to be better human beings than the person who thinks he is holier than thou !!!
Zobia , when choosing a partner , you need to understand that what you should look for is what you absolutely cannot live with , not what you can.......that narrows the list and allows you to explore what each potential partner has to offer !
Re: My Rishta demands
1) I think in one hadith, the Prophet SAWS told his companions (who were distressed for not being in a constant state of worship)...that there's a time for this and a time for that. He SAWS also said that the heart is always changing...that it doesn't remain in one condition all the time. And I either read or heard from someone that if you don't feel like reading the Quran....take a break from it. It's better to read it with an attentive heart. When something begins to seem more like a chore...it can become easy to lose your motivation/attentiveness for it. It's admirable that you want someone who is religious. But there are some points to consider. You can have someone who reads the Quran every day.......but does not act upon its messages....who doesn't really learn from or internalize it. You can have someone who doesn't read the Quran every day, but is active in following some of the very basic principles of Islam such as interacting with others respectfully, being generous, being patient, etc. There are even maulvis who will pray 5 times a day...read Quran frequently...and then molest little children. So, think of the exceptions. There should be a balance of deen and duniya. Also, in a hadith it is said that if one makes religion difficult for himself....it will become difficult to follow.
2) This can depend upon what field the degree is in? Is it in something practical.....or impractical like humanities and philosophy? What is he doing with the degree? Is he hardworking or lazy? You can get a "foreign" degree and not do much with it.
4) Many people have this misconception (especially desis) that Istikhara will lead to a dream that you will see...which will give you some sort of sign as to what direction to go in. Not necessarily. In the Istikhara dua...you ask Allah that if He in His wisdom knows that something is good for you in this world and the next that he make it easy for you. And if He knows that something is not good for you in this world or the next.....that He turn it away from you. The underlined words don't imply seeing a dream. Rather, the events in your life will unfold in a way as to make the matter easy for you....or difficult/impossible for you. So, it's not like he also needs to do Istikhara in order to make things work. One person can also do it....and in the end what's meant to be will happen.
in my intial post i mentioned three things a. Recite Quran, b. reads translation c. reads Tafseer....all three of them are different things and serves a different purpose in molding our thoughts into. whereas some being a child molest or not well you can never be sure that who is pedophile and who is not and you are also cant have a knowledge that one could become one after the marriage. the mentioning of this demand was not to get the prospect guy into some Qirat competition but the one who tries to follow Quran and Sunnah. which means no adultry (may be he commited in his pervious life but says toobah), no disrespecting any fellow human being, offeres his prayers, pays zakat, dreams about performing haj, thinks justice and only consider ALLAH SWT being his creator and only ask HIM SWT for her...so no peer fakeeri.
i mentioned about me and my sibs have done their schooling outside of Pakistan. It doesn't matter where he gets his education from as long as he is working here because at the moment I cant support any one and get marry in Pakistan and get him here.
I have done Istakhara before and its really hard amal. you feel entire house is over you, sweating and suffocation and what not.
ps. yaar RV these are just my way of looking into any guy so I am not that picky about em. even if he dont fulfill any of the requirement but I have surety that ALLAH has chosen him for me I will go for him. but I pray to my Lord Please get me someone who I pray for. Ameen
Re: My Rishta demands
I know more than a couple of guys who are very successful in worldly terms. Handsome from Pakistani perspective. Always found at Masjid. Give very good khutbas 
are always mad at misgiving of others around them.
But they have gotten married and got divorced multiple times. 
If you are so pious and so successful , then why are you so unlucky and so unsuccessful in your domestic affairs that you end up with a bad women every time you get married ? 
P.S: I am not scaring you or anything . Just telling you my observations and my confusion.
I did not interview them to find out why they got married and got divorced multiple times. I am just confused and would love to know what happed to domestic lives these perfect in all respect Muslim role models kind of people.
Re: My Rishta demands
ouch demanding..
Re: My Rishta demands
Salam Zoby. Hope all is well with you.
Before saying what i have to say, i would whole heartily agree with RV, Reha, Sheyn and other members of Gs. They say that being religious or getting most awesome degree doesn't guarentee that a person is atleast a good human being. When i say good human being, it includes all those qualities which a human being should have and especially living in this society in the West. I know some of my friends who are most awesome people i came across and even much much better than myself!. They don't got no engineering or doctor degree...but they are working in their respective career with most basic education. The problem is they tell me is that they have little hard time finding good rishta because Girl's Parents' want them to be earning like 60K salary (whereas they are earning 40+) and along with being engineer or have Masters degree on something. I mean look at it, times are tough!. So many people have lost jobs due to economy slump down. They are many many young men of my age who are looking for jobs that pays them atleast 40+ so they can supposedly get married and fullfill their desires in Halal and respective way.
What I am saying is like everybody else, that one of the best quality is to be genuinely good from the heart. Who feels for the people and love people and that is very very rare to find. You can be doctor, engineer or any damn awesome profession in the world but if you don't feel for the people and willing to struggle in this world then all of this being religious person as well as have best worldly education will not take anybody anywhere.
In conclusion, I pray that Insh'aAllah! you find somebody exactly what you want and what your parents are looking into. However, i would like to add that he must be awesome person from his heart and not have double face. And unfortunately, some fellows do have double face...it is fact!. The reality hits after person gets married. I know some guys who are my fellow docs who think themselves as Nauz-Billah as most superior than anybody else and treat their wives literally like trash. What i am trying to say is: Ask for most humble and good hearted human being from Allah if you're asking because until he is not a good human and strive to be good and give good he didn't get any good education.
Insha'Allah Good Luck Zoby!!!!!
Re: My Rishta demands
dude, fulfilling wishes non halal way requires more money 
Re: My Rishta demands
And unfortunately, some fellows do have double face...it is fact!. The reality** hits after person gets married**.
THAT is exactly what I'm afraid of! Marriage is lottery! Either you're lucky to find the right person, or you're doomed.
"What if" questions pops up in my mind, whenever my mum talks about marriage.
I don't have high expectations like many girls, who wants a mix of John Abraham, Albert Einstein and Jim Carrey.
What I want is a person with a good heart. A carring person who will love and respect me for who I am and will respect my family. Ofcourse he needs to be educated and working but not necessarily that he earns $$$$$. (Jitne zaida $$$ Utna zaida chota dil bhi ho sakta hai).
I know a bunch of very well educated girls who have been picky with proposals. Had high demands and now after 5 years rishte nehi aa re. They don't want to marry a guy who lives outside DK. (Denmark isn't filled with a lot pakistanis). And whenever they got engaged the guys turned out as &/)%&/¤%/. One of them, was engaged to a "Masbi" type. 5 waqti namaazi hai. Whenever her parents called his family they would always say that he either is still at work (working type) or is in masjid (neik insaan hai)
Well after few month they found out that actually his mother needs to kick him out from bed whenever namaaz kha waqt hota hai, and he is a very kanjoos insaan. First of all, he doesn't like to work. Second of all, he keeps his entire paycheck for himself. His mum needs to " beg" him for money and had to tell him where she would spend it (his siblings are too small to work yet). He was a violent person. Shortly said, he was a bad type!.
.
Zobia, Stick to few demands you cannot negotiate with and keep them in focus. Start to know about him and his family. Trust your gut! If something doesn't feel right, then don't doubt your capability to judge.
I wish you all the best and pray that may you find a husband who you prefer.
Ameen.
Re: My Rishta demands
- Recite Quran every single day (even single ayat counts) with translations and tafseer. Reason: I dont want to marry a gadha who has a phd in human psyoclogy but dont understands the rights and values of his parents, siblings, the people around him and especially his wife.
I have skimmed through most of the thread but have not read every single post. Thus, not sure if this was asked already.
I'm curious.......does your father recite the Quran every single day with translations and tafseer (even single ayat)? If the answer is yes, to your knowledge, has your father been doing this even before he married your mother?
Re: My Rishta demands
yaar, i dont see how its longs. only height is might be something I demanded otherwise which slightly shareef gal go for a drinker-player and uneducated or parha likha jahil? or are u gonna do a ping-pong and decide on the guy? 
and 6 feet aint tall…and i am not gonna take a measuring tape with me an measure every single suitor. its just an estimate. (had hai people app logoon ki samjh ki)
jee…jaisa app kahain…hum theray app k hukam k ghulam 
well its not just about me I dont think a guy who is a player, drinks, gamble even believes that he deserve a girl who prays 5 times a day, read Quran, respect elder, etc…or vise versa
thanks…that is what i am aiming for. girls are spontaneous anyways…you cant tell whats going in their mind.
thanks.
je…very very robotic…japanese should learn from us.
there are not hardcore demands. lol…i didnt even talk with my mom…I know she will give me jooti.
lol. fbi dont worry i talk a lot with rista aunties…heck with alll the aunties…aunty in me awakes when I see another aunty 
loves bhi hojata hai…but whats better than love is if your spouse earns your respect.
sheyn, do you recite Quran daily?
well mirch, same ratio goes for the people who are not pious and also cant ever be found in Mosque and thinking about em giving a Khutba is out the question…so what exactly are your suggesting?
that people should stop reading Quran?
kia keroon…akhir ko apni pasand he bhut ooonchi hai 
Wsalam Hassan. Hope everything is also well with you
I am also not in a disagreement with anywhere here. I know people have a wrong misconception about me that since I want the guy recite Quran means that I am expecting him to be better muslim. but the fact is even I dont know whether I will die as a Muslim or not? how can I certify someone to be a better muslim by just reading Quran or praying five times a day.
all i want is someone who actually TRY to be a good muslim. may be he would be praying for the first in his life after marriage. but at least someone who show that he has achieved the point where he can differentiate what is rational and what is irrational.
until you are not dead, you have to go through several challenges in your life and sometimes in these challenges the people you love the most and you have the most high hopes from, damage you the most.
Except for ALLAH SWT no one is with you. so i am neither pessimistic nor optimistic about marriages.
mujhay apni jannat ki perwa hai dost…kisi aween say shadi hogayee to khud to hoga he barbad mera keemti time bhi berbad keray ga…kia samjhay!
besides, they are not demands they are things in my mind…i find it disrespectful and also awkward to make my ami mention it to someone. so i asked her jo ata anay day.
lol. what it has to do with my marriage? they pray dont pray, they recite Quran or chose not to recite Quran is not my problem. The least I can do is tell em what is right and if they insist on not doing then the most I can do is pray for them. I do what I believe is right. Quran says dont follow the wrong footsteps of your forefather. 
Re: My Rishta demands
acha guys...app ka bhut bhut shukeria.
you all are invited to my wedding....just dont forget to give me a gift (yes, no box gift ONLY CASH :D and no less than $100)
mods....kindly lock it. I cant invite more than these people to my wedding.