My Rishta demands

[zobia]

Re: My Rishta demands

@beenii03

Honestly from what I’ve seen and have personally felt about girls during these “rishta moments”..their long lists of demands suggest that theyre not ready for marriage. Zobia, are you afraid of settling down? I know this whole process can get a little uncomfortable but the best advice i can give you is to keep an open mind. It’s great that you have high standards for yourself and only want guys from certain professions but you should be more welcoming to other great guys out there who may be a better match for you.

6 feet for height is really tall, no? lol how tall are you? sorry if you’ve mentioned it in the replies..I didn’t get to read em all. Like I said before..don’t be too particular and picky. I know its natural to have these demands but at the end of the day think about the guy you’re marrying and what if you were to not meet any of his demands??!

yaar, i dont see how its longs. only height is might be something I demanded otherwise which slightly shareef gal go for a drinker-player and uneducated or parha likha jahil? or are u gonna do a ping-pong and decide on the guy?

and 6 feet aint tall…and i am not gonna take a measuring tape with me an measure every single suitor. its just an estimate. (had hai people app logoon ki samjh ki)

@sugrfree

Redvalvet ..well said
Dont be too choicey jst get any1 matchin ur personality if u demands more thn the othr party will goona ask for more more demands thn u hv…

jee…jaisa app kahain…hum theray app k hukam k ghulam

@EDAL

Zobia, I say stick with your demands, you don’t have to lower your standards for anyone. You are lucky, since you said you are getting a lot of proposals, so then you can be picky.

Some girls don’t get a lot of proposals from decent guys, despite being pretty educated , etc.. (I know of families in Houston). So alhamdulliah if you are getting lots of proposals then go ahead be picky.

well its not just about me I dont think a guy who is a player, drinks, gamble even believes that he deserve a girl who prays 5 times a day, read Quran, respect elder, etc…or vise versa

@Guac

Its nice to have a ‘list of demands’…but in the end thats all it really is, just a list…it isn’t going to matter much …just pray that you get a good guy that will make you happy…

thanks…that is what i am aiming for. girls are spontaneous anyways…you cant tell whats going in their mind.

@glambition

For the first time ever, i agree with EDAL your demands are legitimate, just be flexible with them, dont carve them in stone, if you think esp. if you get along with the guy in the meetings, hope you find your mr. right

thanks.

@hareem01

This demands business all sounds robotic to me.

je…very very robotic…japanese should learn from us.

@sheyn

Demands is all good…being realistic is the key !

there are not hardcore demands. lol…i didnt even talk with my mom…I know she will give me jooti.

@Fbi786

^^ Thats what i was thinking too …I mean if you start demanding .. demands can never end and you ll never find anyone who fits all the demands .. its literally impossible …

plus .. if someone does .. thats maybe cos for the time being and once a rishta is done .. back to his old habits here we come ..as i ve seen it happening ..even with girls that from age of 16 - 21 they do all that partying .. going out etc etc you knw the chilling out b/f business etc .. and so one day their parents inform then that ..‘giddy up’ time for you to get married .. so everything changes .. to shareef larki .namazi.. you know the full turn over.. so when rishtas come .. they ll see their girl ..all dressed up decent in salwar kameez.. unlike jeans etc … serving the guests ..unlike ..doing salam to guests and never seen again .. and this is temporary .. and i ve seen this happening …and it can happen with guys too .. all playaz etc now become shareef ..

anyways .. you d might aswel post something on shadi.com

lol. fbi dont worry i talk a lot with rista aunties…heck with alll the aunties…aunty in me awakes when I see another aunty

@hareem01

As long as the guy is not a clubber or a playboy and can afford a family’s basic needs, he’ll make a good husband I guess, but the most important factor is that you loves him. Is that realistic enough?

loves bhi hojata hai…but whats better than love is if your spouse earns your respect.

@sheyn

***Reading Quran or “appearing religious” unfortunately cannot be perceived as a “good person” !
I’ve seen people reciting Quran and talking religion but their views and perceptions of religion and its teachings were absolutely twisted to say the least…so I don’t think its just about reading Quran or praying regularly but about practicing your religion in every aspect of your life that makes the difference !

There are guys who may not pray regularly or read Quran regularly (and i’m not saying that’s a good thing ) but they know right from wrong and have the potential to grow to be better human beings than the person who thinks he is holier than thou !!!

Zobia , when choosing a partner , you need to understand that what you should look for is what you absolutely cannot live with , not what you can…that narrows the list and allows you to explore what each potential partner has to offer !

---

sheyn, do you recite Quran daily?

@Mirch

I know more than a couple of guys who are very successful in worldly terms. Handsome from Pakistani perspective. Always found at Masjid. Give very good khutbas are always mad at misgiving of others around them.
But they have gotten married and got divorced multiple times. If you are so pious and so successful , then why are you so unlucky and so unsuccessful in your domestic affairs that you end up with a bad women every time you get married ?

P.S: I am not scaring you or anything . Just telling you my observations and my confusion.
I did not interview them to find out why they got married and got divorced multiple times. I am just confused and would love to know what happed to domestic lives these perfect in all respect Muslim role models kind of people.

well mirch, same ratio goes for the people who are not pious and also cant ever be found in Mosque and thinking about em giving a Khutba is out the question…so what exactly are your suggesting?

that people should stop reading Quran?

@chicagoin

ouch demanding..

kia keroon…akhir ko apni pasand he bhut ooonchi hai

@Hassan007

Salam Zoby. Hope all is well with you.

Before saying what i have to say, i would whole heartily agree with RV, Reha, Sheyn and other members of Gs. They say that being religious or getting most awesome degree doesn’t guarentee that a person is atleast a good human being. When i say good human being, it includes all those qualities which a human being should have and especially living in this society in the West. I know some of my friends who are most awesome people i came across and even much much better than myself!. They don’t got no engineering or doctor degree…but they are working in their respective career with most basic education. The problem is they tell me is that they have little hard time finding good rishta because Girl’s Parents’ want them to be earning like 60K salary (whereas they are earning 40+) and along with being engineer or have Masters degree on something. I mean look at it, times are tough!. So many people have lost jobs due to economy slump down. They are many many young men of my age who are looking for jobs that pays them atleast 40+ so they can supposedly get married and fullfill their desires in Halal and respective way.

What I am saying is like everybody else, that one of the best quality is to be genuinely good from the heart. Who feels for the people and love people and that is very very rare to find. You can be doctor, engineer or any damn awesome profession in the world but if you don’t feel for the people and willing to struggle in this world then all of this being religious person as well as have best worldly education will not take anybody anywhere.

In conclusion, I pray that Insh’aAllah! you find somebody exactly what you want and what your parents are looking into. However, i would like to add that he must be awesome person from his heart and not have double face. And unfortunately, some fellows do have double face…it is fact!. The reality hits after person gets married. I know some guys who are my fellow docs who think themselves as Nauz-Billah as most superior than anybody else and treat their wives literally like trash. What i am trying to say is: Ask for most humble and good hearted human being from Allah if you’re asking because until he is not a good human and strive to be good and give good he didn’t get any good education.

Insha’Allah Good Luck Zoby!!!

Wsalam Hassan. Hope everything is also well with you

I am also not in a disagreement with anywhere here. I know people have a wrong misconception about me that since I want the guy recite Quran means that I am expecting him to be better muslim. but the fact is even I dont know whether I will die as a Muslim or not? how can I certify someone to be a better muslim by just reading Quran or praying five times a day.

all i want is someone who actually TRY to be a good muslim. may be he would be praying for the first in his life after marriage. but at least someone who show that he has achieved the point where he can differentiate what is rational and what is irrational.

@svampen401

THAT is exactly what I’m afraid of! Marriage is lottery! Either you’re lucky to find the right person, or you’re doomed.
“What if” questions pops up in my mind, whenever my mum talks about marriage.

I don’t have high expectations like many girls, who wants a mix of John Abraham, Albert Einstein and Jim Carrey.

What I want is a person with a good heart. A carring person who will love and respect me for who I am and will respect my family. Ofcourse he needs to be educated and working but not necessarily that he earns $$$$$. (Jitne zaida $$$ Utna zaida chota dil bhi ho sakta hai).

I know a bunch of very well educated girls who have been picky with proposals. Had high demands and now after 5 years rishte nehi aa re. They don’t want to marry a guy who lives outside DK. (Denmark isn’t filled with a lot pakistanis). And whenever they got engaged the guys turned out as &/)%&/¤%/. One of them, was engaged to a “Masbi” type. 5 waqti namaazi hai. Whenever her parents called his family they would always say that he either is still at work (working type) or is in masjid (neik insaan hai)
Well after few month they found out that actually his mother needs to kick him out from bed whenever namaaz kha waqt hota hai, and he is a very kanjoos insaan. First of all, he doesn’t like to work. Second of all, he keeps his entire paycheck for himself. His mum needs to " beg" him for money and had to tell him where she would spend it (his siblings are too small to work yet). He was a violent person. Shortly said, he was a bad type!.

.
Zobia, Stick to few demands you cannot negotiate with and keep them in focus. Start to know about him and his family. Trust your gut! If something doesn’t feel right, then don’t doubt your capability to judge.
I wish you all the best and pray that may you find a husband who you prefer.
Ameen.

until you are not dead, you have to go through several challenges in your life and sometimes in these challenges the people you love the most and you have the most high hopes from, damage you the most.

Except for ALLAH SWT no one is with you. so i am neither pessimistic nor optimistic about marriages.

mujhay apni jannat ki perwa hai dost…kisi aween say shadi hogayee to khud to hoga he barbad mera keemti time bhi berbad keray ga…kia samjhay!

besides, they are not demands they are things in my mind…i find it disrespectful and also awkward to make my ami mention it to someone. so i asked her jo ata anay day.

@Paheli00

I have skimmed through most of the thread but have not read every single post. Thus, not sure if this was asked already.

I’m curious…does your father recite the Quran every single day with translations and tafseer (even single ayat)? If the answer is yes, to your knowledge, has your father been doing this even before he married your mother?

lol. what it has to do with my marriage? they pray dont pray, they recite Quran or chose not to recite Quran is not my problem. The least I can do is tell em what is right and if they insist on not doing then the most I can do is pray for them. I do what I believe is right. Quran says dont follow the wrong footsteps of your forefather.