My Relationship With Wife

Lifestyle Relationships
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what if she doesn’t have a chonti or a paranda :hmmm:

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Re: My Relationship With Wife

Okay back on topic, Azim I have seen that in a few girls in the family who live in Pakistan. They feel slightly intimidated and need to express that we in Pakistan TOO have knowledge and are smart. Other than that it just could be that she's a bit of a know-it-all and if you talk to her, I am sure she can understand where you're coming from.

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Re: My Relationship With Wife

Azim, don't get judgemental on her. Give her some room. She may feel some negative emotions about you as well. It's all a part of getting to adjust to each other. Let me warn you that even after many years of marriage there may be things about each other that bother you both but the key is to focus on the strengths and let go of the negatives. It'll be alright.

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Re: My Relationship With Wife

dude you gotta control her! :D im not the one saying this, Pakistani girls love the man who is in control.

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Re: My Relationship With Wife

^ which pakistan women?

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not the ones who grew up in the west :D

but generally speaking, don't wemen like to have a husban who's in control? obviously not Taliban style but manly!

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:lifey:

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:jhanda:

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i think most women would just like a responsible person. Someone who sticks to their words and yes, someone who protects them (and im not talking about physical stuff)

so if thats what u call control... yes, most women would want that. A man who is in contrl of a situation, rathen than a goofball

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Re: My Relationship With Wife

ey what’s a goofball? :chai:

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Or

Yes Malkan!:slight_smile:

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My fiance says: Even when you’re right, she will think she’s right. Always.:rolleyes:

Honestly, have you considered your approach? I think you’ve gotten some really good responses here. Oftentimes you must change your OWN perceptions, ideas and actions in order for things to improve.

I guarantee that if you treat her opinions with respect and handle them with genuine interest she will no longer stonewall you. She will be open and willing to accept your perspectives if you treat hers with the same consideration.

If you feel like she is trying too hard to be “smarter” than you, it may be because she feels as though you don’t acknowledge her intelligence.

Timepass - October 2012
Timepass - October 2012
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Re: My Relationship With Wife

ball for playing GOlf :chai:

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Not much people concur on those matters any way. Try to "enjoy" your fresh marriage ....... distance does't matter if you can be a bit more creative with your communication.

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Re: My Relationship With Wife

dont loose sleep over this, many people from back home, when they first arrive in west, they dont like people telling them whats wrong or whats right and dont take criticism or advise very normally. they will learn from own experiences over time so just let it go sometime with open heart, my wife still take things offensive if i repeat something that what she is saying is not very correct here or etc. but she is getting better.

it just take some time, irritating but for her its a learning process and so for you to learn about herself. language and cultural difference does create some resentment.

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Re: My Relationship With Wife

First thing. Have you told her this? If not someone needs to ***** slap you. If you have a problem with your wife speak to her about it for christ's sake.

If communication is a problem then treat it like a negotiation. Never start off with any expression that implies she is wrong. Wording, tone of voice or attitude. You have to check yourself as you are part of the problem. As is her action/reaction. Since she isn't here we will work on you. We have the technology we can make you better.

Now never give her a reason to think you are condescending or implying she is wrong. People are stubborn you have to win them over with time. This won't be solved over night. If there is something you agree with, start that off first. Then move into territory that you don't agree with. Most importantly your tone of voice has to be calming and agreeable. 90% of everything is mannerism and not what you say but how you say it.

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This is logical as well…sometimes we go out of our way to show the person in front of us we are intelligent. Its usually because we arent feeling very valued or taken seriously.

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Tum kaware lagte ho LoL:aliyish:

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Re: My Relationship With Wife

I have talked to her about this, but I feel she doesn't believe me. I feel she doesn't like to be mistaken wants to be 110% all the time. We are all wrong at times and I feel someone who ownes up to being wrong or possibly wrong I hold them in high status from an Islamic perspective its a quality of a believer.

I don't know about the Indian sub-continent, but in the western world we have a saying 'it's not what you say its how you say it' which has a major impact in building relationships in any sector of social life.

Some examples are:-

Disability in the UK
Uncleanness/Hygiene
Feelings/emotions between family and outer family
Islam in the UK

I could go on and on into more detail, but I feel like I am hitting a brick wall when conveying to me misses that we are genuinely clean people, we have emotions within our families it maybe not too apart as you have only been in the UK for 2 months. Islam is more practical in the UK more facilities than Pakistan.

If anyone could give me some advice if they or know someone in a similar situation it would be appreciated.

Thx.

if da above person suddenly slaps u
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Re: My Relationship With Wife

^ maybe its jsut part of her personality. I know a few people like that, know-it-alls...and it has nothing to do with their culture/ethnicity/gender.